kayc

Actually, it seems like a million years ago that I lost him and that our life together was but a dream.

It seems hard to me to visit a cemetery. That's why, when my husband died, I had him cremated and two years later scattered his ashes in our back yard, under a tree. I can look out over the yard and know he's there. It will be hard one day when I have to move though. My own dad is buried in a cemetery. So is my MIL an FIL, and it's very hard to visit there, I don't know why, maybe because the cemetery is all about death and burial, whereas my own back yard has been filled with life and existence over the years.

I love the one where she's on her back, laughing!

I'm sorry this day is so hard for you, the first of many Father's Days without him...I know how hard it is, my own dad passed 31 years ago and my husband died on Father's Day eight years ago. It will get better eventually but it does take a long time. I'm glad you still have your husband. I would tell him Happy Father's Day anyway, who know but maybe they hear us.

That's great, keep us posted!

Thank you, Mary. And I'm sure it feels better to her to be out of the Psych unit. Still praying for her. I hope she hears from Leo's daughter today, it has to be hard, Father's Day w/o him for the first time in years.

fae, many (((hugs))). I am surviving yet another Father's Day...eight years ago my George passed on Father's Day, now to survive Wednesday too because it was on the 19th that year. I've kept busy with church and music practices and making pies for fathers...time to go walk Arlie now.

You were right, Jan, we were sleeping! We need some more from your area that are awake when you are! No doubt about it, this place rocks, good friends!

Okay, you can Fed Ex ON early am my piece! Will have for breakfast.

I am a Christian but I agree with Pollara in that I don't believe in fate and destiny except by our own making. I do think "destiny" if you will, sends us opportunities and encounters but it's up to us to make the most of them. Sometimes you look at the odds of meeting a certain person the way you did and marvel that it happened or that this person who is so right for you should suddenly show up in your existence. The truth is, though, that there are millions of people in this world, is it really so odd that you should meet one...or two, or more, that "fit" with you? I've never found anyone that fit with me like George did, but then again, I haven't gone out of my way to really look either, and relying on happenstance cuts the odds alot. I agree with Pollara that your bias is keeping you from having the happy life you could possibly have. I think as long as you are pining the past you will deny yourself a future.

Of course we remember you, and it's good to hear from you! I don't feel angry but I do remember going through an angry stage. We were still considered honeymooners, married 3 years and 8 months. I think at 20 years we still would have been though, because it's how we interacted, how we saw each other. I know it feels unfair that some get their whole lives together and some get gypped, but I truly believe we would not have felt any better about it losing them after 50 years than what we got. We can't compare losses...each of our losses seems the greatest in the world. I'm glad you're doing better, and that it is at least cope-able.

Chris, Anne is right, the intensity of the pain will lessen with time, be glad for it, no one could take pain on that level for years. It won't mean you miss her less or love her less, it's just our bodies adjust so we can live through it.

Lina, I'm glad you found a group that is helpful to you. I understand the anger, we didn't get 40 years either, heck, I'd have settled for 20!

fae, so glad to hear this is a time of healing for you!

Thank you for sharing that, it made me cry! I'm glad you adopted Gracie; I know one never takes another's place, they are all unique and have those special qualities we love in them, but each one different. I pray you and Gracie have a long and happy life together.

Well personally, if I were to look for and find an old love, I would probably keep it simple for openers so as not to scare them off, something like "I will always consider the time I had with you very special" and "I wonder if you have thought of me"... I don't think Don Ho's list applies in your case so much because it was written more for someone who has just been broken up with and wanting to get through it...usually either getting over them or hoping for the best possible chance to get them back. The reason I don't find it applicable is in your case, 30 years has gone by and I'm sure he has moved on, way on, by now. I'd think it helpful to continue pursuing other interests rather than continuing to fixate on someone who doesn't want me. Gosh I know that sounds harsh and I really don't mean it to, I mean it as the cold hard truth spoken with sincere caring for your best interests. But if therapy by professionals who are educated to help hasn't done any good, what can I possibly add to it that could help you? I have never known anyone who still carried a torch for someone 30 years later, so am at a loss as to what to say, I'm sorry. I know it's got to be hard for you. Have you thought of writing a letter FROM him TO you as to what you think he really might say to you after all of this time?

Mary, I am so sorry this is causing you so much internal pain. I hope you can take your cue from Bentley and not let it bother you. I would not consider giving Arlie more baths than is good for him just because someone else likes to make and live by unnecessary and ridiculous rules. Dogs are not people and they vary as to how often they need to bathe. I got my Lucky girl from someone who told me she needed Allerseb shampoo from the vet and needed to be bathed weekly. I followed that for a while and then decided to skip it to two weeks and found she did much better. Later I discovered that even longer yet was better for her skin and finally I discovered she didn't need the Allerseb, that ordinary wash or shampoo was fine for her. She never suffered from skin problems except when she was over-bathed.

Kristen, Thank you, and for the flower too. and you'd better not be saying goodbye! I know, we're all a nervous group, that's cuz we know how hard this is and what we've felt at times. Hoping to get an email from you...

Mary, great deal on the ticket! I hope you get to see Wicked, I've heard it's good.

I'm sorry it's such a painful process, I do know it well. Deciding to get another dog is an individual decision that everyone decides different, but for myself, I'll probably always want a dog. I am so incredibly attached to my Arlie now I can't imagine what a wreck I'll be when the time comes to say goodbye, but he's middle aged so we have a while yet. Will I want another dog then? Probably...I can't imagine ever having a dog I enjoy and love so much as he has a very special personality that is just right for me, but I would say I'd have to be open to letting another furry soul touch my life. I look at it as a two way street, with them giving so much to me...and me giving so much to them. To give someone a needed home and a heart full of love is a precious thing, as your labs realized. I hope you get clarity in what you want to do from here.

I like to bake too and understand the added pounds. I made a strawberry -rhubarb pie yesterday for my son and he thoroughly loved it. I also fixed a Basmati Rice dish for lunch and Noodles Alfredo for dinner. He's here for a couple of days and it's nice to have someone to cook for!

fae, that torte sounds wonderful, I'm sure they did all love it! My son arrived yesterday morning, and after getting my filter put on my truck and having breakfast with a friend, I stayedhome with my son and took care of Arlie and Mozzy (his dog), Skye wasn't able to come this time. It seems Skye is unable to get up using his paws anymore and has to push up from the floor with his face. I told Paul if it worsens he may need a special helmet. You may wonder why we keep this wonderful dog alive, well because frankly, he doesn't seem to have any pain and he is so happy! He truly is an inspiration as he just keeps going no matter what infirmity strikes him. I love him with all my heart and miss him. Anyway, I made my son a strawberry-rhubarb pie...I used a single crust recipe for a double crust pie, so I could cut back on fat/calories, and rolled the crusts out super thin. He loved it and it got all stars rating from him and my neighbor. I also made Basmati rice with sausage and vegetables. And for dinner we had Noodles Alfredo with chicken and vegetables. It's a good thing we were busy to work off all of the calories! My son got the new belt on my car...it goes around seven pulleys and being a Civic there's no room to get yur hand in there, so rather challenging. Today he's going to weld the brackets on my truck to hold the exhaust system in place. After he finished on my car he had to troubleshoot his Chevy 1 ton and replace the fuel filter on it, which he just happened to have on hand for one we used to own. That worked out well!

Sounds very wise, Anne! I hope you are able to get in some good rest between now and then.

Harry, you are having great results! I hope you find someplace wonderful to take a break...

Anne, I love that quote and find it to be so true. And fae, yours is inspiring too.