kayc Posted June 27, 2015 Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 Jan, if it was the best thing for you, I'm sure he would approve it, just as George would for me. My point was simply that we all have different ways of dealing with things, even George and I, as joined at the hips as we were! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 27, 2015 Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 Anne, yes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted June 27, 2015 Report Share Posted June 27, 2015 Yes, Anne, perfect, thank you! Absolutely perfect! fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 29, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2015 Isn't this the truth? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2015 Sometimes someone else can say just the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Spot on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted July 8, 2015 Report Share Posted July 8, 2015 Yes, Anne, both of your above posts are spot on. As is Kay's comment. Thank you for sharing those with us here, Anne. Some things just resonate . . .*<twinkles>*fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 Part of my healing has been to share the pain of losing my beloved spouse of forty years with others who are grieving the loss of a spouse or significant other. My Jim died almost 38 months ago. I have traveled through many ups and downs. The roller coaster ride has been both horrific and just okay. I am no longer who I was before I heard the words of our Hospice nurse officially pronounce Jim dead. Cause of death ~ “Failure to Thrive” still rings in my ears. In the last weeks of Jim’s life, he went through the end-of-life as he lived – calm, smiling and peaceful. My story has been shared here for the last three years so I won’t repeat it. Jim loved family, sports, nature and music. In the end, he was still able to hear his music and up until the last week was able to enjoy the birds and flowers that filled our yard. I spent a great deal of those early months after Jim died piecing together music and photos that were such reminders of what Jim liked. I promised myself that one day I’d put my work together and share it on YouTube. It has taken over three years for me to be able to do it but I have begun. Some of you have already had a preview of a few of my videos. It is best to view them in full screen to see the full picture or verse. Where has the Time Gone reflects what Jim held most dear to his heart ~ family, sports, music, and nature. Pictures you will see are of family ~ our daughter and grandchildren. Today, my daughter is a coach for moms about to give birth ~ she is part of an OBGYN Surgical Team led by her husband and my SIL who is an OBGYN surgeon. My grandchildren are fiercely competitive in everything ~ right now it is piano and rock-climbing. Their ages are seven and nine now. Nicky was still hiding his “binky” from grandpa and Sofia was deep into anything Princess when grandpa died. She even put on her Princess wedding dress and “married” grandpa several times on one visit. He sat quietly on a chair allowing her to enjoy her moment. They loved their grandpa. We keep grandpa alive in their memories and always listen whenever they have questions. It is so important to validate their thoughts about death. The Beagle is our granddog, Fred, and the black Schipperke/Poodle, Benji, is the dog I rescued after Jim died. Benji was only with me for one very short year before his heart failed as he suffered from multiple seizures. The cause of the seizures was never determined. I loved him and am still grieving him. The video brings good memories of the life we had and I just know Jim would be so happy to see our grandchildren grow and see what a beautiful daughter our Jackie still is. During my healing, I took up coloring as an Art Therapy to release some of the sadness I carry. I continue to color today. Some of my colorings can be seen on my Pinterest board: Anne’s Art Therapy. I Believe was created several months after Jim died but I only uploaded it to YouTube a week ago. The music I wanted to use was not available to me to use on YouTube even though I purchased both the album and the song ~ something about copyright! I didn’t feel bad when I found out it was blocked in 260 countries including the USA! The song is My Heart Will Go On sung by Celine Dion. My idea about music is that it belongs to everyone. Why would we not want to share what is beautiful? The third video I made is from a PowerPoint I played over and over again as that is what Jim wanted to listen to and watch until he could no longer see. I titled it Serenade and it still causes me to tear up. At least my song was not censored for this video. They just can’t see it on YouTube in Germany! Don't know why! Jim and I are both fans of Andre Rieu. I am in a better place today than I was three years ago. I know that there will never be closure, but I also know that life can be good ~ different but good. I am healing in my way as each of you will also heal in your own way. I am so grateful for those of you who have been with me on my journey. I love my forum friends and wish you peace and happiness always. My heart aches for those who are new here, but it is important for all of them to know that they will not take this journey alone ~ we will be with you and will not tire of sitting here with you for as long as you need us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted July 21, 2015 Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 Dearest Anne, my partner in grief. My beloved Pete died in the same month and year as your Jim and we walk alongside each other despite the miles between us. After three years we are both finding that those around us think we are over our grief, because they see us doing stuff, smiling, and basically living on in a way which appears normal. How little they know. Inside we grieve and will always do so. I won't generalise but I had my Pete for fifty years. He wasn't just a husband, father, partner, he was an incredible person who cannot ever be replaced in my life. I knew I admired as well as loved him. Now I know that somehow he is with me even though I cannot feel it properly. Anne I love the way you are creating videos. What a wonderful thing to do. I've seen one and I will look at the others. I would think that the creativity helps you feel a nearness to Jim which you need, as when I edit our old videos I feel closer to Pete. Being the one left behind after a long happy partnership is very very hard. Until we lose it we don't properly value what we had. I think we did, but it could never be enough, could it, Anne? I was thinking of making a birthday card for our daughter's 50th which is at the weekend, and on the computer I found many old ones I'd made for my Pete with beautiful verses on them. I'd forgotten them but now, looking again I know one thing for sure. He knew how much I loved him. We all have regrets and in our situation we have to try to ignore them as our loved ones would want us to do, I know Anne that you feel enormous gratitude for having had Jim for so long, and that he will be with you as long as you live. I hope that those newer to loss will find a little comfort from reading our stories. They may think "What, isn't it time they moved on?". Well all I can say to anyone who thinks three years is the time to feel closure is the size of the love is equivalent to the size of the loss. My relationship with my Pete isn't closed. As long as I live I will consider myself Jan and Pete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted July 21, 2015 Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 Oh, Anne, thank you so very much for those beautiful videos. Jim has such an infectious smile. I enjoyed seeing everyone. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted July 21, 2015 Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 Your post Anne is about the most powerful thing I have read and listened to in a long, long time. Thank you for sharing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 21, 2015 Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 I agree with Stephen, dear Anne. You are an inspiration ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Anne, you are an inspiration to us all, and I count it a privilege to have gotten to know you through this shared journey. Thank you for sharing your videos...I am not as savvy as you with such things, but my George would have mastered and created videos also had he been the one left on this journey instead of me. You would have loved him, the most caring person I ever met, just as I know I would have loved Jim and all of your spouses. We were blessed indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Warm hugs, dear Anne. Thank you. I look forward to watching and listening soon. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 The power of all ~ like our support on this forum... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted July 23, 2015 Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 23, 2015 Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 Perfect, Anne. Thank you. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 I so appreciate all of your kind words to me. Those who have come to know me understand how very difficult it was for me to share in such an open forum. I have come a long way and have always felt safe being here. I don't always have the words to express my feelings so I find other ways to get my thoughts through to others. So many of you have understood that and I thank you. Giving an update of a decision, my doctor talked to me about yesterday. I will need to have one of two surgeries since the PTNS treatments I have been receiving for the last twelve weeks didn’t work. I am not jumping into anything right now. I am researching my options and talking with family. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers and will share what I feel is appropriate on the forum. I have an appointment with the doctor in two weeks and he is expecting me to have made a decision! He is a little pushy, but that is because he wants what he thinks is best for me! In the long run, it really is what I think is best for me. Because of my heart failure (which is managed right now) and my low pulmonary function readings, both surgery options have risks for me. I have found that there are always bumps in the road of life and most times it is really hard to do these things alone. I miss my Jim and know he would be supporting my decisions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted July 24, 2015 Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Keep us posted Anne. You know how much we care. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted July 24, 2015 Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Dear Anne,Yes, take your time with all of this and do not let anyone push you into anything. You definitely need to be comfortable with your decisions. Please let us know as much as you wish to share with us. But no matter how much you share, or where this health road takes you, we are in your corner and holding you in our hearts and prayers.*<twinkles>*fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 24, 2015 Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Anne, You are in my prayers as you make this decision. I hope you will give me your daughter's phone number so I can check on you if you decide to take that option. My dearest Anne, you were there for me when no one else was, in my own surgery, and I want you to know you are in my heart and prayers as you face whatever you deem best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jame57 Posted July 25, 2015 Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Anne, The videos are simply wonderful and very moving. They speak of immense love and loss and had me in tears. My own grief for the loss of my mother just over a year ago is still raw but thanks to this forum I gain inspiration and comfort for this lonely journey. Whilst my own marriage failed 7 years ago I can't contemplate another relationship since mum died. The thought of the pain of possibly losing someone else in the future is too awful. Besides I don't think I could ever love anyone again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted July 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Thank you, James, for your kind words about my videos. It is one way I have found to help me on this grief journey. One year is such a very short time no matter what the loss. I know you have lost your mother and this must be such a very sad time in your life. Depending on how great the love will depend on how painful the loss. After all, it is from our parent whom we first learned about love. You are going through many firsts right now and each one of them brings memories that must leave you with such emptiness. There will be a time when all those good memories of your mum will give you comfort. Right now is the time to allow yourself to be with your pain. As hard as it is, you need to do this for the healing to take place. It is very understandable that you are not contemplating another relationship right now but please leave yourself open for our hearts are capable of great love. I am sorry that your marriage ended several years ago. That is also a loss that needs to be mourned. Each one of us will do what we think best and that needs to be enough. I so agree with you about our forum. It is a sacred place that we come to be with others on this grief journey. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted July 26, 2015 Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Dear Anne, Jerry, Amberly, and I enjoyed your videos today. Thank you for blessing our lives with such beauty released from your heart and soul. Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted July 26, 2015 Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 We absolutely love your "Lessons of the Geese"! Thank you. Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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