Eyes - Mary's, Queen Mary's, Kay's And Anyone Else Here...

[feralfae]

Oh, Dear Mary,

You have come so very far, through two surgeries, all the family issues, and now you are on the other side of so many things. It feels to me as though 14 September has some special energy for you, since you cared about your self and followed your heart enough to be available and within range of going to see your eye doctor on the 14th. I think it is good karma and beautiful synchronicity.

Things are arranging themselves on your behalf, have you noticed? I am smiling for you, dear one. Just keep on taking very good care, gentle care, resting care, of your whole being.

Nothing you said over there sounded preachy: it all sounded loving and concerned, thank you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Queeniemary]

Mary, I am very hopeful that this light sensitivity is a temporary thing for you. The short lived sensitivity I had from the laser procedure was no fun. I am doing very well, and go back next week on the 18th to see if the procedure has helped the pressure. I no longer have to take the prednisone drops, so now only have to do drops 5 times a day. Have been off the computer pretty much since last Friday. Had a full and pretty good weekend. Saw the Jersey Boys musical at the Walton Arts Center in Fayetteville, AR on Friday night, and then my friend Tom and I drove to my brothers in Hot Springs for the rest of the weekend. Had a very good time. The concert at the Sat. night Hot Springs Bike Rally was by Grand Funk Railroad (I had never heard of them) really was awful...they really think louder is better. I could feel my heart reverberate!! My ears hurt even. However that was only an hour out of the weekend, the rest was great. Got home yesterday about 2pm, and had rehearsal last night. So tired when I finally got to go to bed last night. Still little tired today.

Just wanted to check in and let you all know I am still alive, and kicking.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

fae, I like the way you think...it is strange how all this has lined up but, frankly, it is not unusual in my life. I feel sad that I can't go to my friend's brother's funeral Saturday. She was here yesterday to pick up advanced directive papers etc. for Wisconsin and The Conversation Project papers. All her kids will be here and she is planning to have The Conversation and they have all agreed. She is someone who understands too well dysfunctional but loving families and who called me every single morning for many months to make sure I was ok and up. She has a history with pain...a wounded healer but fairly frenetic so I have to moderate time with her.

Queen Mary, I am concerned about this light sensitivity. I talked to the technician yesterday and she said the drops dry my already dry eyes and when my eyes are dry the lights are worse...so is my vision. I am crossing my fingers and talking to Bill about it...I was close to blind in Costco...everything was blurring up. I am glad it happened so I can talk to Sharon about it. I am pretty tired to drive back again. I thought I would have another week but I will do it.

I am glad you are making headway. I am anxious, as are you, to see if the pressures are down. Mine won't drop until the drops are done she said...about 3 weeks AFTER they are done so you might ask about that. Forward....

[feralfae]

HRH Mary,

Thank you for checking in. I am glad to hear that your eyes are doing well and healing. Your poor ears, though, from the noise. I will not call it music.

I look forward to your report of the 18th.

Congratulations on a good weekend!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Nor would Bill call it music. Nor would I. It is unadulterated noise.

[feralfae]

Bill's Mary,

Is it time to ask someone to drive for you, even if you need to get a hotel room for them for the night? You are sounding worn down and if not a the end of your energy, then working through the last ergs.

You have done so well through all of this time of surgeries and emotional flip-flops, and maybe it is time to ask for and accept some help from a friend to get you to and back from the Doc. You are a fiercely independent person (takes one to know one) and maybe now it is time to ask for some help, eh?

I wish I were closer and could drive you down, although we would need to go in my slightly ratty old Honda CRV, with about 200,000 miles on it but still running fine after 12 years. I'd dream the MG for us, but your eyes do not need all that wind right now.

... I am smiling. A few months ago, I though by now I would be "all better" and out cruising in the little car. Not this summer, and I accept that as a part of this journey. Sometimes, I really do hate this journey.

Anyway, I hope you will consider letting someone drive you down and back, so you can look forward to relaxing on the drives, maybe watching the scenery, and also, mostly, so that you can relax and not need to anticipate the struggle to drive down and back. Find someone who can "walk to the altar" with you both ways (BFJ) so that you can be more within and loving and healing yourself, and less without, watching the traffic. You just need a lot of healing from all of this. This is huge stress.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

fae, thanks for your idea but I am really better off alone. I will have to not dawdle going down but coming home I can take my time. I know if I am late, she will still see me so I do not get frantic. I may just have to wait a bit.

