Eyes - Mary's, Queen Mary's, Kay's And Anyone Else Here...

[mfh]

I am home. Bentley is home and out cold already. He is always tired after the kennel. He leapt on my lap (front half only) and when I started sobbing, he put his head in my armpit and did not budge. He also licked my bruised hand... it is a bad and big IV bruise. The silent, empty house is tough as it is also good to be here. It is always shocking to come home and find Bill is not here. I think I will never get past that. The drive was trickier than I anticipated as is walking. The combination of exhaustion, emotion, anesthesia etc., and these new eyes are causing some hopefully temporary problems. I may have to rethink my plan to go down and back in one day next Friday. But if I stay, I will grab a motel. Plus returning on the Friday of a holiday weekend (which I forgot about until I picked up Bentley) won’t be great. Everyone in Illinois heads up here. My legs feels wobbly…not sure why…a strange sensation. Must be anesthesia or eyes. I am pretty weepy… Otherwise all is well.

Regarding my brother, I know he is a generous and loving man who has not had what I have been given. His inability to show empathy with me is so difficult under the circumstances. All I have to do is look at the “before Mary” and “after Mary” pictures of Bill. He was so miserable in his first marriage. You almost would not recognize him. And I know the difference Bill made in MY life. I see a lot of my old self in Jim.

This house is so empty right now. I got home just a while ago, unpacked the car, and collapsed into a chair in tears. I do promise myself to take care of me; stay off the internet as my eyes are sort of making me sickish until I adjust (or not-she said some do and some can’t). If I can’t adjust it will be a long month…to Sept. 20 and a glasses Rx. But I will see how it all goes.

Thank you all. It is difficult for me NOT to read your posts or respond to them. I want to be there for every one of you. But I need to be here for me and will post only when I need to for me.

BTW, Queen Mary, I was reminded that many people develop a second cataract after this surgery. It is a simple laser treatment that literally takes seconds to remove the film that MAY develop. It feels like you are losing vision again. It happened to Bill and to two good friends. The cataract surgery itself is not a big deal if you remove from it: anxiety, fear, all that precedes it and follows it including the feeling of sand in your eye, drops, and more. We will talk on Sunday if you still wish to call. I will share details if you wish. I will be here whenever.

Peace,

Mary

[feralfae]

Well, knowing that Mary will strictly take care of herself and stay away from here, I can post that I am eating fudge in celebration of her eyes and Anne's ears today.

A lot of fudge.

Fortunately, I'll be sanding and staining tomorrow.

Of course, Mary will not be here to see this for some time. She is actually behaving herself and taking care of her eyes, heart, and spirit. She is letting her entire being just rest, heal, relax, and be at peace. Bentley and she are just chillin' with the music and home sweet home. Good for them both.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Queeniemary]

Fae, that fudge is starting to sound better and better to me, I think I am going to have to have a square of really dark smooth chocolate. Maybe tonight after the Theatre Awards Show at the Lyric.....with a glass of wine? Yep, sounds good to me. So glad Mary is home, and with Bentley.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

sitting at a truck stop. Doing my eye drops. Have to wait 15 minutes between each of them. Driving is trickier than I anticipated as is walking. I am safe. I am anxious to get home. Another 20 minutes and I can leave here. My brother took me to breakfast today. I kept it light. He is a loving caring man who has never had the gift of a love like I had and I feel sadder for him then I do for me. I got in the car drove 15 minutes and burst into tears. On my way in a little bit. Listening to a book on tape. I'll post when I get home and then I will have to honor my eyes and my body for a few weeks and not go online.very often anyway peace, Mary

I'm so glad I didn't read this yesterday or I would have been truly worried. Now I need to go read the rest of the posts to find out if you made it home safely! Worried...

[kayc]

I have been dying for some fudge all month! I hope you eat a piece for me! And I'm glad Mary is home safe, and I hope she stays off line and rests her eyes!

[Queeniemary]

Talked to Mary via email, and we postponed our phone visit until she is feeling more like visiting. She is feeling pretty physically and emotionally vulnerable. Mary did say to say Hi for her, but she does not plan to be online for a bit. I am having my laser surgery on my left eye tomorrow, so probably be a few days before she and I talk. I do not want to insert myself when she is needing time to heal. Not sure what to expect from this laser surgery, at least immediately, if eye will be blurry or teary, or anything weird. Guess I had better ask those questions tomorrow!

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[feralfae]

Queenie Mary,

All best wishes for a most successful laser eye surgery tomorrow. I am so amazed at the things that can be done these days to keep us going and seeing, hearing and walking.

Yes, do ask questions, and let us know how you are when you get back on line.

I am so proud of Mary for being disciplined in her self care and healing time.

