Froggie4635 Posted February 17, 2015 Report Share Posted February 17, 2015 I'm not sure how forums work, but I have been reading so many of the posts and find so many are in the same place as me. I lost my husband, Mark on December 4. He died of a heart attack; was nothing I had ever thought would happen. Mark had some issues, but he was only 53 and I never thought I would lose him so young. We only found each other in 2006, and were married 02/14/2009. I know he is gone; I saw his body at the emergency room; his ashes sit in my entry way (where I sat them when I returned from his service). We never talked about what we wanted or how we would handle these decisions. I still felt like a newlywed with him. I know the first few weeks, I was just numb. But it will be 11 weeks this Thursday, and I still find myself just roaming through the house. I am able to function at work, but also find it difficult at times. He was such a big part of my day...he would call every afternoon when he went home for lunch to take care of our dogs. We were married in the auditorium of the building I work at (I haven't walked in there yet). The morning of his heart attack, I found him in the bathroom standing at the sink. I asked him what was wrong, and he said something felt different, he was feeling a different kind of pain. I told him to go and sit in the recliner and relax and maybe it would ease up. He had been having some gastro problems (in fact had just been in the hospital because he got dehydrated), so I thought if he sat and relaxed he would feel better. Well, when I came to see him, he looked more distressed and I asked him if I needed to call an ambulance and he said "Yes". Well, before they could get there, he became unresponsive and the 911 operator told me I need to give him chest compressions to keep a pulse until they got there. I had no chance to say goodbye...I kept calling his name as I was trying to do as the operator instructed me. When he finally went in the ambulance, I was following behind with a friend, trying to call family members and let them know what was going on. The ambulance stopped in the street and I found out later that is what they do when someone goes into cardiac arrest. I truly believe he was dead when he arrived at the hospital, because it wasn't long that the doctor came out and said they had to pronounce him. Ever since, I just have this feeling of being in a fog. I have found ways to function and get through my day, but if I am pressed to do something beyond those things, I get flustered and want to escape. We have three dogs and right now they are my lifeline. If I did not have them in the house, I am not sure how I would be doing. So I guess my question is how long and why this feeling goes on? I have always been a person who likes to have some control in my life; this is so far from that. Thanks for listening, Maryann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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