I just learned a lot about glasses. I went down to the place where I will get my glasses. If my Rx changes up to one year, they replace the lenses at no cost. My MDs place is 6 months. I got an optician with 34 years experience and she used an iPad to show me the various types of lenses, how one sees through progressive no line, and through the digital HD lenses. Things have changed. No glare. She said by getting the no glare coating it will help with the glare i am battling. She did not recommend UV and said I need to be using sun glasses ALL the time. Medicare will help but not 100% by ANY means. I looked at frames. She suggested I not get computer glasses until I see if I need or want them and if i do not like progressives they will replace them with lined...which no one buys anymore. Progressives have changed since 25 years ago when I tried them. She will work with me. She also suggested I wait on sun glasses until I see if my eyes change over the next couple of months. When the day comes that I can or choose not to make the trip to Chicago for eye care, I will be using an ophthalmologist from this group. If I ever need corneal transplants, however (which is a possibility) I will see Sharon at least for a consult.

I am tired for that drive but plan to spend tomorrow and Thursday/Friday sleeping and resting. Having a friend in for dinner tomorrow but casual. I do casual very well. I am not into fancy.

[kayc]

You'll have to be super careful with the anti-glare finish on your lenses, it is very soft and scratches easily. I refuse it any more because I've had so much problem with it ruining lenses. Make sure you clean your glasses under running water, can't wipe stuff off dry, I mean you have to be RELIGIOUS about it or it scratches the lens.

I love my Progressives and have had no problem whatsoever adjusting to them, I do think they have come a long way because I had a friend that would get sick to her stomach and dizzy from them years ago, but I've been wearing mine a few years now with no problems.

You might consider the snap on sunglasses that come with the prescription frames. They're magnetic and you just touch them to the front of your glasses and voila, they're in place! I love mine, great for driving and much easier than "switching glasses". The frames cost a little more as they come as a set, but way cheaper than buying two separate pairs of eyewear.

I hope you enjoy dinner with your friend tomorrow!

[mfh]

I talked to her about the anti glare and they have a new finish now. She showed me how scratch resistant they are. I had them years ago also and cleaning them drove me nuts but she says they are like night and day now. We shall see but I WILL be careful. Thank you.

I tried progressives many years ago and actually vomited from the and lived nauseated until I returned them. She showed me the differences on the iPad between then and now. This company is really into the future with their technology.

I also had the magnetic sunglasses but the ones they had did not come with frames I like. There is a thing called cocoon...sort of old lady like (sorry, I guess I am an old lady of sorts) and i may start with those until I see if my glasses work. I am not a major outdoor person mostly walking and driving now..as opposed to the past with hiking, biking, cross country skiiing, etc. Though I may get those skis out again someday

Thanks, Kay. This gal has had me to dinner more times than I can count so I am going to start having one or two friends over a couple times a month when I feel like it.

Take care

mary

[mfh]

I am trying to decide whether or not to stop at my life long friend Cathy's on the way home from my eye appointment which is Saturday at 1pm. I do plan to stay at a h/motel Saturday night but could get up early, drive to Cathy's and still get home or stay at Cathy's that night (Sunday) and drive home Monday and get Bentley. I told her I needed to postpone my decision until I see what happens Saturday.

Cathy has been unable to be there for me this past year due to her own serious health issues and I have been pretty much unable to be there for her these past few months the way I would be normally. She told me today that she feels she is getting weaker. That scared the bejeebers out of me. She just had surgery #3 since November. Her husband started chemo this week. A heavy load. Her daughter, her daughter's partner and her former SIL (a woman who has been a missionary all her life all over the world) are on deck as well as some other local friends but she specifically asked if I could stop...at least for lunch (out somewhere for privacy). I hope I can without making myself too much more tired. I certainly want to. It is also easier than driving back down.

I leave here at 6am Saturday leaving extra time as usual for traffic etc.. I have a 1pm eye appointment and I suspect she will dilate. I won't get to my m/hotel (I have no clue which it is but it is nice) until at least 6 or 7pm. Maybe 5 if I am lucky. I was planning to be home by 1 to get Bentley (window is 1-2 or 7-8). So we shall see. No matter what, if all goes well at the MD, I will take my Rx in on Monday and have glasses by the 25th or so. Alleluia.

