Changes I'm Making

[enna]

This seems especially true as we approach another Father's Day. For all those who have lost their own Father please be gentle with yourselves and think of a good memory to honor them.

I lost my own father many years ago and always feel a sadness when Father's Day comes around. He always had more ties than he could ever wear. One year when all five of us kids were very young we took a plain tie (with the help of Mom) and dipped our hand in paint and designed our own gift for Dad. He wore that tie everywhere. I wish I had that tie today.

Please take some time and go to Marty's grief healing blog for some other ways about remembering Dad.

Sometimes I see an entity so beautiful it fractures my darkness and sends little shimmers of light through my changed world. I am reminded there are some things - maybe even grief - if you hold on too tightly they are crushed. I must be gentle not only with butterflies and roses - but with my grief and myself.

[KATPILOT]

Father's day takes on a different feeling when we dads try to make a day of it with our own children yet thinking about our fathers who have gone. I had it in mind to celebrate it with my sister and my son who is without his kids for two more months. We were planning on dinner at my dad's favorite restaurant because this year it falls on his birthday as well. Sadly I just found out that the place is gone. Yup closed forever which is weird as it has been there since before I was born. It reminds me how things change. How things don't last forever. That includes people too. I sure wish I could wrap my head around that reality.

I guess we are all in the same boat but while I hear so often that change is good, it seems the older we get, the more difficult change can be. I so wish that five years ago I could have thrown out the time anchor and kept things exactly as they were. I know it's dangerous to think this way, but damn it, that was the happiest I had ever been. It was that perfect moment in time. I could even give you the day and the month.

So I apologize for slipping into that place of self pity. It happens. I'll be cool in an hour or so. Here's to all of us this weekend as we honor those very special people.

Our fathers.

[MartyT]

♥

[kayc]

Father's Day is forever ruined for me because that's the day George died...on that year it fell on the 19th, but most years I have two "anniversary of death" to remember. My own dad passed 35 years ago. My kids honor their own dad on that day so I'm alone on Father's Day. Yesterday I made a card for my son and mailed it this morning as this is his first Father's Day as a dad. That helps take some of the sting out of the day, but I wish I could see him on Father's Day instead of being alone, but I didn't even see my kids on Mother's Day or my birthday, so not much chance of that.

Some days are just to be gotten through.

[enna]

Dear Kay,

It seems like more today than in the past that our children are about their own lives and this is the way it should be most of the time. I think there are days that our children need to acknowledge us. Mother's Day and Father's Day are two days our children need to make a special effort to remember us.

I wish no one would have to experience a sadness such as our children not thinking of us on special days.

Hugs to you.

[feralfae]

Just a quick note as I prepare for the chimney sweep and then some outdoor work this morning . . .

the birds are singing and last night an owl was calling from one of the trees just outside my bedroom window. It is supposed to go up to 85F today, so a nice day to spend the morning out in the coolness, and the afternoon inside in the coolness. My indoor lime tree has four new leaves. The ground cover is blooming with tiny purple flowers, and the bluebirds are flying their colors of brilliant blue and soft gray.

Anne, Kay, Jan, Carrie, Marty, KatPilot, and all who read this, I wish you a day of beauty and joy, of peace and delight.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[MartyT]

And the very same to you, dear one ♥

[Wifflesnook]

Dear friends

I did a new hard thing today. My car had to be collected from a town ten miles away and a friend gave me a lift to the garage. I couldn't take the dog because she isn't the sort of dog who sits quietly in a car. She has to be in a crate. Our field was near where I collected the car so I decided I needed to go alone. I took two roses from our garden. I walked along the lane in tears. I went into the field and saw that the oaths had been beautifully cut ( I pay a friend to do this). I took secateurs to clip branches off the path. I laid the roses on a bench by the pond. I didn't stay long but this is the first time I've been alone (last time was with my daughter and her two little girls, the time before I took Kelbi). It was very very sad but I'm still pleased I did it. You will all know .....

[enna]

Thank you, Fae, for the beautiful picture of your morning. A good day to you, also.

