Boo Mayhew

Ted, I am having Cliff's clothes made into a quilt. Please see the blogs that relate to this: www.renaissanceartist.blogspot.com www.myspace.com/recycled jeans in case you are interested. I just could not face throwing them away or giving them away, so for me this works. I wish you luck in your decision, because it is a difficult one, I know.

Good girl, Dee Gee. Well done for being so strong and pursuing this ... I am only sorry that they messed it up in the first place.

I too am very sorry to read about your loss. Please keep posting here - I have found that it helps so much, esp. when you don't have brilliant support (ie sister in laws). Please try and eat a little and sleep when you can, we are here for you. I recently found a blog written by a widow, who also lost her husband in a car crash, and she had been in the same car crash as him ... I will try and find it again, and send it to you. You may find the similar circumstances - and the blog helpful to you. xx

Mel, sometimes I wonder if there is a direct correlation between the rainfall and my tears-fall! It certainly affects most people's moods and perhaps it does worsen the gloom and grief. Sure feels like it. I hope you have sun on October 3rd and send you strength for the day. You say you are getting out of town, but are you planning anything specifically?

Kathy, you are so right, helping others really does help us. That's why this Forum is so good for us ... we can see that our feelings are normal, we can get empathy and some good solid advice, and we can help others, plus we know that it is a safe environment, and people here know the pain that we feel. I agree ... helping others probably makes me feel better than anything tho! Love to you, am on business trip now till Thursday x

Granny 3 times, I'm sorry to hear of your devastating news. It doesn't matter that you split up 20 years ago, because you still loved your ex. So I'd imagine you are now dealing with "unfinished business" and emotions and regrets, sadness over the actual split, conflicting emotions, confusion etc., ON TOP OF your grief and the shock of hearing that this has happened. You may also feel anger towards your ex, but please believe me when I say that this is normal and perfectly natural. It may be hard for you to express your emotions at home, considering your husband - he may even resent your grieving of your first love. So, you have found a safe environment here. We understand, we will listen, you can vent and express your thoughts and feelings and fears here, without fear of being judged. My friend's mom had a similar experience actually, and she kept crying for months afterwards. Eventually she sought counselling which helped her so much: the advice being - you never got to say goodbye. You never got to tell him that you loved him, even though you were apart. She said goodbye in her own way, through visiting his grave, through lighting candles, prayer, through various things that she did. She is now at peace over this, and feels as though she has said goodbye to her husband. Please keep posting, this Forum has helped me so so much over the past 9 months. HUGS

Valley, it is SO good to see you name on the boards ... well done, really a huge well done for being so brave and strong. I wish you health - a speedy recovery with your children. Much love, Boo xxx

Happy Birthday Nancy, I know that today will be very hard for you and hope that you do not spend the entire day on your own. It is still such early days for you, but I wish for you today some smiles through the tears. Sending you a big birthday hug, xx

Kathy, please post when you can. This place has helped me so much, beyond words to be honest. I am in awe of your strength, and this might sound strange, but I wish you tears. Tears of release. I can't imagine not being able to cry. xxx

Many years ago I worked with someone who lost a spouse to suicide, and he shared with me that after time he understood that it was not his fault, he could not have prevented it, and very importantly that his wife's decision to take her life had no reflection whatsoever on how much she loved him. It was just that she was in too much pain (mentally) and that it overcame all her other emotions (such as love for him). It devasted him at the time. My heart goes out to you, truly. I hope that you find peace, as he did. What a wonderful thing to do. I would imagine the walk will be incredibly emotional, well done for being brave enough to participate. I hope that you connect with others and can support each other. We will always be here for you, to listen, to talk. xx

Dehydrated Flower, I just wanted to add that I for one really did punish myself with guilt. Until I thought it would destroy me. This was my worst demon and it raises its ugly head every now and again to revisit me, though less often these days (am at 9 months now). I'd like to share with you how I started to overcome this: Imagine two boxes, one labelled Justified Guilt, the other, Unjustified Guilt. Assign your worries/memories/guilt/regrets to these boxes. Analyze them objectively. Talk them over - one by one - with someone whose opinion you value and trust. Gradually, I hope, they will mainly be relegated to the Unjustified box. This worked for me. No one told me to do this, I just decided to. But it worked :-) I wish you peace.

