KarenK

The dizziness has been around for over a month. I related it to the terrible headache, which is gone now, but the dizziness stayed. It is even there when I sit up in bed. The nausea is new & seems to occur sporadically. The bloodwork done today will show the blood sugar. I only took two of the Zoloft before I decided it wasn't for me. I asked the doctor to wait on prescribing a different med until I have tried this 3rd BP med. All of this sounds like "It's in your head", but it is real. I told my grandson to watch over me when I start the additional med in case I pass out. Isolated Systolic Hypertension is difficult to treat as in attempting to lower it, the diastolic is also lowered too much. It is a common ailment in those over 65 You are damned if you do & damned if you don't. Will keep you posted.

Blast it! I am so dizzy, even sitting down. This, combined with nausea is getting me down. Plus, I seem to be hungry a lot, which is not me. Something is just not right. You know when you are not yourself. I could not take the Zoloft. It gave me severe indigestion and stomach cramps. I saw the doctor today. My BP is going down,but still too high for his liking, so he is adding a 3rd BP med. He also did some bloodwork to see if he can figure out the dizziness and nausea. It is almost like I have low blood sugar, which I have never had before. My son has become my chauffeur as I am afraid to drive right now. I hate to put that on him, but have no one else to ask. Am sure hoping this will clear up as I don't like being dependent on him.

Thanks Kay, I have had the headache for a month. I thought it was a sinus headache & took every OTC I could think of. It didn't occur to me that it was BP until about a week ago as it got progressively worse. Sounds silly, but I am hungry a lot, but usually only eat a little. Had terrible indigestion all night, so am going to take an antacid. I'm sure that 99% of all this is stress, so hope this Zoloft works. Have made such a mess of my finances and am paying for it now.

Thanks Everyone, The BP dosage could not be increased as I am already on the highest dosage. Go figure. The BP is going down a little by splitting up the meds and the headache is tolerable. At least I no longer want to scream. The doctor has prescribed some pain meds, which my son will pick up tonight. Just started taking the Zoloft, HH, so will give it time to work? It is 50 mg. Have fought taking antidepressants since Ron died, but must do something. I have been sleeping in 2 hour increments, but managed to stay asleep for 7 hours from 8AM till 3PM. It is fortunate(or unfortunate financially) that I don't have a job. Just don't feel well. Have been in this body for a long time and know something unusual is going on. I see the doctor on Tuesday, again. Will have to manage to get myself there as my son is working. He is a godsend in all this. Like Marg, never wanted to put myself on my kids, but have no other choice.

Butch, I'm so very sorry to hear of Allen's terrible accident. I hope he is being well taken care of. Never a good time for something like this to happen, but for your family, the hits just keep coming. Enough is enough! It is a whole new ball game when your child is sick or injured on top of everything else. Mary is there in spirit, I'm sure. Your family is fortunate to have you by their side. Karen

I am stubborn about going to the doctor for anything, but the BP thing is causing a terrible headache and lack of sleep. I called today as it hovered around 225/95. They told me to come in immediately. Fortunately my son is off today and had just mowed my yard so he was available to drive me. I was a little leery about driving & I certainly didn't want to possibly hurt someone. It was down to 190/85 by the time I got there. The doctor was very concerned & upped the dosage on one of the meds. He also told me to take one med in the morning & one in the evening, instead of together. I also asked him about something for anxiety. He wrote a script for Sertraline(Zoloft) which I will try and he gave me some more samples of Belsomra which my insurance doesn't cover. I am now a walking pharmacy which goes against my grain, but may keep me in one piece. Of course, none of this will erase the stress I am under, but perhaps I will be able to think more clearly unless I am too drugged to care. Between the devil and the deep blue sea, I suppose. I did get all my documents ready for the mortgage company application for a loan modification and will deliver them on Thursday. I also made an appointment(free consultatoin) for that day with an attorney to discuss my options for getting out of this debt and possibly keeping my home. So all in all, it was a productive day. I accomplished all this, plus a trip to the post office and the dollar store with only an hour's sleep so I must be doing alright. LOL

Nature, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother and husband. I too, have suffered a double loss. My husband died in 2013 and my beautiful daughter in 2014, both as a result of cancer. His death was somewhat peaceful, preceded by 6 months of hell. Her death was violent and horrific. I was with each of them. All of us here do understand what you are going through. Even though we all grieve differently, the losses are profound. Your life as you knew it is altered forever. I also rarely speak to anyone, except my son & grandson. I have no friends. We were loners, also. My most meaningful conversations seem to be with the butcher. That's pretty sad. Everyone here is so kind and considerate and they are my lifeline to sanity. This is not something you "get over". In time you accept & adapt.