Oh Jan, what a wonderful picture of the roses. What you did was very brave. I am so glad you visited the field. It is just one more step in our healing.

[MartyT]

Beautiful, Jan ~ and yes, what you did was indeed very brave. Good for you ♥

[enna]

I am listening to this excellent seminar led by Dr. Jean Houston and I so hope a few of you see this. It is about learning how to create new beliefs that support our highest potential, how to discover our "inner experts" to quicken our learning and how to develop new habits that cultivate our unique gifts and abilities. Join it here for FREE. It may play again later.

http://evolvingwisdom.com/jeanhouston/yourlifepurpose/online-seminar#.VYNZID9I8j0.facebook

[enna]

My summary of Dr. Jean Houston’s, Ph.D ~ 3 Keys to Discovering and Living Your Life’s Purpose replayed again today for FREE.

Points covered in Dr. Jean Houston’s seminar:

1. Learn how to create new beliefs that support your highest potential

2. Discover how to access your “inner experts” to quicken your learning

3. Develop new habits that cultivate your unique gifts and abilities

At first I wondered how this would fit into where I am on my journey, but it did not take long to see that it would be perfect for where I am right now.

I knew what my purpose was in the past ~ before Jim’s death ~ but I need to find out what it is now.

I know there is more out in the world for me so I must venture into a new project. I need to have more courage to be more than I am now. This is a story of metamorphosis ~ from caterpillar to butterfly ~ what will my new journey be? What do I need to do to be more than I am?

Here is my summary that is imperfect compared to her talk, but here goes:

Key 1~ Learn how to create new beliefs that support our highest potential

Be open to who we are ~ get rid of old habits – have a sense of who we are meant to be ~ activate our higher levels of creativity ~ activate our inner sensory capacity ~ thinking helps us to create ~ think of a project ~ use our inner imagery ~ use all of our senses

· Taste a crisp apple – ice cream dripping in dark chocolate – hot buttered toast drenched in honey – a green salad – angel food cake with strawberries and heavy whipped cream ~ later, taste something you’re going to have after you finish your project

· Smell – a garden of roses – the sea – a meadow after a rain – hot buttered popcorn – a pine forest – bread baking

· Touch – the long soft bony nose of a horse, potato chips crunching in your hands, patty cake with a small child, climb a tree ~ now touch your project as it is being completed

· Hear – rain falling on the roof, an opera singer holding her highest note, MLK JR’s I Have a Dream speech - hear something that has to do with the accomplishments of your project

· See - a sunrise, sunset, flowers blooming on a cactus, a falling star, a good friend’s face, and your face

Run your project through all your senses ~ dance, sing ~ think and act in images ~ see the project being completed ~ use all of these senses to see a project completed

What do I need to make a new vision possible? Tap into my creativity. Use my imagination. What is my persona? Who am I really?

A teacher, a meditator, an animal companion, a time manager, a painter/sculptor, ~ there are so many inner experts who are always available to help us.

Dance, sing about it, imagine solutions

How can we transform ourselves now that our paths are on a different course? What will we be when we are a different butterfly?

“Thank God our time is now when wrong

Comes up to face us everywhere,

Never to leave us till we take

The longest stride of soul men ever took.

Affairs are now soul size.

The enterprise is exploration unto God.” ~ Christopher Frye

Key 2~ Discover how to access our “inner experts” to quicken our learning

Be open self to the important role in the world ~ learn from those who have come before us: The Dali Lama, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, JR, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Anne Frank…

So, we have to go out and do something ~ nothing will ever get accomplished unless we enter into a new project using all of our senses

Create a wonderful global community ~ focus on the positive

Tell our stories ~ we educate one another

Helen Keller ~ focused on the good ~ “I live each day as if it were my last…”

Allow those people who have a positive outlook on life be our role models.

Key 3 ~ Develop new habits that cultivate your unique gifts and abilities

We have to connect to our larger story ~ what will my purpose be as I journey into the unknown?

