I Need Your Help

[mfh]

You and Bill look so devoted to each other in your beautiful wedding picture. Going through all the pictures, cards and poems will bring you even closer to him as he is with you on your anniversary, June 22. Thank you so much for sharing the best of your memories with Bill.

Deborah, thank you. I am delighted that you enjoyed them. Mary

[feralfae]

Dearest Mary, dear heart,

I have a candle lit for you and Bill.

I know you are celebrating your love and your life together, and all the beauty and grace you two shared.

Blessings, and peace to you as you remember.

{{{hugs}}}

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Dearest Mary, dear heart,

I have a candle lit for you and Bill.

I know you are celebrating your love and your life together, and all the beauty and grace you two shared.

Blessings, and peace to you as you remember.

{{{hugs}}}

*<twinkles>*

fae

Dear fae, thank you so much. You are such a kind and sweet woman...in the midst of your own grief you constantly reach out to others. Mary

[kayc]

Thanks for the insight Stephen. My Paula loved to cook things just the way I liked them too. I had never thought to look in her cook books and notes. What a warm pleasant surprise possibly awaits.

My Paulas voice is on our answering machine too. Until now I would never let the phone ring through as it hurt to hear her voice. Now I think I may be able to hear My Paulas sweet voice again. Another unexpected surprise.

My DAD was very special to me, too. I wanted and sought his advice often as I was starting my business career.

Today I followed some very good advice from several on this forum. I was asked to go to the local mall with our son and his family. I decided to ALLOW myself a little pleasure and enjoyment. We had a very warm, wonderful visit and excursion. Even went out for dinner which we all enjoyed.

I noted an immediate relaxation in the tension that had been just beneath the surface as they relaxed, too. That uncomfortable-to-be-around feeling. Apparently my uneasiness and saddness was reflected in their uneasiness towards me. As I relaxed for the first time in about six months and ALLOWED the love of family to envelope me I noted a new sensation.

I felt the warm, easy, loving spirit of My Paula come over me. The peace and joy I found there was humbling. Now living through me. Giving me a completely new perspective of how to live the life she so easily exemplified. The life she always wanted for me.

Now I at least have a glimpse of what it is, and a way to let me continue loving and honoring My Paulas cherished memory through my actions and attitude. It makes me love My Paula even more.

I find that My Paula is filling my heart again.

And all I had to do was ALLOW IT.

Chris

Chris, this is major breakthrough and I'm so glad!

And just because we begin to accept what has happened doesn't mean we like it or agree with it or don't wish it were different...it doesn't mean we love them less or miss them less, it just means little by little we're adjusting and getting used to what "is" and what it means to us, as we have to.

[boogieman]

Thank you Kay. All this is due in part to several of your previous posts. I realized I had to "ease-up" on myself or go down in flames. Taking that first step of "allowing" someone, anything, to bring a little relief and pleasure was faith exemplified. I had nothing to loose at that point but me, our children, friends, other family, and on and on. I knew it was possibly then or never. As My Paula let me know, I made the right choice as she is pleased. That makes me so very happy.

Not exactly sure how to fully incooperate this new attitude yet but working on it. I feel so much less pressured and stressed.

Our oldest son Greg and family came to do our yard for us today. What a blessing they are! Anyway, the visit was again very nice and comfortable. We enjoyed the afternoon together.

He even showed me how to post a picture here. That is me and My Paula at our youngest sons wedding rehersal dinner in 2004.

No, I do not like being forced into a situation where I have no outlet or control. Through My Paula I found the means of escape from the daily agony and miser by beginning to accept what I have no control over. My Paula was obviously there all along, waiting for me to make the first move, again.

I know it will still be hard. Now, I feel a sense of optimism not experienced in such a long time. Together My Paula and I will make it! I love her now more than ever. "Thank you, Dear".

Chris

[kayc]

Chris, I noticed the picture, it is beautiful and the two of you look so happy together...I understand that feeling.

Being able to enjoy the little joys, as I call them, is so important to our survival. You speak of not liking to lose control, oh boy do I understand! I like to be in control of my own life and when George died, nobody'd asked me if I wanted that, no one checked with me if that was okay, and I felt like my power was stripped from me. Voicing myself helped me regain a little bit of that power back. I couldn't control his life/death, but I could voice my opinion on it! I could choose how I'd live afterwards. I could choose how I'd grieve. Any choice I could make restored a bit more power. And choosing not to let pain/sadness/grief dominate my life (it understandably does in the beginning) restored more power yet. I had no doubt that George would want me to be happy...it's just that that seemed a taller order than I knew how to make happen. It's been a journey, quite a journey, one I could not have made without everyone here over the years.

I'm glad you had some time with Greg and his family today. My kids and my dog and cats keep me going, so do the couple of close friends that I have.