[HAP]

Dear Mary,

If you can do it at all, see her--even if it means an extra night in a hotel. The tone of this sounds like she really needs to see you--and that you really need to see her.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

Mary,

I so hope you can see Cathy...it is sad that the two of you have been hit at the same time.

And I hope you get home in time to get Bentley and not have to put it off another day.

[enna]

Dear Mary,

There are always reasons why things work out the way they do. I know how important it will be for you to see Cathy and I also know that you will do what is best for your health. Your job will be to do what is best for you. I am so sorry that Cathy is having troubles right now. She has had a very rough number of months as have you.

I know you are wanting this eye stuff to be over! You will be in our hearts. Keep us updated when you can. Anne

[mfh]

Well, I guess I will play it by ear. After the long drive up and back...I suspect I will NOT stop and I know she will understand as I have understood the choices she has had to make. We have 40+ years behind us....there is trust that on occasion gets tested but never destroyed. I canceled going to the wedding because it felt like too much...6 days in a row of "being on", airports, etc. and I did that to avoid another setback in energy gathering. I WILL do it again. If something was going on that she needs to talk about, she would tell me and we would do phone time which we seldom do but we do as needed. I will also ask her directly about that. Thanks for listening and responding. I have to keep in mind that stopping for lunch adds at least 90 minutes to my already 5 hour drive.

Peace

Mary

[feralfae]

Mary,

I am proud of you for listening to your own needs, for listening to your own heart.

I want to say to you to focus first and almost only on you the next couple of months. You do need to gather energy, and you need as much energy as you can gather to rise from these recent traumas, as well as to heal and return to better overall radiant health.

I am glad Cathy is a close enough friend that you can talk with her about anything. I love those friends of so long a time that we can almost just talk shorthand, like Nain, Pauline, Karen. I think we all need friends like that, who can lean on us at times when we are strong enough, and who hold us up as well.

You plan of scooting on to home and Bentley sounds good to me.

I was thinking, after my lovely salad lunch with a big glass of lemonade, which I enjoyed on the patio while birds chirped, honey bees gathered, and a butterfly fluttered down on the table, that I would like some chocolate. Lovely idea. I remembered: I have Callebaut Drops!!! Woo Hoo! I am about to enjoy one right now.

Good for you, and also, thank you for being a very good example.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Wifflesnook]

In the Uk we just done have these long drives. I count two hours as long enough. With everything going on with yourself, Mary, it sounds as though you need to think about you for a change. But I'm so very sorry about Cathy.

[mfh]

Well, thank you all. I always need to sit with decisions and am pretty clear that I will come straight home...99%. I am getting so good with saying no. How far will this go??? Thanks, Mary

[kayc]

Sometimes you need to make time for friends and sometimes you need to wait...you'll know what to do.

[mfh]

Well, I found out how much computer time is too much computer time! Argh.

I am not going to,stop at Cathy"s. the thought of the longer drive, and more is too much.....

Mary going off line....

[feralfae]

Her doc will scold her when she reads today's notes on eye use, I bet.

There is no way to stop her. We might as well let her run.

*<twinkles>*

fae

natter moved to transformations

[Queeniemary]

Mary, will be thinking about you tomorrow as you drive, safe travel. I know you are very anxious to get the eye glasses prescription. Also you will be glad for a chance to talk to Sharon about this light sensitivity. I will report my eye pressure next Wednesday, I am so very hopeful for good news. Then the next week I have the Cataract evaluation with the eye doctor. I will be glad when all this is behind me. I think I have heard those words before, right Mary.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

I had a lovely dream about Bill last night and Bentley was also in it...just loving each other...I always love those good dreams. It did, however, send me to tears at 3am when it awoke me. So when I woke up this morning, I woke sad and thought it was the dream but I am sad because today my entire family including in laws is gathering in the picturesque art village of Rockport, MA (on Cape Ann) for my niece's wedding and I am here. The saddest piece of this is that IF I were there, I would feel almost as far away from them as I do sitting here in the Midwest. Love is clearly there on all our parts but the connection is challenged by judgments (theirs and mine).

