Eyes - Mary's, Queen Mary's, Kay's And Anyone Else Here...

[kayc]

Wow, Mary, that is a lot! I still have four years to go for Medicare and just learned today that my boss is considering dropping insurance. He will either drop it or go to ins. where we split the cost and has a high deductible. I prefer the latter to the former. I can't live w/o ins.!

[mfh]

I just planted the third mum, did some fall cleanup and it feels good except for the old lady body pain. It took me all day on and off to do 90 minutes work. I still have 3 more tomorrow. We are desperate for rain here.

Kay, Medicare is whittling away at coverage and many clinics are refusing even though the payment they get though a little bit outdated is the actual fair cost. I was told they pay for the new lenses but if I want no line I have to pay $105. Not bad. The frames are another story. They pay all,of $69 or 79 and you pay the rest which is quite a bit based on previous purchases. I know Walmart and other places have cheapo frames for that amount and frankly I use them for my computer glasses as I only use them for the pc. But for the rest...$79 is a drop in the old bucket.

Most companies are now having the employee split insurance premiums. As a self employed person I always paid all of it and the last one before my Medicare had a '$5000 deductible which I never used as my medical was always less than that per year. Blessed with health so it was catastrophic insurance. The premium for that was unreasonable however. I hope your insurance coverage continues...yes it is essential.

I am done for the day. Over extended myself...waiting for the sun to set to walk my bored pup. Hot here.

Mary

[kayc]

I know, my glasses usually cost about $700 because of all of the prisms I have...last time I even used my old frames, which I undoubtedly will again. I know Medicare is sadly lacking, but it beats nothing. I also know it's a challenge to find a doctor that accepts it. I mourn the loss of my old doctor that I had for 33+ years, he couldn't afford to stay in business! I wouldn't mind splitting the ins. premium and having a high deductible, at least it'd still be coverage and I requested to that affect. Ins. is one of the reasons I work! I make less money than I did eleven years ago and have a high commuting expense I didn't have then. I think the only way people with min. wage exist is the gov't hand outs they get...hand outs that will likely come to an end soon, I don't know what they'll do then. They already room with people they can't stand and eat high carb diets they wish they could avoid, just to make ends meet. My heart goes out to people nowadays, it's just hard to survive! I too like not having a "line" and since my glasses have so many prisms, I'd probably have to have two lines if I didn't have progressives. I can't wear WalMart frames, they're too big, and children's is too small. I can't get Costco because if the lens prescription is off, I would have to eat it...judging from what I went through last time (eight trips and it still isn't right), I pretty much have to have the doctor and the dispensing optician be at one place.

We're supposed to start getting thunder storms tomorrow again. I hope you get your rain!

[mfh]

Kay, Medicare is still excellent. Except for the ambulance ride. Home for Bill following a hospital,stay, I never saw a bill for years. We also had AARP medical that covers IF ,edicare covers.

[mfh]

I am sitting here being pretty peeved right now...and that is a mild word for what I am feeling. I do not get angry often. I called the motel 3-4 days ago twice trying to cancel my reservation for this wedding. No response so I emailed twice, once on Tuesday and again on Thursday. Yesterday I got a one sentence reply: "I will respond tomorrow". Not even a signature. I explained that I was unable to come due to recent surgery and apologized for not cancelling sooner but was waiting until this time in case I was able to make it. mea culpa!

The last sentence of this brief reply today is what I am peeved about. It reads:

"You could reconsider and join Katelyn for her wedding."

I do not know these people. They do not know me. Never met them. This response sounds just like my sister. Maybe it is just New England style but to me it is rude, inappropriate, crass, insensitive and judgmental. Is that enough???

I want this wedding to go away and that saddens me. I hope this is the end of it. But I suspect I will never be forgiven by my sibs for not showing up. I wrote Katelyn and Josh (who I have never met) a nice personal note early today....

Argh!!! I think two hours with Tara Brach is just what I need today.

Thanks for listening to my rant...again. It is so nice to have a place to dump this before I leave for Tara.

Peace (yes, peace!)

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

I am laughing out loud, so happy you are dumping here and lightening your spirit before you go hear Tara. You are doing a super job of letting stuff flow.

No, that was rude from the hotel. If you have told them of a medical condition, and they are being that insensitive, you have a right to acknowledge the insult to yourself and repair from it, most definitely.

I especially hope you have a marvelous time with Tara, and you know we will all be waiting for the latest great quotes and concepts.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[HAP]

Dear Mary,

This is not New England style. We may be gruff and pushy, but this is way over the top. I want the name o this place so I can put them on my boycott list.

