Christmas and Grief

[kayc]

[V. R.]

Wishing everybody peace and comfort on this day. 

Enza

[MartyT]

This Holiday Season and Beyond: I Wish You Enough

 

Dear Ones,

This story came to me over the Internet a while ago. I've since learned that it was taken from a piece originally written by Bob Perks, and it is reprinted here with his permission. I hope it touches your heart as it does my own:

Recently, I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together [at a regional airport.] 

They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." 

She in turn said,

 

"Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed and she left.  He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied.  Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. 

Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man was experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying good-bye," I asked, "I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."  He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.  "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory:

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

"I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

"I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

"I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

"I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

"I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

"I wish you enough 'Hello's' to get you through the final 'Goodbye'."

He then began to sob and walked away.

                                                      ~   ~  ~

This is my wish for all of you this holiday season and beyond:

Whatever is beautiful, whatever is meaningful, whatever brings you peace, may it be yours this Holiday Season ~ and may it be enough to sustain you throughout the New Year.

Wishing you comfort, peace and healing,

Marty  ♥

[scba]

Wishing everyone serene moments during these days.

Ana

[Margm]

.............and remembering long ago Christmas mornings where we did wake up and Santa had come, and he did eat the treat left for him (that is why he was so jolly and round), and life was magic again, and "they" all were there with us. Merry Christmas. I liked the child's part better than the adult's.

[Margm]

I wrote that a few years ago and attached the picture.  My true self is below.

[Gwenivere]

Unfortunately, that has been me for several years.  Especially so this year.  Wish I could change it, or someone could, but can’t.  Doesn’t help I’m looking at possibly days of isolation because of weather.  Everyone else I know has other humans or pets.  

[KarenK]

May everyone have a peaceful Xmas. I am fortunate to have my son, grandson and 2 crazy dogs with me and tolerable weather.

 

Thank you for the articles, Kay and Marty. Very meaningful.

[kayc]

I didn't watch any Christmas specials this year save five min. with Dolly Parton.  I looked a few times but never saw any listed other than the Hallmark movies, and it's been so long since I've watched a movie I don't remember.  I just don't sit still that long.  Even at the computer I am frequently taking breaks, walking Kodie or taking him out, loading the fireplace, getting coffee, checking on laundry, etc.  I guess I am my mother's daughter.  She never sat still.  It used to drive me nuts.

I got another 7" snow while I slept so now that's 21" and it's just begun...the worst will be the next few days.  Right now I don't know how I'm going to shovel it, that's a lot at once, I'd rather do it 2" at a time!  Lots of pain in my hands.  I was offered help but only hope it materializes, otherwise will see everyone in the Spring!

It feels cold even with the fire going, you can feel the air around the house!

Never heard from my daughter, tried calling her a couple of times last night.  Talked to my son, he had a wonderful but exhausting day.  All with Bethany's family.  I think their highlight was going to watch her sister's family sing at church, all five of them, and her eldest, Jack's voice is deepening.  He told me he uses a stern voice with Vincent when he's in trouble and when Vinnie heard Jack sing with a deep low voice he said, "Jack sings with a grumpy voice!"    I thought that was cute!  His view of a deep voice...

Christmas alone, although Iris put a baggie of ham out the door for me, it was delicious but it felt weird, like I was one of the dogs getting a treat!  I gave them a little bite.  Best ham I ever tried!  (She does have a houseful).

How about you, Gwen?  Did anyone stop in?  I called my sisters...

[Gwenivere]

I posted in Vents that Dee was here for a movie and Nina stopped by with a meal from her dinner.  I wasn’t physically alone all day, but inside I couldn’t really feel much.  Every day I keep feeling worse.

woke up to snow, tho. nothing like you got.  But enough to cut me off from visitors probably.  I don’t know how people deal with those depths.  We won’t be getting warm enough temps to melt any for days.  This is an odd combination like when we had the record heat in the summer.  
 

Didn't make any calls.  Didn’t want to and knew I had nothing to offer in this funk.  What should be simple thighs will probably not get done on y own.  Dropped my insurance card and can’t get it.  Getting my Sunday and emptying the recycle was terribly painful.  Only been up a little over an hour and it already feels too long.  
 

 Also avoided anything holiday related for watching.  Did that all week.   Still got to me tho as everywhere I turned was running holiday stuff or either bad or things I’d seen so many times.   The non holiday channels were dry.  

[Widow2015]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

woke up to snow, tho. nothing like you got.  But enough to cut me off from visitors probably.  I don’t know how people deal with those depths.  We won’t be getting warm enough temps to melt any for days.

Gwen:  Christmas eve it started snowing around 9 pm here and was beginning to  stick on ground and trees.  I checked before I prepared myself for bed at 1:30'ish Christmas am. [I stayed up watching  B & W Christmas movie, "It's a Wonderful Life"].  I felt so angry with my situation I felt like staying up late just because I could and had nothing going on for Christmas Day.  I self defeat myself so much lately.  I went to sleep around 2 am, and somewhere before dawn, I was awakened by the snow hitting my roof, probably falling off the fir trees behind me.   I could not go back to sleep.  I got up and looked out the front door and everything was totally white and so pretty.  But, nothing like poor Kay is dealing with.  I can imagine driving in Seattle is going to be difficult.  I hope you aren't needing to go out.

