iPraiseHim Posted December 31, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 I'm having a difficult time this week. Computer and printer issues. Very lonely and missing my wife. I plan to go to bed early New Year's Eve since my wife is not around to kiss. The singleness is very heavy right now. Shalom. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 George, I know we will all be missing our spouses on the night that tradition was a kiss at midnight. We're not used to being single so suddenly. Nor do we want to be. Unlike those still seeking their perfect partner, we did and....here we are. Alone. Sleep well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 1 hour ago, iPraiseHim said: I'm having a difficult time this week. Computer and printer issues. Very lonely and missing my wife. I plan to go to bed early New Year's Eve since my wife is not around to kiss. The singleness is very heavy right now. Shalom. I plan on doing the same......even if I have to make it a drug-induced sleep....just can't take it. No "happy" in the new year for me, not without my beloved. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 George, I'm sorry you're having computer & printer issues again! I hope you get it straightened out without too much hassle. I hate tech problems! New Years isn't a big deal to me, the whole couple kissing at midnight thing...I'll just try to ignore, much too painful! A day like any other... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 This has been the worst Year of my Life,,, I know there is room for improvement next year, but like some one stated earlier ,never assume "it can't get any worse"..........\I am grateful I have my Health, I am grateful my family all have their Health.........I am praying 2016 will be a better year on this Planet, we deserve one.....................following the Missouri and Mississippi flooding........now that's bad.... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 On 31.12.2015 at 6:46 AM, kayc said: George, I'm sorry you're having computer & printer issues again! I hope you get it straightened out without too much hassle. I hate tech problems! New Years isn't a big deal to me, the whole couple kissing at midnight thing...I'll just try to ignore, much too painful! A day like any other... Oh my dear Kay, I also can´t look at those happy couples around.Lately I was sitting in the church and in front of me saw a couple holding each other all along.If you could know how much it hit me then.My eyes were full of tears and my heart was hurtful.Those moments brought me back to my "why" once again.It´s so painful!Around the holidays it was the same.I was walking down the street and saw an old couple hand in hand.Another "why" hit me one more time.Sometimes I wonder how I´ve survived it all by now.I must be very strong person.I want my beloved Jan back...so much...he is everything I´m living for every second of my life...the best I can. Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 My New Year's Eve was spent alone, just as my Christmas Eve was, and my New Year's Day I was not only alone, but without electricity all day, so I spent the day reading and stoking the fire with my dog to keep me company. George and I wanted to grow old together, but it's my curse to have to do it alone I reckon. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 Dear Kay... Sorry about you not having power...but my New Year's Eve was a very early night. Something, or someone awoke me just before midnight; and it wasn't any of the dogs. Once awake, I heard all the firecrackers and gunshots (yes, here in Houston there seems to be the need to shoot off guns...they scare my poor Pongo). New Year's Day I spent with my mother in law, and some of his siblings. I took off Wednesday and Thursday (we were closed on New Year's). My plan was to attack all the projects I have waiting for me. I wanted to put together the chiminea I bought in Mark's honor, but it required a bigger screwdriver than I could find...Mark's tools are in various places and I searched and searched to no avail. I cleaned my kitchen sink really good. I need to clean all the pots and pans; they got dusty when Mark's stove top got put in. The cypress tree in my back yard is now shedding its "leaves" and two out of three dogs carry it in the house every time they go out...it attaches like Velcro to their fur. I HATE that tree and I would LOVE to bring it down. Everything I attempted today seemed to just require more than I wanted to do. I put up some old curtains over my patio door...but don't like them. I did a lot of screaming today. And some crying...tired of everything being such an effort. There was a bright spot. On my kitchen window I have a bird feeder attached with suction cups...so I could watch the little birds when they were looking for food. Well, to my surprise, sitting in the feeder was a medium size squirrel just having a good dinner. I had wondered how the feed had gone down so much...well, now I know. I got quite a few pics of him sitting there. I haven't spent much time over the holidays writing in my journal. I have moved from watching television, to sitting in my studio looking for inspiration. I have the urge to go through things and actually get rid of some stuff. Something about the colder temps stirs my creativity. I found myself on grief support overload...reading too many posts, corresponding with too many people. I went through all my accumulated books on grief and loss. I am giving myself this weekend to sort through and organize and get my mind in a place to focus and begin writing again. Ever since my old supervisor said what she did...I have been kind of jolted loose from dealing with my grief. I know it is not gone, but my mind wants a break for a while. I hope you are at least staying warm...I made some cream of mushroom soup for later and will add a grilled cheese sandwich...comfort food to the max. Reality comes back on Monday, so I am just going to live in my protective bubble for a little while longer and just shut out the world best I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 Maryanne, I'm glad you got to see the squirrel, I have a lot of them around here. They like dropping green cones down on top of Arlie and my heads from 50' up in the air! animals are destressing though, I enjoy all of the wildlife here. I hope it's a long time before the electricity goes out again! When you're on a well, you don't