Changes I'm Making

[kayc]

Anne,

I'm glad your day went okay in spite of the weather.  60 mph winds are nothing to sneeze at!  And wouldn't you know all this would come when you had to go out in it!  Oh my dear, I wish I were there with you, to drive you to and fro.  We will be waiting with bated breath to find out what you learn on Tuesday.

Meanwhile, I hope you're staying in with a cup of hot chocolate!

Love you,

Kay

[enna]

Thank you for all your thoughts ~ I so appreciate how thoughtful everyone is on this forum. I will continue to give back by supporting those who are on this road. We may not always get what we want, but we will always receive what is meant to be. 

If you are a caregiver right now please take time for yourself. Your health depends on it. You deserve it. 

[feralfae]

Oh, Anne ^ that is perfect!  Thank you!

 

How is Carrie?  Carrie, I am sending {{{hugs}}} and lost of *<fairy>* dust your way.  I hope the recovery is going very well.

 

fae

[enna]

With Carrie's permission, I can report to everyone that her first eye surgery turned out fine. She had her checkup today and her doctor was pleased.

She is seeing more vivid color and wants to paint. She will have her other eye done on the 9th of September. She will not be posting right now to give her eyes a rest. She is grateful for all thoughts and prayers. 

Anne

[MartyT]

Thank you, dear Anne. Please convey our thoughts, prayers and best wishes to Carrie ♥

[LadyCarrie]

Dear Friends,

I thank each of you for caring, and for praying.  I can write today, now that my eye is not watering like a slow-moving river.  Other than that small, expected problem, I'm doing well, and can see remarkably better.  God is good.

The blue tint often experienced after cataract surgery arrived yesterday afternoon, but mine is a lovely lavender.  I wish I could hurry to paint the eastern mountains, which I see from my bed,  before my new color scheme disappears.  

I was awake during my entire procedure.  I was supposed to become sleepy on versed, but that part happened after I was home an hour or two.  People around me were snoring, but I was wide-eyed and talking with my anesthesiologist.  He decided to do the block anyway.  It hurt like blazes, and I told him so.  Nicely, of course.  Mama would be proud of me.  I stayed very still, and hoped it would be over soon.  I now know that a needle snaking through my eye looks like a small white tube from the underside.  The positive side of that negative is that I got to be awake to watch the light and color show of the phacoemulsification of my natural lens and the implantation of my new one.  To some, that might not be a positive, but to me, I found it intriguing and fascinating.  Since it had to happen, I'm glad I experienced it.  I'm hoping next time, I can see that part, but skip being awake for the block.  

Versed makes others not even know they're there.  It doesn't work for me.   I tried to tell them, but they didn't believe me.  My doctor does, because I can tell him the sequence of the procedure and what I saw and heard (including the colors and sounds).  

When Jerry had his cataract surgeries done in 2010, they gave him 4 mg Valium twice, although he denied anxiety, wrapped him in a warm blanket, before they gave him his IV.  

For me, I signed the papers, walked 4 feet to get onto the surgery table, nurses took my vitals, did the EKG thing, stuck the IV into my hand, and the anesthesiologist appeared.  He did the block, and they wheeled me into the surgery room.  The surgery itself took 12 minutes.  I asked how I did BP-wise.  I stayed normal throughout the whole thing, except once when my systolic number jumped to 139.  I believe I know when that happened!

It's not an experience I look forward to again, but it's doable.  From my research, I know that most are well-sedated, and the worst is over for them after the IV.  In fact, the anesthesiologist told me that the worst was over when the IV was done.  I believed him.  

I had been concerned about my getting a standard lens rather than the Toric lens since my astigmatism was -4.26 according to my glasses prescription.  All I could get from my consultant is that the doctor had chosen the standard lens for me.  I refused to sign the papers without talking with my doctor about this, for the difference in the results is huge.  He gave me a simple answer, and I was ready to crawl onto his table.  It is the cataract that is causing my astigmatism to be moderate; otherwise, it's mild.  

I wondered why my doctor wasn't answering this question for me.  It turns out that for whatever her reasons, the consultant hadn't let him know I needed to talk with him.  That part is over now, and we will move on.  That won't be happening again.

I'm delighted with my surgery, and would even suffer the block again, if that's what it would take.  I expect them to do something different for me next month.  

When I was waiting on the table, I'm quite sure I heard Anne say, "Breathe, Carrie."  Thank you Anne. I'm sure you helped with my blood pressure, sweet friend.

Blessings and hugs to all,

Carrie

[MartyT]

♥

[enna]

How Grief Can Affect Your Health ~ A reflection on self-care

There is no escaping it. Our immune systems take on the blows of grief. It’s not bad enough that we are brought to our knees when we lose a loved one but many have to suffer the devastation of a second loss and that is our own health.

