Widowedbysuicide Posted January 31, 2018 Report Share Posted January 31, 2018 I'm sorry for your loss. It certainly isn't anything that we are prepared for. I hope you will find comfort and encouragement here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 5, 2018 Report Share Posted February 5, 2018 Grief is hell, right? Sensitized us to every little thing. I called the on call doctor yesterday for a pn RX refill I overlooked, my own fault. When I.takke$ to her she said the dosage was ridicuous, refused to fill it and hung up on me. I was in shock. I am currently seeking a way to report this as it was so unprofessional. It certainly is her right to turn it down as I am not her patient, but a more compassionate response would have been I’m not comfortable doing that and call your doc tomorrow. And then to hang up? i take this med to function with my panic disorder. Otherwise I would be housebound. I had to call my counselor and she knows medical ethics and was just as shocked. The doc didn’t know about the grief aspect but it shouldn’t have mattered. In the 'old days' I would have gone ballistic. I had to do that Friday for the Geek Squad.who cancelled. My repair.appoinmment without telling me. Went to Best Buy and raised hell.and got someone out here but I was drained. Ifelt demeaned and treated as a drug seeker, aka addict. Who does that to someone seeking help? How can a doctor be so cruel? (Rhetorical) Marg, this was for the Xanax. I know my doc will be OK with it, if I can get a hold of her. The battles we face now are so terribly hard. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 5, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2018 I know Gwen. I am sure mine will argue with me about it and I will just go to the doc I went to in AR. I know how to get off of them, but I don't want to. We'll see. Good luck with this. I think they will start treating it like they do opiates. Opiates would kill me. Not too many things I can take and if I find something that helps me, it is not like I have that long to live and if they can make me more comfortable, I don't see the need to quit. It is not like I am selling them on the streets. I only take one at night now, unless something happens during the day. I never go over my prescription amount and the doc in AR knows my problem and maybe the ones in LA have to answer for the prescriptions they write. I don't know, but this is my last refill out of six. This doc suggests long acting kind, and I don't know what that is. Fine with me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 5, 2018 Report Share Posted February 5, 2018 I'm so sorry this happened to you, Gwen. It always seems as if, in the so-called "war on drugs," the innocents are the only ones who get caught in the net. And shame on that doctor for treating you with such disrespect. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 5, 2018 Report Share Posted February 5, 2018 Gwen, I imagine you felt about like I felt, when after my bad fall, I went to my doctor (with an appointment), sat in the waiting room for an hour, was called back to the patient room. The doctor took one look at me, said she wasn't seeing me for a fall, that she didn't want involved in a lawsuit. I told her I'm not suing anyone, have never sued anyone, but I wanted her opinion. She refused to listen, was dismissive, said no charge for today, and walked out. I not only wasted the 110 mile round trip plus four hours of time, but it made me feel abandoned by my own doctor! I don't understand some of the medical community nowadays, it's like they don't see us as real people with real feelings and real needs. Is everything about THEIR convenience and comfort?! I'm sorry you went through this and I hope you do report her and get a hold of your own doctor soon! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 5, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2018 I will mention Billy's over 10 hour wait in the ER, with him dying, with me going to the desk and saying he was comatose, and a women yesterday fell against her tub and blood was flowing everywhere, her illness.......she was old. They sewed/clipped her wound and sent her home. Again, her illness......she is old. You will find this most everywhere. I wrote the CEO of our town's hospital and told of my mother's stay in the ER, she was "triaged" and then left on the gurney for hours, I think it was five hours. My sister took her home. You see, her main problem is that "she was old." Did you know now you go into that ER and you are taken directly to a cubicle. You might wait a few minutes but you are interviewed instantly. Sometimes we have to take to our letter writing campaign. Emails work too. Please report these instances, report them just like you have told them here. I retired from that hospital Billy passed away in. It is still such a nightmare I cannot write the CEO, but I will even now. They did my son that way too and finally came out and said "I'm sorry, we have lost your papers." We were the only ones left and by that time his gallstone had passed and he was able to go to the VA Hospital to have his gallbladder removed. It had grown to his liver and it was good he went to VA. Sometimes you get better care at the VA than you do your expensive ER's. Please write and tell them your concerns. I do have to add, that same hospital Billy passed away in saved my life. But, Billy had called an ambulance. Perhaps my being so close to death and being septic had something to do with it. They knew Billy was terminal, but they let him hurt so long. I went to the desk and asked if I could give him his morphine. They said I could and he lay his head on my shoulder. He was so dehydrated...............oh no, I am getting into that part I am supposed to develop scar tissue over. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Did I mention that in my sister's stay in the hospital in November they DID NOT FEED HER FOR FIVE DAYS! When confronted, they said, "We didn't know she could eat." ??!! How the hell did they think she lived??? And no, they weren't feeding her intravenously either. They "assumed" because she's disabled and has difficulty communicating that she can't EAT??? No, you've gotta wonder at people "in the profession". Like I said earlier, some of these people should be picking beans instead of working their profession. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 I have a niece who is a Registered Nurse and is very knowledgeable with the peculiarities of different Doctors.....Unfortunately, they are all called doctors, but like car mechanics, their a lot of bad ones out there that haven't kept up with advances in their field(or have too).......My sister is treated for a Cancer from a Doctor that has lost privilages in a couple of hospitals ( niece followed up)....be careful out there 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Sounds like my run in with that on call doc. Obviously not acquainted with panic disorder, but they don’t like to admit that. I would have appreciated that more than a judge mental attitude from what she has heard regarding meds for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 6, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 I got a call today from the doc (her nurse) who gave me the antidepressant that really could have killed me (she knew my medical history) telling me it was time for my checkup. I said that I did not come to this doctor anymore. She said "she's not your PCP?" I said "you've got to be kidding." She just laughed, I think she understood. Terribly arrogant doc. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Im going to call today to report the on call doc I posted I had a terrible experience with. I hope she gets the feedback. On another front, where I volunteer has a new administration. More like a dictatorship. I’ve been there for 24 years and seen a lot of changes. This one is really into brow beating the staff and now it is filtering down to us volunteers. I used to stay after the coffee social I do for a couple of hours to talk with the receptionist who has become a friend and often residents or family I have gotten to know. It’s 3 days a week I get some real human connection. The new dictators have now told me conflicting things. One says I can stay til 5 (I am done at 4), which I did yesterday. I had forgotten something I wanted to tell my friend but waited in a sitting area as she was talking to one of these muckity mucks and didn’t want to interfere with business. This woman saw me on her way back to her office and told me I was supposed to leave the premeses after my designated task. It’s a lot more complicated, but not worth the typing. I was and am very upset after giving them 24 years. I don’t want a medal, but it’s hard to take when after all that time is was an enjoyable thing to feel like I am not a member of the family. Of course this is at the worst time in my life. I know I’m not being super sensitive. Every one feels it and is tense. I just want to cry. I wish I could come home and angrily gripe about it to Steve. Anger would feel much better than this. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 6, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Gwen, so many things can get mixed up in a phone conversation, or even a one on one conversation. These places have web sites that have "contact us" places to write. My main letter about the ER's treatment of Billy, and my son, I have not gotten the nerve to rehash it in my brain, putting it on paper. No way can I remember what to say in a conversation. Put the time you called, and the doctor's name, if you remember, or was given it. Tell them the length of time you have taken the medication and the lurch she left you in. Now, I don't know what you want to do with the volunteer position. You have done it so long, but somehow or other, I would think they did not want to lose their volunteers.. Write the parent company of the nursing home and let them know the years you have put in and how they are treating you. I believe my letter to my town's ER may have done some very much needed good. Maybe mine and hundreds of others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Marg, I just called patient relations about the on call doctor. They were as shocked as I was about what happened. I should be receiving a follow up letter about steps that were taken. I enpmailed my boss at the nursing home and am waiting to hear from her. I hate putting her in this position, but she is the director for us volunteers. Comes with the job. I just never had to ever bother my bosses in the past when it was a friendlier place. Life goes on, timing is bad for me but I have no control of that. Just doing the best I can with the resources I still possess. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Gwen, I'm so sorry that you've been treated so poorly in both these instances ~ but good for you for having the gumption to stand up for yourself by letting these agencies know about it. Problems can't be addressed if no one knows they're happening. I know you can't control whether things will change for the better, but you certainly can exercise your right to report them ~ and maybe save someone else from being mistreated in the future. 