widow'15 Posted October 26, 2019 Report Share Posted October 26, 2019 1 hour ago, kayc said: Yeah, I'm glad to have the new neighbor too. Him and his wife are building a new home, just got through tearing down the old place. kayc: Amen to that! They sound like good neighbors. But, still be on the watch when you are out and about. Hopefully the "stalker" got the message now. Dee 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted October 27, 2019 Report Share Posted October 27, 2019 10 hours ago, kayc said: He tried to find my place but couldn't. He calls me constantly, even though I've told him not to. It's someone from my senior site, 85 year old man, he's from my table, I've known him about a year, I thought we were all friends, but friends respect boundaries. I may have to quit going, it just started this week but it's way over the top (he called 11 times Wed. when I was trying to do my Colonoscopy prep, and also the next day when I was doing prep). I've blocked him from calling but it doesn't work if I'm already on the phone, and it still rings in once. It is creeping me out because I don't know what he'll do next, and yes, I miss my Arlie. No one could hurt me with my Arlie and he was more than an alarm, he'd scare them half to death! Kayc, Check with your telephone company on how you can either block his phone number or put a trace on him. If necessary file a police report and notify the senior site as well. You need to take steps sufficient to protect your safety and security. Friends don't act this way! Meanwhile, I will add specific and intercessory prayers for the angels to protect you - Shalom (Peace) 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted October 27, 2019 Report Share Posted October 27, 2019 I agree with George. At least if you can have the phone company complaints on record, they may come in handy as proof if needed. Maybe even call the police if he reappears in your neighborhood. At least things are on record. They may think you are a crazy lady, but they have to take reports. Stay safe! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 27, 2019 Report Share Posted October 27, 2019 19 hours ago, iPraiseHim said: Kayc, Check with your telephone company on how you can either block his phone number or put a trace on him. If necessary file a police report and notify the senior site as well. You need to take steps sufficient to protect your safety and security. Friends don't act this way! Meanwhile, I will add specific and intercessory prayers for the angels to protect you - Shalom (Peace) It's not as simple as all that. I am supposed to have call blocking through my phone company but it has never worked and they are not helpful. The "blocking" I have is through my actual phone itself. And there are no police here, I am in county jurisdiction. If you need a sheriff they are often two hours away or more. No phone calls today, I think he got the message. I have neighbors looking out for me and we all own guns, it's how it is here. I plan to talk to the manager of the senior site. I've talked with my friends that he spends time with and let them know this is no joking matter, told them how everything transpired, how he disrespected my boundaries and I mean business. Everyone got it. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 28, 2019 Report Share Posted October 28, 2019 Good news: I haven't heard from him since. Neighbor will still keep his eye out as he's outside a lot. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 30, 2019 Report Share Posted October 30, 2019 Got a letter from him yesterday, unsigned, no return address...leaving that off shows he KNOWS he's doing wrong. I feel a lot of anger for what he's doing, I can't begin to tell you how disrespected I feel. He's beyond clueless, he has utter disregard for my boundaries. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 31, 2019 Report Share Posted October 31, 2019 Gwen, I thought of you when I saw this, I loved it! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2019 My sister will live literally around the corner apartment from me. Good??? Bad??? Who knows, and it is not like either one of us has that much time to find out. My "sister from another mother" had her heart cath yesterday. She is very likely going to need the aortic valve replaced. She did not take care of herself, did no followup echocardiograms like she was supposed to. (She took care of her semi-invalid new husband for about 12 years). He left her around Christmas and her illness had time to catch up with her. Her feet and legs swelled, it was hard to walk. The doc said he may have some "wiggle room" to maybe not replace the valve. I have been away from medical terminology for about six years now. So many new things. The only women I became semi-close to in these apartments, one moved with her husband to Beaumont, they both had cancer diagnoses and will be close to her son. My neighbor across from me sort of criticized me for wanting to be "home" (no place is home without your significant other), but my neighbor hated it here, wanted to move back to Texas. I explained about this being where my "roots" were. She said, in our very southern language, "why do you care, they are all daid" and I spelled it like she said it. Anyhow, I didn't see her for a few days, not many, and someone came and moved her Jeep. Then her brother and family moved out her apartment. Then I was told she was "back in Texas" at her son's in Fort Worth. She worked as a caretaker. All hours of the day and night. She has been diagnosed to have less time than they gave Billy. Thomas Wolfe said it this way: “Man is born to live, to suffer, and to die, and what befalls him is a tragic lot. There is no denying this in the final end. But we must deny it all along the way.” I guess I am still denying it. But, the denying part had to be built up again. I told Billy, before he left, "you know they tell me my cancer is cured and after over 30 years you would think I believed them." He agreed with me. And before he left me, he thought I had left him, and I guess being comatose I just didn't know, and now I don't remember even my own pain. Billy took my pain, and I now share his. My part of it anyhow, he is free of pain. I am happy for him, I am sad for me. I've said it before. I am very selfish. And, if I have already said all this, please consider the source. I do that often now. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 8, 2019 Report Share Posted November 8, 2019 5 hours ago, Marg M said: Thomas Wolfe said it this way: “Man is born to live, to suffer, and to die, and what befalls him is a tragic lot. There is no denying this in the final end. But we must deny it all along the way.” I guess I am still denying it. But, the denying part had to be built up again. I told Billy, before he left, "you know they tell me my cancer is cured and after over 30 years you would think I believed them." He agreed with me. And before he left me, he thought I had left him, and I guess being comatose I just didn't know, and now I don't remember even my own pain. Billy took my pain, and I now share his. My part of it anyhow, he is free of pain. I am happy for him, I am sad for me. I've said it before. I am very selfish. I’m glad the Thomas Wolfe quote only applies to my life in the last few years. Yes, there were hard times and losses along my journey, but until losing Steve did it become my way of life. I so relished life and denial wasn’t a poblem as it followed a natural order with parents and elderly.friends. Steve didn’t take my pain, he caused it. That’s a given. I didn’t know you had been in a coma, Marg. i don’t know about sharing pain. I only can believe Steve is free of pain as the body that caused it is gone. I don’t know if he still exists in any form. I can only relate it to dreamless sleep like anesthesia. A black void with no sense of self. So, I guess I am 'happy' for him. I saw and experienced things I wish I could erase from my brain. I, too, am selfish. Very selfish. I cannot tamp down the anger I feel of his being struck down and dying. The very person that was THE reason I was so happy is now the cause of pain the likes I could have not imagined mentally. I’m angry at him but know it’s not his fault. I’m angry at nature for it’s randomness. I’m angry mean and hurtful people are alive when the world we better off without them rather than Steve who was the most giving.person I knew. I’m angry at my body for the multiple conditions that conflict each other making treatment torture. I’m angry I can’t do the simple things I used to without help. I’m angry that if my dogs needed emergency help I may not be able to get them anywhere. I’m angry that I battle my body 24/7. I’m angry seeing anyone that can walk, breathe and are not dependent on as many meds as I am and the rituals to dress, shower and sleep. I see reading this I could have used the word depressed instead of angry. But they say depression is anger turned inward. So I guess it’s both. I expected to have problems at 64, but I took for granted Steve would be here, they wouldn’t be so immense to tackle alone. So that creates fear on top pf everything. A lot of 'what ifs'. Counselors say don’t go there, but how can you not? I’ve handled emergencies as they arise, but I am seeing I am not as confident and often break down in tears doing so when I used to be so 'strong'. I’m worn out. Broken by the isolation It’s a very effective torture method. I’m alone by myself as much as in a crowd. i was in the ER again last Wednesday for over 6 hours, conflicting diagnosis, had to call my doctor for med advice and that s a challenge by the layers they enact to get to them and had the finale of that day a tooth break off at dinner. My dentist was too booked to even look at it. Have to wait til next week and see it conflicts with another med appointment. I thank my family here for just having this outlet. Steve’s birthday is tomorrow after having gone thru the 5th anniversary of his death end of October. Now the holidays have begun so it’s hard to deal with the commercials and stores. Plus my birthday close to Thanksgiving and another year without his card or poem. Sorry for the babble, but Marg taught me well. And I mean that in a loving way to get some stress relief. ❤️ To you, Marg. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 8, 2019 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2019 17 minutes ago, Gwenivere said: Plus my birthday close to Thanksgiving and another year without his card or poem. Sorry for the babble, but Marg taught me well. And I mean that in a loving way to get some stress relief. ❤️ To you, Marg. Then you have a birthday coming up. Gotta let us know date. I think I can find a card. Won't be a gnat's worth compared to the one you want. And, we are your family here. I feel like I am in Haiti most of the time, I'm that many miles away, and sometimes we speak another language down in this country. But, I seem to remember a couple of people from South Africa. They didn't stay long though. And, we are here until we aren't. Couple of week stay in the hospital with ruptured colon and overall sepsis. Would not let them take me to the hospital, but then my body gave in on its own and they got the ambulance. I was out most of that first week. Never will forget a technician showing a new technician (he was trying to impress her), he impressed me. He did a cut-down without deadening and I became very verbal (and I was in a Catholic hospital). He said "uh-oh, I hit a bleeder" and by that time I had someone in with me who was not trying to impress a new tech. I think Billy thought I was a goner, and the kids too.. They forgot to tell me though. We love you Gwen, you are who you say you are and do not try to be anything else. And that is what we all do here, we unload our depression/anger (and sometimes they are the same) and our pain, and we all have pain, physical and mental, hard to tell the difference. Okay, three paragraphs, I will stop. I could write 12, but I would just be saying the same thing. (And I have taught transcription to some young girls before also.) 