Gwen, Just checking up on you. I too, would find it devastating to lose my independence. I watched it happen to my mother and it was so sad. Stress is slowly killing me, also. I am having severe blood pressure issues, even though I already take 2 meds for it. Like you, I sleep between 7AM and Noon(when I can sleep). When I lay down, my BP goes through the roof. An hour ago, it was 225/95. I guess I should call my doctor & get new meds. I have been on these for 20 years. Maybe I am immune to them or maybe this old body has just had all the stress it can stand. It is very frightening though. I am getting afraid to do things like mow the lawn. The one saving grace is that I do not live alone. My grandson(who adds to my stress, LOL) lives with me. If I pass out, he will come out of his room when he is hungry and find me.

Love your dogs and your scenery, Cookie. You are my "doppelganger" minus a few years.

Because we all need one, here is your laugh for today. I was eating dinner & watching TV in the family room(my normal routine) when my dog, Marley decided she wanted to play "ball". I was not paying attention to her actions of dropping the ball at my feet, so she promptly flipped the ball into the middle of my Hamburger Helper. No harm done. I washed the ball and yes, I finished eating the food. LOL Just a bright moment in my otherwise drab life.

Thank you, Kay. Hope you have a pleasant day. Valentine's Day will be just like any other for me. It has been many years since Ron & I celebrated anything. In the early years, he showered me with gifts, mostly fine jewelry and clothes. The jewelry is all gone now out of necessity. I remember him apologizing for not getting me anything for Valentine's Day or my birthday during that last year. He was so sick he could barely sit up, much less worry about getting me a gift. I did not want anything, only for him to get better. I did get cards for him . He must have felt they were meaningless as he was dying. Even though I still have them, I cannot look at the 40+ years of cards we gave each other. The pain would be too great.

Butch, We can never be the "normal" that we were before, so somehow we must find a "new" normal that fits us. I do not like my new normal. I am no longer confidant, strong, and secure in my existence as I was before I lost my family, yet I will go on as long as I can. Yes, the hurt is still tremendous, but I no longer find it confusing. A friend of mine from the cancer board who lost his battle said it so well "It is what it is". Peace to you, my friend in your sadness. Karen

Gin, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sure it was frightening. Although Phoenix metro is a huge area, I rarely leave my Scottsdale neighborhood. I do not have a GPS so if I am going somewhere unfamiliar, I google map it beforehand. My biggest problem is that my eyesight is not the best, so I really have to look at the street signs. All in all, I get around okay. What a good idea to donate Al's things to these people in need. I gave most of Ron's things to White Dove Thrift Shop, associated with Hospice Of The Valley. I took all of the unopened insulin, heart meds, etc. to the St. Vincent De Paul Clinic. Opened ones went to the local hospital for disposal. IMHO, 4 months is too soon to get "better". I don't think any of us will be better, just somewhat accepting of the terrible tragedies we have endured. I no longer wait for Ron to call from the family room asking me to see something on TV or for the weekly telephone call from my daughter saying "Whatca doin', Mom". It still hurts just as much now as it did in the beginning. Peace to you, Karen

Thank you, Marty. I knew it had to have come from a wise and special person.

Oh Marg, "You" are still in there. You are not hollow, even though that is how we feel a lot of the time The real "you" is temporarily overwhelmed with the pain and confusion of it all. "You" will emerge one day, maybe not exactly the same, but the basics remain. Even being in the third year, I still tell my son "I don't feel like me anymore". I am hoping to become a new and better "me".

This is for all of my friends here who struggle with their "less than true" friendships. It is on a wooden plaque I purchased in Gatlinburg, TN. I don't know who wrote it. ANYWAY People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centered; Be kind anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway. Janka, you are way too special to be mistreated by anyone.

At my age, I miss the companionship, comfort, and stability of the one person who loved me unconditionally for 40+ years, despite all my bad habits.

I like most types of music, but Country is in my soul. As Barbara Mandrell sang, "I Was Country When Country Wasn't Cool". In a little record shop in Jackson Hole in 1958, I bought my first records(45's, no less). "Please Help Me I'm Falling" by Hank Locklin and "A Boy Named Sue", by Johnny Cash. Had a little old Victrola that I played to death. Man how time flies whether you're having fun or not.

Debi, Glad to see you back "safe and sound", or at least as "sound" as any of us are. I'm sorry that transportation is difficult for you. I have been driving since age 11 and would be lost without my vehicle. Will Max be driving soon? In most states in the U.S., 16 is the legal age. Please stay warm, safe, and sane and check in when you can.

