Tammy is with me, I'm sure now

[mittam99]

There just have been too many unusual, even mind boggling things that have happened since Tammy died to deny this. And I'm not talking about people saying "she will always be with you". Those people referring to memories and just the love I have inside for my Tammy for always. No, I'm saying that I am now convinced that she is here with me, helping me, and existing in my life here in the present. No, I can't see her. I can't really feel her presence, per say. Again, I'm not talking about looking around my house and getting a measure of comfort seeing her in every corner of the house. I'm saying Tammy is here but in a way that's beyond my comprehension. But she is here and she is helping me in ways that she can.

Before you start thinking "hmmm... they say grief is a form of insanity", let me assure you I am sane (well, at least as sane as I can be given the circumstances). Let me outline why I believe Tammy is "watching over me" and not only was she my precious angel and one and only in life, she's now my personal angel watching over me.

Tammy's wish was to be buried back in her home State of Illinois, and I made the drive to Illinois for the funeral. Not an easy thing to do... driving 800 miles in massive grief and 16 hours on the road alone. Driving along on the highway in the early AM, I drifted off to sleep... behind the wheel going at least 70mph. Seconds later, I woke up to a loud sound. It was the sound my car bouncing off a concrete construction barrier, lifting up in air a bit and landing. All I could think was "Oh no, my car is wrecked and I won't make it to my own wife's funeral!!" The car surprisingly seemed to still be driving ok. I pulled off at the next rest stop to survey the damage. And ... not a scratch!! Just so you know, I'm a car guy. I've run a major car website and forum for a decade and a half. I know cars. This was impossible. Not a scratch? And the car was tracking true meaning my alignment was still good. Again, it just can't happen. But it did. How did it happen? Tammy, that's how. She knew how anal I was about the car and she certainly needed me to give that eulogy! This was my first thought that somehow Tammy still was with me.

A few days after that I gave more thought to the incident. I was very lucky that I feel asleep on the stretch of highway that had the construction barriers up. Had they not been there, I would have continued to veer into oncoming traffic in the other side and most likely been killed.

Back at home in Maryland, I was on the phone with my niece and the subject of our daughter Katie came up. Katie is a bit of a sore subject for me. She decided to leave home at 18 to live in Illinois. Tammy was not doing well at all at the time and her leaving caused Tammy much anguish and sadness. Anyway, I started to get upset on the phone, telling my niece that Tammy felt like Katie sort of abandoned her and how hurt she was. All of the sudden the ceiling fan in the bedroom beeped and turned itself on... at the highest speed! That scared the "you know what" out of me. It certainly got my attention. Immediately I knew it was Tammy telling me not to get upset. I literally had goose pimples from this incident and told my niece I had to call her back. Fans don't just turn themselves on and if there was a freak electrical thing it wouldn't turn on at the highest speed. Clearly, Tammy wanted me to calm down.

Since then there have been other things that have happened. I often lose my remote controls and when I'm ready to give up I ask Tammy if she knows where the remote is or can help me find it. EVERY time, I find it seconds later. Same thing happened the day I thought I lost my keys. I always panicked when I lost something like that. When Tammy was living she'd always be the voice of calmness and assure me I'd find them and she was always right. And sure enough this time, I found the keys.

Shortly after Tammy's death I was working on the front yard. This unusual butterfly appeared. It was following me everywhere I went. I'd never seen anything like that before. Aren't butterflies supposed to represent rebirth after death?

Today was the day that convinced me Tammy, my angel, is here in the present. We have a blind on one of the windows in our house that's sort of been stuck in the 3/4 closed position for like 3 years. I've tried on a seemingly weekly basis to get it to close completely, to no avail. Today, for the first time, I asked Tammy if she could help me fix it. I thought to myself if somehow, some way, it got fixed Tammy truly was here. So I tried to adjust it the same way I always did. This time I felt a lot of give as I pulled on the cord, and it released to the closed position. I dropped to my knees and sobbed. "Why can't I see you?".

No I can't see her. but, I'm convinced. My sweet, darling, most perfect Tammy... the love of my life is still in my life. Just in a way that's beyond my understanding. 

 

[scba]

Dear Mitch, I would like to contribute with a quote:

"Know that I live on, 

vibrating to a different measure 

--behind a thin veil you cannot see through. 

You will not see me, 

so you must have faith". 

(From the poem Ascension)

 

[brat#2]

Mitch, what a beautiful story and yes I believe she is with you protecting you and helping you.  I believe Dale is with me too, similar things have happened since he died and I felt like it was him that got me through it.  Also other times he is just here and a few times let me know, the hallway floor creaks once in a while when I haven't walked on it, the back door will pop open when I haven't used it for a long time, also the back screen door did the same thing.  When those things happen it kind of freaks me out, but then I just tell myself, Dale is here.  So I do believe they are here with us, just wish we could see, hear and touch them again.