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kieron Posted November 8, 2019 Report Share Posted November 8, 2019 Kay, that's a cute one, and here's something similar I found somewhere online... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 9, 2019 Report Share Posted November 9, 2019 16 hours ago, Kieron said: Kay, that's a cute one, and here's something similar I found somewhere online... That's cute! I got attacked by a woman at the senior site who is faulting ME for Gordon stalking me! I don't get that, I explained what he had done, thinking she just didn't get it, but she maintained I should let bygones be bygones and everything be back as it was. No. That cannot happen! I was furious, I told her, "Sure, shoot the victim!" and stormed out. I had a meeting at the church afterwards and ended up in tears, my friend Laurel did too, she is also going through a hard time, we ended up stopping halfway through and Cindy prayed with us. We needed that more than anything. Had a better day yesterday. Not sure what to do with the senior site but I will not be sitting at the table with Norma or Gordon and want to stay clear of both of them, and she'd better have the brains not to approach me again. May just stick to Thursdays when he isn't there, not sure yet how I'll handle this. Marg, Im sorry about your friend, that's so hard. One day at a time. My colonoscopy results on line said something different than what the doctor told me so I need to find out which is correct. At any rate, glad it's behind me for a few years. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted November 9, 2019 Report Share Posted November 9, 2019 Gwen, you are in my heart today, I know how hard those "used to special days" are. Hugs 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted November 9, 2019 Report Share Posted November 9, 2019 17 hours ago, Gwenivere said: I thank my family here for just having this outlet. Steve’s birthday is tomorrow after having gone thru the 5th anniversary of his death end of October. Now the holidays have begun so it’s hard to deal with the commercials and stores. Plus my birthday close to Thanksgiving and another year without his card or poem. Sorry for the babble, but Marg taught me well. And I mean that in a loving way to get some stress relief. ❤️ To you, Marg. Gwen: Hoping you know I feel your pain during this time of the year and every pain filled day on the calendar. This time of the year can be a big pain when there is no energy or willingness to take part in the festivities. May today be gone quickly, keep "babbling" to us. Hugs, Dee. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 10, 2019 Report Share Posted November 10, 2019 So far I’ve spent Steve’s birthday at Urgent Care in massive pain, an errand and stopping by to see a resident I missed not volunteering today. I appreciate all your messages and my counselor sent me one which was the first thing I saw when I woke up. I’m numb and sad as I expected. Filled with anxiety and fear about this leg issue as the clinic was as baffled as the ER and my usual clinic. I’m so tired of pain, all off it. He would have been 68 today. I still can’t cry alone and that us so frustrating. Another lonely night, I guess. I miss him so much. So I do busy work to distract, but you can’t run from love. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 10, 2019 Report Share Posted November 10, 2019 Gwen, oh no! I just read it was Steve's birthday yesterday, I'm so sorry you had to go through this on top of that, that was hard enough in itself. I hope you can do your volunteering next week. They don't know exactly why you're getting the pain? I have a friend who lost her husband over two years ago (they were married over 50 years) and she still has not cried. I think she cries on the inside instead of shedding tears. As long as someone isn't consciously holding back tears I wouldn't worry so much how it manifests. I understand your frustration because it can be releasing to sob it out. I'm glad you heard from your counselor and others. I hope today goes better. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 10, 2019 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2019 11 hours ago, Gwenivere said: stopping by to see a resident I missed not volunteering today. I'm sorry you spent the day in pain, but knowing Gwen (which I really do not, but feel I do), you gave a present to a person you had missed and who you knew must have needed to see you. So, the patient/resident that you missed in your volunteering, you gave the present of your presence. That must have meant so much to this person. I heard something on "CBS This Morning" that reminded me of you. I wrote it down. (It is hard for me to remember verbatim a sentence/quote without writing it down. ) They finished up a human interest story with these words:"Any medical professional can make you healthy, but only an Angel can make you all better." You represent that Angel to many nursing home residents. And, I hope that Angel is out there that will make you "all better." Your in my heart this morning. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 10, 2019 Report Share Posted November 10, 2019 I add my amen to that, Marg. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widow'15 Posted November 10, 2019 Report Share Posted November 10, 2019 7 hours ago, Marg M said: I'm sorry you spent the day in pain, but knowing Gwen (which I really do not, but feel I do), you gave a present to a person you had missed and who you knew must have needed to see you. So, the patient/resident that you missed in your volunteering, you gave the present of your presence. You represent that Angel to many nursing home residents. And, I hope that Angel is out there that will make you "all better." Your in my heart this morning. Marg: You always seem to have the perfect way to say the nicest, caring things to us. I totally agree with your words to Gwen, she is an Angel to the residents she visits. Hugs to you Marg, and hoping Gwen had a better day today. Dee. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 11, 2019 Report Share Posted November 11, 2019 It’s another day to deal with almost intolerable pain. Both kinds of pain. More medical help is the ER again after being there Wednesday. I just want to give up, surrender, but I don’t know how. What it means. I can’t do the things I’ve been told. I can’t get compression socks on from weak hands and can’t elevate my leg because of my back. My 'friend' is leaning on me very hard to get a dog sitting service set up (and this is practical), but I’m so consumed by this immediate crisis and unprocessed reactions to Steve’s death and birth. I’ve become a walking, ha! Limping anxiety attack. I’m met with her yesterday and more pressure even tho she says she understands this is a hard time. Easy to say when you are fully functional or have your spouses help. It very much concerns me I didn’t shed a tear regarding Steve. I’m so wrapped up in my stuff I seem to have blinders on yet I feel the inner pain like a knife. I want to cry out to him. Want him to hold me. Calm my fears a bit. I really feel I am standing on the edge of an abyss into vast darkness, like I will lose my mind. It’s so hard to feel I’ll never see him again. I really wish I could feel I would, but I don’t. Im hoping one of these days I can stop posting this crap. Yes, Marg, seeing my friend at Foss was the only highlight of the day. As I never know if I will get thru the day when I wake up, I push myself to do what I can. Thanks for the angel comparisons. But aren’t angels happy? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted November 11, 2019 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2019 2 hours ago, Gwenivere said: But aren’t angels happy? “Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis I am old, but am not sure I have reached the age for C.S. Lewis's thoughts, and having read his book, I know why he wrote the above, and the conditions he wrote it from. I do know the esteemed Billy Graham believed in Angels. No, I don't think they are happy all the time. I think they grieve with us. I know that most people who make their life taking care of the dying have to be special Angels. Still they come, taking care of the living until they do not live anymore. I think they have to learn each day to "let go" when the patient has to leave. I do not think they show us wings, they just administer good when and where they can............like you do with your volunteering. They do not want to let any of their friends "go" but they try to make the leaving as mentally painless as is possible.......which must be an intolerable task. We had two that worked with Billy and both called to set up their appointments after he had "left." They were surprised he left so soon. So was I. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 11, 2019 Report Share Posted November 11, 2019 2 hours ago, Marg M said: “Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis I was caught off guard with this and I must admit, it gave a chuckle. I think angels must have peace and that is the one thing I think we'd all like in our lives. Gwen, could you benefit from an aide to help you get compression stockings on, things you can't muster right now? It seems senior services should have something/someone like that to keep people independent and functioning. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 11, 2019 Report Share Posted November 11, 2019 Yes, Kay, I could benefit from it. I’m just in a mental place that the thought of needing strangers depresses me. Found one of the dogs threw up overnight and have that to clean up. All these simple things that have become monumental beyond the physical ability. It just so emphasizes the aloneness. This isn’t like my volunteering at the nursing home. This is physically personal. Something you want your partner for. I know many adjust to this. Guess I am still resisting. I appreciate help with chores. Or pay someone. This is so very different to me. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 12, 2019 Report Share Posted November 12, 2019 17 hours ago, Gwenivere said: Something you want your partner for. Oh don't I know it. I've been at this for so long yet the thought of spending the rest of my life like this is depressing and fearsome. I try to turn to God when I feel like this but He doesn't clean up dog vomit. Just saying... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 14, 2019 Report Share Posted November 14, 2019 Thanks for the chuckle about the dog vomit. Honestly it’s times those I could use some divine intervention. I have a huge pad by the back door and area rugs all over the hardwood kitchen floor. Can they do that there? Oh no! It’s on the carpet somewhere. There’s even a pad in the living room on a dog pad pillow. I keep asking them......PLEASE, ON SOMETHING EASILY WASHABLE! 🤮 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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