My first reaction to this is WHY? I know there isn’t an answer to that question.

I am a good person. I never thought about what self-care meant for I always took care of myself. As I cared for my dying husband I attended to him as best as I knew how. I did all the things I needed to do to help him as he took his final journey of life except care for myself. I just didn’t think about myself and I only learned about the difference of caring for yourself ~ FOR yourself ~ after Jim’s death.

It is important to understand that when you are a caregiver your focus is not on yourself rather it is on the one you are caring for. I never gave it a thought that by dealing with my husband’s last years of life it was taking a toll on my immune system. I was healthy. I thought I was taking care of myself by preparing good meals, seeing that Jim was getting the exercise he could still do, hiring help to help me with cleaning and help with Jim’s grooming, calling in our Hospice Team, asking for friends or family to relieve me when I needed to do shopping or keep dental appointments or have lunch with friends. All of these things were caring for myself, but it wasn’t enough. What I was doing was for Jim. The focus was always him, not am I doing something that would be good just for me.

The stress level I experienced was hidden. I did not feel stressed.  Of course, I was concerned if I was giving Jim the best care I could give him. I was tired and often needed more sleep than I was getting. I did not have time for any social life, but that was okay with me for I still had Jim living and breathing with me every day.

My awakening came when I found out after Jim’s death that I really hadn’t taken very good care of myself.

I began having more trouble with my blood pressure. Whatever we tried didn’t seem to work. After several months of tests, my Primary doctor told me he thought I should see a heart doctor. That is where my health journey began. I was diagnosed with heart failure. It was something that had been going on for a while according to my cardiac doctor. I won’t go into all the details for that is not the purpose of my writing this post.

My purpose is to bring awareness to the importance of listening to what is going on in your body as you care for someone. If you were not a caregiver because of different circumstances then listening to your body after a loss you are going through is most important. Working on something just for you takes discipline. Establishing a routine requires you to stop whatever you are doing and do that one thing that will rejuvenate you. Going for walks, reading a novel, taking a warm bath, having lunch with friends, painting, watching a movie, cry if you need to, etc…

Write down the one thing you will do once a month and do it for several months. Most important is to not allow anything to get in the way of doing that one thing you are working on just for yourself.

Jot down a few things that irritate you (spending time with someone who is always negative or doing something that you really don’t want to do or going out to eat and one of the people you are with are rude to a waiter) and erase one of those things each month. This is true self-care.

 

[iPraiseHim]

 

How Grief Can Affect Your Health ~ A reflection on self-care

 

Write down the one thing you will do once a month and do it for several months. Most important is to not allow anything to get in the way of doing that one thing you are working on just for yourself.

 

Jot down a few things that irritate you (spending time with someone who is always negative or doing something that you really don’t want to do or going out to eat and one of the people you are with are rude to a waiter) and erase one of those things each month. This is true self-care.

 

This good advice.  I was my wife's caregiver for the past six years.  I find it difficult to take care of myself. Part of it is just my nature in that I was taught to help others and ignore my own needs, That would be selfish. I struggle with self care s I will take your advice.  Thank you for sharing.  Shalom, George

[enna]

Oh, George, I hope you do develop good self-care for you certainly deserve it. How selfless of you to have taken loving care of your wife for those six years. Now it is time to do the same thing for YOU for you are worth it and it is NOT selfish at all. 

Anne

[kayc]

George,

You were helpful to me with your emails (I'm still struggling to find the balance with medicines), but you are no less important, and I really hope you'll take Anne's words to heart and take care of yourself even as you did your wife.  YOU are worth it!  

[enna]

It is not going to be easy, but it will happen. This I choose to believe.

"It will be the little things that you remember,
the quiet moments, the smiles, the laughter.
And although it may seem hard right now,
it will be the memories of these little things
that help to push away the pain and bring the smiles back again."

~ Author Unknown

Painting by Kim Colvard Oberholtzer

[kayc]

it's true.  It's also true that in the beginning those memories caused me acute pain...whereas now they bring me comfort.  If you're new to this  and reading these words, hold onto them, knowing the truth is, you will round a corner.

[enna]

The memories remain sharp and give us the strength to carry on...

I remember everything about you
Your voice, your smile, your touch
The way you walked, the way you talked
The way you looked at me meant so much

I remember all the words you said to me
Some funny, some kind, some wise
All of the things you did for me
I see now with different eyes

I remember every moment we shared
Seems like only yesterday
Or maybe it was eons ago
It's really hard to say

You are gone from me now
But one thing they can't take away
Your memory resides inside my heart
And lights up my darkest days

~ Author Unknown

"Stored Memories" painting by Lolita Dickinson

[kayc]

The person that wrote that surely experienced loss as we have, for they've captured the essence of our experience

[Wifflesnook]

That is lovely. One of the hardest things I find is that feeling that Pete was never even here. All the things he did, touched, made all seem unreal to me and yet were together for fifty years. I wish I didn't have that feeling.

