MartyT

Dawn, dear, we so understand that feeling ~ and we wish you peace and healing on this special day of remembrance . . .

Sending my very best wishes to you as well, Kathy

Patti, dear ~ you and Charlie are in our hearts today

Dear Raki's Mom, I'm so very sorry to learn of the death of your precious feathered baby, and I so appreciate your detailed description of his life with you and your husband, and of the last hours you spent with him. Clearly your darling Raki was blessed to be so loved, just as I'm sure you felt blessed to have him in your life. While it's true that we don't have a forum specifically dedicated to the topic of After-Death Communications, we've certainly discussed it frequently on our site. For those who are interested, here is a partial list of threads about ADCs: Do You Really Think We’ll See Them Again? http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=29414 Contact With Deceased http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=3513 After Death Communication http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2580 Could This be a Sign? http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=20923 Allison’s Lessons http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=20875 Is It True? Will I See Her Again? http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...post&p=3472 Loss of a Best Friend http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=19626 Lisa Williams Medium and Clairvoyant http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=17083 Induced After Death Communication http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=16773 I Swear I Could Smell Him http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=15856 See also this post: http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=26870

Kathy, dear ~ Our thoughts and prayers go with you on your trip to Texas tomorrow . . .

Kay, dear ~ I have a feeling that both your George and John's Jack are very much aware of how much they mean to each of you . . .

Jeanne, dear ~ this is precisely why I so often say that feelings are neither good or bad, right or wrong ~ they just are. Sometimes what we feel is completely irrational and may not make any sense at all ~ but we still feel the way we do. Besides, feeling sad about your own misfortune does not mean that you would wish the same misfortune upon another, and it certainly does not mean that you are a "bad person!" What matters is not how you feel, but what you do with what you're feeling. In other words, judge yourself by your behavior, and not by your feelings. You were brave enough to disclose to us how you are feeling in this particular circumstance ~ and in so doing, you're only letting us know that you are human. None of us is perfect, and I'm sure most (if not all) of us would feel exactly the same way you do if we were in your shoes.

My dear friend, I’m so sorry to learn of the tragic death of your beloved brother, and I cannot imagine the devastating effects this has had on your family. You say you don’t think you have grieved fully for your brother “although my therapist thinks I have.” I’m not sure what this means, but at the very least it’s an indication that you and your therapist are not “on the same page” regarding your treatment plan. Have you discussed this with each other? Do you know whether your therapist specializes in the treatment of grief and loss? I don’t know how long you’ve been in treatment with this person, but as a consumer of health care, I hope you know that you have every right to ask what sort of training, experience and certification qualifies any person to be helping you with your grief issues, and if you’re not satisfied with the treatment you’re receiving from this particular person, you should feel free to find another therapist. That said, I encourage you to take the time to read some of the other posts in this forum, which contain information that I hope you will find helpful: 10 Years Since I Lost My Older Brother, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2831 My Baby Sister Is Gone, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&a...ost&p=12034

Dear One, I'm so sorry to learn the sad news about your beloved Mr. Boo, and sorry, too, that you find yourself feeling exactly as you did when Petey died. (I remember that well, my dear friend.) The difference now is that you know you've been here before, you know you can survive, and you know what to do to help yourself. Please remember that when you mourn the loss of a very special love, you grieve at 100%, and that is what you're doing now. You know what you need to do to get through this, and you know that it won't always feel as bad as it does right now. You've already taken some important steps to help yourself ~ one of which is coming here. We are here for you, we've wrapped our arms around you, and we will not let you walk this difficult path alone.

And my dear Kay, how generous and loving you are to be sharing so openly and honestly what you are learning with all the rest of us. Your contributions to this site, and to this forum in particular, are invaluable. Bless your kind and caring heart

Mary Linda, dear, I think there are enough animal lovers among us to understand how difficult this is for you ~ and of course you are in our prayers

