1st Angelversary

[Polly]

It's after 1am here and I should be sleeping. It's officially Nov. 5. The dreaded day one year ago that Richard passed. This has been a hard week. Almost as bad as last year at this time. Everyday thinking back to last year at what was going on. Thank goodness I was off work today or actually yesterday(Friday, Nov. 4). I took my daughter to school. Got home and turned the radio on because the silence was killing me. Richard's favorite song came on, Chicken Fried by Zak Brown Band. Totally lost it. Spent most of Friday crying and sleeping. My daughter and I took red roses to put on Richard's grave. After we get up in the morning we are going to take a drive about an hour away. We are planning on taking a scenic train ride in honor of Richard. That is something he would have loved to do. He loved trains. This is a picture of Richard from my older daughters wedding on Oct 9,2015.

[kayc]

Oh Polly!  That's hard.  I am glad your daughter is with you.  It helps to have a plan in place as to how you'll spend the day.  I like the idea of taking a train ride to honor him.  Your Richard is a handsome man! I'll be thinking of you as you go through this day.

[rdownes]

Polly I am sure today will be hard and I hope you are able to find some peace today this has got to be one of the hardest days for us Richard will always be in your heart, I believe he will be there with you while you take in the scenery sharing every beautiful sight with you and your daughter such an amazing picture my heart is with you on this hard day.

[MartyT]

[KATPILOT]

What a wonderful way Polly to honor Richard and to not be alone on this day. I'm glad you have your daughter and I'm glad she has you.

I hope the fall colors help bring a warm feeling for the two of you.

[Margm]

Polly, when it was all over with, October 17th was just another day Billy was gone.  I bought a blue lighted wax burner to put below the shelf that holds his urn and it is really my alter of all the things that were dear to him.  I retired my Kindle and wrapped the cover tight around the Kindle he loved. (I did buy me a bigger Kindle, cannot give it up, I have all the books on it that he loved, some I have to read yet.)  I put a cardinal cup holding his softball from when he coached one of his teams.  He coached softball for our son and daughter and football for our son.  I keep even the cape and hair cutting equipment in a bag on one of the shelves.  This is all at the end of the big hall leading into my bedroom.  I put lavender smelling wax in the warmer.  Hate that stuff, going back to apple cinnamon.  But then I remember, after over 50 years that boy told me he did not like cinnamon.  So, I will put the forest smelling wax.  He certainly loved the forests, any of them, all of them.  

It has been over a year for me now too.  I don't cry as much as I used to, but I learned, like putting a rubber band around your wrist and popping yourself, when your thoughts turn morbid, reroute yourself.  I will never quit hurting and sometimes I wish I was not here, or anywhere, but I still have one task I have to finish if the good Lord lets me.  Then, I won't mind leaving at all.  Somehow or other though, Billy pushes me to try to set things right with our granddaughter.  It is what he would have wanted.  It is what I have to do.  Then I can rest.

I do tell myself sometimes, I have to remember what he told me when we all thought I was dying from the oddball cancer I had, "you will be gone and you won't have all the pain, and you will have none of the worry."  My Billy does not hurt anymore and all this worry I have, he does not have it anymore.  (But I damn sure would like to share it with him).

Okay, addendum:  Stupid daylight saving time.  Plain old bothersome thing, turn clocks back.  I have pulled myself around all day.  Had to go take my son's girlfriend to work, go get her after work.  Just once a week, no big deal but I'm by myself in the truck part of this time.  So, she and my son are going to be apart three more months.  Can people do that?  Billy and I separated once for six weeks and still saw each other every day.  These two have been together for 10 years.  Am I judging or just grieving.  She could be with him, but won't go.  He is learning a new job.  She just does not want to go.  He is fine with that.  I told her it was none of my business when I let her out of the truck, you can be separated for that long and it is not necessary.  But, I guarantee you one thing, when they die you are separated forever.  And I drove off crying all the way home.  You see, turning the clocks back and forward was what Billy always called "that's my job." 

 

[scba]

Hugs

[Brad]

Polly - Deedo, too, loved trains.  Her family were train people and she loved taking scenic rides here in Arizona.  What a fitting tribute to Richard; I hope it brings you comfort.

BTW I love the title Angelversary!!

[brat#2]

Polly, That is a great way to honor Richard and what a beautiful picture.  I too, like Brad, love the Angelversary, that is so much better that anniversary.  Hope you and your daughter will find some comfort today and sending you hugs.

Joyce

 

[Polly]

Thanks everyone. Actually both my daughters went with me. We tried to have a good time. My friends and family have been checking on me all day. My oldest daughter just left to go home. I think Nicole and I will go somewhere nice to eat.

[Margm]

Love the pictures, love the concept.  Good girls!!!!!!

[WolfsKat]

A lot of love surrounding you!!!  And, I am sure, that Richard was with you in spirit......((((hugs))))

[kayc]

I too love the Angelversary, that's a good term to use.  I'm so glad you had both your daughters with you and I hope a little bit of "good time" crept in in spite of the reason for the day.