If You're Going Through Hell

[Widow2015]

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I saw the quote marks, did you mean actual candy corn?  I don’t know a soul that likes that stuff over 10!  When I was a kid I thought the white tip tasted the best and got in trouble a lot for leaving partially eaten ones around.  

Gwen:  I had a chuckle with your candy corn story.  In memory of my dear Father In Law who loved candy corn, after he passes many years ago, I began to buy a bag in time for Halloween and filled a candy dish with it for all to eat.  I began to enjoy it myself so much I would end up having to buy another bag by the time Halloween arrived.  🎃

9 hours ago, KarenK said:

I look around at all this expensive Native American stuff that we collected over the years and wonder why we wasted thousands of dollars. You're right Marg. Can't change it so will quit worrying about it!

Karen: You can imagine how many times I have grumbled to myself as I have tried to downsize my 51 year accumulation of "stuff" Bob and I collected.  I am still downsizing even though I have moved.  I have to rationalize that the reason we purchased or collected  "stuff" is it gave us pleasure at the time.  I fully realize so well now that all of the collection doesn't equal the lifetime I lost.   My wish for you is that your Granddaughter will appreciate your love of the Native American Dolls, not so much the value, but the fact that you cared to save them for her.  

 

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Not thrilled with t.v., I want something that lightens the day, not depresses me.  No time for movies. 

kayc: I totally agree with you.  I only have basic channels and barely find anything I enjoy watching.  I wouldn't be able to DVR without paying more each month and doubt if I could even learn.  

55 minutes ago, Ruby said:

Such interesting lives and collections - Native American, dolls, and tons of music! Love sure does come through in reading the posts. Speaking of tv, my spouse and I enjoyed it, but haven't had it on since he left; no interest.

Ruby:  Yes, each story of our partners and how we interacted with each are so different. I find it so interesting how their loss always focuses on the huge void created when they are no longer with us.   Simply watching TV is no longer the same. Dee

[KarenK]

Dee, actually the dolls for Michelle are my Madame Alexander dolls. The Kachinas are another matter. Hoping Robert will want them, but I doubt it. Debbie would have appreciated them. Silly me! I really thought all of these things would grow in value over time, but of course Arizona is rife with them so why would they. I would make a lousy investment counselor.  lol

[Widow2015]

2 hours ago, KarenK said:

The Kachinas are another matter. Hoping Robert will want them, but I doubt it. Debbie would have appreciated them. Silly me! I really thought all of these things would grow in value over time, but of course Arizona is rife with them so why would they. I would make a lousy investment counselor.

Karen:  What I have discovered in my downsizing and my two kid's desire to have a garage sale is this generation generally doesn't have much use for what my generation treasured or family memorabilia.  My son's girl friend, my granddaughter's mother, prefers less costly "made in china" decor that she changes often depending on her mood.   My granddaughter is being raised the same way.  No chance of my passing on old family items so I will take them to donation sites now and stop worrying about the value to me.  

My daughter took a pair of scissors to her Madame Alexander doll giving her a haircut and eye lash cut.  She never spent time playing Mommy.  She preferred being out in the garage with her Dad.  Dee

[KarenK]

Dee, you're so right about family heirlooms and generations. My son and grandson have no interest in quilts or embroidered pillowcases that my grandmother made. I managed to send my mother's beautiful Noritake China home with Debbie when they drove out here right before Ron died. I noticed it in her display cabinet when she died the next year. I hope it went to someone who loved it. In the end, what difference does it make? Someday we will only be a memory for a short time to a few. Makes me rather sad.

[kayc]

17 hours ago, Ruby said:

Speaking of tv, my spouse and I enjoyed it, but haven't had it on since he left

I canceled cable when he died, didn't have t.v. for many years after!  I couldn't focus, plus it was something we did together so...

16 hours ago, KarenK said:

I had visions of getting in my truck with my new dog and hitting the road.

Trust me, it occurred to me to run away with my dog, many times, but I knew the $ would run out.  I remember those years, Karen, your losses, very hard.

