mfh Posted August 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 Dear Friends I am safely tucked into my hotel room...no room service. I thought all Hilton's had room service. I never asked. They do serve down stairs and there will be trays if I choose to bring a meal up here. Or I may just call out for Chinese. I know many of you have repeatedly expressed loving concern, as have friends in WI, about my choice to drive alone. First I would not do it if I did not feel safe. I do not know how to explain my choice except to say that the only person I feel I could have traveled with, spent day and night with for two or four days is Bill. With anyone else I would have to be "on" I.e. be concerned about them and feel pressure even if they sat in silence or maybe more so if they did that. I am going through many tests, have decisions to make and It is easier to be alone. I know you do not understand that or if you do you are worried about me. My choice is not about independence or an inability to receive. It is about what feels best to me and less stressful. I do thank you for caring so much and even worrying. I really appreciate all your love. I will post tomorrow when I get home and may read some posts tonight. Thanks so much for your loving patience with this dragged out eye journey. Time for a nap. Love Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted August 28, 2013 Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 Relieved that you are safe for the evening. You really do not have to explain your reasons for what you feel in your heart is the thing to do. I know that you appreciate all the love you receive because that is the kind of person you are - receptive and caring. You know that I would not be able to sit in silence for too long!! Rest tonight and I hope your news tomorrow is only good. Am I the only one who does not know what HRH means when referring to our other Mary! Fae, you and Marty use these letters - perhaps I missed a post somewhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted August 28, 2013 Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 Ha Anne. I think it refers to our monarchy and is Her Royal Highness! I may be wrong. Mary (not the Royal one) I understand as we all do that sometimes it's best to be alone if we can't be with our beloved ones, but I'm impressed that you can drive so far (in England everything is much closer together as you know). I'm thinking of you. I'm just recovering from five days of full on baby and three year old company so not posted much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted August 28, 2013 Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 Mary, so glad to hear you are safely in for the day, that you can order Chinese, which sounds great fun, and that you are moving through this time with great awareness of your needs and how much you can handle. Good for you. HRH (yes, Her(or His) Royal Highness) Mary, I am happy to hear it was an easy breezy time for you, and I know the buckets of drops will ease off soon. I am glad you had chocolate. I am having my last bite of fudge. This is a great treat! Thank you for the "official" clarification of HRH, Jan. Dear Jan, and I am glad to hear that you are are recovering. Time for yourself now, just relax, rest, meditate and let you take care of you. Anne, you never miss anything, as far as I have noticed, and I doubt anyone mentioned anything other than the HRH letters. That was a wonderful last bite of fudge. *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 28, 2013 Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 Her Royal Highness it is, dear Jan ~ you're exactly right ♥ ~ HRH is just a way of distinguishing two of our Mary's. And Bill's Mary, no explanations are required here ~ We're all just relieved and glad to know that you've reached your destination, and you are safe. So sorry you couldn't get room service ~ but don't let that be a reason not to eat. Your body needs that nourishment, most especially now, as you are in healing mode. Wishing you all the best tomorrow when you see Sharon (MD) ~ and know that you are more than worthy of all the loving concern we are sending to you. These are for your pillow tonight: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 Those roses are quite awesome, Marty. Spectacular. Thank you. And they smell so good. I checked out dinner downstairs and discovered dinner and breakfast are complimentary. No choices but decent food. I had almond rice, peas with mushrooms, teriyaki chicken, salad, tea and cake. I could have had wine or beer but way too tired for that. my eyes are very tired and hurt. The feeling of sand in eye 2 is painful...probably the med irritated the surface again so that will take time. I feel all will be ok tomorrow except the irritation but I can live with that. She will let me use artificial tears in between the drops next week and that helps a lot. Like HRH Mary I am doing a million drops a day and they all sting except those artificial tears or my own tears....both feel good. If I had to board a plane this weekend, I could not do it. I just want to drive home tomorrow, get Bentley, some light food in the house on the way, and sleep the weekend away. My flight is scheduled for 2weeks from today....and I am feeling quite protective of myself tonight...I.e. leaning away from going. If I go I know it will set me back when I need to go forward in my healing. Quite a statement. amd for three years i have continued to get set back over and over. Airports and the chaos at my sister's is exhausting when I am at my best. I stood in front of the mirror here tonight and saw a worn down sad person, pale with bags under my eyes..something I never have. I look like hell. I saw it first in a photo of our art group on FB. Sooooooo I think this wedding trip decision is 90% made. Signing off for the night. Thank you all...more than words can express. Love Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 ((((((Hugs)))))) to you Mary, From Mary in CT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Beautiful roses, Marty! And Mary, we understand when you put it that way. Our concern is only for your over-taxing yourself. I hope you find someone who delivers meals! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Glad to hear you have landed safely. Rest and be well--and stay another night if you need to. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks to all. I saw your replies on my phone and HAD to log back on. And I do like my new name, Marty....."Bill's Mary"! Nice. Good night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 "Bill's Mary" is perfect for you, dear heart. Rest well and I know you will not see this for a while. Peace, Much Love, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 A good night's sleep in a lovely suite. dinner was decent. Healthy breakfast choices and brought it up to my room so I can do drops. Took some fruit for the drive home. i did not like the looksof the scrambled eggs so i took two nard boiled eggs. asked the gal for salt (sorry, Anne) and she gave me 30 packets. i counted them??? I left 29 there. Today will be a triumph hopefully. Maybe the end of eye anxiety. The next appointment and trip, maybe for the year, (not sure) is Sept. 20 (fingers and toes crossed) for a Rx and check up. Very anxious to get glasses!!!!! I have not enjoyed reading for a year or more. i certainly appreciate my eyes and the ability to see without strain and see clearly...soon to be mine. i postponed these surgeries as long as i could, through caregiving's final years and through what I hope is the worst of grief.... and am glad there is a light in the tunnel and i can see it. A bit hesitant to get really optimistic yet. Rainy here...not stormy though. I even look better today! Thanks to all, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Mary, You cannot sneak on here even at 5 in the morning. Someone is always watching. LOL Please take it easy & have a safe drive home. Hope you & Bentley have a good weekend. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Hey, Karen You and Anne are the HOV patrol. It was 7am here btw....at 5 I was sound asleep but you were not and for that I am sorry. I am feeling a guarded sense of relief today. At the very least I am hoping not to drive down here again until Sept. 20 . That is a gift in and of itself. I have no real plans for the weekend. A friend asked me to go to Beatlefest with her. It is a community event that draws people from all over also. It is loud, hot, crowded...Beatle music all day by local groups. My biggest memory of it was in 2009 when I tried to get Bill out for a bit, got him settled in ( it is outside our General Store). We were there 20 minutes when he said " can we go home? this is not music." In his totally right mind he would not have gone to it at all unless i wanted to but i did not ever enjoy loud noisy sites. We are/were more into Mahler, Debussy and other classical music and some folk. Of course we left. I have not been back since so I gave my friend a big maybe. I need sleep and R&R. Anxious to catch up here but in reality I won't until I get glasses...just too much strain for now as eyes heal also. Drops blur my vision. I leave in 20 minutes to see MD. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Good luck, Mary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Much luck to you, Bill's Mary, yes I like that for you too. Will be very anxious to hear your news. I certainly feel very royal around you guys, and probably a bit of a fake. The title "Queenie" came from "Showboat" when I played the character "Queenie". Just kind of stuck, and I use if for many things now. Queeniemama, Queeniemary, QueenMary, and just Queenie. My daughter recently gave me the sign below. You will get a kick out of it. Thanks for making me feel so special!! Now about my eyes, feeling pretty normal today, except for like Mary, having to put thousands of drops in my eyes a day is getting old. I am going to copy here something I put on FB, where my friends expect me to be very irreverent!! "Had a little laser procedure on left eye on Tuesday, taking now two additional medicine drops, in addition to the 3 I already take...ok so that works out to 8 times a day (some are twice a day, some 3 times, one is once) with drops. They must be spaced out a little, so I put them on my phone alarms to remember when to take what. You have to wash your hands well before and after the drops, and then close eyes and hold corner of lids near nose lightly for 2-3 minutes. This is result....my phone plays music all the time, no bacteria can possibly live on my hands, and I am getting 8 mini naps through out the day....it's a win-win!!! (always find the humor friends, always find the humor!!)" Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 You have a heavy load, Queenie! You carry it good. We love you and are definitely traveling with "Bill's Mary" today as always. I like this place. So many positives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Trust me, HRH Mary, you are NOT a fake! And we all like having a little royalty around here! Good news about your eyes! ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 It's just wonderful to hear good news when I come here to share in the mornings! HRH Mary, and Bill's Mary, you are both remarkable women to make these journeys with eye surgery. I am very impressed. Bill's Mary, I hope you can go straight home and stay there for a few days, not going to a "this is not music" event. I loved the Beatles when I was in my teens, but it is not music. The Godchildren play country-western (I think that is what it is supposed to be) but it is so much noise and raucousness that I just shut it out of my mind. It seems to keep them happy while we are working on the staining, though. Now then, Mill's Mary, is there anything you need that we can do for you? I know I feel helpless so far away and not close enough to at least make a lovely salad for you. I know you will listen to your inner voice, take good care of yourself, and go as gently as you possibly can with you these next days. I hope everyone is in healing mode, but I have not checked in to see how Kay and Skye and Arlie are doing, and I have to go see how Jan is resting and taking care of herself now. Much Love to you all, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Test #1 done...vision has changed since one week ago in eye #1 and I am told will continue to I am reminded that I am healing...hence the wait for glasses. Now waiting to see MD Queen Mary, I sympathize with you....your life will revolve around drops for a while as does mine. When my brother had two detached retinas...bill and my sister and I took care of him....he had 7 meds all on different schedules with 20 min between so we were doing drops just about every 20 min for weeks and I might add my mom was dying in a nearby hospital. Jim was able to say her funeral mass but that was all. What a four months that was..2006. And bill was in early dementia....argh!! Still waiting. The man across from me won't stop talking so I am doing web. Getting a bit caught up. Feels good. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 With fatigue and tired eyes I have all but crawled into our home. Doctor says eyes are ok. Bentley is home and bringing me toy by toy every thing in his toy area. He wants to play. I must sleep. I wrote this while i was waiting between eye drops....thank you so much. I will post later this evening.... Notes at Exit 99 I pulled off the highway at exit 99 How many times have I done this, I thought. How many times have I parked in the shade of this same tree. Until 2010 a zillion times...always with Bill Often with Buffy, then with Bentley... A good place for the dog to pee A rest stop, lunch stop I have traveled this road often over the years... To mom's funeral, To family events, To dad's death bed...and hearing him say "I love you" for the first time ever. And for visits when mom was aging When Jim needed relief from caregiving Or when Jim needed caregiving Yes exit 99 is Full of memories and right now Full of tears As I drove this familiar road again for the 10th time in as many weeks My mind flitted about like that butterfly I released Earlier today... Trapped in a three story glass death chamber The lobby of a medical building would be his demise. Others saw him, smiled and walked on. I could not. I could not breathe knowing this delicate lovely Creature would die a slow death if he could not Be released to the world beyond the windows. And Knowing his species was dying-more reason to act. Can I catch him? He was way above my head At first, then down, then beyond, then up again. I waited...watched...hoping he would light within my reach If even for a moment. And then he was in front of me...flitting..a bit tired And landing on the wall just in front of my heart center I calmly reach out and let my hands gently, ever so gently, form a cocoon around his weary body When he moved within my gentle hold I also moved so one hand separated Him from the wall he clung to tenaciously. Can I open the door...if not, two women smiling at me would But as I carried this miracle, this treasure, ever so gently Towards the doors, they opened.... I was free...and because I was...so would this Monarch be. I walked several feet away from the door so he would not Fly back to what would surely be his tomb Opening my hands over my head....and with relief and joy I Watched that lovely miracle of nature fly away. The old women sitting in the lobby clapped when I returned Everyone else hurried on their way _________________ Bentley is now wanting onto my lap....perfect end to a long long two days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Beautiful, Mary. Rest now and we can worry less that one of our own is safe at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Dearest Mary, I am very happy to hear you are home. HRH Mary was looking to see if you had posted, but had to go to rehearsal. You have been through a lot this past few months, and I hope you are making a resolution to be as kind, gentle, loving, caring, restful, and peaceful with yourself as you can imagine the next few months. Forget the wedding: tell them to send videos. Your must rest and let your eyes, heart, and emotional balance all return to health. Even if others are not always 'there' for you, please be so loving to yourself that you are always present with yourself with compassion, gentleness, and caring. Pretend you are your own dear patient, please. Your poem is fitting, metaphorical, beautiful, and filled with the promise of your own freedom from this prison of poor sight. Your heart is filled to overflowing with love and awareness, and it is always a joy to read your words. Blessings, go heal your eyes and share love with Bentley, as Bill watches both of you and smiles in your heart. Much Love, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 Welcome home, dear Mary. Welcome home ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted August 30, 2013 Report Share Posted August 30, 2013 Dear Mary, Thank you for the butterfly. Glad to hear the eyes are ok. Rest now. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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