Blessings,

Kay

[boogieman]

Thank you again Kay. My Paula is by far the most wonderful special person in my life and will always remain so. We were that happy together. I miss her so deeply it hurts. With her love and guidance we will get through this.

That being said another matter has caught my attention. I hope to gain some insights into "symbolism".

In the past few months I have noted a recurring phenomena. It happened again last night after I fell asleep.

On five or six occasions late at night or early in the morning the door-bell has rang. The best I can recall, always a ring, a pause, then another ring. A few times from the front button, several from the rear. They chime differently so I know which is which. Always getting up to check, I have yet to see anyone or anything there.

Last night at 12:30 AM the front rang which roused me to about half awake. Not wanting to get up I just laid there. About 30 seconds later another ring. I got up and looked outside but no-one was there, again.

On three ocassions the phone has rang late at night or early in the morning. Answering, there has been no one there. Nothing but complete silence.

I am unsure of what to make of this. Are they my imigination working over-time or possibly My Paula trying to let me know she is here?

I have done some reading on the subject but remain skeptical as to the possible meaning. Are they really My Paula or a manifestation of my desire to have contact with her?

All of this is so completely new to me I don't know what to make of it, if anything.

Chris

[mfh]

Chris, first it is nice to see your pictures here.

I lost a cousin many years ago in a plane crash. And from all we could figure out he was very present to the family. He had young adolescents and young adult children one who was to be married just weeks after his death. They also had a doorbell thing. It would just ring..no one there. One evening his wife (my cousin) was sitting on the porch swing with one of the daughters, the one closest to Dan. The doorbell, just feet away began to ring and when they looked over to it...there was a rainbow around the area. It was dark out...fairly late at night. They had an electrician come in to check the doorbell when it kept happening but alas...nothing was wrong with it. On another occasion the family was gathered on his birthday, the first without him. Hanging from the ceiling in their family room (a high glass ceiling with beams was a pot that Dan had purchased in Mexico...it was delicate pottery and sitting in a large heavy macrame (it was the 70s) holder which was on a heavy hook. It suddenly fell to the tile floor but not one crack. The macrame holder was in perfect condition and the hook was in the wooden beam. I could tell you stories for days from my own experience and from those of friends, relatives and clients....if it were me...I would believe that doorbell ringing and the phone is Paula making contact. Electronics are the easiest for those on the other side to manipulate from what I read. I have had some weird things happen with my cell phone and even called the cell company and had to surrender to the "fact" that Bill was making contact. I look forward to more of these happening. Mary

[MartyT]

Chris, you may find this article of interest: After-Death Communication, Continued

See also The Porcelain Starfish

[boogieman]

Our oldest son, Greg, the one I spend so much time with now, is a state licensed residential and commercial electrician, a certified welder, a state certified boiler technician, a gasoline engine specialist, an interior and exterior lighting specialist (LED'S), and a state certified building/construction inspector. I trust his judgement implicitly.

He tells me that a doorbell is so simple a device that they just can't "go off" by themselves. The chime is in the hall where moisture, animals, and debris can't get to the mechanism. The wiring is intact or the button won't work. The button is a simple spring loaded contact device that can't just activate itself without being pushed. Everything is in good working order.

Phones have been fool-proof for generations. They don't just ring by themselves either.

I choose to believe it is My Paula "signaling" to me. I acknowledge that fact either way. I would love to see a rainbow, a vision, a light, a shadow, anything to know it is My Paula. Maybe someday.

It certainly would be comforting to KNOW for sure.

Chris

[mfh]

Chris, I am glad you checked this with your son. If my doorbell did that I would be certain it was Bill...just as I was when other things beyond explanation have happened. Enjoy it...no rainbow needed...

[KATPILOT]

Chris, I just wanted to let you know as others here would also testify, that what you are experiencing is real. I wondered also if I was just wanting it so bad that I was doing it myself and just going insane. Then it started happening while members of my family and some close friends as well were in my home. I began to believe it, It was easy for me to believe it though and I will tell you why.

Many years ago my youngest son who lived down the street from me had just become engaged to a Japanese girl. She went home to show her family her ring but while she was there she died suddenly of a heart condition that she had. The night it happened, Kathy and I were in bed asleep when we heard the door from our kitchen to the garage slam shut. It is a distinctive sound that left no doubt about what it was. I got up with a start and went into the kitchen very frightened actually that someone had entered our home. I found nothing but we had a hard time falling back to sleep. Two hours later the front door bell was ringing repeatedly and I got up again to find my son on the ground crying telling me that she had died. Later, Kathy and I looked at each other and we both knew what it was that made the door sound.