Good to see at least you did have Dee and your friend drop in even though you didn't feel good on the inside.  It's so hard sometimes to chase those inside feelings away especially with your worrying about your surgery.   Take care, warm gentle hug for you.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

I couldn’t get out even if I wanted to.  Can’t do much of anything without a walker.  Plus there is the snow if I could.  I trust me, not other drivers.    you didn’t spend Xmas day with your son’s family?  This day after is hitting me hard.  Thought I be a bit more relieved.  The memories live on in this dead house.  Ghosts.

[Widow2015]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

you didn’t spend Xmas day with your son’s family?  This day after is hitting me hard.  Thought I be a bit more relieved.  The memories live on in this dead house.  Ghosts.

Gwen:  No, I spent Christmas Eve with my son's little family.  It was nice and simple and enjoyable getting to spend time with them .  We exchanged our gifts and had a simple meal.   Part of my 10 year old granddaughter's Christmas gift was a Siamese kitten.  She got it two week before  Christmas.   Oh my goodness, she (they think it is a she) is so funny and cute.  The kitten provided the entertainment.  On Christmas Day they drove to Seattle/Tacoma airport to pick up my son's fiancé's 17 year old son.  He flew from Spokane to spend this next week with his Mother. 

At 9 PM Christmas Eve, my 15 year old grandson had to be returned to his Mother for his time with his Mother's family.  Is it understandable that I just stay in my little home and wait for the next few moments of time with my son's family?  My son's family life is beyond crazy! 

I understand your saying memories hit hard as you live alone in your home.  It's difficult remembering what used to be and is no more.  Your not being able to get out with people definitely creates even more aloneness.  It has to be scary to feel trapped, in pain and losing independence.  Still keeping you in my good thoughts as you sit and wait for next surgery.  Dee

[scba]

I've tried a new coping strategy and the purpose has been to stay focused on the religious significance of the date and reflect on that. But it didn't work very much.

I hope I don't offend anyone: Most surely Jesus was to me like: "What are you trying to escape from?" 

Because my boyfriend and I lived in another country, we spent Xmas separated. The only time I stayed, he was hospitalized the day before. I had bought decorations, things for a super breakfast. All you see in the classic movies.... but we weren't on a movie and I was sooo sad and so upset by being on Xmas Eve in a hospital room. I was very immature and my face expressed only disappointment, being selfish by focusing on me instead of him who was trying to cope with my frustrated expectations and surely feeling guilty. 

I betrayed Christmas spirit. The Mary and Joseph family spirit.

I had to forgive myself for not knowing that was going to be the first and last Xmas time together.

I may try again to sit down with Jesus next year and discuss absolution together. 

Ana

[MartyT]

Ana, my dear, there is not a person among us who does not understand the sadness and disappointment you must have felt "by being on Xmas Eve in a hospital room" with your boyfriend ~ in spite of all your preparations for a super breakfast in anticipation of your first Christmas together. I'd hardly call that "selfish" ~ and I'm sure the Holy Family understood as well. ❤️

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Dropped my insurance card and can’t get it.

Do you have a "grabber?"  My sister has one and it helps her greatly.

 

15 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I went to sleep around 2 am

I got UP at 2:30, shoveled snow off and on all day until dark.  My back and hands killing me, had to break my "no Ibuprofen" rule (it raises my BP/BS).

33" now, couldn't get my driveway shoveled as the tires kept spinning, he needed to do it the day before and then yesterday, now it's too late, way too much snow!  I did get my roof shoveled off but now all the pathways I'd cleared to internet and tv dishes are covered in the roof snow and Kodie can't get into the front yard!  Pen is blocked with snow too.  I can't get to my firewood anymore so need to shovel more today, the last thing I feel like doing.  All the promised helps didn't materialize...someone said on FB she shoveled my path to the firewood!  REALLY?  Never heard or saw any evidence, it was ME out there doing it!  Kodie never barked, part of that pathway is right outside my patio door where I can easily see/hear!  I don't get people.  Wanted easy credit I guess. 

[kayc]

9 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

Your not being able to get out with people definitely creates even more aloneness. 

This is how I'm feeling too.  Couldn't even be online much yesterday as TOO MUCH SHOVELING SNOW!  

[kayc]

1 hour ago, scba said:

I had to forgive myself for not knowing. 

Yes, and like I've said, I've learned more through this grief journey than the rest of my life put together.  I realize now I'll always be learning.  And we can't know what we don't know until we know it!

Sorry, I'm unable to quote/reply as it covers what I've put before so have to post separately, not sure what's wrong.

[Widow2015]

7 hours ago, scba said:

I betrayed Christmas spirit. The Mary and Joseph family spirit.

I had to forgive myself for not knowing that was going to be the first and last Xmas time together.

I may try again to sit down with Jesus next year and discuss absolution together. 

