enna

Thank you for sharing your lovely poem to Jane with us Harry. It is beautiful. Anne

What a terrible thing to happen, Kay. I am so sorry that it happened to you. I can't imagine the heartache. You are in my thoughts right now. I'll share any chocolate I have with you - and that's alot if you know me! Anne

A good thread, Marty… I always thought WidowChick.com was for the younger crowd but I guess I could consider myself young-at-heart! Yes, love and appreciation day sounds good to me. I do not think of Valentine’s Day as romantic either but I always love and appreciate those who have reached out and offered me kindness. I would like to thank the people on this forum for caring and being so sensitive to my ramblings over the past seven months. I give you all a hug and I treat myself to chocolate just because I am worth it. Anne

Oh Mary, thank you for the link on ALZ. I just posted about my thoughts on this Valentine's Day under my thread 'My Beloved is not with me Anymore'. We must have both been thinking of this special day that we celebrated with our sweethearts. Thinking of you. This first is a very hard one for me. Anne

Dear babben514, I am reading this and want to tell you how very sorry I am to hear that you have lost so many dear people in such a short time. You have said that you have also been a caretaker for several years to both your mom and your stepdad. This seems like quite a bit of grief thrown at you all at once. You will need time to process this and this is one place that you can be to talk about all of this for we have wonderful people here who all understand and are good listeners. I hope that you have a grief counselor to talk to. It is important that you talk to someone face–to-face who can give you the help you will need to understand these multiple loses. Crying, feeling lost, not sleeping, nightmares, being mad, and feeling that it just isn’t fair are all signs of grief. You do not need to have people tell you to ‘move on’ because this is your grief and you will do it when you are ready. It does not happen with a snap of a finger, it happens when you are ready. There is a good web site that many of us use that has been created by our moderator, Marty, and it has many articles and information to understand our grief. www.griefhealing.com. This is a safe place to come and share what is in your heart and no one will tell you that you should ‘move on.’ I know you will get many other suggestions from others. Just know that you are not alone. Anne

Here we go again, Jan. It's already 2:30 PM there. You are so right, I do not know what 'sneck' means unless it has something to do with not locking the gate. I am probably so way off. What does it mean? I hope you are having a good day. I think my pulse rate has gone down a little more. I was really scared. I guess I am attached to my furbaby! Anne

Thanks, Mary. I liked Jeanne Bell's comments: '...the mind's natural tendency that is always lively within everyone;' and, 'allow our minds to settle inward...' To me it is all about being in the present, letting thoughts come and then gently brush them away as we try to connect with our inner selves. TM to me really means just be in the moment. Connect with what's deep inside of me. Watch a sunset and don't talk about it. Listen to the rain and don't take pictures of it raining.

Yes, Jan, I am familiar with the dig of Richard 111's body under the car port. Interesting story and as Fae mentioned there has always been lots of bad press. As a history buff I too try to keep current with this part of history. A good find. Anne

Dear Fae, As I read the very personal outpouring of your thoughts to us here on this forum I feel honored to spend the time reading about your first anniversary. I feel somewhat comforted as I will approach mine on May 25th. You are marching on valiantly enjoying the things that bring you peace in who you are. So many little things come into our lives and if we are open to them we become nourished in their offerings. Your Doug is with you as my Jim is with me and so many other spouses are here giving us signs if we are only open to them. The signs come in feathers, breaths, butterflies, flowers, bees, or whatever. Our loved ones are with us. Our imaginations tell us that that is so. We can’t help but believe after we read the outpouring of grief that is expressed on this forum. We will always have the overwhelming pain deep down in the core of our beings but we will also know that the memories we hold will keep us moving forward in our journeys. It is a very personal journey when our spouses tell us that they know we have come to this earthly end. My Jim wanted me to know that he will always be with me and I believe him. Only he is not with me the way I want him to be. Selfish on my part… I am glad that you have joined our forum. You are welcome here and whatever you want to say is honored. I know that you realized that you have only begun your journey. I have found this out from our seasoned veterans. We are all cherished here and we are safe to travel our journeys as we each need to. Anne

I posted something earlier but everyone is so serious that I thought I'd better change my birthday wish to you. Have a very Happy Birthday tomorrow and enjoy laughter and cake (chocolate) as you celebrate with friends and family. We are blessed to have you as our moderator. Peace be with you and I saved a piece of my cake from December just in case you don't get chocolate for your B/Day. It goes best with milk. Anne