Joyce

[mittam99]

Joyce, here at the house there's a spot in our bedroom where the floor makes a distinct creaking sound when you walk on it. Often when Tammy was alive, I'd call her from the kitchen to let her know dinner was ready. Then, I'd hear her get out of bed to go to the bathroom. The spot was right there... the sound, unmistakable.

Since March 6th, 2015, I've heard the same exact sound on a number of occasions when I've been making food in the kitchen. Mind you, this isn't the house "settling". This is a sound that can only be made when someone walks on it.

At first it did sort of freak me out but realizing it's Tammy there is a sense of comfort but like you said I wish I could touch and see her too.

 

[MartyT]

Mitch, my dear, I cannot count the number of times I've heard of experiences quite similar to yours ~ and I, for one, don't doubt them for a moment. Just now I read an article calling for more research on this phenomenon.

You might appreciate an article I wrote on this very topic, "Am I Going Mad?" ~ Mystical Experiences in Grief 

See also 

 

[Froggie4635]

Dearest Mitch,

I am certain that Tammy is there with you.  I know, because I had an experience that showed me that Mark is watching over me and wanting me to know his presence.  Saturday, I was outside by the flower box in front of the house.  Since our weather has been so warm this winter, the cyclamens that I put in for his birthday in December have just struggled to keep going.  They need cool temps to thrive and we did not have many of them.  So, I transplanted them from the little pots I had them in to a bigger pot and sat it down in the bare soil in the flower bed.  We have not had flowers in there since the pansies that Mark planted before he died.  I had cleared out a bunch of weeds that filled the bed, wanting to get it ready to put out the rooster fountain I had bought.  Well, Saturday I was out there cleaning up the cyclamens, and repotting a plant I have had sitting by my sink since he died.  I saw this "plant" I thought was another weed and did not give it much thought.  Well, I went out later to get the mail, and there was this lone petunia.  There have not been petunias in that bed for at least 3 years.  That bed was barren.  When I saw that flower, I smiled with tears in my eyes.  He is there...just like your Tammy is there.  Sometimes we don't think we should ASK them to do something.  I asked for a sign on our anniversary, and Mark sent me a cardinal.  She is there, still wanting to be a part of your life.  Enjoy that thought.

[kayc]

Mitch,

How special!  I'm glad you have these experiences.  For those who are sad because they do not have these experiences, I think some are probably better at communicating from beyond and some of us are better at realizing communications than others.  I must be one of them that is not picking up on it as well.  That's okay too, George and my relationship began and grew on faith in each other and that faith still exists...I don't need externals to know our love still exists in present form, not merely memories.  BUT I think all of us would love to have these "signs" that they're here with us in some form, just for some reason or another, some do not get them or pick up on them.  Maybe that will change!

[Polly]

Mitch, yes I have had some things happen like that to me. I know Richard is here. The first time was shortly after he passed. It was the middle of the night and I was awakened by a sound. I then felt him put his hand on my thigh. it only lasted a few seconds but I felt it. He also lets me know he is with me a lot when i'm driving his suv. A couple days after he passed my daughter and I had just came out of Wal-mart. We got into the suv and I tried to start it. Nothing. no lights, no radio, no power at all. I tried to start it a few times and each time, nothing. I opened the door so I could see where the latch was to open the hood. As soon as I opened the door, it started dinging letting me know the keys were in the ignition. I then closed the door and tried to start it and it started right up. Then another time, I had just dropped my daughter off at school and was heading to work. All of a sudden the radio went to static. I looked down at it and the station was changed. Of course my reaction every time is to say, "Richard!!!" I'm sure he just laughs.

[Gwenivere]

I think it is wonderful you are feeling Tammy again.  I know how much you have missed her.  I've only had a few little things happen, but I've never really asked Steve to help me.  Perhaps I now will.  I have a friend in NM who is kinda clairvoyant and had 'talked' to him.  He told her I was a hard sell never having believed in that.  I'd love to have that feeling you do!  

[KATPILOT]

Mitch I have believed that Tammy was with you since you first spoke of those happenings in your home when you first joined us. Perhaps because your experiences somewhat mirrored mine and I am a firm believer as so many things happened that there could be no doubt.  It's nice to see people talk about this issue because it is so common and yet downplayed for social reasons.

For me, low voltage was an easy thing for Kathy to manipulate. I had to smile about the radio Polly because I had some similar experiences like when she locked the car with the keys inside in our garage and set of the alarm in the wee hours. I could only laugh because by then so many other things had happened.

Over the last five years I have come to understand something about those visits. They sometimes stop often for months and I was left feeling quite empty and alone. It was like I started grieving for real because she had been there from the first day. Then she was gone and it hit home that she really was dead and even gone forever.  The thing is that she comes back. Perhaps not as frequently but I believe she has other things to do. She has other places to go that might be some other place in the universe. I can't know and I've had to let that go. Just be aware that those visits might end and then return. The afterlife is a puzzle we can never solve till we get there. But they know the secret and they have all the time in the world.

