Gin Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 I really hate the weekends. Al and I used to go to a play or go out to eat or just stay home together. Now it is horrible. It has been so hot here and I am trying to get over this anemia battle. I am tired and I had to go off all the pain meds I was taking for my knee problems and arthritis. I am so tired of watching all the old tv westerns. Today was also a crying day. Worse than usual. Weekends are the time for couples to enjoy. My 2 best friends have their mates and are busy. My brother and SIL are busy. My neighbor and husband are having a cookout for family. Seems so strange to have no where to go and no one to share the day with. People have finished with their grieving, but I sure did not. It has been 8 months and at least today it is terrible. I could clean the house, do laundry, get rid of stuff, but I won't. I could go to the health club, but it is a long walk from the parking lot to the front door. Still get out of breath easily and today is a bad air day. I will try to knit some scarves for the homeless (for winter) and do some reading. AND TO THINK I can do all this again tomorrow. Thanks for listening. Gin 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Hugs ❤️ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Gin I hope we all can find more peace and less sorrow soon. I feel so much like you described here. I am fortunate though because my health is still good. I'm sure that it has to be much more difficult on this journey with health issues to contend with. I would send you a little red heart if I knew how. Hugs for now, Marita 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Gin, I'm sorry you having such a bad time. I know how you feel and how much worse it can get when you have health issues too. I'm like you, I could be doing all kind of things, that my legs would let me, but I just don't want to. Hugs to you. Joyce 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Marita this is for all of you. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Weekends are the worst. For all the reasons stated already. Everyone I hear from by weeks end have plans with family and friends. It's the 2 slowest days of the week for me. When I feel most isolated. Can't even pretend that talking to a Monday thru Friday business counts as social as they are closed. Already today I heard about BBQs, shopping and going to movies. It's a beautiful day and I haven't a clue what to do. It will be another Saturday night eating alone with the TV as my companion. And when sleep rolls around, another getting into bed alone to wake up that way yet again to another day we used to share foregoing each of our own pursuits. Ive had some legal issues come up for care if the dogs and that is tough. I'm up at the plate now because if something happens to me something has got to be in place for them. It was, but things have changed since we drew up our wills. Have to talk to a friend about being the one to take them, but she gets so into details when the point is if something happens. She wanted plans in place for kenneling. How do you do that if you don't know when? That is why there is a hefty bequest for each dog. It's a hard thing too as she so loves dogs she is who I would totally trust. But she doesn't have a clue how emotional this is as she has her partner. That will be my 'social' time tomorrow. Not exactly like the old days with laughter and living like everyone else. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 The thing is, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday and Friday are pretty rough, too. Ever notice how everything that's bad in our lives seems magnified and anything remotely "good" seems to be minimized in our eyes? Weekends are the time for couples to enjoy. My 2 best friends have their mates and are busy. My brother and SIL are busy. My neighbor and husband are having a cookout for family. Gin, I honestly don't feel worse when I see or hear about happy couples doing happy things together. Maybe working with the public, and often couples, (on an almost daily basis) has helped me get desensitized to it. The only couple that's on my mind is Mitch and Tammy. Yes, weekends are hard, no question, but everyday is hard, alone and without the love of our life in it. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Dear Gin, I do understand too. I'm living with family and I don't have health issues, still weekends are horrible. When it is Saturday I look forward to Monday. I still don't have a job but Mondays feel different. Sundays are horrible. Wherever I go, there are couples, families, kids. All the things me and my love will never ever have. He won't have, and this makes me very, but very sad. I'm still not desensitized to those, I handle them better but If I pay close attention to what is going on inside of me, BUM! Hello, this is grief. I'm sending a hug to everybody on this board. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Of course I never did this but when I would see couples together I had this compelling urge to go up to them and say "Hold on to one and other and don't waste a minute not enjoying the love you share for you never know when it might end". Hugs are good Ana, especially come the weekend. Thanks. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I agree Mitch. Everyday is rough. Weekends aren't worse than any other day. Mostly because I have always worked weekends. What is going to be hard for me is in 2 weeks when my daughter and I go to the truck show. Rich, Nicole and I started going to this truck show about 5 years ago. It's an hour and half drive to it. We always would go on Saturday because that is the day they have the monster trucks show in the afternoon as well as the evening. We would go early so we could see the early show. Rich and Nicole would go for me. I'm the biggest monster truck fanatic. I decided that we are still going this year. Rich wouldn't want me to not go. He knows how much I enjoy that day. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 scba, It's true...when George was alive we looked forward to weekends so we could be together and enjoy it. When he died, I dreaded the weekends and was relieved to have Monday roll around so I could have the distraction/busyness of work. Now that I'm retired, I don't know how to think, but it seems weekends is still harder because that was "our time" and everyone else is enjoying doing things together...and then there's me. Today a friend called and invited me to Concerts in the Park so I went and enjoyed it. But eating alone night after night loses its flavor. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Yeah weekends sure changed didn't they Kay? I'm glad you enjoyed a night out. When the days would be hot, we would do jigsaw puzzles and stay inside the whole day. I always get up early and so back then I would be out there working on the puzzle get the coffee going and work away till I felt her hand on my shoulder. I tried it on my own the first year but it wasn't the same. Haven't done one since. I could spend time outdoors working on the yard if it wasn't so bloody hot. Being forced inside makes it harder. With my grandkids in Japan for the summer, it seems a little worse. No sleepovers. That's like having a house full of puppies. Polly I hope you can feel Rich smiling at you when you go. I'm sure he will be. Had I been the one to die, I would certainly hang around Houston in October looking at Kathy at the quilt festival. Damn if she didn't love that event so. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 That's how George and I were, it wasn't so much what we did as that we were together. He love Classic Car shows, so we'd go to them, but he didn't mind looking at quilts with me either. We just liked being together and seeing each other happy. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty65 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I don't have weekends. They don't exist anymore. I just work and work, in fact, I've cut staff so I have to work harder on the weekends. How fast can I run and for how long? I'll let you know. So far, it's been 109 days of straight work so far. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Patty I know what a distraction work can be to get your mind off certain things. I know what having to work every day to survive in your own business is like. If you can rest before you break, you will achieve more in the long run. Our bodies are not unlike a machine. You need to service it before it fails. The cost is far greater than to not. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seachelle Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 In the past when I've been depressed I've made myself go read at the library...I was that desperate to be around people. It is so hard to lose the center of your social network. I'm sure the last thing you feel like doing is reaching out to people to schedule a social time but it may help to see if your brother and SIL or friends would be willing to set aside a couple of days or evenings a month to go to dinner or do something fun. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I know what you mean about the weekends. I have been alone most of my adult life...in and out of some relationships but lots of time alone in between. Friends couldn't do anything because Friday and Saturday nights are "date nights" with spouse/partner and/or spouse and family. Sundays are definitely "family day" and it's hard to get anybody to do anything. When I lived in Tucson I used to go hang out at the medical library on Friday/Saturday nights because it was deserted, easy to park, and easy to get on a computer to look up stuff I was interested in or researching. My first year in Sedona working as a school psych, I used to work really late on Fridays because it was easy to get a lot done because no one was there. I got used to going everywhere alone-movies, hiking, shows, meals, everywhere. Then my dad was here and for ten years I never had to worry about what to do on the weekends or holidays when everybody was getting together with family to have a BBQ or a special meal or whatever. Anytime I wanted company to do something with, he was there-wanting to spend time with me doing whatever I wanted to do, or whatever were could come up with, or doing nothing but hanging out together. And now that is gone and I am back to being alone. I think "green burials" are a cool idea...and it's what people did for millennia. You just get buried in a burlap sack with no chemicals. Ashes to ashes... Only thing is, I would like to have an extra big sack so that I can take Mister Cello with me. You know, the Egyptians used to do that sort of thing...send things along for the afterlife. I don't thing after you die that your spirit is under the ground, but I figure that as much time as I've spent alone while alive, the last thing I would want is to spend eternity lying underground alone. And if someone wants to play my cello after I'm gone, they can play one of my other cellos. Mr. C is going with me! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Gin, since I'm retired, my life is a week end........Being involved in a one man "pity party avec Beer" for the first couple months demonstrated to me there has to be alternatives. A lot of these have been mentioned and are good.......and the key is your engaging with other people.