Let's see walls vs electrical - I would bet on walls! Thanks, Kay, I'm going to copy your directions and give them to my electrician if I would ever need them. Ok, Mary, I guess I need to come clean. Now that my heart rate is at least around 100 and not 125! Oh, Mary, you would make me put this out in a public forum. I am such a BAD parent. A neighbor borrowed a pepper to make chili and this morning they called to tell me that they had hung the pepper in a bag on my doorknob. Benji was out in the back – and any good parent would have left him there, but I didn’t. I let him come in and when I opened the door just a few inches after telling him to ‘stay’ which he usually does – he darted out the door and took off running and jumping like he just escaped from prison! I called him – he looked back – then took off running. I knew I would have to go after him because of the speed he was going so I got in the car and slowly backed out of the garage and headed in the direction he went. When I got to the corner, which is two houses away, Benji was in the neighbor’s rock yard (we have those instead of grass in AZ) sniffing at something. I put the car in park – opened the door and got out calling his name. He looked up and he started coming toward me only to turn and dart off in another direction! So I got back in the car and headed in his direction. He was tearing down the street with head help high almost as though he was saying ‘look at me!!’ For some reason he turned around and was heading back toward the car. I stopped the car, opened the door and called to him. He came right over to the car and jumped in!!! I was relieved. My heart rate jumped to 125 and it took me awhile before it came down. I am sorry and I promise to be a better parent. At least five neighbors heard my scream! I am not going to tell you his punishment because I don’t want to embarrass him. But I can tell you it only lasted 10 minutes and now we are best buddies. I think I'll spend the night in his crate! Anne

I am laughing so hard that I can't see what I am typing. And you expect who to fix this, Kay? I hope you're not talking to Mary. he heee I think it best she calls an electrician. I can't see Bentley helping her. She would run out of treats before she got to # 5! Oh dear, sometimes we just have to laugh with everything happening today. I'll tell you at another time how Benji decided to run for freedom when I opened the front door to take something off the dddddddoorknob! He's safe. Anne

Harry, your winter storms reminded me of the Shakespearian soliloquy spoken by Richard 111 and often so misunderstood – ‘now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York.’ I went back to that soliloquy and read it just for fun! Strange how a snowstorm brought that to my mind! So many metaphors and puns used by Shakespeare. What a genius! I am sorry to hear of yet another loss in such a short time, Harry. How wonderful though to have 57 years with someone. Stay warm during the storm and think positive thoughts. Yes, February has been a trying month for you. My positive thought: ‘The sun will come out tomorrow.’ Anne

My prayers are with you also, Shannon, and as Mary said continue to work through this pain and know that it is NOT your fault. Take care to rest and know that we here on this forum carry you in our hearts. Anne

Peace to you. You are in my heart as you walk through this tough time. I am also so glad that Leo is safe in the hospital. Rest and know that you have many of us praying for you and Leo. Anne

I really like Bill's poems, Mary. Thank you for yet another one. Is there a book of poetry down the line someday! As Jan said, I too feel as though I know Bill through your eyes. Thank you. Anne

Shannon dear, I am thinking and praying for Leo and you. I am sorry Leo might have a virus. His sugar levels are high. Have you thought of bringing in a home health care person to help you out? Besides having my HOV angels, I did have a care person to help me out with Jim during his last weeks. My resistance was getting to the breaking point and I just needed the extra help for me. The lady I hired was a sweetheart. Jim fell in love with her the first meeting - but he fell in love with any pretty lady. He would tell his HOV nurse that he would marry her if he wasn't in love with me - now isn't that a good way to keep on my good side. We sometimes put off asking for help until we are exhausted. My desire was to keep our relationship as man and wife first even though I was caring for Jim 24/7. It was very important to me to sit and just be with Jim. We listened to music, videos, and he just looked at me. It did help me to have others around who could take care of the bathing and nurse things in between my care. A favorite powerpoint I put together for Jim was called Symphony in White. He loved watching it. I had it on replay on a big screen in front of his bed. I posted it on a thread I started when I first came to this forum. I share it with you now. Peace, Anne I can't upload a ppt so I'll take one like it off the internet so you can see it.