[kayc]

11 hours ago, KarenK said:

Silly me! I really thought all of these things would grow in value over time

Kind of like my china and crystal no one wants.  And all my cardmaking stuff, thousands of dollars and now with these hands, it all sits.    My son made me feel better about it by saying, "Well it brought you pleasure for many years, so it wasn't a waste."  I feel it is as it sits and gathers dust.  So much so I doubt a craft person would even want to salvage it now.  I hate to just toss it all out, I have a whole room full and it took years to collect it.

Karen, no one has interest in the hand embroidered pillowcases I brought from Denmark or handmade quilts I have either.  Sad.  My grandmother did tatting, a lost art, she made a cap for my dad when he was a baby, I have it still.  I only know one person who knows how to do it.  It'll all be tossed out like garbage when I'm gone.  Hell, my DIL didn't even want the family recipes!  My MIL was the best cook/baker!  She won blue ribbons at the county fair, made the best pies, cakes, cooked like a farmhand!  I miss her so much and it's been 34 years last month that she's been gone.

[Gwenivere]

Generations have definitely changed.  I don’t have kids or grandkids to hand things to, but I’ve noticed other people’s kids just want a little something for remembrance.   I think it’s because the world is so much faster and they grew up in a world you bought as you needed.  Old stuff takes more care often.  When my mom passed, I brought home some linens that were easily washable I gave her with butterflies as she liked them.  Thought I’d want her jewelry (not expensive, just everyday stuff) and didn’t.  Didn’t even want her old photo albums as her sister in law sent me lots from their youth.  Now they’re in a box that will be thrown out when I am gone.  Steve kept more of his moms stuff like wood carvings and a weird alarm clock.  It’s was hard figuring out what to do with my expensive jewelry and my personal artwork.  I just picked some people I hope outlive me.  Have to keep in mind I won’t care and it’s importance was in this life which will be over.  I can think of a few changes I’d like to make, but getting out my will and the pages to change are hindered with this back recovery.  I’d like to add Dee to some policies, but I’d need so much information.  I also hate getting into that kinda stuff now.  It was easier when we did our wills together and were so much younger and had more people in our lives.  Now it’s basically a desert.  Dee and my cousin are my only constants.  It seems financial bequests are the most valuable now.  Then people can get what they want and you provided the best resources.  I know that kept them in my mind.  My family had no heirlooms.  Nor did Steve’s either.  What was of value, like his parents rings, he told his sister to take so she could sell.  
 

I see happy aging people.  Sure would like to be one.

[Margm]

On 10/23/2021 at 2:46 AM, Gwenivere said:

 I don’t know a soul that likes that stuff over 10!  

Working on my 2nd big bag of Brach' Candy Corn.  I used to eat it three ways, first the tip, then the orange, finally the yellow.  Honestly, only know two people that love it this well, my son and me.  

I've gotten to where I like to stay home and could be a hermit.  They were going around looking at people's houses (lender's rights) I guess.  Some people keep things in the hot water closet, and I'm sure when they spray and change the filters, those people are reported.  I only look in that big closet if I'm checking for vampires and werewolves.  My sister keeps all her floor cleaning stuff in there and I'm sure she has been reported.  Don't know what I'm going to do with her.  She needs a government assisted living home.  I can't handle the cigarette smoke, and she will find it hard to smoke outside in one of those homes.  Gotta happen though.  Another problem to tackle.  

Lots of other ones.  Too numerous to list.  Would probably make you quit reading though.  Doing okay.  That is about all.  

Hope y'all are doing better.  Hey, we have to get some better for some reason.  When I find out I will let you know.  Love all y'all.  

 

[Margm]

On 10/23/2021 at 11:00 PM, Widow2015 said:

My daughter took a pair of scissors to her Madame Alexander doll giving her a haircut and eye lash cut.  She never spent time playing Mommy.  She preferred being out in the garage with her Dad.  Dee