I am a missing link ~ we have to see life as a larger story ~ hearts have not been changed ~ we have to tell our stories for when lives are shared everything else follows

How do I view my life as a story? What am I going to do in this new life I’m facing?

We must meet at the level of deep listening ~ when life is shared everything else follows

My higher purpose ~ “I want people to understand the power of love and to love each other ~ I want to deeply appreciate who I am. I want to believe that this is possible.” ~ Jean Houston

“In our time we have come to the stage where the real work of humanity begins.

It is the time where we partner Creation in the creation of ourselves, in the restoration

of the biosphere, the regenesis of society and in the assuming of a new type of culture;

the culture of Kindness.

Herein, we live daily life reconnected and recharged by the Source, so as to become

Liberated and engaged in the world and in our tasks.” ~ Jean Houston

I have already lived a life of purpose, but it is not over. I have to now figure out a new purpose and that will be the beginning of the metamorphosis to this new challenge since the death of Jim. There is something I might find to do that could make a difference to others. I am searching and know that I will be lead in a positive direction. I also know that I have changed and will never be the same. The quote below by Katie McGarry says it better than I could:

“It doesn't get better, the pain. The wounds scab over and you don't always feel like a knife is slashing through you. But when you least expect it, the pain flashes to remind you you'll never be the same.” ~ Katie McGarry

[LadyCarrie]

Fae,

I hope you have a lovely day also, Fae. Thank you for thinking of me.❤️ Thank you also for your descriptive writing, which enables us to see what you see.

Carrie

[kayc]

Jan, kudos to you! Every time we do something new/alone, out of our comfort zone, we are stretching ourselves and growing further along in our journey.

[enna]

Today it is 37 months. since I said goodbye to my Jim. It is also my granddaughter's 9th birthday. Death and life are realities. I have learned that it does not make it easier as the months or years pass it just makes them different.

My emotions are both happy and sad. Happy because it is a birthday celebration and so sad because grandpa is not here to celebrate.

My granddaughter did some indoor rock climbing and had a pottery birthday party with some of her friends. We both will see Pixar's Inside/Out movie this weekend. I accept the few happy times that come along in my life now, but nothing ever seems quite right without Jim here. I am still filled with great sadness most of the time. I guess my grief work now is to accept that it is how it will be from now on. I love the quote and I wish I knew who it belongs to, but I don't.

“Sometimes

I just wish you

were here

so I could tell you

how much

I need you and

how hard every

day has been

without you.”

Dvorak's symphony no. 9 in e minor op. 95

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

I just wanted to honor your 37th month anniversary of Jim's transition.

But then, I thought about it and I realized that I want to honor more than that. I want to honor your survival, your strong self-advocacy, your tender messages for those who are now entering this grief journey, and your open hearted sharing of wonderful media gems, poetry, art, and music with all of us who gather here around this fire.

Your beautiful heart and spirit shine through your every word. And I know that a part of the beauty I see and enjoy is because you have had Jim's love to polish the facets of your spirit and heart. So today, I honor you and Jim for your Love which brought shared beauty to your two spirits as they became one.

namaste,

fae

[enna]

Thank you, Fae. I am and always will be sad to not have my Jim here. I like our 'fire' and find a great comfort coming here. Your words as other members words have helped me along this journey. I try to be honest with my feelings and realize that there are good days and not so good days as we travel along our grief journeys. I do feel Jim's presence with me.

There are still so many times I come here and I find I do not have the words of comfort for our new members. I hear them and know all too well the pain they are experiencing. It's the same pain that so many of us have experienced on this journey.

A few of us know all too well that this pain stays with us as a reminder of our great love.

One thing I have learned on this journey is that it is not always upbeat. Emotions are to be validated whether they are good or not so good.

We never 'get over' this grief. We only learn how to live with it.

What do you say to a parent who has lost a child?

What do you say to a child who has lost a parent?

What do you say to a sibling who has lost a brother or sister?

What do you say to those who are in anticipatory grief?

What does one say to someone who has lost precious furbabies? I will always miss my Benji. I will always have questions as to why he was with me for only a very short year.