Ana:  Reading your story of your last Christmas with your beloved boyfriend brought tears to my eyes.   I think by you preparing all the things you thought were important for a Merry Christmas was a gift to show your boyfriend how much you loved him.  You being there with him at that time was a gift.   How were you to know it was to be his last Christmas?  I understand your wanting to have absolution.  Hugs, Dee

 

[KarenK]

Ana,

Ron and I also spent our last Xmas together in a hospital room. I'd had no time or inclination for gift shopping so his gift was a small book card from the hospital gift shop. Pretty pathetic after 40 years together. little did we know that there would be no more.

Your message and thoughts are hauntingly sad, but so beautiful and meaningful.

Peace, my friend.

[Gwenivere]

5 hours ago, kayc said:

Do you have a "grabber?" 

Yup, I’ve got 3 of hem.  Problem is they don’t flex for where I have access to under the table.  If I go around I’d have to bend over so much I’m hopes I can slide the thin thing enough to grab.  But in many situations it’s a go to unless I am frustrated so much I just bend over.  I’m trying to imagine the amount of snow you have.  That’s almost 3 feet and I would feel SO trapped.  Already am with.our record breaking cold and mere 6 inches.  That really sucks people said they helped but didn’t.   Hope you pointed that out so they know you caught them lying.  Are you at least above freezing?  We don’t see any melting temps til the weekend.  How is Kodie getting and relief time?
 

15 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

Is it understandable that I just stay in my little home and wait for the next few moments of time with my son's family? 

Yes, very!   Quite the  mix there.  I didn’t know you had a grandson too.  Or maybe I spaced on that.  Thought your son was married.  I know nothing about cats.  Are they hard to tell genders?  
 

7 hours ago, scba said:

I had to forgive myself for not knowing that was going to be the first and last Xmas time together.

I truly hope you did.  I’m not at all religious, but I have cursed out a god I don’t even believe in.  If I did, I’d still do the same.  I figure a diety can take it.  I didn’t know our last Christmas would be the one.  If I had to spend it in a hospital with him I’d be very upset too.  You’re a normal human.  That was not a situation of happiness.  I don’t see what you have to forgive yourself for.  But if it helped you, that is good.  Steve saw my frustrations many times but understood.  He knew it was rooted in deep love for him and us.  He did believe in god and got angry at it also. 
 

 I’m so sorry you had to go thru that too, Karen.   Can’t imagine that being a last memory of a once cheery day.  😢

[TomPB]

Hello friends,

I haven't been here for some time but I'll never forget how you helped me in the two years or so after 3/31/17 when I was traumatized. This time of year I remember the trips to Susan's huge family in Richmond, the long drives, and the rituals we'd developed, like crab cakes - Susan was the head chef. The first two after she departed were horrible for me. I understand that pain and have the deepest sympathy for anyone going through it.

The miracle is that I have a new partner and we are in love. She is as unconventional as me and as different from Susan as is possible, except for having the same loving heart. She also lost a partner and we talk freely about Susan and Larry. I talk to Susan, silently, every morning and she doesn't mind - in fact we agree that Susan brought us together. I know this path is not for everyone. I was positive that I'd never have another partner - in fact I just wanted to die - but it just happened. I probably posted this here before, but Susan spoke to me through a psychic and said that she would always be with me but I needed flesh and blood, and she would send me a new soulmate. Sorry if that's too weird. Anyway, at least in this case, new love was possible when it had seemed impossible. If that gives anyone hope, great. 

I'll be retired as of next week, even tho I used to say they'd have to drag me out the door, so many changes ahead but it's good.

Love, TomPB

[MartyT]

Tom, you deserve all the happiness you can find, and I am happy for you, just as I'm sure your Susan is happy for you too. Blessings to you and your new love, and thank you for letting us know. ❤️

[Widow2015]

2 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Yes, very!   Quite the  mix there.  I didn’t know you had a grandson too.  Or maybe I spaced on that.  Thought your son was married.  I know nothing about cats.  Are they hard to tell genders?  

Gwen:  Yes, I have a grandson from my son's first marriage.  The were married for about three years.  I don't really know why, nor will I ever know for sure what happened.  I did learn afterwards she had met a man where she worked and married as soon as the divorce was finalized.  He also divorced his wife just as quickly.  I hated that they couldn't work it out for all of us, especially my grandson.  The divorce was really hard on my husband.  Due to a really convoluted divorce degree with my granddaughter's mother and her ex-husband, my son and she have not married.  They have been living together for over 10 years.  The plus is, she is very good and supportive to me.   The joke here is, the two mother's have the same first name; "Heidi".  Go figure that one!

Due to the kitten's young age it is more difficult to determine.   She had her first vet visit today and is a healthy female. 

Looks like a few more days of this cold weather.  It is beautiful, but is cold, 21 degrees.  Stay warm, Dee 

[Widow2015]

1 hour ago, TomPB said:

I'll be retired as of next week, even tho I u.  sed to say they'd have to drag me out the door, so many changes ahead but it's good.

Tom:  So good to hear from you again and your happy news of your new love and the retirement plans.  Good news are always so welcome here. 

Enjoyed seeing your unique Jade Christmas Tree.  Regards, Dee