50 minutes ago, Gwenivere said: it’s hard to take when after all that time is was an enjoyable thing to feel like I am not a member of the family. It seems to me that the "dictator" who's the new one at the nursing home where you've been volunteering all these years is the one who's not a member of this family, Gwen. Shame on her. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted February 6, 2018 Report Share Posted February 6, 2018 Gwen,. I volunteered for about 23-24 years giving tours at Frank Lloyd Wright houses. One of the "bosses" chewed me out one day for taking too long. I was shocked at his comments. He was doing a CYA thing and pushing it on me. After he left, I checked the times and I went over around 4 minutes. In that 4 minutes, I recruited someone to become a guide and talked to tourists outside. So, I really did it UNDER the time. And it was a very cold, windy Chicago winter day. Not very busy. I was so sure that this jerk would have called and left an apology. Nope. It turned out OK since Al needed surgery and I would be with him. Instead of arguing, I just took myself off the schedule. That was during the last 2 years when Al was having a really hard time. None of the big bosses ever called and asked what was going on. I have had a lot of medical issues since, but I do miss doing tours. They have a lot of volunteers, so they apparently do not miss me. Have to find something better to volunteer st. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 7, 2018 Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 Gin, what is CYA? I’m so sorry to hear you were not appreciated for giving your time. That’s inexcusable. There is such a need for volunteers in so many arenas. We get paid with appreciation and from what it gives back to us. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 7, 2018 Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 14 hours ago, Gwenivere said: This woman saw me on her way back to her office and told me I was supposed to leave the premeses after my designated task. What happened to the staying an hour after you were done? They changed the policy and didn't inform you? Their mistake! That is beyond annoying, it's insulting! I'd have mentioned the 24 years I'd given this place! And I hear you, when we go through things like this, it makes us miss our husband all the more. We NEED them! I watched a video yesterday (a grief one) and he said we are SELFISH and keeping them chained here. ??? Poor choice of words to use with grief! One I didn't bookmark and keep! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 7, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 2 hours ago, kayc said: we are SELFISH and keeping them chained here. ??? I think that would make me question his experience, definitely his empathy, and his training, if any, for sure. I believe I read Butch's words after coming out from the hospital and he actually seemed hopeful. But then grief hit him where he could not handle it anymore. We all miss him, but on some level, I think we all understand and on other levels we wondered how one single person could take so much pain. Coming out of the liver biopsies, they could not control that pain and he (Billy) was out of his head begging to be shot, and we wonder how any of us can take so much physical and mental pain. The answer is, sometimes we can't. "They shoot horses, don't they?" I just read where one pro football player had lost four of his family to some disaster. It changes our personalities, we are not the same people. I had so much worry about family members and myself I lost my cool entirely and said "shut-up" to this child who will remember this always. At some point I think we all have a breaking point. Saying "shut-up" was my weapon of choice. I apologized, but we all have a breaking point. She has never heard me do that, she will remember, and I am so sorry. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted February 10, 2018 Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 Gwen, a friend of mine had a number of good sayings over the years and two I decided to institute as "Commandments"....1/ don't let the ba$tards get you down....2/ I"m not the kind of person to quit, I'm the type to get Fired.....you have the Volunteer name tag in your favor, you don't have to listen to her....there is an easy compromise to be found..you haven't changed...appears the change is solely with new Lady....always hated petty stuff by petty people...... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 10, 2018 Report Share Posted February 10, 2018 Thanks Kevin. But the new rules are etched in stone. What I have decided to do is carry on as I have (sans talking with the receptionist who was a dear friend but I don’t want her to get in trouble). I’m not going to short time it with residents nor refuse to help them if asked. If this is viewed as a bad thing, then I have lost all faith they truly care for the residents. They love the volunteers because we have time for them personally, not like the staff. Our jobs are not their personal physical care. We are friends to them. But you are right, can’t let them get me down. It’s just going to take a while to adjust to this being viewed differently than it’s ever been. It is petty and a power thing with new regime. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cookie Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 On 02/04/2018 at 11:34 PM, Gwenivere said: Grief is hell, right? Sensitized us to every little thing. I called the on call doctor yesterday for a pn RX refill I overlooked, my own fault. When I.takke$ to her she said the dosage was ridicuous, refused to fill it and hung up on me. I was in shock. I am currently seeking a way to report this as it was so unprofessional. It certainly is her right to turn it down as I am not her patient, but a more compassionate response would have been I’m not comfortable doing that and call your doc tomorrow. And then to hang up? i take this med to function with my panic disorder. Otherwise I would be housebound. I had to call my counselor and she knows medical ethics and was just as shocked. The doc didn’t know about the grief aspect but it shouldn’t have mattered. In the 'old days' I would have gone ballistic. I had to do that Friday for the Geek Squad.who cancelled. My repair.appoinmment without telling me. Went to Best Buy and raised hell.and got someone out here but I was drained. Ifelt demeaned and treated as a drug seeker, aka addict. Who does that to someone seeking help? How can a doctor be so cruel? (Rhetorical) Marg, this was for the Xanax. I know my doc will be OK with it, if I can get a hold of her. The battles we face now are so terribly hard. Oh Gwen: Unfortunately, too many of us have awful experiences with people who are supposed to be caretakers. So sorry you went through that! I have been having trouble still with my knee after arthroscopy, 8 weeks today. Still swelling some and I'm not back to doing what I could before. I had to call the office to make another appointment to see them and the nurse and office staff were so rude. I had to insist I see the surgeon. So, you can imagine when I went in I felt like a criminal or something. They don't seem to care about what I'm going through. The doctor was nice when I got to see him, but getting through the nurse especially was horrible. Now, I don't want to call because of the bad association.....take care, Cookie 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 14, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 I don't know if I have put this before. I paid the $50 that was owed after my sister had her colonoscopy 3-4 months ago. Did you know they released the results of the colonoscopy after I paid the $50. Can you believe that? I wonder if it had been malignant would they have contacted her. She did not have the $50 and is having a very hard time financially, but this seems totally unprofessional. But, (and I know this urology surgeon personally, he was a resident when I was secretary in this department and he had a temper), but my sister was still bleeding after he put the mesh in and she went back to him....naturally. He was so angry she felt like the examination was a rape rather than an exam. I know him, he was just angry. You see, he is supposed to be perfect like his dad. Turns out she had female cancer. He did not find it. She had the good sense to go to GYN doc. Did she have a lawsuit, I definitely think she did. Would she file one. No, my family do not sue doctors or anyone else. Instead, she has many disabilities and this SOB should have been sued. Too many years gone by. Again, my family did not do things like that, but I sure would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 14, 2018 Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 Cookie, my dear, I hope you let your surgeon know about his office staff being so rude and uncaring toward you. These docs are so unaware of what happens with these gate keepers with whom they surround themselves, unless we (their paying patients) take the time to let them know. Even if it's in the form of a letter, I encourage you to share your experience with your surgeon. Let him know so he has an opportunity to do something about it. Maybe he needs to know how his staff is treating his paying patients. This is SO unacceptable, and I hear this all the time . . . 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 14, 2018 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2018 I believe in writing letters. I just cannot write the Chief of Staff at my old hospital about the lack of care Billy had. I just can't do it. Someone must have because my daughter was seen almost immediately and was out the door with meds and a shot of Rocephin. Going on three years this year and I cannot type that letter. And I retired from it, and it is a Catholic Hospital. Not feeling charitable after reading this stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 15, 2018 Report Share Posted February 15, 2018 Cookie, I had a dreadful experience with an on call doctor on a weekend and I called patient relations the following Monday. They really wanted to know what happened as they do care about their reputation. This doctor is being followed up on. As Marty said, WE are the ones in need and if a doctor or their staff cannot handle those needs, someone needs to know. I didn’t want someone else being treated as I was. I left one doctor because he would not work as a team, it was his way only. That is not a good working relationship. I’ve dealt with nurses and technicians and make sure to tell at least the doctor. it can be hard to do, I understand that. We don’t want to make trouble but when the rubber hits the road, we are all still peers. Some just have different knowledge we need. Like mechanics and plumbers. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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