Success for you tomorrow!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[MartyT]

HRH Mary, do ask your questions of your doctor tomorrow, but for what it's worth, I had no after-effects at all following the laser procedures on my eyes. It is frightening to go through, simply because this is your vision we're talking about, and I certainly don't mean to minimize that ~ but compared to all the other surgeries and procedures I've experienced throughout my life, this was by far the easiest. I share that with you knowing full well that everyone is different, and your situation is unique to you ~ but still I'm hoping to give you some reassurance. Do let us know how it goes for you, and know that we're all with you in spirit as you have your procedure tomorrow. ♥

[Queeniemary]

After I posted my last post here, I checked my email, and found an email from Mary, saying she was feeling much better and was up to a phone chat. I immediately called her and we had a great chat. She had just finished walking Bentley, so was a little tired from the walk , and not real pleased about it. She is probably not going to walk him for the next couple of days, just let him roam in the back yard to conserve her energy. She is going on Wednesday to see her Eye Doctor, and is trying to save, and build up her strength for the trip. Her vision is causing some depth perception, so walking can be a little tricky. She thinks the driving will be fine, but if she does not feel 100% about it, she has many friends who will jump at the chance to drive her, and get out of Dodge for a bit. I suggested a cane for walking if she felt uneasy, and she said she did have a cane that belonged to Bill that she could use if necessary. She does not think it will be necessary. She is, of course, relieved that her biggest hurdle is behind her, and even though she still has to get through this next bit of time until she gets her glasses, she is happy for that.

So funny, we talked about my laser surgery tomorrow. I told her my friend Tom might have to run the rehearsal tomorrow night, as I was not sure what to expect (although your words have relieved me Marty)....she tried to extract a promise from me to stay home and rest. She has learned well from all of you on here who fussed at her to rest her eyes. lol. We had a good laugh over that. She was turning the tables on me!

All in all was a very good talk, and I was happy to hear her voice, that Yankee voice. Last time we talked she mentioned my southern accent. She sounds very upbeat to me, and is very determined to do the right thing regarding her eyes. She will not be coming to even read on this site for a bit. Emails she will try to read, but the shorter the better, as she does not want to try to read long ones. I promised her I would email her after the laser event tomorrow, and would let her know then if I was staying home tomorrow night. Actually might do it, stay home I mean, sort of pamper myself!

Will report here also. Marty thanks for the information, it did relieve my mind.

Mary (Queenmary) in Arkansas

[enna]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow. You know that there are people 'watching' you so it is very important that you take special care of yourself. Pampering sounds like a good idea.

Thanks for the update on our Mary. Yes, she is taking care of herself. Reading little but sends her love to all.

We will look forward to your post after your procedure tomorrow. It will be your time for some self care. Anne

[kayc]

Queenie Mary,

I do hope you WILL stay home tomorrow night and not try to push yourself. I'm concerned about Mary's wanting to drive. I know how hard it is when your depth perception is messed up (I went through a lot of eye therapy years ago to help mine). For one thing, you can't know where you are on the road or how close you are to things without it. I hope she will call upon a friend to drive her. And Bentley will be find getting exercise in the yard for a few days. You will be in our prayers tomorrow, even as Mary is.

[HAP]

I will second that thought Kay.

H.

[mfh]

Dear Friends,

I am not back. This is a mirage. Have read maybe a dozen short posts on my cell phone.That is it. I drive to Chicago Wednesday. I splurged and reserved a motel room in view of my persistent headaches and other post-surgery challenges. I am wearing down. I feel safe to drive but will stop often. Having trouble adjusting to mono-vision...mostly with walking, reading, TV, etc. It is a strain. I discovered how tired and wobbly I am when I walked Bentley today. He is not getting walked tomorrow. My MD said I may never adjust or I might easily adjust. It makes no sense to me to push my eyes with mono-vision unnecessarily when glasses takes care of it and she suggested I wear glasses for reading, computer and driving to avoid strain. I get a Rx on Sept. 20 if this check up goes well.

The whole top of my hand is badly bruised from the clumsy anesthesiologist's insertion of the IV. A different one than last time who did it perfectly. I also feel more hung over from the drugs. Emotionally I do not feel as crazy as last time but am tearful and tired. This whole thing has been too much and makes me appreciate even more all Anne has gone through...so much more than I have. I am really resting this week in prep for my drives and tests and to heal. I have only left the house to go to the post office for mail since I got home Friday. I am grateful for all the good that has happened...I can see and see well and with glasses I will see perfectly. I cannot complain. However, it has been a long lonely (without Bill) haul that is almost over. Only a couple of friends here seem to understand my exhaustion. Since Bill died 41 months ago (following 5 years of caregiving), I have dealt with pneumonia twice, broken fingers from a fall, torn rotator cuff from same fall, Dx of mild rheumatoid arthritis that surfaced from caregiver stress (so says Mark, my MD), eye surgeries, flu, etc. I can't get ahead energy wise with all this and am hoping having these eyes done will be a turning point in my journey through my labyrinth. I know I have things to look forward to (painting, friends, helping grieving people, Bentley play, etc.).

I am still up in the air about going to my niece's wedding in September (12-17) in Masachusetts. There is no way I could deal with airports (change planes at ORD), chaos from the second I land and at my sister's home, and a wedding to boot at a town Bill and I know well right now. She is an extroverted as I am introverted. If she and I went into a room of 50 strangers, you would find me sitting at a table having a significant conversation with one, maybe two, of them. She would know everyone's (all 50) story, phone number, and have plans to get together with half of them. In this regard, Jim and I are more alike. No one will understand if I do not go. I do not know what I want to do and it is premature to decide.

