kayc Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 I don't feel like the same person but I guess some parts of me are the same. It does change us, how could it not?! Mitch, I know what you mean about that sparkle being gone...perhaps it's just more fleeting. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 I really try to do fun things and stuff that I enjoy. It's just not the same. Sometimes I do have a good time for a little while but then it just goes back to the sadness. I just got back from the beach yesterday. The 1st day we got there, it was just me and my 16 year old daughter. Shortly after we were walking the boardwalk, it hit both of us. I thought we both were going to have a breakdown. We didn't have Rich there making his jokes and having us laughing. The next day 3 of my sisters and my daughter and her husband got there. We did try to have fun and at times we did but at the same time I just kept thinking about Rich and how much he loved family time. It's just so hard. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted July 22, 2016 Report Share Posted July 22, 2016 Polly, I know how hard it is doing things that your beloved enjoyed doing, without them. You do have a fun for a little while, but it is always right there that they are not with you. I have to believe in a sense they are, if you are feeling good about it and enjoying something they are too because they are in your heart and soul with you. We just have to keep trying and I think it will get a little easier as time goes by. Joyce 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted July 23, 2016 Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 It is so hard Polly. You can forget for a while but it comes back rather quickly. It doesn't take much to hit a trigger. Joyce it does indeed get a little easier as time goes by. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted July 23, 2016 Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 14 hours ago, Polly said: I really try to do fun things and stuff that I enjoy. It's just not the same. Sometimes I do have a good time for a little while but then it just goes back to the sadness. Polly, I feel the exact same way. I never quite make it into the sun, there is always a shadow overhead. Even if I am having a good time there is always the thought in the back of my head that Daniel should be here to enjoy it with me. I just miss him like crazy. Every day. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted July 23, 2016 Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 I miss Fred like crazy too, every day, every single day. I'm so aware of this feeling, it is right there in my soul. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted July 23, 2016 Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted July 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 4 hours ago, Dew's Girl said: Polly, I feel the exact same way. I never quite make it into the sun, there is always a shadow overhead. Even if I am having a good time there is always the thought in the back of my head that Daniel should be here to enjoy it with me. I just miss him like crazy. Every day. Amy, I think this is how our lives will always be. There will be moments of enjoyment and fun and laughter and even small triumphs. But they will always be tempered with the fact that out beloved isn't here to share in those moments. It's like we lead "double lives". Our present and our past will always live together in our minds. Tammy is on my mind pretty much 24/7. Whether it's happy memories or gut wrenching pain over her death, she is always a part of my existence. She is there at work with me and when I'm watching TV or eating. And that's the hard part, she's on my mind but I can't touch her or hear her laugh or see her smile and her expressions, or kiss her soft lips. That's why I always say this grief journey is as much a learning experience as anything else. We learn about the ebb and flow of emotions. We learn to adapt to a different and more solitary existence... one we would have never chosen to live. And somehow we survive. The trick is (and I haven't gotten to that point yet) learning to thrive and not just survive. Each day is another notch etched in our "grief education belt". Mitch 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 23, 2016 Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 Thank you for that, Kevin! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted July 23, 2016 Report Share Posted July 23, 2016 7 hours ago, Dew's Girl said: I never quite make it into the sun, there is always a shadow overhead. Even if I am having a good time there is always the thought in the back of my head that Daniel should be here to enjoy it with me. I just miss him like crazy. Every day. Seems that is my life right now. A constant yearning for Steve. The only times I don't miss him is volunteering, but I miss coming home to tell him about it. I can't get him off my mind. Even times I want just for a brief break. He's the first thing I think and the last in my day. The yearning is a new phase. I always missed him, but now I want to touch him, hear his voice, look into his eyes so bad it is truly crushing sometimes. i looked up yearning and a synonym was hunger. I think that better describes my feeling. I love, but I feel I am starving without him. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted July 24, 2016 Report Share Posted July 24, 2016 7 hours ago, kevin said: That is really, really what I hope for. Thank you for posting this Kevin. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted July 24, 2016 Report Share Posted July 24, 2016 7 hours ago, kayc said: Thank you for that, Kevin! Yes Kevin. From me too! I can't think of a better thing to read as I go to sleep. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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