Dear One, I’m so sorry to learn of the tragic death of your beloved grandson, and I can only imagine how devastating this must be for you and the rest of your family. And of course your life is forever changed as a result -- because we are not supposed to outlive our children, are we? And certainly not our grandchildren. For you this is a double loss, because you’re not only mourning the loss of your grandson, but coping with the inconsolable grief of your daughter as well. I don’t know how you found us, but I hope you'll take time to visit each of the pages on my Grief Healing Web site, at www.griefhealing.com - it contains a wealth of information as well as links to many other wonderful sites, each of which I've reviewed personally. See especially the links listed on the Death of an Infant, Child or Grandchild page, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-infant-c...-grandchild.htm. Many of these sites were developed by parents and grandparents whose feelings and experiences may be similar to your own. In addition to what is available to you online, I sincerely hope that you've found someone to talk to about this. The loss of a child is a burden much too heavy to bear alone. Sharing your feelings, reactions and experiences with another (a trusted friend or family member, a bereavement counselor, someone on the Internet, a clergy person or in a support group comprised of other grieving parents and grandparents) gives you a safe place to express yourself, helps you understand that what you're feeling is normal, and may give you the hope that if others have found a way to survive a loss like this, then you will find your own way, too. I strongly suggest that you contact your local library, mortuary or hospice organization to find out what bereavement resources are available in your own community If you haven’t already done so, I also encourage you to contact your local chapter of The Compassionate Friends, whose mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age, and to provide information to help others be supportive. (The chapter locator is at http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Local_...er_Locator.aspx.) Find and read some of the wonderful books about coping with the death of a child that will help you learn what to expect in the weeks and months ahead, and that will reassure you that you are not alone in this grief of yours. See my site’s Articles ~ Columns ~ Books page for suggestions, at http://www.griefhealing.com/articles-columns-books.htm. I also want to refer you to an interview that took place recently with Patricia Loder, Executive Director of The Compassionate Friends. This woman transformed her grief into a way to help others who have shared the experience of losing a child. In this interview with Hospice Foundation of America's Lisa Veglahn, Patricia discusses what she has learned through her own experience as a grieving parent, and the role that her organization now plays in helping grieving parents, grandparents, siblings and others who are struggling with the death of a beloved child.You can read the interview by clicking this link, or by cutting and pasting it into your browser: http://hfahospice.blogspot.com/2008/12/int...-executive.html I hope that you are keeping your primary care physician informed as to what's going on in your life, following his or her advice, and doing all you can to take good care of yourself physically as well as emotionally. I have no profound answers as to how you live with this, my dear, other than to encourage you not to try to travel this grief journey alone. And as other bereaved mothers and grandmothers have learned, you will do this just as you are doing it now: day-to-day, one day at a time, and if that is too much, one hour or even just one moment at a time. I’ve said it elsewhere, but it bears repeating: I happen to think that someone in your shoes deserves a medal of honor just for having the courage to get out of bed in the morning. Please know that all of us here are thinking of you, pulling for you and holding you gently in our collective hearts.

My dear friend, I'm so very sorry to learn of the tragic accident that took the life of your precious son. I hope that, as you are able, you will read through some of the other posts in this forum and see that you are not alone. We are here for you, wrapping our arms around you, walking beside you in your sorrow, and holding you and your family in gentle thought and prayer.

Oh Mel, I think what you did for this girl is extraordinary, and I hope you won't be too hard on yourself for "losing it" in front of her friends. I'll bet there wasn't one among them who was not moved by your outward expression of sorrow ~ it's the stuff of which empathy is made, and you may have taught these youngsters another valuable lesson about life and love and loss. I am reminded of what these wise writers have to say about shedding tears: But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer. — Viktor E. Frankl There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. — Washington Irving I used to wonder if there would ever come a day when I would stop weeping for my dead child. I thought of tears as a reaction to my feelings of deep grief. Gradually I came to realize that the shedding of tears was part of my healing, like a cool salve on a wound. My tears are my gift to myself, a way of physically acknowledging the love I have for my child, a way of saying, “I love you to the innermost depth of my being.” Tears have an almost spiritual healing power, an expression of deep love for the ones for whom we weep. — Ann Dawson Above all, don’t be shy about crying. Crying is coping. In fact, I suggest you don’t miss an opportunity to cry – it will be good for your body and soul. Crying is at once an act of cleansing and releasing. Your tears will remove some of the toxic byproducts that have built up in your body due to the stress of grief. I promise . . . you will feel better. – Louis LaGrand

Dear Ones, I want to share with you an interesting article I read online this morning that fits this discussion: ‘Don’t Leave Me Here Without You’ - Why Caring For a Spouse is So Difficult, by Carol O'Dell, http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-with-grief/dealing-with-loss/death-of-a-spouse/dont-leave-me-here-without-you-why-caring-for-a-spouse-is-so-difficult/ ://http://opentohope.com/hope/dealing-...-so-difficult/

Good point, Cubby ~ and Tobi, you might find this article helpful: I Don't Care How Long It's Been ~ Can We Talk about My Loved One? http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=1315

I'm sure it was a major reminder, Mel, and that's a very common reaction ~ one of those "grief triggers" that can make you feel as if you're right back where you started. But you're not backsliding ~ you're making steady forward progress. Remember that reacting to a grief trigger is normal, it's temporary and it will pass . . .

