Talking Heals

[enna]

“When it rains, it pours.” Isn’t that the saying when something good or bad happens it happens in doses? Well, I went to a Pulmonologist today per my cardiac doctor’s order. A very nice person… After taking the lung function tests he came back in to tell me that I have a lung condition that is caused by my heart failure!! I guess I don’t have enough air going in or going out of my lungs. They are functioning at about 60% capacity. More tests are scheduled in hospital to make a further dx. It can be an outpatient procedure depending on how things go! Waiting on the INS to ok the tests!!!! So I asked him if that was the reason I tire so when trying to increase exercise or why I awaken during the night trying to catch my breath! Yes.

Now, I have an excuse for NOT exercising. he he he

He said that the same thing might be happening to my lungs that has caused my heart failure – a thickening or a density that prevents me from breathing fully. Help, don’t you have to breathe to live!! He also is taking me off the lasiks and having my cardiac doctor put me on Bumex. The lasiks could be the cause of my sudden hearing loss. I see my ENT doctor on the 22^nd because I thought I had a problem with my hearing…won’t that be the berries if all this medicine is causing a hearing loss? I am too young to be having all these health issues! *^@*!. . .

Let’s sum it up: I have degenerative changes of the thoracic spine, atherosclerotic calcifications of the aorta, a new nodule in the upper left lung that he may want to biopsy, I have congestive heart failure, stage 3 kidney failure, hearing loss, and now a lung disease. I need a vacation. Oh, and my dog, Benji, has seizures!!

What did I do??? I choose to laugh and place all these things on the positive side of a T-graph – the only negative I can see is one of these days my body is just going to say enough is enough. Until then, the Pulmonologist said, “we’ll fix you and I get the first dance!” He’s too young for me! I could use Jim’s arms around me right now. And I'm eating as much chocolate as I can tonight just because I'm worth it.

[feralfae]

Dearest Anne,

If I were closer, I'd share my Maya Gold with you.

I hope you have enough chocolate. It really does help, doesn't it?

You are doing so very well, and we are all holding you in our hearts as you digest this new medical information. There are so many wonderful reasons why you are still here, dancing no doubt among them.

I'm still sort of in retreat.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Oh Anne, that IS a lot to digest at once! Well, once they do their procedure, hopefully you'll breathe better and have more energy. For now, you DESERVE chocolate! And you know it was nothing you did...just luck of the draw. You deserve this health about like I deserve my boss.

Hugs to you and Bentley,

Kay

[HAP]

Dear Anne,

Oy! Chocolate? You need enough to swim in. There was this place in NH we used to get fudge at every year until they went out of business. Best fudge in the world. We would buy it on the last day--and it never quite made it home. That's the chocolate you should have after a day like that.

Be well.

Peace,

Harry

[KarenK]

Anne,

You are darn right. You are worth every bite of the chocolate.

I'm so sorry to hear you are facing yet another hurdle. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. I am not that far away.

Karen

[feralfae]

Dear Anne, Dear Karen,

Good evening.

Chocolate stories... I smile.

Doug and I were on the way to Napa for some private winery tours he had arranged, and we stopped to stay at my daughter's place in Sherman Oaks, so we could go to the Getty, hang out, eat at P F. Chang's and we brought back a Great Wall of Chocolate and some nice cigars from a nearby tobacconist. We set out a day or two, with our still-refrigerated Wall of Chocolate, and made it north a ways when we got word the "grapevine" was snowed in. Cars crept. We survived on our Wall of Chocolate, two apples, and a split of champagne. And we escaped to a great detour on a winding two-lane road, totally empty of traffic, and made it through with scenery and a picnic to boot.

I am smiling.

It is still a tough time, these few days. I have closed the Caring Bridge site, but not before, as some of you know, the snarky ones ambushed, and so I am glad I have closed it so they cannot make any more snarks, and I have saved a copy of the entire journal and photos, less snarks. I am so glad I have it.

I have opened a bottle of our 2002 Reserve Hook & Ladder Cab. I am having a glass tonight. I also had fresh, organic fruit and veggie juice, and a lovely tuna salad on a bed of beautiful orange tomato wedges, with a couple of huge stuffed olives on the side. I am letting everyone know that I am eating and drinking well. I also had six blocks of a Maya Gold bar.

I feel a lot of doors opening this day of the Lion's Gate. *<twinkles>* and I think I will be fine, a bit more each day. I have a batt on the wheel, and my throwing water and tools ready, but the scratch from mechanicing the MGB needs another day or two to heal sufficiently. No infections allowed, and I must get some more special lotion for potters, with lots of bug-killing stuff in it. And remember to wear gloves when I am being a mechanic.

Not so much talking as nattering. Still very healing though. Sort of a way to begin to organize my mind for sleep.

Back to the wine and chocolate. I am recovering from this last attack, and it is just taking some time, that's all. Meanwhile, I am closing doors that I feel it is time to close.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Dearest Anne,

I hope you can design a healing mandala for you to have for meditation from here on out, if you would like to do that.

Meanwhile, I am holding an image of your healing energy getting stronger every day, and expanding to all the cells in your body, healing each one, even while you are sleeping.

