kayc Posted May 29, 2013 Report Share Posted May 29, 2013 Anne, you're so sweet, always finding just the thing to share with us! After George passed, a friend told me you can't be friends with someone you haven't met in person...I disagree. The people here ARE my friends and have seen me through everything! It doesn't get any better than this, unless one day we were to get to meet in person...and then I might give Anne a run for her chocolate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted May 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2013 I am going off line for awhile to take care of my health issues. I might read but I will not be posting for awhile. I am only posting this because it says that I must enter a post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes01 Posted June 3, 2013 Report Share Posted June 3, 2013 Anne I hope you are ok. Just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you and sending you possitive happy thoughts Love, Kristen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 Thank you, Kristen, for your positive happy thoughts. I found this on FB this morning and think it fits so many of us: It is from their blog, Widows Voice "The tiredness I feel reminds me of the complete exhaustion that I felt after Jim died. It seemed to require every ounce of energy I had to just walk through the house. I remember feeling too tired to eat. While that may sound insane to someone who hasn't experienced that depth of grief, it was very real for me. Just the thought of getting a slice of bread out and putting it into the toaster was more than I could physically handle."~Janine on Widow's Voice The article can be found here: http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/2013/06/im-exhausted.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 Anne, I reposted that piece on FB. I do not think the world takes exhaustion from grief seriously or even comprehends it. Thanks for that. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 This is something I had no idea about until I experienced it. The sheer weariness that accompanies grief. It is all-encompassing. And with It we can experience illness. I have already had both and it's at least helpful to know that it is 'normal'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 What many fail to realize is that all deaths are not the same, and thus all loss/grief is not the same. I have lost many people in my life and I can assure you, some were harder for me to get through than others. It depends on the depth of the relationship and how intertwined your existence was with one another. Losing my husband was by far the hardest. But I think if I were to lose a child or one of my sisters, it would be extremely hard too. My sisters and I have been there for each other all of our lives, through thick and thin, we are closer than most, regardless of preferences or beliefs. And children...there's just something about having them precede you in death that would make one feel it was unnatural and not the course things were meant to take...our children came from us, we are not prepared to lose them! Still others find losing a parent particularly difficult, or perhaps a friend that was closer than a brother. When someone thinks we should have been over it by now or some such ridiculous thing, it shows they have not experienced loss in the way we have. Perhaps they lost someone that wasn't as close to them and they are comparing it to that, or perhaps they have never even lost anyone. It shows their ignorance on the subject...lucky them that they have been spared this so far! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes01 Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 You're very welcome Anne Even though i'm not here much i do think about you all often and hope you are all find some sort of peace each day and night. Kay-i absolutely agree with you about people not understanding the level of grief we have though all different still extremely deep. Hugs to all who need and would like one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 10, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 Again something important to me - an article in the NYTimes yesterday titled 'Why Music Makes our Brain's Sing' gives us something to think about. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/09/opinion/sunday/why-music-makes-our-brain-sing.html?smid=fb-share&_r=1& Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 10, 2013 Report Share Posted June 10, 2013 Hi Anne, This is a great piece. As I read it I was reminded of a workshop I used to do in the early 80s on healing and music. I used Steve Halpern's research and music. He showed how the wavelength of colors, the chakras and various types of music all matched up. EG the acid rock beat relates to the wavelength of the lower chakras of fear. Whereas the highest chakra, the crown chakra, relates to white and Gregorian chant. As we begin to function at higher and higher levels of consciousness, I.e. move up the chakras, listening to music that relates to those higher chakras and being in the coordinated color is healing. So here is the link to his site. http://www.innerpeacemusic.com/. I hope you enjoy. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I feel like I've been dropped off at a chocolate factory! The site is really good, Mary. Music is something I always thought soothes the soul and relaxes the body. I loved the different music categories. I'll be busy for weeks! I'm buying the CD 'Music for Massage" and taking it with me when I go for my second massage. I shouldn't have any trouble relaxing with the music and the right massusee. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Anne, Steve Halpern's Spectrum Suite is incredible as it moves you up the chakras. http://www.amazon.com/Spectrum-Suite-Steven-Halpern/dp/B000003IUU/ref=sr_1_17?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1370911445&sr=1-17&keywords=steve+halpern+cds Glad you love it all. It is great music and on Amazon there are 4 pages of his CDs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Anne, my dear ~ This one made me think of you ♥ Widow's Voice: Chocolate and Red Wine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I like the "Baileys and chocolate" idea too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 I was going to post a new thread today but I still fight with visibility or vulnerability about myself. It is so hard to write about my health yet I feel that this is part of my grief journey. So, I'll post my message here where maybe only those who go here will read it... the topic is 'Blending Grieving and Health' - I am adding it in pdf form (again I fight with myself for privacy) yet I know it is healing for me to face all elements of my life. I also struggle with what is appropriate for the forum and have been told by a few people who are much wiser than I that anything about ourselves is part of our grieving. I need to stop saying to myself 'it is not fair' and come up with something more positive. I am having a problem with this health issue interfering with my grieving and I don't know how to blend the two into something positive! Yes, all suggestions are welcome. I am always looking for others to walk with me on this journey even thought I know it is my journey. Anne ps Marty - I am so addicted to chocolate - even looking at a picture can give some satisfaction. I hope that is not sick - if it is then I have a sickness. Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.pdf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Anne, I am so glad you posted it. I believe your health is a part of your grief. On top of grieving the loss of Jim, you are grieving the loss of perfect health...how does one separate that out? Impossible. I am glad you did this. I hope the chocolate you are eating is dark and like 70% or at least 55% I too am a chocoholic and our General Store has great chocolate bars...dark with raspberries. Now that is eating. Mary with love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Anne, Anything that concerns you concerns us and is meant to be here. I don't see the two issues as unrelated (grief and health) as ANYTHING we go through affects our grief. We once had someone here that would go through everything with us, now they are gone and we are left here trying to deal with as best as we can on our own...that IS part of our grief journey. It's not only the "missing them" that is our grief journey, but anything that affects our grief as a result of them not being here for us as we go through it...whether it be looking for a job, facing health issues, making ends meet, making decisions, etc. Benji is great incentive for wanting to hang around a few more years...just as Arlie is to me. I hate to think what my life would be like without Arlie, and I know you and Benji need each other the same as we do. You might ask your doctor if it's true that they don't do transplants over age 70, just so you'll know...I'm one of those people who has to have all of the information, just so I can plan in my own mind (Plan A, Plan B, Plan C) or know what it is I have to worry about. I hate to admit it but I confess, I am a worrier...I try to lay things down, and sometimes I do well with it...and sometimes I revert to my worrying. So I hate nothing more than wasting time/sleep worrying about something that wasn't even a concern as it turns out! I wouldn't think they'd have hard and fast rules about a number/age, but go more by your health otherwise...in this case, if you had the heart your health would probably be great! But that is ahead of us, manageability is what they're aiming for right now and that is what we pray will happen. I hear you on your opinions about life care...I wouldn't want hooked up to a machine either or to not have quality of life unless it was temporary. This is a personal decision and you have been careful in your considerations of everything involved. I just want you to know that you have our support and love and we will continue to keep praying for you...and for Benji. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Anne, my dear, there is absolutely nothing in your pdf that even remotely resembles "whining." You are struggling to cope with the hand you've been dealt, and there isn't a person among us who wouldn't feel the burden of that. By sharing it with all of us, you're empowering all of us to help you carry that burden. That takes real courage, and is worthy of our deepest admiration and respect. As I read your story, I couldn't help but think that, yes, you've been blessed with perfect health most of your life, but we all know that a perfect state of health cannot last forever. In the end, we all age, our body parts wear out, and we're all going to be smitten with something ~ the only difference is that you have a better idea of what that "something" might be than most of the rest of us. So the question becomes, what do you do with that information? As you say, you've decided to learn all you can about your heart condition, and given what you've learned, you're following your medical team's instructions, and you're taking all the steps you can to take good care of yourself. What more can you do than that? If Jim were here physically taking care of you, I suspect he'd say that the "more" would be that you enjoy your life as best you can, take good care of Benji, and make the most of the time you do have. Your consideration of palliative care might be a good thing to discuss with your physician, Anne. As I'm sure you know, palliative care differs from hospice care in that it can happen along with aggressive life-sustaining treatments. Palliative care teams of doctors, nurses, and social workers provide patients and their families with the information they need to make the very important choices you are facing now, including decisions to avoid overly invasive care.♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumkin Posted June 11, 2013 Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Dear Anne, Thank you so much for sharing what you're going through. I worked for a doctor who assisted in many heart repairs for ten years. I'm holding you and Benji in my prayers in that you make the decisions you feel are right for you at this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2013 Your words are so kind, Pumkin. I appreciate your prayers and I will make informed decisions - I hope. I'll keep you posted on Benji's status on the 'pet' thread. What you said about my pdf letter encouraged me, Marty. I never thought about 'empowering' all of you to help carry this burden. It makes sense though because that is how I feel about this forum. We all help one another in our journeys. It is a privledge to walk with each other on our journeys knowing that WE have to be out in front. I for one learn from where others have been and where they are going. I see my whole cardiac team tomorrow and I hope to ask many questions. I do not know much - if anything - about palliative care but i shall learn. When Jim was first visited by the social worker from hospice she was thinking about him starting in palliative care and transitioning into hospice until she found out that he was in last stages of ALZ. In four weeks Jim was dead! Thank goodness our family doctor knew Jim's condition and signed him into hospice right away! I am determined to be proactive in this part of my journey. I will need much encouragement and guidance from all. Kay, what can I say. You are my light in all of this. I look to you who are so positive in all things that happen in your life. It is a gift. It is faith. It is who you are. Thank you for your support. You know I love you. Mary, what can I say but thank you for continuing to be at my side. It's a good thing neither one of us have to pay extra for long distance calling! I have learned from your wisdom. I have learned to cry and not think it a weakness. I have listened to most - well, almost most - of your wise counsel. Each one of us truly are 'counselors' to one another. I believe that. I'm even getting better at not changing the subject when you ask 'What's going on, Anne?' See, even the most stubborn of us can learn - it just takes longer for some of us. As for chocolate - I wish I could say that I eat only the 'good' kind. I eat any kind. When you look at my board on Pinterest titled 'Chocolate Temptations' I could say that I ate most of what's there!! I hope there will be chocolate whereever I'm going in this next life - chocolates, family, friends, Benji - that's all I'll need. I will try very hard not to use the word 'whining' for I do not think that anything any of us say is 'whining'. I am just too hard on myself. Perhaps 'sharing' will be a better word. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 12, 2013 Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Anne, I remember my brother saying something to me when our first Golden died (Buffy). He said something like this. "I do not know, none of us know, what is on the other side of death but I believe that if you need Buffy to be there, he will be there." So I say to you, if you need chocolate to be happy, chocolate will be there Anne, I am honored and happy to assist any way I can. I am happy to reach out and in so doing, I am healed. It is a two way street for all of us. And yes, you are getting better at not changing the subject to anything but yourself... I will be thinking of you as you meet with your team. How i wish you had someone at your side at these meetings to catch information you might miss, support you and share the load. And I am glad you are going to give up the word 'whining'. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 12, 2013 Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Anne, Is it possible for your daughter to be with you when you ask these questions? Mary's suggestion was a good one, so that someone could catch what you can't absorb. It can be a lot to take in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 12, 2013 Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Anne, you already know I wish you would take someone with you. I was with Bill every single visit to ask questions and that was before he was unable to do that. It just helps especially at a consultation where you get so much input. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted June 12, 2013 Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Anne, as you know, I'm busy right now, so can't write much, but I'm so glad you shared this. As your grief partner I am with you tomorrow and thereafter. If only I could give you a hug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 12, 2013 Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Anne, I hope you'll let us know what you learned today...if you can remember it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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