Loss is Loss and what we can do is sit with those who are grieving. Allow tears. Don't judge. Grieving is a life long process.

Here on this forum we are allowed to be in grief. No one here is telling us that we are "indulging in self-pity" if it lasts too long.

I have always liked the word Namasté. It says what I believe. The word simply invokes a sense of sharing a spiritual connection and creates a sense and feeling of oneness and balance. Essentially, it’s a way that all humans can connect.

We do that here when we come to this forum.

[MartyT]

It is true, dear Anne, that we don't always have the "right" words to comfort another ~ but we do have our presence, and that is what we offer one another here. Sometimes it's enough just to know that someone here is listening, even if no words are spoken (or written) . . . ♥

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Anne

I followed your link to Dvorak. We went to a concert when this was played. It brought the memories back. I still tend to avoid music because it pierces my heart. It bypasses the words and goes straight through to the raw grief. And it still is raw. I'm thinking of you as you celebrate your lovely grand daughter's birthday and remember your lovely Jim.

I agree with Fae that your wonderful soul shines out to us on this forum. I feel just as you do.

It's my own birthday soon and it's another without my soul mate. I'm buying a lovely statue of a Moonhare to go in our Moonhare garden. And I've also ordered a Moonhare candle holder and some aromatherapy night lights to put on it. I've got into the habit of lighting a candle when I sit in the evening with a glass of wine. It represents Pete to me.

And my dear friend Sandra told me yesterday of her visit to a medium. Her partner was killed 20 years ago in a motor bike accident. She made the appointment with the medium via mobile phone and she can have known nothing about her. But what she told Sandra was uncannily correct. I would never dare go to a medium as I'd care so much about the outcome I feel it would be dangerous for my psyche. Sandra agreed with me and said she had waited 20 years before she could do so. I don't know what I believe but I was impressed with her account of it. And I know our dear Mary told me that she visited one and found it tremendously comforting.

Anyway I will hold you all in my heart as I light my candle tonight.

[enna]

Oh Jan, I know how much you have struggled with listening to music and I agree with you that it goes right to the core of our grief. I believe that if we allow it the music helps us be in touch with those deep emotions and for me it is not a bad thing.

I am happy you are getting another moon hare for your garden. Don’t forget to take a picture and share it. I thank you for your continued love and support as we travel this journey.

Once again, Marty, you are so right about the importance of our presence here on this forum. I guess what I sometimes forget is that the telling of our stories is really for us and not necessarily for others to respond. Just being here is an avenue to our healing.

[Wifflesnook]

I'm thinking, Anne, that I should let music speak to me. I think that you do, don't you? And I know that your feelings mirror my own except for this avoidance of pain. I suppose I go for the question I always turn to. "What would Pete think was best for me?". I think he might say that whatever makes me feel closest to him is good. And music does that. I'm glad that on this forum, even after more than three years, we can share feelings such as this without someone saying we should try to move on or away or whatever. Everyone has a different way of coping. Mine involves clinging closely to memories, trying to keep Pete close, whilst at the same time giving outsiders (and even close family) the idea that I'm ok, when basically I am not, nor ever will be. I can speak so frankly because I know you get it.

[kayc]

I don't think I ask myself that question as much as "what is best for me?" because to each person, their way of handling it and what is best for them is going to be different and the way for George may not be the same as the way for me, even though we're soulmates and saw alike in so many ways and clicked and related uncannily.

[Wifflesnook]

Yes I know what you mean Kay. I would be the first to admit that in our marriage Pete was the stronger personality. And even now I guess his influence upon me is strong. But as we say here "it is what it is". If I wanted to do something that I know Pete would disapprove of I wonder what I would do? To be totally honest I can't imagine it. I'd probably just believe he would approve of!

[enna]

I certainly can relate to this quote ~ anyone else? I am okay with doing nothing. As I sit with my grief I find that I begin to own it. It is my grief and as I sit with it I am beginning to heal.

[MartyT]

Yes. Yes. Perfect. ♥