It was a different time, a different place, different human beings we called our children.  I sewed for Kelli.  Back then the "double knit was so expensive.  I made her a pleated double knot dress, she was about 2-3.  I put it on her and she developed no bones in her legs.  She'd lay on the floor, would not get up.  "It itches."  So, I quit sewing for my long flowing blond hair child with one natural strip of red in front.  She went back to wearing Scott's old jeans and Tee shirts.  A doll!!!!! That was not what she wanted (nor my little sister).  Both of them did the same thing.  I was nine years older than Marcy.  I picked her out a bride doll as tall as she was at about 8-9 years old.  She took scissors and gave that doll a crew cut (it was the first doll with hair you could really fix).  She fixed it.  I learned with Kelli.  She had rather play with movable toys, not dolls.  I was still covering my "babies" up when I was 15.  I was such a good seamstress (4 years of home-ec), I could look at a dress, come home and use parts from old patterns and cut new patterns from newspaper.  After the beautiful little red double knit I made for Kelli (but, I could not make her wear it), I lost interest in sewing, I didn't have time with a full time job and two "yahoo's" for children.  Now I cannot thread a needle.  If I get one of the new needles, I cannot hold my hands steady to sew.  Somethings work out for the best.  

 

[KarenK]

Marg, when Debbie was that age, I decided to make her some simple sundresses. I went to Sears and ordered a basic cheap sewing machine. They delivered something out of Star Trek.(Remember this was 1967) It had double needles and bobbins and a box of design cams for embroidering. It was worth 3 times the other machine. I tried to return it and was told to keep it. It was their mistake. I figured it out enough to make a few dresses. Ugliest little things you ever saw. A seamstress, I'm not for sure. The space age machine came in handy for mending over the next forty years until I sold it.

[kayc]

I too sewed, my mom taught us, better than the home ec teacher any day!  She told me to do it my teacher's way at school and do what I want at home, I knew my mom's way was better, better zippers, hems, everything.  It really went against my grain when they started making it the fashion for zippers to show!  I'd taken painstaking efforts to put in what they called invisible zippers!  To me they should never show.  It's like letting your bra straps show, something else they do now that they never did when we were young.  Showing my age now!

I've never purchased drapes, I always made my own, that way you could get exactly what you wanted and it fit the window!  I used to take in sewing to help the household budget.

[Gwenivere]

Sewing is something I never cared for because I couldn’t do it.  I’d make little handmade sewn dresses for dolls as a kid and put hems in my pants as an adult, that’s it.  Don’t remember how I got thru home ec.  What a dated class that is now!  Only for girls in my school.  I had 2 robes made for me as I was so tall and nothing reached the floor off the rack.  Loved those things.  Steve’s mom taught him to sew and do other basics like ironing.  Not on a machine tho, for repairs.  Hadn’t thought about seeing him ironing his and my work shirts in eons.  

[KarenK]

Ironing was another non favorite of mine. When I was a kid, it was pillowcases. In Wyoming, I ironed the wranglers' western shirts for pocket change. I ironed a lot of Coast Guard whites for my ex. Those were a bear as they had to look perfect. And all those clothes for work.....I'm happy to never see another iron(although there's one around here somewhere).

[Widow2015]

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 Don’t remember how I got thru home ec.  What a dated class that is now!  Only for girls in my school.

Home Ec. was one of my favorite classes way back in the 50's.  I learned to sew on a treadle sewing machine in junior high school. Since my family were living on my Dad's income as a non-union welder/steam fitter, there was limited income in our household.  My Mom sewed most of my school clothes and summer play clothes, mostly gathered cotton skirts paired up with cotton blouses from Sears, or two piece bloomer shorts with matching halter for summer wear.  I don't recall her ever saying she learned  to sew on a machine in school.  I recall her telling the story after my parents bought their first home, she wanted drapes for the windows but was hesitant to try to sew them.  My Dad being the welder/steam fitter he was didn't think cutting and sewing cloth material and making drapes could  be any different than cutting out a piece of metal and welding it in the construction of a ship.  They tackled that project that resulted in my Mom's draperies.  Watching my Mom sew and my interest in sewing I tried sewing for my daughter but she preferred jeans and sweatshirts.  I didn't work outside the home until my children were in grade school.  Once I started working in an office, the time to sew became less and less.  I was never an expert, although I did enjoy it.  There was always that "mending pile" though.  Wish I still had my sewing machine and decent vision, I know I could find some time now. 