I think BRN (Belleruth Naparstek) has some guided meditations on her web site that might be helpful for you right now.

*<twinkles>*

fae

Health Journeys: Guided Imagery & Meditation by Belleruth ...

[enna]

Dear fae,

You make me laugh. I eat chocolate but not always the best kind. I love See's and homemade fudge and chocolate ice cream and cocoa, and chocolate milk, and chocolate coated bananas, and chocolate raisins, and chocolate covered cherries, and really anything with the cocoa bean.

I am glad that the Caring Bridge site is closed.

I would join you with the wine only my choice would be a Grand Reserve chardonnay. Did you know that chocolate covered peanuts and popcorn go great together?

The Maya Gold bar is something I'm going to have to look up. I have not seen it here in AZ.

I am glad doors are opening for you. You have been in my thoughts. Thank you for the break from worrying about my health!

Karen, I did send you a PM tonight.

fae, thank you for the healing energy - I will read the link by belleruth tomorrow - I really like her. Mary says hi - she is honoring her need to stay off social media - funny, I have started to work on a healing mandala for the purpose of meditation - we shall see -

I almost fell over when my doctor was saying good-bye that he did so by saying, "namaste." I thanked him and he placed my hands in his and said that we are going to 'fix' this!! When I got in the car, I cried.

Harry, I have had NH fudge years back and I so agree with you - the best....

[feralfae]

Dearest Anne,

First off, I have lots of friends in NH, and I am going to find out about this NH fudge, although it will mean more walking and cycling, for sure. I can do that.

You can find the Maya Gold on Amazon, for one place, and I imagine directly from Green & Black. I am too lazy from a glass of wine to get up and check. Ah, ... I did check, and they even have a product locator, where you can put in your zip and find out where it is sold close to you. Okay no more wine or chocolate for me, for while the idea is marvelous, I have Things To Do tomorrow, and must stop at my quota. And I did a light workout today.

I think you will like the Maya Gold. It is a very dark chocolate with a bit of orange rind and a tiny bit of cayenne pepper in it. We used to take it with us to wine tastings. Lovely texture. Okay, we are going to need to help everyone find a bar. I am still pondering the making of tangerine peels dipped in Callebaut semi-sweet.

And I can eat one!!! I am working out enough that I have a bit of lactic acid burn. Good for me, as I am still out of condition 'way too much for any serious mountain hikes, even.

Okay, it is 10:05 in the dark here, and the crickets and tree frogs are competing for the attention of the elves and fairies, although Doug and I could never figure out their union contract work hours completely. We knew the bears and wolves of Yellowstone had union contracts for human interaction, even if from field glasses. We made it up as an amusement which we would discuss amongst tourists. We had so much fun.

Nattering

*<twinkles>*

fae

[feralfae]

Anne,

As far as I am concerned, there is no good chocolate-covered peanut. We will see that we find some chocolate-covered hazelnuts. Have you had Nutella???

My younger daughter got hooked on it when she was in high school in Paris. Baguettes and nutella. I highly recommend it, although I only buy one jar a year, because one jar puts on ten pounds, experiments indicate. Unless one is 17 and a dancer as well as a student.

But actually, popcorn and Chardonnay sound good. One day, we will get together and have a gourmet meal with an excellent wine. Maybe invite a few tribe members. This place has become like another home, with family, actually, although I know we all get kicked out of the nest eventually, although we can always come home to visit.

Marty has a kind heart, after all.

I am nattering again. I must go prepare to sleep. I send you happy dreams, and this is a good night to set an intention, while the Lion's Gate is wide open.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Queeniemary]

Anne, girl, you just keep getting it piled on you! So sorry for this latest challenge. Everyone is right, chocolate is the answer. I love "Dove" chocolate, both the dark, and the milk choc with caramel. Have been on low carb for several months, so have not been having my nightly treat of them. May have to break over and have one or two soon. I have managed to drop 15 of the 25 that I had put on due to stopping smoking and anti-depressants. Only 10 more to go to reach my goal, it just comes off so slowly, I blame my age and my hypothyroidism for that.

Fae, may have to send to Amazon for Maya Gold. Nothing better than chocolate and a good glass of wine, my preference is cab.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[feralfae]

Queeniemary, I highly recommend Maya Gold, even over the Tcho chocolates.

Maison du Chocolat, which I think has a store in the US in Manhattan now, is also very lovely chocolate. Ah, I checked, and they are also on line.

And yes, good chocolate and a good Cab are a delightful pairing.

Congratulations on losing the pounds, by the way, good job! I have 9 more to go of the weight I gained before and after the surgery, when I could not be active but kept eating anyway.

We are all healing in so many ways.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Anne,

Your doctor is very caring. He wants to instill confidence in you for him, so take him up on it and believe him. He says he's going to fix this, and I can't wait! Now, back to the chocolate...the best chocolate I ever had was in Sweden on one of their little walking streets...they dusted our ice cream cones with it and it was the finest I ever had. Of course it helped that the ice cream was some of the best in the world, we can't get ice cream like that in the state, too high of fat. But for once in a lifetime, it was wonderful! You deserve some chocolate and Harry's fudge made my mouth water!

