R.Everit55 Posted August 12, 2016 Report Share Posted August 12, 2016 Since 19 months ago when my Mary passed on our son DIL two grandsons and now Gracie have lived with me. My son informed me that they have an offer in on a house. I will be alone for the first time. They deserve to be their own family though. I know that. I just honestly don't know how I'll handle it. If it weren't for them through health issues I have I wouldn't be alive today. I am going to miss my grandchildren most. They are my heart. They won't be too far away but it will be very different and difficult on me. I'm scared to face the aloneness. Am I crazy? Butch 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Butch, You are absolutely NOT crazy. I hate living alone, especially when illness strikes. I have one daughter who lives 1/2 hour away, but I only see her every other week. The other one lives about 1 hour away and I see her every 4-6 weeks. They all think this 77 yr. old is just fine. I try not to expect too much from them, but I sure wish they came over more. I know they are busy with jobs and kids. Butch, your family has been so concerned about you. I have to believe that they will continue to be there for you. How far away will they be? It is scary to be on your own after the love of your life is gone. Another adjustment in this terrible journey through grief. Gin 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Hi, Butch, Wow! You’re going to be barking on yet another leg of your grief journey. I am happy that the kids will be purchasing their new home. It is a positive for them and your grandchildren. I am glad that they won’t be too far. You are not crazy. And it is perfectly understandable that the aloneness scares you. Living on your own will be an adjustment. You can do this. We are here for you 24/7. I know you will find something to do that holds your interest. I wish I could say that you will get used to living alone. You won’t but what you will do is learn to live alone. As Gin said she wishes that her family would visit more often. That is what I wish also. We all know that our children have their own lives and their pace today seems so busy compared to when we were young. Keep us posted on the house purchase. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 If the house goes through they will be thirty minutes from me. It's scary. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Butch, I know this change seems a bit frightening but I believe you will be "ok". Thirty minutes away may seem distant, no doubt, but it could be much worse. When I get home it's me, myself and I. And all three of us are lonely. But somehow, I survive. It's certainly not a life I wanted and I miss my sweet Tammy more each day. It's all just a moment to moment existence and you hope it gets better. That's all you can do. What's really hard in my world is that for the most part, I don't have family that cares. I am grateful that my older sister has been very kind to me. Tammy's older sister and I do talk on the phone from time to time and again, I'm grateful. Sadly, daughter Katie and my mother-in-law have both chosen to ignore me. Their choice, not mine. I've tried to maintain a relationship with Katie but she's wrapped up in her own little world these days. She's a connection to Tammy that I didn't want to lose. As you may or may not know, I can't even easily visit Tammy's grave since she's buried in Illinois. Step in my shoes and the loneliness is palpable. Yet through all this hardship, I chose to try my best and move forward. Tammy lives in my heart and our life together is permanent etched in my brain. In that sense, she will always be with me and I'm never really alone. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 No you're not crazy, I think for all of us learning to be alone was quite an adjustment, and especially when retired. You'll work on putting together a life for yourself that is manageable. I don't think Allen & Katie will desert you, I'm sure they'll have regular times of seeing you and bringing the grands around. I'm 2 1/2 hours from my son and 1 1/2 from my daughter and I don't see them very much, it'll be easier for you to. We'll stay in touch and help you through it. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 14 hours ago, R.Everit55 said: Since 19 months ago when my Mary passed on our son DIL two grandsons and now Gracie have lived with me. My son informed me that they have an offer in on a house. I will be alone for the first time. They deserve to be their own family though. I know that. I just honestly don't know how I'll handle it. If it weren't for them through health issues I have I wouldn't be alive today. I am going to miss my grandchildren most. They are my heart. They won't be too far away but it will be very different and difficult on me. I'm scared to face the aloneness. Am I crazy? Butch No crazier than the rest of us. I would suggest that when they move that either you ask to visit them and/or they come visit you once a week. I believe your son understands and wants the family to be together. Also, there are devices like "LIFE ALERT" that you can carry with you so that if you do need help it is only one press of a button away. It will be another adjustment. This place is open 24/7 and usually someone is always on here. You can also discovery some things you like to do, read, watch, enjoy. You only need to do it for ONE day at a time. We are here for you, Butch. - Shalom George 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Butch, You are not crazy. I worry about when my youngest daughter turns 18. She is my mini-me. I know once she graduates from high school that it won't be long before she moves out. That scares me because then I will be alone. I hate nights when I let her spend the night with a friend or her older sister. Well I have 2 years before this could happen. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 It is definitely scary to face the unknown I can not even think about being alone all the time, five of my seven still live at home, but you can do this you are not alone. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Butch I know this is got to be hard. I'm glad to hear that they will at least be thirty minutes from you. It's not the same but it is also not unmanageable. I hope you will be able to see them all lots. Anne is right about starting a new leg of your griefs journey. We keep hitting those don't we? I know how important grandkids can be to a grieving soul. 8 hours ago, mittam99 said: Yet through all this hardship, I chose to try my best and move forward. Tammy lives in my heart and our life together is permanent etched in my brain. In that sense, she will always be with me and I'm never really alone. Mitch you have a lot of courage. It's not easy when you have so little family and local support and the way you look at things is inspirational indeed. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Butch, my mantra must have been "Billy and I were enablers." My daughter and I only get along when she wants something. My sister lives about five miles away. Scott lives in the RV about six miles away, Kelli lives about three miles away. Brianna lives with me, but I know that won't be forever. She wants her Mamol to watch TV with her so I have been introduced to all the TV series that Billy would not have watched on Netflix and Hulu (I think that is what that thing is called). Myself, I had rather sit and read. I still cannot concentrate so I read chapters of old movie stars biographies and autobiographies. I can put them down easily. I still have all of Billy's C.J. Box books to read, but it will be later when my mind does not skip around everywhere. I am going to my first grief group at a church that is about 10 miles away tomorrow night. Oh, I am familiar with all my surroundings, but it starts at 7:00 and ends at 8:00 p.m. and I have panic attacks, full blown ones, if I drive at night. Might be something I need to work on. But then again, I don't see very good at night. We are here for you. We all might be hundreds of miles away, but we also are as close as that computer screen in front of you. There is something you might find, you might find that being alone sometimes is not the most terrible thing in this world. Being alone without our mate is the most terrible thing in our world right now, but one thing Billy and I were very good at, we were excellent at being alone "together." I know one alone is not the same, but it is when I am truly alone I talk to Billy. Good luck with this adjustment. You might find that after awhile you really like it. And do inquire about that "life alert" necklace, pendant, or however it comes. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Here is a good link and review of the top 10 medical alert systems: https://www.consumersadvocate.org/medical-alerts/best-medical-alerts Shalom 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 Thanks for all the support and empathy. I will definitely look into a life alert button. I will ask my dr. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted August 13, 2016 Report Share Posted August 13, 2016 17 hours ago, iPraiseHim said: No crazier than the rest of us. You only need to do it for ONE day at a time. We are here for you, Butch. - Shalom George 19 hours ago, mittam99 said: Butch, I know this change seems a bit frightening but I believe you will be "ok". Thirty minutes away may seem distant, no doubt, but it could be much worse. When I get home it's me, myself and I. And all three of us are lonely. But somehow, I survive. It's certainly not a life I wanted and I miss my sweet Tammy more each day. It's all just a moment to moment existence and you hope it gets better. That's all you can do. Yet through all this hardship, I chose to try my best and move forward. Tammy lives in my heart and our life together is permanent etched in my brain. Butch you are a much respected and loved member of this family. Please know we all want to help each other when help is needed. Help is something we all need at times. I admire your self awareness and your honesty. Marita 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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