Peace,

Harry

[mfh]

Dear Friends, It has been a lovely evening, a challenging evening, and a sad evening all at once. I will start at the end. This was the first time I have driven at night since surgery. I never even gave it a thought until I got in the car and saw how bright the headlights were and how much more annoying the stars around lights were...it was a tricky drive home when I was tired. Going backwards...the sound system tonight, coupled with Tara's soft voice and my hearing aids was so frustrating. Everyone was having trouble hearing her and the technicians did not solve the problem...I turned up my hearing aids (keep in mind that I am about 9 feet from her) but that just magnified every cough, every paper rattle, etc. Argh!!! It was entirely frustrating. Given all that, I still enjoyed the talk but had to really strain to get it and lost many words, read lips, etc. I saw a friend tonight, a fellow therapist who was on staff at our clinic in Madison. We hugged forever. I have been in contact with her via FB and we were looking for each other. I have not seen her since 1995. Her mom just died, her husband is at high risk with heart stuff....she knows Bill died and like everyone I ever met, she loved him...so we stood in the aisle before the talk and cried and talked and promised we would get together soon. She retired last week and it was tough because like Bill and me, she works with clients in a very warm, caring and deep way and though she prepared all of them and tried to wean them, they kept scheduling appts so that she ended up with all the good-byes in one week...last week. Hard on her. So moving right along...Tara's talk was excellent...several meditations, not much new as I know her work well but it still was all very relevant to my struggles and being with this very genuine person in person was moving. Lots of sadness and mixed feelings as I drove home.

I will post more on her tomorrow. i am tired. my eyes are popping out of my head. Tonight was a mixed bag....sat with a friend. The hall was full, standing room only. We went early so it was a 5 hour sit or more. When Cheri hit the gong, the silence descended rapidly and we were off and running. It was inspiring. Cheri Maples was there. She is a former Madison police officer, friend of Tara's, who was the first in the nation to train the officers (Madison cops) in mindfulness...all great people

Must do more on this tomorrow. It is 11pm and I am weary.

Peace,

Mary

[feralfae]

Thank you dear Mary,

Sleep, rest, and heal.

See you when you are ready to be here.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

Mary,

That was very unprofessional, and I hope you'll report whoever replied so rudely to you to their higher ups and demand a response! I am infuriated with you! It is none of their business, and for gosh sakes, you already stated your very legitimate reason! Try to separate the wedding from everyone's insensitivity/rudeness and hold it in light of what it is, the happiest day of your niece's life, and the very important decision to unite with her beloved, just as you did with Bill. Try not to let your family's nastiness to ruin for you what should be a beautiful moment, and I do hope they'll send you a video so you can watch this precious exchange of vows. As for the others...lots of meditation is needed...breathe in, breathe out...

♥

[mfh]

Kay, it was the owner! It is over...I have let go of it. I thank you for your support. She has to live with herself. Someday she will know...perhaps.

Thanks, Kay

Mary

[kayc]

Well, personally I wouldn't give a rat's fig about what her opinion is, she's already shown herself to be low class in her behavior, but I do hope she honors your request for the cancellation without a charge.

[feralfae]

Kay, I love your feistiness. "Rat's fig?" I am smiling.

fae

[mfh]

Kay, it took a few hours but that is exactly how I feel. I really could not care less. This whole wedding thing and the loss of Bill and other family things in the past 3 years opened up a Pandora's box that I did not expect to be opened....it all makes sense why but I just was not thinking that way...I was focused on Bill and grief and my own life as I had been for years...not those old issues that were never resolved because they can not be resolved. But which I had learned how to deal with, with Bill's help. Secondary losses all over the place.

I know this might be tough but what if you got written permission from your sisters...typed up and signed and even made legal and took it or mailed it to their physicians requesting Handicapped cards for each of their cars...and even yours since you drive them a lot and that will increase over time most likely. In the end it would pay off. I mean you and I are no spring chickens and i have lifted wheelchairs in and out of cars for many people in my life and they are clumsy and heavy and usually you are doing it many times on one trip. Tara Brach said last night that we do not do enough self compassion because we do not see ourselves as "enough" so we keep trying to do and be more. She put her hand on her heart (explaining that the heat of your hand there actually affects the entire nervous and circulatory systems) and says to herself: I love you, sweetheart!!! I will post more notes later.

Love

Mary

[enna]

Kay

Mary, I am patiently waiting for a Tara report. Thank you for your outreach last night. I am still waiting on a call from the vet hospital. They may be waiting on Benji's vet.

Fae, I need you to write a book.

My hand is on my heart and I do love me. Thank you, Tara.

[mfh]

Well, life is a classroom and today I learned a few lessons...some that hardly matter....others matter. Some for the umpteenth time.

