R.Everit55 Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 It's evening. Why in the evening does the missing and longing cut so deep. More than any other time. i miss my wife. So so much. My chest literally aches. I don't want to be without her. It will be 18 months on the 9th. Yet my heart aches this much. I'm not taking the boys to the fireworks because they are both sick with bad colds and fevers. Allen is too. Praying Gracie doesn't catch it. I was going to have special Grampy time with the boys to escape the holiday. But now we are not going to have that time. I am rambling on. But I can't talk to my Dad. I can't talk to Allen because he's sick taking care of himself and the boys. I just plain simply miss my wife. Though there's nothing simple about it. I'm lonely even though I'm not alone. If that makes any sense. I don't want to lay in our bed anymore with her missing. I don't want to breathe anymore without her. It's hard to breathe without her. I know I'm doing her shame by not being strong. I wish Heaven had a phone. I wish Heaven had stairs so I could visit. Why is it so hard to comprehend this pain. After almost 18 months... Butch 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 For me the evenings have been harder because I concentrated on my job in the daytime, and evenings and weekends were "our time". Oh boy, do I ever wish Heaven had a phone! We'd be on it all the time! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JHCP Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Being distracted at work helps! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 My heart hurts ? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Butch, I was just going to post the same thing. I am so lonely. My daughter has been at her friends house since last night. She isn't home yet. I hate being here by myself. This is awful. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 If heaven had a phone, I hope it would not be a party line or we would all get the busy signal. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 hugs 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 1 hour ago, R.Everit55 said: It's evening. Why in the evening does the missing and longing cut so deep. More than any other time. I just plain simply miss my wife. Though there's nothing simple about it. I'm lonely even though I'm not alone. If that makes any sense. I don't want to lay in our bed anymore with her missing. I don't want to breathe anymore without her. It's hard to breathe without her. I know I'm doing her shame by not being strong. I wish Heaven had a phone. I wish Heaven had stairs so I could visit. Why is it so hard to comprehend this pain. After almost 18 months... Nights and waking up are the worst for me, too. Actually, coming home and being alone kneeing it will be that way all night is. I woke up in a panic attack today and part of that us not being able to breathe. I've had them for decades and Steve was not here to help. Actually, he was the cause. Butch, I am at 20 months and finding it harder than it has ever been. Try explaining that to anyone that doesn't know how this feels. They don't get it. Pretty much everything else in life gets 'better' with the passage of time. Like getting over a cold. People rarely ask how I am doing because 'so much time has passed' so I must be adapting. Yeah, right. All I am adapting to is knowing it's another day on my own. Another day of longing and the darned quiet his energy filled the house with. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 7 minutes ago, Gwenivere said: Nights and waking up are the worst for me, too. Actually, coming home and being alone kneeing it will be that way all night is. I woke up in a panic attack today and part of that us not being able to breathe. I've had them for decades and Steve was not here to help. Actually, he was the cause. Butch, I am at 20 months and finding it harder than it has ever been. Try explaining that to anyone that doesn't know how this feels. They don't get it. Pretty much everything else in life gets 'better' with the passage of time. Like getting over a cold. People rarely ask how I am doing because 'so much time has passed' so I must be adapting. Yeah, right. All I am adapting to is knowing it's another day on my own. Another day of longing and the darned quiet his energy filled the house with. Gwen I agree after a certain length of time it doesn't get easier. It feels worse. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 21 minutes ago, R.Everit55 said: Gwen I agree after a certain length of time it doesn't get easier. It feels worse. My sister lost her husband over 6 years ago and it's not any easier for her. It will be 8 months for me in 3 days. Not many people ask how i'm doing anymore. Rich's son has stopped coming over to check on me. I think that hurts me the most. We both said we would be there for each other and help each other get through this. Maybe he is just struggling with this too. I really just need to talk to him. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharKath Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Evenings definitely stink. The clock ticking on the wall is deafening, its out in the kitchen. I cough and it echoes in this empty place. I can't drag my feet and go to bed last so Charley has the bed warmed up. TV is just plain awful, I play DVDs of leave it to beaver, father knows best, gidget, etc. My laughing even sounds wrong. So I've got so I don't, maybe smile at the funny parts. Can't play Andy Griffith at all, it was Charley's favorite. He loved earnest t. bass and the darling family. His hearty laugh at them when he was tickled just makes tears roll. (Boy the things i'd do or give to have him back.) Working outside all day is ok. But come dark everything changes. Evenings are definitely bad, come on daylight. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Polly, it's not encouraging to hear at 6 years your sister still suffers so. I am becoming more accepting of only one thing right now. That from here forward life will never be as it was and empty in ways that will never be filled. I hope Richs son contacts you soon. People dropped out of my life so I know it is very painful. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 My heart aches for all of us. Is it odd that I feel so incredibly bad for everyone else here and not so much for myself? For me, at this time, I feel like that can keep going. I hope I feel this way for a little ng, long time. Butch I do not think you are doing your princess any shame. She knows how much you love her. That kind of love blinds us to any possible imperfections. Do you remember Love Story? They said, 'love means never having to say you are sorry'. The heart speaks in actions so the words are spoken by the heart, not by speaking. Sending you big, bear hugs 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 Now Gracie has a fever and a cold. All three grandchildren are sick and my son. Mary would make it all better. But I'm playing nurse. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 So now it's your turn Butch. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted July 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 I hope I don't catch the awful cold going through the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted July 3, 2016 Report Share Posted July 3, 2016 I hope you don't, as well! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 All of us have this awful cold now. I'm requesting thoughts and prayers for my eight year old grandson who's been admitted to hospital for pneumonia and asthma. He is requiring IV antibiotics and breathing treatments and prednisone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 My prayers are on the way. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Mine too, Butch. I'm so sorry this bug has infected your family. Take care of you and your darlings ♥ 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Prayers for your whole family, Butch! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted July 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Thanks ladies. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Butch, I just read this, I am so sorry! Praying for all of you, esp. your grandson and Gracie. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted July 4, 2016 Report Share Posted July 4, 2016 Butch, Praying for you and your family. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted July 6, 2016 Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Butch, how is your grandson? And the rest of your family? Gin 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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