I miss this thread and others who are new my not know about it. I read something today that touched my soul. It is by Katrina Mayer and it speaks to what we are able to do with our imaginations. 'You have a place within yourself where anything is possible. Go there!' Thank you Mary for starting this post. I am grateful for my imagination for it reminds me that Jim is inside me always. Anne

Welcome to this place of love, feralae. I hope you continue to bless us with your words. What a beautiful story of your last days with Doug. Anne

Healers they are, Mary. My spirits are lifted just reading some of the silly things all these doggies get into. Mary from AK made me laugh outloud picturing Sassy with her tongue reaching for whatever! I have discovered that Benji likes to chew washcloths! I have found two on the carpet with big holes in them. And I found one of my combs out on the patio when I went out to brush him! I will have to close a few doors I'm afraid. When Benji and Fred were playing the other day Benji got so excited that he ran right threw the screen door - just knocked it of the rollers! I thought he was going to splash in the pool the way he was running and playing with Fred. I don't know if he knows how to swim yet but I'll have to at least show him where the steps are in case he falls in or gets bumped in by Fred. Fred is a Beagle and he does not like water! Oh what fun. Anne

Dear Pumkin, I am so sorry that you had a dream that was disturbing. I have not, but it touches my soul when I read of those who have had dreams that have bothered them. We all do not give ourselves the credit we should when it comes to the endless love we had for our spouses. Most of us do not feel that we have done enough. As I cared for my JIm during his last hours I never thought that I was doing enough. I wished him up and about like he used to be. I wanted to see the twinkle in his eyes that was always there - I cried every day watching him take his last breaths. When our hospice term would come in and check him our HOV nurse would always tell me what his situation was - Jim is not in pain, Anne, there is no urine output, eyes fixed, mouth tight - it was so painful to watch the love of my life disappear that I wished I could have done more - I held him in my arms for several hours not wanting to accept the fact that he was gone. My heart was pounding so hard that I convinced myself that he was still breathing. We all know that we did the best we could do. It was just not enough and it will never be enough in our eyes. This forum will help us through our journeys, Pumkin. Guilt is part of the grieving process. Dreams will come and go. Hopefully, good dreams will replace the disturbing ones. Peace to all of us as we grieve. Anne

LOVE is what we are by whatever name we are called – nurse, caregiver, social worker, teacher, mother, father, daughter, brother, therapists, counselors… Thank you, Marty, for this beautiful piece. How fitting that you would find this and chose to share it with all of us who have in one way or another been in one or more of these positions. So many of us are right on the verge of dropping tears as we journey through a difficult or challenging situation in our lives. There have been times since my Jim’s death that I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out, but that is not what we are made of – we are made to accept life’s challenges and move through our grief knowing that Love will carry us when we are too weak to carry ourselves. So many of us have traveled the paths that Pat expressed so beautifully. Our own sorrows and pain have turned us into who we are today as we struggle to find meaning in life. And this I too believe that it is love that will carry us through our grieving and learning to accept what is. Now I am gushing tears for more than the second time today. But I am told that it is good for to cry. Anne

I am going to have to open up my own web site just to store all these wonderful meditation treasures. Thank you feralae and Mary. I need to listen to both of these latest ones. Anne

Benji will now sit when I put his food down until I tell him it's ok. He most of the time let's me go out the patio door first. I am so enjoying him. He is a real lover. He likes to be near me. Like I said before I think I should have named him Shadow but I would not change his name for he is a true Benji to me. Mary, I know Benji must have had some good training before or else he is a very smart dog. When I was over to Pat's on Super Bowl Sunday we gave Fred (my grand dog Beagle) and Benji a play date and Benji saw the doggy door for the first time that goes out onto the patio and he used it from then on. He gives Fred a run for his life. Fred just takes it. I am soo lucky. Anne

Thank you for sharing your corgies, Queenmary. I have read many of your threads and I'm glad you found this one. My Benji is a hoot. Before his haircut I thought he looked like the tasmanian devil. He had so much hair and the whiskers on his face made me laugh outloud. How right you are about dogs being tricky - Benji has done a few things that I shall have to correct. I will not embarrass him right now though. Kay, I just can't get over how big Arlie is and so cute. I'd love to get everyone together for a play date. I assure you Benji can hold his own at 18lbs. Mary are you resting!!! It seems like you are forgeting a very important rule in your healing - rest. Please do take care. What may seem like a little to you may be huge to someone else. Didn't someone say 'patience is a virtue.' What is it about dogs and meat? Benji thinks whenever I'm in the kitchen I'm fixing something for him. Anne