I still have an iron and ironing board in the corner in my laundry room but haven't ironed anything l for quite awhile.  But, sure used to do a lot throughout my life.  When Bob was in the Army I would iron his fatigues, but gave that up cause I spent too much time and the results were less than satisfactory.  The creases had to be straight and starched perfectly. 

When my 10 year old granddaughter was helping us pack my car to move some things she didn't know what an ironing board was used for.  We all got a good laugh out of that remark.  Times have changed for sure.  LOL.  🤣 Dee

[KarenK]

My mother had one of those Singer black portable machines. It was small, but mighty. I remember her sewing something canvas on it. She wasn't as domestic as her sisters were. They did a lot of sewing, crocheting, canning and such. My favorite aunt made a ton of polyester pant suits when those came along. She'd make one for herself and a matching one for my mother and always put a hundred dollar bill in the pocket. I crocheted a few baby blankets, but haven't done any for years.

[Margm]

I know we have all heard that we have to give thanks for what we have.  I am thankful for my children and know my granddaughter that lived with me.  She seems like mine too.  But, one thing I am thankful for is I didn't want to be a neurosurgeon, nurse, or waitress.  My shaky hands helped with my typing when I was working.  Now, well, I guess I will shut up about all that.  Brianna said something about someone dying in their 80's and how old they were.  I told her it was only a matter of months when her Mamol will be 80.  I sometimes think Billy went first because he was as close to perfect as he could get.  (Of course, he had not always been.)  But, I figured I had a lot of learning yet on how to be a better person.  I just think I need to like myself better.  I just don't want to be a problem to those that are left.  I've tried to fix it where I won't.  

I hope y'all are feeling better.  Gwen, I hope your getting around without as much pain, you too Kay.  It was cool out tonight.  I guess I better be thankful of that.  Y'all take care.

[kayc]

20 hours ago, KarenK said:

Ironing was another non favorite of mine.

Yep!  That was a regular routine in our household, I try never to buy anything that requires it, still have an ironing board here for my daughter, she left home 21 years ago, guess I could give it away now! 

12 hours ago, KarenK said:

My mother had one of those Singer black portable machines.

My mom had a Singer, with a knee pedal, we thought that was graduating to high class!  It didn't do zig zag, that was a luxury to come!

I had a Brother (Wards), can't get parts for it anymore.

[Margm]

I guess my mind wanders and what I meant to write, but forgot, is I have my great grandmother's sewing machine.  She passed away when my mammaw was 12.  She had been married before, he died, and along came my great grandfather (who was an alcoholic).  Guess women did not have it too easy.  In our huge cemetery (where mine and Billy's plot is already bought), my great grandmother is buried with an elongated flat stone between both husbands.  With Mr. Lee, she probably had seven children.  After that, my great grandfather (probably not wanting to face up to 9 young'uns) took to drinking and passed away from either liver cancer, or cirrhosis in our state hospital on the year his first grandson (my dad) was born.  My grandfather, being a tough SOB, would not let him see his grandchild.  I think all of Mr. Lee's family put them all together in the cemetery.  My grandmother sewed and cooked like an Angel, and her personality was the same.  Her mom left her with her sewing machine, it is an old treadle one named a Minnesota.  Kelli has it now.  It is used as a table to put things on, an antique.  I've never been a collector of anything, never cared for personal possessions, but I did manage to keep this one piece of furniture.  I didn't sew on it.  It had only one direction it would go, but the treadle was my favorite sewing machine over any of the others I had.  

[Margm]

I might not be on for awhile.  I'm not sick (no sicker than is usual for me), but until I get used to the new BP med that is to help my essential tremor, it does make me more depressed.  I quit it at first but then I noticed a shaking I had inside me, like anxiety, had been stopped by the med so I started it back.  I am about as "blah" as a sheet of cardboard.  I am here.  My lifelong diagnosis has been chronic depression and it has taken dangerous dives, 20 years of therapy, and now of course for six years facing time without Billy, which we all face time without our mate.  Strange, we only miss the one we were married to for so long, dependent on for so long.  You brave women that have been on your own for years, I found myself "on my own" when my granddaughter moved for the first time in my life.  Yes, guess I was spoiled.  I grew up afraid of monsters, and I have any entrance into my apartment "booby trapped" which I live in a nice place, but for some reason crime has picked up in our neighborhoods, and I still sleep good at night.  No guns.  Anyhow (I'm doing pretty good right now), I find myself staying inside, but getting around a little now.  Blood pressure under control for first time iin awhile.  I'm just not as talkative as usual.  How do you tell if your more depressed?  Well, your family keeps asking if your angry.  I'm not, and the med sort of calms the tremors.  I still cannot write (can type), so I'm hanging in.  Go to doc tomorrow.  Not going to take any antidepressant or any other meds.  I'm okay, just in a brooding mood.  I'm sorry.  It is good for me not to think so much, so I read a lot.  I love you all and feel like I know you personally.  I'm not any sicker than usual.  I'm sorry.  