After my dream I had this image of my heart and how the Bill part of it is torn away never to return and then there are other parts that hurt: the loneliness for Bill on the road ahead; family pain; mom and dad gone; Cathy pain at several levels; my closest girlfriends who died (Betty, Barbara, Mary Ellen esp Betty and Barbara) and other friends who have died; Syria and world and human pain (a long list); and our Buffy (our first dog). I was listening to a book (No Sad Dogs in Heaven) when I went back to sleep (I make brilliant choices sometimes). I know we all have a long list of hurt. I know mine is even longer than this list but it all came of came down like an avalanche when I awoke burying me so deep the entire world felt dark and breath came with no reassurance of the next. So I just laid there for a long time first going over the dreams and then trying to regain my peace, practicing lovingkindness, being grateful, and coming back to the now of today...so generously sprinkled with so many gifts and incredible people like you and others.

I will drop Bentley off late afternoon as I must leave early in the morning before the kennel opens. If I have to leave 30 min or so earlier they let me bring him early but Saturdays are different....opening is at 8am, 2 hours after I leave. I HATE leaving him again. He gets his teeth cleaned next week...and groomed on the 27th. Two appointments that are way overdue as the groomer changed her schedule and I hate having his teeth cleaned so I keep postponing it as they have to put him under....but last night I looked at his gums and said to myself- no more postponing.

I WILL pick him up from the kennel Sunday at either 1 or 7 depending how much I lollygag around at the hotel on Sunday morning. I am not stopping at Cathy's. I explained to her a month ago when she asked if I would stop on one of my trips that it was too tiring and I am too tired. Then she asked again this week. I must say no. She forgets or doesn't hear me. This should be the last trip for a couple, if not 3 or 4 months...SHOULD being the operative word. I will not be on line much today because I want to rest my eyes for the drive. I pushed it way way too hard yesterday and I know it does not hurt my eyes (says MD) or I would not do it but it is not comfortable...and with the drops still going into my dry eyes (from drops and age) they blur esp when I strain. All more than you ever want or need to know.

Today I have some brief errands and pack a few things. I will be back on later in the day. It is such a gift when I had.have such horrific pain this morning to have a place to share it knowing the words and pain fall into the hearts of people who get it and who care. A blessing-this site....as my tears still fall.

I have no clients today-I cancelled them-one is in Europe for a few months and we will actually Skype sessions starting next week...the other drives about 250 miles round trip (and I thought I was nuts for driving so far for my eyes) and we do two hour sessions twice a month. And I rescheduled her. I guess I am the long distance therapist or perhaps international This is, btw, a fluke...not typical.

I will check in tonight. I carry all of you in my heart...every single one of you. How special you are and how special this place by the fire. When I re-read this all I see is the word "I"...not a good thing.

Peace

Mary

[mfh]

Mary, will be thinking about you tomorrow as you drive, safe travel. I know you are very anxious to get the eye glasses prescription. Also you will be glad for a chance to talk to Sharon about this light sensitivity. I will report my eye pressure next Wednesday, I am so very hopeful for good news. Then the next week I have the Cataract evaluation with the eye doctor. I will be glad when all this is behind me. I think I have heard those words before, right Mary.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

Thank you, Mary. I know you are concerned, rightfully so, about the pressures but do not be surprised if they are still high. Those eye drops have to be out of your system for about 3 weeks I am told. According to the technician on the phone this week, the light sensitivity is probably the result of the eye drops drying my eyes and the strain of monovision. I will watch for your pressure results and feel free to call, of course. Is this cataract eval for surgery? If so it is a series of tests...they tire your eyes but are non invasive if yours are like mine were. They take about 120 readings per eye. Yes, WE will be glad when it is over. I also have to say that seeing (no pun) mine wind down (as yours winds up) is allowing me to see how all this has distracted me and when it is over there is this space...sort of a void where all of what I was distracted from rears up. Sort of like the feeling people have post-hospital stay...Keep in touch, mary

[kayc]

I will be relieved when both of you are past the eye treatments and on the other side of it! I can only begin to imagine and it scares me for what lies ahead in my future. It's one thing to go through this with a husband and quite another alone.

[MartyT]

I see from your post in Fae's thread that you've arrived safely at your ophthalmologist's office, Mary, and we are relieved. We know you got precious little sleep last night, which is not a good thing when you have all that driving ahead of you. Wishing you an excellent report from your MD, and hoping you get lots of quiet time, rest and relaxation in your hotel room this evening. ♥