Lucia, it was so good to read that you had a wonderful time in DC, but much less good to read how ill you are. I too have been sick on and off since losing Cliff - grief is such a physical thing as well as mental/emotional ... our immune systems are shot ... please take care of yourself and get better.

My heart goes out to you Korina, I know what it is like to come home and not find him there. Take it one step at a time and know that we are thinking of you and care. xx

MichA, just wanted to say good luck tomorrow. I have the utmost respect for you for reading out your Mom's Eulogy, I could not have done that, which makes me think that you will be fine tomorrow. I really hope so. Hoping for smiles and laughter through the tears. xx

CarrieBoo, it is so good to hear that you feel a little better. I hope that you are left in peace to reflect and build yourself back up slowly xxx

Oh my Kathy, I feel so humbled reading your post. I know we are not meant to compare one person's grief to another's but ... I think I have it bad, then I read what you are going through and I am speechless. I don't have any advice per se, other than have you got a counsellor? But I did want to say that I am thinking of you and sending my love xx

Korina, how are you? Don't think I've seen your name on the boards for a while. xxx

Just spoke to IT support here and he tells me: basically it is a small piece of code that is used in a larger piece of code for programing the smaller piece of code functions on its own but can make a larger piece of code for functionality and those are the emotions that I go through when I read that - hahaha. Suffice to say, I probably won't need to use it.

Hi Maylissa My profile info has disappeared too. Chai's hasn't though. So unsure why. A code snippet (I think) is a text editor feature that you can use to put in frequently typed text (NotCoping, correct me if I am wrong because I don't know what the difference between that and a macro would be). See above post for sub and super-script. Boo

Hi Larry's Girl Happy Birthday today. I hope that amongst your tears, that there will also be some smiles and laughter. Love Boo x

I am loving the new "status" facility (similar to Facebook's). If you click on your profile, simply type in what you're doing or feeling or thinking or whatever, then when someone clicks on the box that now appears to the right of your name (in the list of posts) they can see what your status is. Nice touch. Chai and I have both changed our status, so you can read those to see what I mean. I'm sure others will have as well, but I haven't checked yet Very useful so that we can see quickly who needs our support most on any day, also it's a nice way of knowing how we all are, just makes you feel connected, and hopefully will also provide some laughs every now and again. Yesterday, I would have added, "Boo tucked her skirt inside her pants at work and walked outside the toilet" Oh yes really. VERY red face indeed. Am also loving the fact that we now have rich text, so can type H2O for example. Not that we are going to discuss chemistry here, but it just shows that we can do more than we could before!

Hi everyone I just discovered that "view new posts" is now called "view new content" and this is in the right hand side of the screen, near the top. Basically this does the same thing, more or less. If you log on every two days it will. But if you have been away from the boards for longer, you'll need to surf through the topics to see changes. If this is going to be an issue for you, then please use the "follow topic" feature, then you'll be sure not to miss any new posts on that topic. Hope that made sense!

Mary Linda, in the top right hand corner of the screen, click on your name (once ... in other words you don't need to double-click) this brings up a menu click on messenger all your saved messages will be in there. Boo x

I LOVED what you wrote - wrapping his arms around your soul. Because I understood it. Now. I'm not sure I would have before I lost him? Totally agree with everyone else's replies. I'd just add: just because your husband has gone, it doesn't mean that his love went with him. It didn't. You will always have that love till you are reunited with him one day. Don't worry about what you are doing. Just be. Breath, cry, laugh, feel the love. x