[Widow2015]

29 minutes ago, Marg M said:

I love you all and feel like I know you personally.  I'm not any sicker than usual.  I'm sorry.

Marge:  You don't need to apologize for anything.  We here understand about those down days.  Speaking for myself, those "brooding moods" seem to surface quite often even though I live comfortably with my small family close by, it still doesn't replace that connection I had with a man I was married to for 50+ years.  I do hope your doctor's appointment will give you some answers on your current medications.  Take care and know you are loved.  Hugs, Dee

[KarenK]

Marg, I think that each of us who have lost our soul mates will always sail stormy seas. Some waves are bigger than others. Feeling blah is sort of the new normal.

Take care and check in when you can. Sending good vibes and warm hugs.

[MartyT]

 

To Marg ~ from all of us ❤️

[Gwenivere]

Marg, fighting all the things you have and being so strong for so many for so long is so depleting.  You need time for you.  Losing Billy was your biggest hit.  We all understand the brooding moods.  Please ask your doctor if you just stop the antidepressant suddenly tho.  
 

We'll still be here and keep your chair warm.  Have tea or your preference when you stop by.  Take care of wonderful you.  💖

[kayc]

Marg, never feel you need to put on a smiling face of bravery for us, you feel what you feel and for legitimate reason.  We care about you.  We are here whenever you do want to drop in, and it's okay whether you give us a word salad...or are silent.  Know we love you.  
I understand your reasons for saying no to more Rxs, I'm a stubborn old bitty, or so I've grown to be, and hold my own with doctors, it wasn't always that way.

 

[Margm]

I don't care about cooking anymore (never did), but know I have to keep my strength up, so I added another Ensure.  Fortunately/unfortunately, I am one who does not mind it.  My daughter, as a nurse, was assistant administrator at an assisted living facility.  Too much Ensure made for too much trouble with elderly bellies.  I have hit that problem and have been sick a few days before I came to my senses.  I know this is a comical comparison, but an earthworm helps keep the soil rich because what comes in one end goes directly out the other.  I'm the same way.  To go somewhere for any length of time, I have to not eat or drink until I get home.  Limits my getting out.  

I guess if I didn't have one thing to fuss about, I'd find another one.  Cannot go to the class reunion and living so close to where it will be, I cannot tell them the real reason I can't come.  One thing, the shaking makes sitting down to a dinner almost impossible and if I do eat, it is close to "home" but not close enough.  Besides, how many want to go see a bunch of old folks.  I remember the teenagers.  I like that best.  

We all have lost a part of our life that makes living a lonesome time.  Sometimes I like to be lonesome.  A book, TV, or another person cannot fill that void though.  

I think the medicine helps some with the shaking.  My blood pressure has been normal all the time anyhow.  I can't take antidepressants anyhow.  Not sure they ever really worked for me.  Doc said the  Xanax contributes to dementia and now I know my little ole essential tremor is not just innocent shaking, it contributes to it also.  

Good news is all of Kelli's tests have been negative.  She has ENT infection and bronchitis right now, but they cultured out bacterial, so she is getting better.  

And I don't know if I said it, but my granddaughter has a boyfriend.  Her first one, but he is a "friend-boy" and not a boyfriend.  They are so cute together, he sings in a band, and is still sorta under his mom's thumb.  Well, we can't all be perfect.  I just never thought she would be bold enough...........she is.  

You all take care of yourselves, sometimes we have to do that.