have water, can't flush a toilet, etc. without electricity. Enjoy your bubble! I feel like a bubble day tomorrow...I have the insurance adjuster coming out about the destroyed patio roof from the wind storm 12 days ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 6 hours ago, Froggie4635 said: I found myself on grief support overload...reading too many posts, corresponding with too many people. I went through all my accumulated books on grief and loss. I am giving myself this weekend to sort through and organize and get my mind in a place to focus and begin writing again. I can understand that, Maryann. Sometimes I feel that overload because my entire life feels like nothing but grief. We each have to take breaks if we can. I try when it naturally happens, which isn't very often. I do know I will decline phone calls or conversations if I feel I am in that overload because those are my only thoughts. Can't do the chit chat stuff. What annoys me is if it 'sneak attacks' me when trying to go to sleep. I hope you have a restful Sunday. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 1 hour ago, Gwenivere said: What annoys me is if it 'sneak attacks' me when trying to go to sleep. Oh yeah.......2:57 a.m......I've been up since 4 a.m. yesterday......I'm exhausted, but 3 attempts to lie down & sleep just turned into weep fests.....my brain won't shut up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 WolfsKat, I hope you get some sleep. I've logged too many nights in weep fests too. I hate when my brain waits til the last minute thinking I might get some sleep. Ugh. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 4 hours ago, WolfsKat said: Oh yeah.......2:57 a.m......I've been up since 4 a.m. yesterday......I'm exhausted, but 3 attempts to lie down & sleep just turned into weep fests.....my brain won't shut up. This is what stresses me out in having a job. I don't have time for those kinds of hours and then deal with work and stupid people at work. It's just another stressor. I think I need better sleeping pills too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 3, 2016 Report Share Posted January 3, 2016 George, I haven't seen you back here since my last reply, how are you doing? Are your computer problems ironed out? Leave us alone too long and we can get way off subject! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 On 2.1.2016 at 0:41 AM, kayc said: My New Year's Eve was spent alone, just as my Christmas Eve was, and my New Year's Day I was not only alone, but without electricity all day, so I spent the day reading and stoking the fire with my dog to keep me company. George and I wanted to grow old together, but it's my curse to have to do it alone I reckon. Dear Kay, I also was alone those days you mentioned here,but my friends are calling me as much as possible,so I don´t feel lonely.And how could I with all of you here every single day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 19 hours ago, WolfsKat said: Oh yeah.......2:57 a.m......I've been up since 4 a.m. yesterday......I'm exhausted, but 3 attempts to lie down & sleep just turned into weep fests.....my brain won't shut up. WolfsKat I hope you are sleeping tonight. I hate those nights where sleep is nothing more yah a word in the dictionary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 36 minutes ago, Brad said: WolfsKat I hope you are sleeping tonight. I hate those nights where sleep is nothing more yah a word in the dictionary Thanks Brad......trying! 11 p.m. and it's still eluding me.....only got perhaps 4 hours before....and spent in nightmares. Just took a valium that a friend gave me.....hoping it does the trick, sleep deprivation intensifies the inability to cope. Thanks for your good wishes!!! Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 Sleep deprivation really complicates everything. Makes coping nearly impossible. Sending soothing thoughts my dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 8 hours ago, Brad said: Sleep deprivation really complicates everything. Makes coping nearly impossible. Sending soothing thoughts my dear. Thanks, Brad.......actually got a good,solid 5 hours in.....enough for me, more than I've usually gotten lately! Whether it was the pill, or just sheer exhaustion I've no idea....but grateful for it...yay for sleep! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 12 hours ago, WolfsKat said: sleep deprivation intensifies the inability to cope. You spoke the gospel here. I already needed a lot of sleep before this to feel like I could cope generally. So after all this happened I couldn't sleep at all, I'd wake up and pace the floor. It was awful. Even worse is when my sleeping pills still don't seem to work. (I think I need stronger ones) Mental and physical exhaustion is horrible. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted January 9, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 It sounds strange to me when I say " My wife passed away last year". It makes it sound more distant. Shalom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 George, what gets to me more is other people think that and I should be feeling 'better' about it. Little do they know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 9 hours ago, iPraiseHim said: It sounds strange to me when I say " My wife passed away last year". It makes it sound more distant. Shalom George......I understand that. For me, it feels so surreal.......sometimes it feels as if Connor's death was just a few days ago....and other times, it feels like I've already been living the nightmare of losing him for eons! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 Grief, besides torturing us, puts us in a time warp where time can seem so distant and yet so imminent. One hundred sixty-four days is both yesterday and a lifetime ago. How I long for a time when one day melds into the next. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 For me, I don't have that feeling it happened recently anymore. The longer it is, the more lonely it is becoming. Now I have to say I haven't talked to or had any contact with Steve for almost 15 months. We've never been apart that long and it hurts so much. So as the time clicks by day after day, I feel sadder I am farther away from those times. The days do meld into the next, but the result is the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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