Christmas

[Mrs. B]

Good Evening, This may seem like a very trivial question but Is it bad that I dont want to send out any Christmas Cards this year. I just cant bear to sign just from me. I enjoy receiving them, its hard to see them just addressed to me. I still put Ricks name on gifts to his parents or mine. Today my dad and son helped put up the Christmas tree. A real one. Havent started to decorate yet . Probably start tomorrow. Rick always put on the lights. He had a special way of doing it he said. Even baking i have a hard time to do. My family is all coming home so i have to have some made for them. Even wrapping presents seems a chore for me to start. Im all anxious inside. Maybe its just thinking about things making me have that feeling. Have a good night all. Mrs. B

[jrm]

You joined in July so I was wondering if your loss was in July. Duke and I were T-boned on our motorcycle July 6th, Duke's femur was shattered and he was airlifted to Boston. The operation went well but a clot to his heart took him on July 8th. As I was also injured (broken tibia, fx. T8 and T9 and a subarachnoid hemorrhage and the doctors telling me we would both be fine, I am still in shock that he is gone. He died July 8th It's been 5 months now and I've healed very well from my injuries. There has been a court case, and all legal stuff to tend to I've been just overwhelmed. I'm really at a loss as how to handle the whole Christmas season. I lit up the house outside as usual, for I didn't want neighbors to comment on a dark house. I sent out xmas cards only to those who have helped me through these tough months. I signed Love Judy and (a star symbol Duke for he is a shining star now I hope you can find the strength to get through the season. I will be praying for you. Remember to take the time for yourself because you are the most important person right now. Love Jude

[Kat2005]

Mrs. B,

I just wanted to let you know that I will not be sending Christmas cards this year. I am having a hard time just signing my name also. Samething with the cards for the packages.

I started to recieve cards from family and friends and it brought tears when I saw just my name. It is just so hard to grasp all these "firsts". There are too many too fast.

Take care,

Kat

[MHO419]

Hello,

I can't even bring myself to send the thank you cards for everyone that attended Wen's memorial and sent sympathy cards, emails and all the phone calls and texts I received. Christmas cards are completely out of the question for me. I know they have all moved on with their lives and maybe they won't even notice. I feel guilty because I can't bring myself to talk to many of them.

I am very choosy about who I talk to. I only want to talk to people who went through this with me. I don't want to have to explain things to people who weren't here to see what I went through. Even when we were using Hospice at home, we had friends sleeping on the floor and the couches and Wen's parents and sister in the spare rooms, and some friends staying with other nearby friends. Those are the only people that have the slightest idea of what I am going through. There were 12 people in my bedroom when my husband took his last breath. 2 of them were Hospice nurses and the rest were family and friends. I am very lucky for that. Wen had many friends. He could make friends with anyone and everyone. He is loved and missed by many...

Maxine

[Guest Vickie O'Neil]

Mrs. B,

I have to tell you I still get a psychic shock when I get things in the mail addressed to my husband. Pat passed 8/6/2007. I stil sign things, like Christmas Cards & emails, Love, Us...Love Us is encompassing, & I still have 2 of our Dogs & Pat's Cat That works.

Do as much as you feel you can do & if you decide to bake Cookies & burn them, laugh at your self, serve Burned Cookies, or eat them your self. I went thru this Crap at Thanksgiving, I'm the famous Home made Roll Baker in this family, & when Mom said I'd better not OverBake them I said fine...I'll bring HOME MADE CRANBERRY SAUCE. So my Family ate crappy Costco Rolls. I'd rather have a homemade overbaked roll any day of the week than something store bought.

I'd rather have a home made Cookie than something Store Bought...dog gone, even a burned one!

Love, Us

[LindaKoz]

I won't be sending Christmas cards this year and will be buying very few gifts -- just for special people who have offered overwhelming love and support. I hope that people will understand . . . if they don't, then perhaps they really aren't my friends. I think you have to do what you are able to do and let the rest go. Some things are just too hard to handle right now. I did very little decorating. I put some beads, lights, a candle, a picture of Brian and me, a Willow Tree angel, and Willow Tree Mary, Jesus, and Joseph on my entertainment center. I'll get a wreath for the front door if I have the energy. Christmas will come and it will go. The true meaning often gets lost in the commercialism. This year I'm trying to focus on hope, peace, love and perhaps even joy.