What might seem like months to us could be only hours for them. 

[Gwenivere]

Kat, I saw a movie years ago called What Dreams May Come (it wasn't very good), but the time thing was stressed at the end as one character wanted to go back to life and do it over right as she committed suicide.  To her family waiting for her she was back in the blink of an eye, yet in our time she lived a whole lifetime.  I would think time goes out the window when we leave this plane.  It only makes sense to me that time matters in a mortal form.  

[KATPILOT]

Actually it might not be the greatest film but I absolutely love it. I first saw it long ago and didn't think much of it.  After Kathy died, it became so much more powerful. I think that's just because I became such an emotional vegetable. I even said "You must be nuts to do this to yourself". I think it has something to do with the fact that I would go through hell to find her. Then after Robin Williams died as he did, my first thoughts were about his wife.

[Froggie4635]

"What Dreams May Come" was the first movie Mark and I watched together.  It holds significant meaning for me...but it became more poignant after Mark died.  I imagined him being around watching me be in pain, and wanting so desperately to make it go away.  To me, the movie just tells of a love that goes beyond anything we can imagine.  I know that I would have been just like Christy and would go to the ends of Heaven and Hell to bring Mark back.  Not to bring him back to the living, but to save his soul if it were in danger.  When Robin Williams died, Mark and I were both affected deeply.  I lost Mark in the same year.  I had begun collecting stuff to decorate our walls before Mark passed, and one of the things I had was a lobby print from the movie, framed in a beautiful walnut frame.  After Mark died, I began putting up all the treasures in a strategically placed collage.  Some items represent him, some me...a lot represent US.  I feel most at peace in that room; it was where we spent most of our time together.  Whether people like or dislike that film, it will forever be a connection for me to Mark...like an old friend I can put into the DVD player and spend time with him.  Everything about it now is very bittersweet.

[KATPILOT]

Just wanted to share an encounter I had. I planned to go out last night to celebrate Kathy's birthday and my sister was going to join me. I thought for weeks where I would go and I decided on a spot my wife and I had been before but as I was getting ready, a thought just jumped into my mind. It was a place she liked very much and I hadn't thought about it for a long time. I made a call hoping we could get in doubtful about the chance yet we were able to and I changed direction. The night was magical, full of memories and I knew it was her that put the thought in my mind. I had no doubt that she wanted us to go there.

Those little signs are out there, often quite subtle, but if you keep your mind open, they will be there for you

[Guest]

Sadly I tend to be too obtuse to pick up on subtleties, I need Deedo to communicate with me leading a brass band in a library.

[kayc]

Brad, I had to laugh because I didn't expect that and because I can relate!

[Margm]

Okay, we all know my family in general are a few bricks shy of a load.  With me for their mom and my mom for their grandmom, how did they have a chance.?  Our son was shot back in about 1993.  See, his occupation was DJ at a strip club (for years) and he loved his job so much he would take his work home with him.  It hit a major artery in his leg and he was bleeding out.  He was somewhere that he shouldn't be.  He coded twice on the operating table.  First time all he saw was darkness.  Second time it was beautiful and there were people he knew, but did not know how he knew them.  They told him he could not stay. He always told me I was psychic, but I told him just psycho.  Billy never believed him.  He questioned the drugs he might have taken. He has seen spirits before, but Billy would not believe it.  I did.    I do talk to him all the time.  He does not answer. 

The other night he said his girlfriend saw his  dad.  He said he did too for a moment.  I said, well why can't I see him.  He said because Daddy knows it would scare you.  Damn straight it would.

Last night our 16 year-old granddaughter went to the bathroom, looked in on me and said he was just sitting on my bed.  she stared at him, then went to her room.  She and I had both watched "Ghost" or rather we sobbed through "Ghost."  Yep, I watched it for the second time.  There have been other things that happened over the years.  One was going up Signal Peak in the Gila. close to Cherry Creek and Pinos Altos.  I heard distinctive women's voices on the trail ahead of us.  We thought they were women hikers on the trail.  Got to the top and no one was there.  When I mentioned it afterwards, Billy denied hearing them.  Nothing supernatural about that boy.  I sure miss him.

[kayc]

I am very very confused about this post, Margaret.  Is your son dead or alive?

[Margm]

Our son is very much alive.  He was addicted to mainline drugs for many years.  We quit RVing and moved to a smaller town, out of state, an art town.  He is an artist and has shown his art all over.  He is exceptionally gifted, and has battled bipolar for years.  He had the year long hepatitis C treatments and he only has to wear a brace to walk from the GSW.  He stayed in his room with his own bath and got himself off the drugs.  His dad was his hero and the depression side of the bipolar is predominant now, He used to have a site to go to for his art, but has taken it down.  I put this on because I really believe he can see things other people cannot.