[kayc]

Jan, that's how I feel too, like I dreamed him up or something.  It all seems surreal.  I've even dug up his birth, marriage, death certificates to prove his reality, yet even that doesn't feel convincing.

Edited September 6, 2015 by kayc

[enna]

Tomorrow may be different ~ that is the way it is with grief.

 

“Happiness is the choice I make today. It does not rest on my circumstances but on my frame of mind. I surrender to God any emotional habits that lead me down the path of unhappiness and pray for guidance in shifting my thoughts. In cultivating the habits of happiness, I attract the people and situations that match its frequency. I smile more often, give praise more often, give thanks more often, and am glad more often. For such is my choice today.” ~ Marianne Williamson

(painting by Elena Kotliarker

My family is arriving tomorrow and it will be so good to have them here physically. I am so looking forward to hugging my daughter and telling her how much I love her and again thank her for my two beautiful grandchildren. It will be grandma’s opportunity to be a grandma ~ I have many things we will be doing this visit: indoor rock climbing, swimming, driving up to Sedona, coloring, reading favorite books, watching favorite movies, making snacks, spoiling them so that mom will wonder what’s happening!  What else do you do with a seven and nine-year-old! It will still be in the 100s so time outdoors will be limited except when at the pool. My choice these next few days will be to choose happiness.

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

We just had a sermon about this, only they stated it differently.  They said happiness is dependent upon circumstances, whereas joy is a choice.  Whichever, we have some choice involved and it's also up to us to choose our contentment.

[kayc]

Anne, I'm so glad you will be with your daughter and grandchildren!  Indoor rock climbing?  I hope you're leaving that for the grandchildren!  

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

I wish you beautiful happiness and wonderful moments with your family.  I know you are going to have entirely too much fun! What a wonderful series of events and activities you have planned!  

 

Have fun, have fun!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[MartyT]

Yes! ♥

[Wifflesnook]

I wish you a wonderful time. Do report back when they have gone won't you? 

[enna]

More healing after grandpa's death…

Grandchildren visit ~ those who know understand how you can pack so much love into a visit with your grandchildren when they live in another state. Long talks, sleeping at grandma’s house, tea parties, baking with grandma, endless swimming, stories read, visits to Barnes and Noble to buy that special book on their list, lunch at Wildflower, making and eating ice cream sundaes, BBQs with Aunt Patty and Uncle Jerry, underwater video shoots and drone flying over the pool as everyone swims, making smoothies and eating breakfast for dinner (Nicky thought that was cool), both thought hosing down the patio was fun and Nicky must have checked the lemon and orange trees so many times to see if the fruit changed from green to yellow or orange (he wanted to make lemonade for grandma), Nicky (a first grader) took the recycle duty very seriously and Sofia (a fourth grader) cleared the table after each meal. We spent time pencil art coloring, making a video of unicorns, and on and on.

It was very touching to see how very sensitive they are when talking about grandpa. We told stories and remembered so many things he did with them. When we went to the memorial area where grandpa’s stone is Nicky became very quiet and said out loud,  “I miss grandpa so much” ~ my heart became heavy to see the emotion that little guy expressed. The ride up to Sedona was really for Jackie. We make that trip anytime she is in AZ. I am so blessed that she has such great love for her Dad and it makes my heart happy to hear her talk about her daddy to her children. Lighting candles for those we love is a ritual now. 

My grands are Greek Orthodox, but they are being raised Catholic (long story). Going to Mass on Sunday with Mom and Keven is as normal for them as brushing their teeth. They love most sports and play soccer and tennis. They also watch football during the season. Both are like fish in water and I have a “crazy” daughter and SIL who like playing tennis outdoors when it is 107°! I think I am ready for a long nap. It was a good visit. Life goes on as it should and the good memories lighten the sadness.

Family headed back to the Midwest today to school and work while grandma takes a few days to recover!

I received no pressure this time to move back to the Midwest for my daughter is beginning to see that I am doing just fine here. I think they like the idea of having a warm weather place to come. 

[MartyT]

Oh Anne ~ what a delightful and detailed report of your visit with your grands! Thank you so much for sharing all of it with us!

You sound like the perfect grandmother any child would be blessed to know!

I'm so relieved to learn that you got no pressure about moving this time, as I know you were concerned about that. Obviously you've handled the situation perfectly. I'm so happy for you!

I love that you went to Sedona again ~ as you well know, your candle-lighting at the Chapel of the Holy Cross has special meaning for me, too. ♥ 

Now please REST ~ I know those youngsters can be exhausting to those of us who are not so young anymore  ~ Their energy is boundless, and ours lasts about two minutes before we are ready for a nap! (If you ever figure out how to bottle all that energy, do let me know!)