I'm sending hugs and prayers to all of my dear friends on this sight. May we all find moments of peace in the midst of our grief. You all continue to be in my thoughts.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[laurieb]

I too am not sending cards this year either, I am having a hard time even receiving them as they are not to our entire family... the one I want and need.

I cant even send thank you cards to all those that were so wonderful when Scott passed. I hate myself for that. God knows, I pray and thank them all the time. I have deocrated enough to be warm inside, and that is it. I am trying to honor scott and make him proud and have his presence here.. and it is.

laurie

[Susie Q]

Mrs B

You are not alone. I can't bring myself to send Christmas cards this year, receiving them addressed to just me is distressing (but what else can people who care do?). I will buy a few gifts if I can stay in the shops long enough to purchase them. I have tried a couple of times to do thank you cards/notes but it just hurts too much.

I was worrying about all of these issues last week and discussed it with a friend. He passed on an old saying of his mother's: 'the people who matter won't mind, and anyone who minds doesn't matter'. That put it all into perspective for me.

Some things are just too hard at this time and I feel like I need to move into self-protection mode to get through Christmas/New Year. I think that's OK.

[Kat2005]

What a great saying!!!!

Kat

[Rochel]

Hi Laurie,

Easier said than done but don't hate yourself for not sending thank yous...most people don't expect thank yous and the ones that do are not your friends...if they want something in return...I am not going to send out cards either...It is difficult enough to just breath sometimes...and live this new single life...that is what I hate most of all...all of a sudden you're single...I'm trying to encourage you and not doing a very good job at it...Bless you Laurie, Rochel

[AZJane]

This is my second Christmas without my Love. I'm seriously considering catching a plane for Las Vegas and skipping it. Anyone else escaping for the holidays? and why am I thinking NYE is even worse? Must be that kiss at midnight that I won't be getting. I hate this. He really should be here right now and I hate that he isn't.

[Susie Q]

I'm also dreading NYE more. It was the night he proposed by telephone - I was in London. We sometimes went out but preferred the New Years we are able to spend at home. Nice meal, snuggled, laughing and remembering.

I'll be home, snuggled and remembering but so alone. My first of many, I predict. Hard to find some positive in that thought. At the moment the memories just aren't enough!

[Korina]

I am not sending Christmas cards, but have started to send thank you notes, which I would like to finish before I go back to work (and Kailyn goes to daycare - arghh) in January. I think the thank you cards are as much for me as they are for those to whom I am sending them, as that saying is correct - those that matter won't care (if they don't get a card, or whatever).

I have set up the Christmas decorations, as this is Kailyn's first. We are spending Christmas with Scott's family, and New Years with my family. I think Christmas will be the most difficult, as Scott and I both loved Christmas. And as our apartment does not allow live trees, I have for the past several years, bought a little Norfolk Pine or Cypress tree and decorated it. Scott is no doubt laughing right now, as he always said I was the only forester he knew who had a knack for killing trees/plants. This year, I will really try to keep it going.

I have found the last few days a bit trying and so very sad at times. I used to love all the stories about Christmas miracles, but have found a nugget of bitterness inside that I won't be the recipient of a Christmas miracle - to wake up and Scott is here, and we are together watching Kailyn grow. Sigh. Maybe I will receive a more ethereal gift....

Korina

[David'sGirlStill]

Hi all,

I am so sorry everyone is struggling, but selfishly it is at least leatting me know I'n not totally nuts. I am generally a major Christmas person. I have no desire or intent of putting up 1 decoration, let alone a tree. My daughter and I are going to Florida Christmas Eve. I have bought a few gifts and that's all I can do. I have broke down in the mall like a nut!

New Years Eve, I can't even think about. (That's a mature way of dealing. LOL)

This weekend I haven't left my chair at all. I hate feeling like this. I so hope my David's not ashamed of how I'm dealing. He always thought I was so strong but not anymore.

Thank you all for listening. I wish us all peace.

Hugs

Phyllis

[Kavish]

HI Tim

I too have similar time alike Lucille and you shared, with Diana . She too had a 1-2 foot tree standing on the table top beside the front window lit up with a Fairy in white atop. She would have it lit a couple of weeks prior until new year. She had a red bow with jingle bell which would ring with every woosh of the wind on her bright white front door. She too liked to bake shortbread, ginger cookies and I got to taste them all. I am going to keep her in my thoughts as I celebrate Christmas in my thoughts with her.

regards,

Kavish

[kath]

The first year I sent cards asking friends and family for stories of Bob. I didn't think everyone had heard and was worried about how to tell them. I couldn't shop...it was too hard, especially the men's department.