Kay, sorry this has become such a nightmare. Is it possible for you to tarp the cupboard in case the weather hits early? It might help a little.

Just noticed on the news that Glenn Frey of the Eagles has passed away. The tribute from his family included the poignant lyrics from his song. “It’s Your World Now” Written by Glenn Frey and Jack Tempchin From the Eagles’ Long Road Out of Eden album A perfect day, the sun is sinkin’ low As evening falls, the gentle breezes blow The time we shared went by so fast Just like a dream, we knew it couldn’t last But I’d do it all again If I could, somehow But I must be leavin’ soon It’s your world now It’s your world now My race is run I’m moving on Like the setting sun No sad goodbyes No tears allowed You’ll be alright It’s your world now Even when we are apart You’ll always be in my heart When dark clouds appear in the sky Remember true love never dies But first a kiss, one glass of wine Just one more dance while there’s still time My one last wish: someday, you’ll see How hard I tried and how much you meant to me It’s your world now Use well your time Be part of something good Leave something good behind The curtain falls I take my bow That’s how it’s meant to be It’s your world now It’s your world now It’s your world now

Kay, I feel so bad for you. The one thing I don't have to deal with is the weather. It is hard to know who to trust when dealing with contractors. Many years ago, we added a family room. Chose a "contracting company" as we thought they would do the entire job. Wrong! They subcontracted everything. Shoddy workmanship and a 6 week job became 6 months. Ron had to redo portions of the job. My level of trust is very low. I am fortunate that Robert has done my Ebay selling for me with no problems. I have nothing of value left to sell now. Like you, I am just tired of it all, but will somehow keep going. I could probably sell this place, but it's badly in need of an update and wouldn't bring what is owed on it. Then where would I go? Or maybe I would be better off to file a bankruptcy? I just don't know what to do and that is why I am lost. The person who would help me decide is gone. I appreciate everyone's feedback here as I have no one else to discuss it with. Marg, I hope you are safely in Louisiana by now. I'm glad you have a special relationship with your granddaughter. My Kentucky grandchildren seem to have forgotten about me. I may have to get a Facebook account just to check on them. Life is lonely and overwhelming right now. I know there are many out there who are worse off than I am.

Marg, The "system" is not designed to help those in need. If it was, there wouldn't be so many homeless out there. It is embarrassing to have to ask for help in the first place. This is like a comedy of errors. When trying to email me the "new" application in an attachment, it would not fly for some reason. I offered to come to the office and pick it up. Her latest email says I may not qualify anyway as the assistance is based on the original price of the home. I purchased this home 45 years ago. It has been borrowed against, remodeled, and refinanced many times for a much larger amount than the original price, the last time being a week before Ron was diagnosed with cancer. He died 6 months later. It does not matter that the payment is half of my SS check. AND, if I might happen to meet the criteria, I can't pick up the application. It is a web based program only, no visits to the office. She requires a "VALID" email address. My email address is fine. Perhaps there is some thing wrong with her attachment. GRRR! This is so frustrating. I long for the days of "Little House On The Prairie" Okay, I'll shut up for now.

My life and my finances are a mess. When Ron was here, at least we were in this mess together. We had each other to lean on. He always said he would be happy living under a rock as long as we were together. Now I am in this mess alone and I am just lost. I have made some big financial mistakes caused by grief and loneliness, I guess. It is my fault. I accept that. I have been waiting for 3 months to hear back from the state sponsored "Save Our Home Arizona" program which assists low income individuals with mortgage payments. The paperwork was to be submitted by a representative of the local community service organization. Her last correspondence assured that it had been done. I asked for an update on Monday. Guess what? She vacated that job in December. Her client files were transferred to another housing organization. The new representative tells me that my application was never submitted. I must now start over again with application, a million required documents, etc. Time is flying by. I am living on credit cards I can't pay. I am no longer necessary to the work force. Looks like I am going to end up under that rock ALONE. I am sad that I no longer matter.

Brad took the words right out of my mouth. Perhaps the timing just isn't right yet. Fourteen month after Ron died, I buried my daughter in Kentucky. At one point I was determined to fly halfway back to Arizona, rent a car and drive the rest of the way just to visit some of the places in New Mexico and Colorado that Ron and I loved so much. I did not do it, partly because I was recovering from spending a week in a Kentucky hospital with fungal pneumonia and partly because I was afraid I just couldn't do it alone. For me, at the time it was probably the right decision. You will know when the time is right.