I feel badly that I am unable to keep up with your lives right now. I did read about Skye, Kay, and I am thinking of you. You are such a great mom! This is a sad sad time. I know that. Thanks to all of you for your support and love. I will post after I get home Thursday and maybe after my appt. I AM safe or I would not take this drive on. Easier to do it alone as I am just not up to having "company" 24/7 as I drive, eat, sleep, see MD, etc. I just take my time, stop often, and focus on driving....and my book on tape. I know until I get glasses my time here will be limited.

Love,

Mary

[feralfae]

Mary,

Your plan sounds good. I did not see you here; if anyone asks, it is a mirage.

Rest, heal, restore.

Let us know what you need, what we can do for you.

Much Love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Queenie Mary,

We are holding you in our hearts today as you face your eye procedure. The picture is a corgi friend for your girls. He brings a big stick to play with them while you heal. Remember, no bending for awhile. Anne

[kayc]

My dear Mary,

Everyone/everything else needs to take back seat to you and your challenges right now and I hope you continue to realize that. I can't wait until you get your glasses, just 3 1/2 more weeks! Take care of yourself.

Love,

Kay

[Queeniemary]

Anne, love the corgi picture, my Sassy loves to chew up sticks, reminds me of her greatly. This will be brief, I have a headache, and eye is a little blurry, with a little aching around the eye socket. Procedure went fine. Felt a little weird, but did not hurt. Pressure spiked to 27 after procedure, as he expected. I will see him again in a few weeks, and that will tell the tale, if the procedure worked for me. Two more medicine drops, three times a day for 10 days, plus the 3 medicine drops three times a day in each eye I already do.....I had to make a schedule..lol. I am not having the rehearsal tonight, going to just pile up and watch TV, I promised Mary!! And I feel I had better mind!

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[HAP]

Dear Royal One,

Sit upon thy pillowed throne and relax whilst other dramas fill your mind and take you from all worries.

I am so glad to hear things went as expected. We will expect both you Marys to behave yourselves and recuperate.

Peace,

Harry

[MartyT]

Oh my, Harry. You do have a way with words.

I am so relieved that this is behind you, HRH Mary ~ now rest and heal and rest . . . ♥

[kayc]

Mary, so glad it went well and equally glad you're "minding"! All of us see what happens around here if we don't!

[enna]

I am so glad that you are home healing now, Mary from AK. Now we have two Marys who need watching and I am watching. I am glad that you are resting and not doing anything tonight. We all breathe a little easier tonight.

[feralfae]

HRH Mary, we celebrate your successful day! Rest, heal, be stress-free and have a bite of dark, smooth chocolate. Just because you do not need a reason.

I am off to fetch a nibble of fudge. It's almost gone. sigh.

You and the Corgis have a lovely evening, and congratulations on a superb day!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

It is 12:30 and I am half way to my destination. Stopped for a break, bathroom and eye drops...

It is a painful drive today...the most painful perhaps my weariness is catching up with me. The tears flow as I drive...I keep thinking about Bill sitting next to me, sharing our hotel room, dinner, etc. I don't remember the previous four trips on these eye trips being this hard emotionally. As far as the eyes are concerned, it is a cloudy day but too bright not to wear my sun glasses which then, because of how cloudy it is, makes seeing more of a challenge. I continue to remind myself that I am grateful for vision, the light in this eye tunnel, and that Bill loved and cherished me...but none of that has stopped the tears. McDonald's wifi extends to the parking lot so I am in my car and it is time for the second round of 3 in terms of eye drops.

Queen Mary...I hope your headache is gone and your blurred vision clear today...

Onward to see the Wizard...the MDs office gal called to remind me and when I saw the number on my cell, I answered and said...I am on my way. She was also calling to see if I wa Ted a later appt for tomorrow so I could go and come in one day....way too tired for that.

Mary

[Queeniemary]

Thanks to y'all for your concern. I was a really good girl last night, and did not do any reading or go anywhere. Tom ran the rehearsal for me, and sent me texts with pictures to show me some new parts of the set. I just watched a little TV and then had an early night. Fae, I did have a little bit of dark Chocolate Dove, I felt I deserved it! Marty you were right, it was easy breezy. Biggest problem was the blurry vision, which is much better today. Biggest problem today is the 10,000 drops I am trying to fit into my eye in a 24 hour period. (maybe an exaggeration a bit) Just seems that way however. Only for a couple of weeks, then back to only three meds, three times a day. Harry, you do have a way with words, which we already knew. I did spend the evening on my pillowed throne (old comfy recliner). Anne and Kay, and everyone else thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers. Praying for safety for Mary, wish she had taken a friend with her. She is strong, and I know she will be fine, but just worry a bit. We will all be happy to hear that she has arrived safely.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

QMary, I'm glad you were good and called it a night early.

Mary, I'm very worried about you. I wish you'd let someone drive you!