Years later Kathy lost her Grandma who she was very close to. After she passed, Kathy would feel her presence on our back patio often. She and her Grandma would talk out there when she would visit and Kathy knew it was her. During Kathy's treatment for her cancer, we were in bed one night getting ready to sleep when the hall light outside our bedroom turned on. It was very disturbing to me and once again I thought someone was in the house. Kathy said to me " it's okay, it's just Grandma. I think she is saying everything is going to be okay" Well, it wasn't okay. Kathy died a month later. In her room at the hospice home where she was at the end, Kathy said to me this. She said she would reach me if she possibly could. The night she died, I had to go home since I was staying in her room and they were going to take her away. It was one in the morning, I was lost, she went to the funeral home, and I went to a house I hadn't seen much in days. I stayed up all night of course till I was to go and make arrangements. The light in the hall turned itself on while I was standing there. I guess she found the way. Oh yes, they have a way with electricity. I think they find the low voltage systems the easiest to manipulate. The hall light by the way, is on a twelve volt transformer as many door bell are as well.

They can also manipulate things and us as well. A year ago, I kept waking up at exactly 4:01. I had a cable box with the time on it that I could see from where I slept. By the eighth day in a row, I knew something was up. I researched a lot about that number and one day I found out about a movie based on a true incident called "The Ghost of flight 401" If you look it up, you can understand why I had to order this movie. It was only made for television. It was postulated that the ghost in the story was hanging around because there was a need to warn people of danger. The people who knew him and saw him did get together and let him know that he could go. That everyone would be okay. I thought, that was what she was trying to tell me. I felt so selfish that I was making her stay because my sorrow was so intense and I needed her so badly. I did tell her it was okay, that she could go, that I would be alright and I would find her one day.

She is still here. it is her choice. When both of her parents died the night before each one passed, several electrical things went off. I knew what was happening. I even booked a flight to Calgary the night her dad went. Even before her sister called in the morning to give me the news.

I wanted to say that years ago if someone was telling me this story I would believe them a liar. I never was sure about life after death. Today, I am a believer. Do they contact us. Oh yes. As Marty points out, and you can do, a lot of reading, there is communication with the other side. It can be hard to see sometimes and even close to invisible, but they are there just the same.

I just want to ad one more thing. I never shared these events with Kathy's dad, because he was older and I thought he would think me mad but after my mother in law died, I went up to be there and help him if I could. He told me on the morning of the funeral that strange things seemed to be happening in his house. He was awakened by lights coming on. I just smiled and said "David, it's okay, they just do that" I am so glad that all three of them are together now.

Stephen

[KATPILOT]

Nice to see the picture Chris. I hope it makes you feel happy to have it up.

Well done!

[boogieman]

I have had several similar incidents in the past too. While on a driving vacation to California many years ago I had a starteling awakening at some point early in the morning. I knew something had happened to someone close to me. As we were camping and far away from phones I decided to wait until sun-up to check in back home in Texas. I learned that my Granddad had passed away at about the time I was awakened. Regretably I could not get back in time for his service.

Years later in 1988 my Dad had been sick and in and out of the hospital for months. Staying there every day and night as late as I could I finally had to get home for work the next day. Getting into bed around midnight I had an uneasy feeling. Startled awake again early in the morning I called the hospital and got in touch with my Mother. Sure enough my Dad had passed away at about the time I was wakened. I called her before she could call me.

Same story with my Grand Mother. I was awakened early in the morning by a very uneasy sensation. This was in 1990. She was born in 1895 and lived to 95 years old. Living alone the last 10 years of her life. She finally agreed to go to a retirement facility just 2 weeks before her passing. And I knew it when it happened.

Strange, but I just realized that the really important people in my life that have passed have all done so in the early morning hour.

My Paula passed away at 3:00 AM on a tuesday morning. I was there with her for four days prior to that and proudly until the very end. I know well the strange feeling of going home to an empty house while My Paula was taken to the funeral home. We so wanted her to be home but her condition dictated that could not happen. It was either the hospital or a Hospice facility over 40 miles from home. I chose to stay at the hospital as it was close to home.

Anyway, for weeks after My Paulas service I was either still awake or awakened at exactly 3:00 AM. Now I choose to believe the wake-ups were My Paula contacting me. For what purpose I do not know. Like you, Steve, maybe my grief, sorrow, and need caused My Paula to stay here for me, too.

Within a week the door bell incidents began. The phone calls started. I even had a "Dream Vision" of her once. She told me she now "lived in the mountains". I have always loved the mountains being born in the Arkansas Ozarks. I could see she was well, healthy and happy.

Just a few minutes ago I was napping. I heard the front doorbell again. Looking through the antique leaded glass door I knew no one was there. It had to be My Paula. I came directly here to find your posts and report on my most recent occurance.

Like most people I can better associate names with faces, if possible. I wanted to introduce us to my new-found friends. I am so proud of My Paula.

Chris

[boogieman]

And again just now at 3:15 AM this morning.