The second year I let my daughter write our annual letter. She did a beautiful job. It was full of love and tenderness for the season. I didn't have to shop...I was out of work and barely making ends meet.

This year, I am not sending cards. It is just beyond my time limits right now. I barely decorated, but it is more for preservation than lack of motivation. (My dog eats everything.) I am focusing more on shopping than what I've been able to do before. Being back at work allows me to spend more, especially on those with so much need. (Although, when the people at work needed shirts bought for a trade show, I told them they were on their own...I don't go into the men's department at this time of year.)

I had an eye appointment on Saturday. The kids joined me and we were going to finish their shopping after. The receptionist asked if we were shopping for dad. I said, "No. Dad died two years ago." She didn't say a thing. The kids were embarrassed that I told her my "life story." Would a simple "No, not today" have been better?

My daughter's birthday is the 22nd. It is usually the event that starts my downturn. Bob was really amazing that day (and the 9 months preceding it.) I can't celebrate without thoughts of him consuming me. Then throw in Christmas and New Years and all the wonderful memories we have together. Bob's birthday is January 7th. It is usually the event that I finally start to rebound. I hate to project too much and I hold onto hope that this year will be different. I don't fear the sadness. I can handle the tears. I've even managed to not yet get overwhelmed with the details. But, it doesn't stop me from wishing he was here.

I guess, Mrs. B, that I am just rambling on with a simple message...only do what you feel comfortable doing. The world goes on, same as your grief. It can be uncomfortable giving up old traditions, but you can always add them back to your routine when you feel up to it. What is important this year is you. While not everyone will understand that, it is still okay. Take good care of yourself. Those that care will understand.

[EllenF]

hi everyone, I read each and every post here...and I guess we all have to deal with our grief in some of the same ways and some different. My husband was called home just a month ago. We (I did it and he watched :-) sent cards out each year and it was pretty special because all his family lived far away from us. I always sent them couple days after Thanksgiving and this year only 2 weeks after he was gone, I got the cards out (shopped last year after Christmas sales) and began to address them. When I got ready to sign the very first card I cried and cried. I didn't even know how to sign it. Finally I just signed Ellen. Every card (about 40)was signed through tears, but when I finished I actually felt better. I don't know if for me it was therapy or just cried out. I did sign the one to his mom (she is 90) Ellen (& Stinker) our little dog that Mark so loved. Even now its hard to type this without a tear or two. So for me I was able to not skip the cards. The hardest thing right now for me is, we loved taking this time of year to find little things to surprise the other for Christmas. I miss that. Maybe I'm a little nuts, my kids would say a whole lot, but this weekend I bought for Mark to give to me...in my mind....a special ornament he always bought me an inspirational jim shore one....so this year I just helped him pick it out....smiles.......Huggggs to all of you...I'm so glad we have each other to share with...because we understand.

[jrm]

Last Christmas Duke bought me this beautiful card. I have it sitting right next to Santa in the kitchen with a picture of him last christmas.

It says: FOR MY WIFE WITH SPECIAL LOVE...I wish I could buy you a thousand beautiful gifts for Christmas but I know the things that make life happy can't be bought-- like love, and the closeness two people share. Time--days spent together, when we're happy no matter what we're doing. Kindnesses -- the little things we do for one another. These can't be bought and yet they're the greatest gifts of life.

And so for Christmas, I'm giving you a promise as a part of my gift-- A promise to love you even more and make you even happier--To make all our days together days to remember always, to cherish, as the priceless treasures they are...

This promise is my special gift for you. a gift to keep forever. HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS. LOVE "FOREVER"

And I promise to love him forever.

[Korina]

Well, Ellen, I guess I am nuts right along with you, as I just bought myself a watch to be wrapped uup and put under the tree from Scott to me. He bought me a new watch just about every year...

Korina

[JohnG]

I think it's fine that you don't feel like sending out Christmas cards this year. I won't be sending any out and it looks like most of the people in our situation aren't either.I personally don't feel like celebrating Christmas or anything for that matter. It's hard enough watching everyone else in the holiday cheer, I'm not going to force myself to do something I really don't want to do. Give yourself the break, celebrate or not, just do whatever it takes to help ease the pain in your heart and soul.

Peace and Love,

John