QueenieMary,

Congratulations on your weight loss! I haven't been in the right frame of mind to tackle it, just too much stress, but I need to shed the pounds I've gained during menopause. You're right about how it slows down as we age. In my 40s I could just decide to and do it! Now it's like my body says HA!

[MartyT]

Anne, my dear, I scarcely know what to say in response to your list of raindrops. It is indeed pouring on your poor head. I am so sorry. Thank Heaven you have such a delightful sense of humor ~ and cutie-pie Benji ~ to help see you through all of this. Having good, reliable and caring physicians helps, too, of course. We're all pulling for you, obviously ~ and eating lots of chocolate in your honor. ♥

[enna]

The song just came out of me mentioning 'raindrops.' Thanks everyone for all the chocolate stories. I know what I want my path to heaven lined with when the time comes - a long time from now....

[Wifflesnook]

Dearest Anne

What can I say. I just got home from Leeds and saw your posting about your lungs. And you look so robust and young and pretty in your photos. I know you will get through this with the help of your doctors and I love that Namaste. We are all here and keeping you in our hearts as you keep us.

As for Green and Black, I eat nothing else. I love the dark one, but the Maya is lovely. They keep on bringing new ones out. I guess they are a UK firm? They are sold here in all supermarkets. Heaps nicer than Cadburys. And every night after my medicinal two small glasses of red wine (ha!) I have Green and Black hot chocolate in bed. Very comforting. And unfortunately when I wake in the night to need a wee I find myself passing the drawer where the G & B choc is and take a few pieces back to bed. Have a little fat roll rou d my middle as a result. When Pete was ill I went down to six and a half stone but I am back to seven now (I am only just over five feet in height). My 'fighting weight' as Pete would say, is about seven and a half but since I have these fat rolls I think I should stay at seven!

[feralfae]

Oh, Jan, I love the thought of G&B hot chocolate in bed. Delightful!
fae

[enna]

Jan. I am glad you are back home. I was really impressed with the Pulmonary Doctor when I saw him - a good people person, yet professional - I really was surprised when he took my hands and bowed and said, "we are going to fix this" and then said, "namaste" - with all the meditations I have been doing this really touched me. Even though I was afraid with the information i was hearing, I was at peace. The Valley Radiology office called me this morning and I've already had the CT scan of the lungs - I'll have the other test at the hospital sometime next week - they are wasting no time! I love chocolate. I eat it when I'm afraid sometimes. Most times I eat it just because i like it.

This message just spoke to me today. We are all here grieving for different reasons yet each one of us is unique. Each one of us is special. Each one of us is beautiful. Some people can express themselves eloquently and others, like me, just say things simply yet we are all heard here around our fire. I am most grateful for those who are around this fire and hear my cries.

[MartyT]

♥

[kayc]

They say in the news that chocolate is good for us...I don't know, I think Anne paid them to say that.

[enna]

I know of at least four others here who have this same addiction! fae is teaching me about the finer cocoa, Mary and Marty are addicted only they don't talk about it like I do, and Kay will look for any reason that tells us that chocolate is good for us.

One thing I know about all of us - we know what's good for us... and it's sort of like eating potato chips - who can eat just one chip!

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

Since your doc said namaste to you, you might want to ask him about incorporating some ayurvedic medicine into your care.

I think I am the poster child for recovery from cauda equina in no small part because my healer friend showed up from AK and India, and fed Ghee to me, which is an ayurvedic treatment for nerve regeneration. I am very ahead of the curve. Free the feet!

Maybe your doctor will know how to do this. I am so happy you have new options. Does the place have a website? May we look at it? Or if that is too much privacy invasion, never mind, I will just bug you with questions and comments.

Ah, typing of web, you could also look up the Ayurvedic treatments for your diagnosis, and print them out to discuss with your doc. That is what we would do, and since Doug left, what I have done, so everyone can watch the "experimental medicine" @ work. Now some local docs ask me for links to pages.

I think it is great that you are exploring options for yourself and staying in such a focused state of awareness about your own comfort levels and levels of trust. You must be listening to your heart.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Oh fae, you bring so much positive energy to me - thank you. I shall look into the Ayurvedic treatments and after I spend a few more sessions with this doctor I just may ask him those things. He is wasting no time - I have already had the CT he ordered and I will be scheduled for the other test at the hospital in a few days. The only thing I miss so much is not having Jim with me. He would comfort me like no other can - I know those who KNOW understand what I mean.

[kayc]

I know of at least four others here who have this same addiction! fae is teaching me about the finer cocoa, Mary and Marty are addicted only they don't talk about it like I do, and Kay will look for any reason that tells us that chocolate is good for us.

Ha ha, you've got it!

[MartyT]

Oh all right, Anne. I wasn't going to say anything, but now I feel I must. There is no chocolate in the world that can compare to Doug Murdick's Fudge in Traverse City, Michigan. I freely admit that I am totally addicted to the stuff. But at least when I buy it, I cut it into bite-sized pieces and freeze it. And I limit myself to no more than one piece a day. It is one of my guilty pleasures ~ but well worth the calories.