Chris

[boogieman]

And yet again just now two more sounds coming from the metal umberela stand by the front door! The "ping" of an umberela being placed in the stand. I'm sitting within eye-sight of that stand.

I love this game of try-to-find-me!

What was a lonely yesterday and early night has turned into something very special this morning.

You keep ringing, I'll keep looking for you!

Thinking of you and sharing a moment. Thank you, Dear!

"I Love you,Too"

[kayc]

I know a phone can ring w/o someone calling, because we had it happen and it was something to do with one of the lines, after the phone company fixed it, it didn't happen again. But I don't think this is what is happening in your case, Chris. It's too "coincidental" for it to have a logical explanation, I think, like you said, it's Paula's way of contacting you. It may continue while you adapt to this situation, stuff like this is hard to predict. I'm just glad it brings you solace and comfort, it seems it's serving it's purpose.

[boogieman]

Despite the good feelings from earlier, the roller coaster is bottoming out again.

My brother who performed My Paulas service sent me a transcription of his presentation. It was beautiful to read and brought tears to my eyes. Even more so now than then. Has it only been less than 10 weeks? Seems like 10 long lifetimes ago.

Then the reality of My Paula actually being gone hit me like a 110 car freight train at full throttle. Literally knocking the breath out of me and crashing me to the depths of despair. Unable to catch my breath. Chest hurting. Head pounding. Emotions out of control again.

I HATE THIS!!!!I HATE THIS!!!!I HATE THIS!

The loneliness is unbearable. You already know this. The solitude thick and heavy hanging in the air like a fog. Stress and anxiety are having their way with me. So much deep sorrow and sadness. Too much to cope with. It will pass but at what cost? The prospects of this repeating again over and over is killing me! Last week I hoped to be over some of this deep emotional extreme. Not so. Not so.

Just trying to regain some simblance of normalicy and control by venting here.

Chris

[kayc]

Three steps forward, two steps backward...remember, it is still moving in a progressive fashion. Up and down, some days not so bad, others...don't want to talk about. All that you are going through, we've been through. Hang on to the hope that it will get better...try not to think about how long it might take. Everyone adjusts differently. But it won't stay in this intensity, I promise you, we couldn't survive it if it did. Remember to breathe and one day at a time. I know I've told you that before, some days we need reminding. Schedule something to look forward to this week, no matter how minute, even if you don't feel like it.

[KATPILOT]

Roller coater Chris......................., today is a bottom. That's just the reality of it. I know you hate it. Anger is quite natural so let it out. I spent a lot of time on the floor when I was where you are now. I didn't have this place to come to yet but I do know this, without a doubt, you will get through the worst of times and yes it will cost you. I'm not the same man I was before Kathy left. I never will be. This is the new me. This is the new normal. You can never have that back again...........but you can be you again, just different. Paula would want you to. Keep this in mind. You may be still here for a reason. There may be something you're supposed to do yet in this life. Maybe it is to honor her. She is still with you and you know it. You just can't see her or touch her, or even smell her but I believe you will be united again one day.

Always remember....You wouldn't hurt like this if you didn't love her this much. That damn well says a lot.

Stephen

[boogieman]

"Three steps forward...two steps back"

"Some days we need reminding"

"Roller coaster....today is a bottom"

"You wouldn't hurt this much if you didn't love her so much. That damn well says a lot".

All true but hard to recognize when you're being run over by that train.

What a huge amount of energy is spent by striving so hard and gaining so little.

And you are right Stephen... "That damn well DOES say a lot".

Chris

[kayc]

Yes, hard to recognize when you're being run over by that train...that's why we're here to remind you to hang in there.

[boogieman]

My Paula came by again this afternoon late to cheer me up. She knows I am having a hard time right now.

I was surprised and pleased she rang the doorbell again. Feeling better.

Chris

[boogieman]

It seems that when I am at my lowest emotionally, My Paula comes by for a short visit. Feeling so uncomfortable , unsure, and uneasy, the past few days My Paula rang the doorbell again at 5:10 AM this morning.

Chris

[mfh]

Chris, I thought you would appreciate this. I have a doorbell that plays something like 16 different melodies...I keep it ALWAYS on a plain ordinary ding dong. Last night, however, when a friend came for dinner...it played Hail Hail the Gang's All Here. This is a friend whose cell phone has been involved with some weird things that happened to mine on the anniversary of Bill's death. Long story but both our phones stopped at the moment of Bill's death on the anniversary. She was on her way to my house when it happened. So last night she comes and the doorbell changes its melody. The change happened once last week also and I did not pay any attention to it so I do not remember what melody it switched to. This is a first with this doorbell. Who knows...why it switched. It reminds me however of the day I saw George Anderson (a medium in NYC) and he started the session with , "There is an whole crowd of people in the room...lots of your relatives are here." Who knows.