First, new lesson: never go into Costco to shop on a dark gray day right after you have had cataract surgery....I asked the clerk why the lights were so bright. She explained that the sensors read how much light is coming in and the less light that is coming in...the brighter the lights. I could hardly see...and I wonder if my eyes will always be this sensitive...I hate the glasses that get darker in bright light and sun but....do I need them? I like to see people's eyes and sunglasses (which i know I need outside) and those that darken in bright rooms prevent seeing someone's eyes as well.

Second, never go to Costco when I am feeling vulnerable because I believe I was never in Costco without Bill until he could not go any longer. We usually tied a trip to Costco in with lunch in Madtown or a movie or both. Difficult shopping trip today. Grief never goes away and hits anywhere. These lessons are repeats...many repeats.

Third, I am about to make another turn on my labyrinth walk. I feel it in my bones...that means letting go of something. I know I never ever have to or will let go of Bill but I also know that I will be in new places as I continue walking this labyrinth.

Fourth, all the groceries do not have to be put away all at once....just get the stuff in the fridge and go sit down.

Fifth, when a major distraction like eye surgery is winding down as a focal point, the emptiness and sadness of my life surfaces again. I have learned this lesson many times. It is like going out somewhere and when we come home...that emptiness is waiting on the other side of the garage door.

There were a few more but I forgot them already as I got refocused on the Wild West Days that held up traffic and Bentley's needs and...who knows what.

[kayc]

Mary,

I would ask the doctor if this sensitivity is a temporary thing or here to stay but my guess would be it's temporary.

[mfh]

I am trying to get to my meditation room but remembered I needed to call my eye MD to double check on my next appt since it was not clear...one day on one paper and another on a second. I learned that she is skipping town the week I am scheduled (she does this when she needs to) and I was offered an appointment for the 14th..Saturday...the day of the wedding. (First I was going to a wedding that day, then a Mindfulness retreat, then a funeral and now my eye exam) So I scheduled it because their glass maker and the local one at the huge clinic in Madison both offer a 6 month free replacement if my eyes change during that 6 months which can happen as the new lenses settle in more. Hence the wait after surgery. So I grabbed that appointment and will have glasses by the 24th of September. It SHOULD (big word) be the last trip for 3-5 months. I hate driving down there in winter so I will see when she wants me back within that window. I might stay at that motel again instead of doing this in one day. Sort of hate spending the money...but....

NOW I am going to go meditate....and settle down. I got one more mum planted and some dead stuff pulled or cut off. Two mums to go and they WILL get in TODAY.

[enna]

Good news. You are listening to your needs. Kuddos to you. Kuddos to you, Mary.

[MartyT]

Mary, dear, I think somehow your angels (including Bill) may have had a hand in scheduling your eye appointment for the 14th ~ the day of the wedding. Ah, synchronicity! What perfect timing! ♥

[mfh]

I agree, Marty. I did not even know she worked on Saturdays...once a month I am told. I just spent over an hour trying to get a reservation at a motel as i decided to stay Saturday night in case she dilates me which I am positive she will. I think the entire world is staying at motels within an hour of her office that night but i found one 45 minutes away...an awesome Hyatt suite, 48 inch TV, ROOM service and only $84....the next at any other place I checked was $129. I read the reviews because I was certain this has to be a bad bad motel but it is in a lovely area that I know well and got 4.5 stars out of 5 from users. So, Bentley goes back to the kennel Friday night as i have to leave before their Saturday hours start and pick him up Sunday at 1pm..adding another $60 to the room...oh, well, I will come home with an Rx and get glasses here at Davis Duehr (best ophthalmology offices in Madison...and they will guarantee the lenses for a year in case my eyes change in that year. Amen!!!!

Ironically, I am the one who pushed her to take some time off....she really needed it and January in Hawaii for a conference was the next getaway. She must have heard me.

This is all very weird...Sept. 14...a day to remember.

[kayc]

I am glad for you, Mary, and glad you will get it taken care of. I hope you don't have a difficult time getting to the hotel though! The last time I drove home with eyes dilated it was really really hard!

[mfh]

I will go to a nearby Panera and wait until I am sure I can drive and I have a GPS. I will not drive until I am able to see. She used to use a reverse dilation as it is dangerous to dilate my eyes due to the narrow angle glaucoma but they took it off the market because 1 person out of what, a million, had a problem with it. When she used that, I was good to go in an hour. Thanks for your concern, Kay.

[kayc]

Good...I remember how hard the lights were, tail lights, head lights, even markers!

[mfh]

I will NOT be doing any night driving until I talk with my surgeon and learn about my sensitivity to light. I feel as if I am not out of the woods yet. It is hard to see how glasses are going to bring me to vision that is clear and relaxed. We shall see. Trying to be positive here.