And dear Boo, while you're acknowledging everyone else, make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage and the good sense to ask for and obtain the help you need. Grief work is some of the hardest work we'll ever have to do, and it is sheer folly for any of us to think that we can do it all by ourselves. Good for you!

Oh nuts, Wendy ~ you're right. I'm sorry. Normally I use Firefox, but when I clicked on the link using Explorer, I got an Error message. So let's try this instead: Go to Fresh Widow home page, http://freshwidow.blogspot.com and on the right side you'll see "Get Yr Own Widow Cards! (Or Widower Cards)" and click on the card. Instructions and PDF will appear in a pop-up to the left.

Rosanne, dear ~ I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your father, and I can only imagine how difficult these past two years have been for you. At the same time, I'm pleased to know that you've found your way back here to us, because you know we won't let you travel this path alone . . .

Yousha, I too am pleased to learn of your plans to participate in a face-to-face support group ~ in addition to your membership in this warm and caring group, of course. Please know that it is never too late to do the work of mourning . . .

Gerald, dear, I am moved by the article you've shared and deeply sorry for your loss . I hope you'll spend some time reading some of the other posts in this forum, so you'll see that you are not alone in your grief and you'll learn that your thoughts and feelings are normal. When you feel ready to do so, please tell us more about your brother ~ what is special about him, the role you played in each other's lives and so on. You need to tell the details of your story, and we are more than willing to listen . . .

Elizabeth, dear ~ You may find the posts in this thread helpful: Not Sleeping, http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=2561

Dear Ones, I've just discovered a resource I want to share with you, courtesy of the blogger Fresh Widow (http://freshwidow.blogspot.com). She writes: Introducing My New (FREE) Product! The Widow Card! One night in my support group, S. said casually that he’d “left work early… I just pulled a widower card.” I thought about how often I’d done this in the months since LH died, but more about how I could make good use of some little advantage. All the handicaps I was living with… single (really, double) parenting, how impossible it was to go grocery shopping with a toddler, and how no one could see that anything was wrong. The side of me that is tempted to shoplift (but only cashmere or chocolate) was aroused. Read more here: http://freshwidow.blogspot.com/2009/01/int...duct-widow.html

Dear Ones, Please be aware of the following food recall from Nutro Products: Franklin, Tennessee (May 21, 2009) -- Today, Nutro Products announced a voluntary recall of select varieties of NUTRO® NATURAL CHOICE® COMPLETE CARE® Dry Cat Foods and NUTRO® MAX® Cat Dry Foods with "Best If Used By Dates" between May 12, 2010 and August 22, 2010. The cat food is being voluntarily recalled in the United States and ten additional countries. This recall is due to incorrect levels of zinc and potassium in our finished product resulting from a production error by a US-based premix supplier. Two mineral premixes were affected. One premix contained excessive levels of zinc and under-supplemented potassium. The second premix under-supplemented potassium. Both zinc and potassium are essential nutrients for cats and are added as nutritional supplements to NUTRO® dry cat food. This issue was identified during an audit of our documentation from the supplier. An extensive review confirmed that only these two premixes were affected. This recall does not affect any NUTRO® dog food products, wet dog or cat food, or dog and cat treats. Affected product was distributed to retail customers in all 50 states, as well as to customers in Canada, Mexico, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, and Israel. We are working with all of our distributors and retail customers, in both the US and internationally, to ensure that the recalled products are not on store shelves. These products should not be sold or distributed further. Consumers who have purchased affected product should immediately discontinue feeding the product to their cats, and switch to another product with a balanced nutritional profile. While we have received no consumer complaints related to this issue, cat owners should monitor their cat for symptoms, including a reduction in appetite or refusal of food, weight loss, vomiting or diarrhea. If your cat is experiencing health issues or is pregnant, please contact your veterinarian. Consumers who have purchased product affected by this voluntary recall should return it to their retailer for a full refund or exchange for another NUTRO® dry cat food product. Cat owners who have more questions about the recall should call 1-800-833-5330 between the hours 8:00 AM to 4:30 PM CST. Remember, this affects only NUTRO CAT food marked with the dates identified above. For more detailed product information, visit www.nutroproducts.com and click on "Dry Cat Food Voluntary Recall." Please direct any questions about the food to the 800# listed above.