(different circles of people)....Senior activities/cards etc, all kinds of Church stuff, Volunteer (food bank,hospital,senior homes),and local gym that you talked about.....Once you get your self involved , you will start feeling better.......A good past time is following a local Baseball team, always fun to yell and kick up a fuzz.....Gin, good luck, the skies will clear 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 "Different circle of people", is more important than one might realize. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Sometimes trying to do new things is even harder than the voids we find ourselves in. I am fortunate I had some volunteering in place that hasn't changed. But many activities that are suggested or we know are out there are things we never had interest in before and, fir me, that hasn't changed. I don't want to learn cards, join book clubs, or see places I thought I was missing. I'm not religious so that cuts off another social avenue many have. I can't really use a gym because of physical limitations. I used to do the dog park any day it was good weather, but it's very hard now. My point is that sometimes looking to fill the voids is as painful as the loss. I've been at this 20 months now and as we all react differently, my sole goal is still just getting thru the day. I have no close family or friends so it makes it harder. I lost my closest tie when Steves sister died a few months after he did. People we knew as friends have moved on with thier families and we were never a part of thier social lives. Steve was the social butterfly with his music pursuits that filled this house with life. People can say I am making excuses, but each of our lives are much more complicated than we could ever explain fully here. I am not making excuses or looking for them. I just know that for me, the challenge to find reason for living again is the hardest battle I have ever fought. And I do fight. So when I am advised to 'get out there' and explore something new, people don't realize how it often makes me feel like a failure. It's not thier intention, but it still hurts. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I'm lucky to have three grandchildren to fill some of the void for me. I've been through h*ll with my health since my Mary passed on which kept me busy. But now I have my grandchildren keeping me busy which I hope is good for my health. I am very grateful for them as some of you here don't have grands to keep you filling voids. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 55 minutes ago, Gwenivere said: Sometimes trying to do new things is even harder than the voids we find ourselves in. But many activities that are suggested or we know are out there are things we never had interest in before and, fir me, that hasn't changed. I don't want to learn cards, join book clubs, or see places I thought I was missing. I'm not religious so that cuts off another social avenue many have. I can't really use a gym because of physical limitations. My point is that sometimes looking to fill the voids is as painful as the loss. I have no close family or friends so it makes it harder. People can say I am making excuses, but each of our lives are much more complicated than we could ever explain fully here. I am not making excuses or looking for them. I just know that for me, the challenge to find reason for living again is the hardest battle I have ever fought. And I do fight. So when I am advised to 'get out there' and explore something new, people don't realize how it often makes me feel like a failure. It's not thier intention, but it still hurts. Gwen - this is me to a tee. I'm just not interested in learning new activities right now and not sure when I will. Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 I must say ya gotta wanta and that's one of the hardest things to do of all. Even though I had my grandkids just down the street, it took time to let myself appreciate what they would become in my life. All of the things I enjoyed before lost meaning. Even going to Dairy Queen had lost it's flavor. It took time but eventually I started to do things again. I went to a movie and laughed. I was going out and eating by myself from the beginning and then going home proud of myself that I had done it but it was shallow until later when I actually liked doing so. This is what I am talking about when I say time is your friend. Time kind of stuck by me faithfully waiting for when I would enjoy something once again. Now I want to try everything until one day when I find ...... times up. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Steve, It took me a long while too but I eventually pushed myself and now I don't mind doing things alone. It's not the same, of course, but at least I can do them without it ruining my day. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted July 1, 2016 Report Share Posted July 1, 2016 Yes Kay and there lies the reality that it's not the same. It never was going to be the same. Even when we first try to live we see that it's not and though we may never fly so high again, at least we got off the ground. From the beginning of my journey I believed in a concept that one day I would smile a little more. I believed that one day I would find myself alive again. Today I can say I do and I am and even though it's not the same and it never could be, I'm still flying even if I barely clear the top of the trees. One day I'm going to clear the tops of those mountains out there. In our grief, we so often think we will never be able to get past the sorrow. From the beginning we might think that all is lost but that couldn't be further from the truth. You can call me a liar for a few weeks, months, or years but eventually you will see I was right. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now