kayc

I know, I hope I see them too someday.

hollowheart, The coworkers were great but the company sucked. The company gave all his tools & equipment to his "friend" who kept them. My son drove 150 mile round trip to pick up his belongings for nothing. I had over $2,000 in receipts for tools George had bought and kept at work (they made him provide everything on their "list") and they gave it away!! The company didn't send flowers or a card or send a rep. to his funeral, I've never seen a company so callous! Another guy died and they "wrote him up" without checking on him for nearly a week! His coworkers, however, showed up at his funeral. I was disappointed that his supervisor didn't come because George had given him a ride to work every day for months, at his own expense and time, out of his way. For that he couldn't pay his respects?! My response, however, is the opposite of yours. Having gone through this loss and knowing what it feels like, I don't want anyone else to suffer my experience, and I'd help anyone going through such loss!

I'm glad. He entered this relationship without having fully dealt with all he needed to, so I doubt it'll last, like a rebound, they usually don't, they're gone into with the wrong reasons and without clarity of mind. He will at some point have to deal with his issues or they'll get in is way. You were always there for him and at some point that's going to hit him and he will miss you. What he does about it is another thing. Meanwhile, you can go on to have a good life and you may reach a point where you may not want him back, but that remains to be seen. I wish you the best!

Thank you, Anne. It's so hard to lose someone you love and not even be able to travel to see them beforehand, and grieve their loss until later. I feel that happened (and I'm not comparing loss of a dog to loss of a sister) when I lost my Lucky, because it was two days later when I realized I'd have to file divorce with John. Because of that I feel I never properly mourned Lucky the way I should have, the way she deserved, and I've never gotten to that point. I don't know when it'll hit, but it's been several years and it still hasn't. I mean, I cried when she died and when I buried her, but it never hit me like it normally would have because then I was grieving the loss of my marriage. Lucky deserved better.

I don't remember George and I liking anything different but sometimes I feel sad he didn't get to try something because he just plain died too soon!

I just talked to him, he was very nice and said sometimes we need to talk about things and he knows I love him...he's going to call me back in a few. I hope you can focus on YOU right now and let him go. If the time comes he realizes things and comes back to you, it will be time enough to consider what you want. Right now it's the time for healing you and finding what you want.

I'm glad, I really hope things work out for you!

In reading your story when you say he's not so romantic but he shows love by doing things for you...it reminded me of the book (I'd highly recommend it!) "The Five Love Languages". Many of us have different love languages and we often miss the love the other one is showing because it's not OUR love language. So in learning about them we can recognize the love that is shown to us and also learn to demonstrate love to others in THEIR love language. It's a small simple book but life changing!

Gwen, you got rid of the last year's pictures, etc. because you didn't want to see the deterioration...when George died, I got rid of everything connected with his job because I felt it was very much responsible for his hastened death (heart attack). They pushed him and pushed him and pushed him! I didn't want to see his work clothes, the coffee mug they gave him, or anything to do with them! In my way I was getting rid of HIS "deterioration".

Gwen, and today for me it was getting groceries. As I bagged them up by myself and saw other couples, him bagging, her paying, it reminded me...I tell them to appreciate each other while they still have the other. We used to make a day of it, visit friends, eat out, get groceries, come home & put them away, all...together.

Yep. And it doesn't seem to matter how many years goes by.

I guess it's hard for me to understand because I never shut anyone out...instead I had friends disappear on me when my husband died because it made them uncomfortable and they didn't know what to say (people like to fix things, if they can't, they sometimes flee). But I was very supportive of Jim's taking care of his mom when she was dying so it's hard to understand his reaction. Oh well, it's all history now!

I don't know. Jim and I had a similar discussion today. He's not seeing someone else, but neither does he own his actions. It's like he think I am somehow to blame, I wasn't perfect in my response to his telling me he couldn't see me while his mom was alive...well she didn't have a cancer diagnosis or anything, it could have gone on for years, we had no way of knowing, esp. since her Jimmy was taking care of her. I felt he should have let me see him ten min. a week or something, after all, his ex-wife could, his friends, could, his neighbors, only I was excluded! That seems very unfair to me and instead he broke up with me. I totally supported his taking care of her, I got that, I just didn't understand the excluding me part! Never will, I guess. Who wants to be with someone that doesn't care about you more than that?

Meme, It's hard to believe it's been that long but it probably seems longer to you. Thinking of you...

Butch says Gracie has made it to three pounds!!! Cause for celebration! Thank you all for your prayers.

Kevin, what'd you find out today? I hope it's something easily corrected...

If she's taken up with someone who was seeing her professionally, that seems a breech big time and should disqualify her from counseling! I am so sorry for your loss. I can't help but feel you're better off without him but I know that's not how you're feeling right now, it hurts like hell. How this has transpired is very unfair to you, I hope he sees that someday. (((superhug!)))

Margaret, there is much I don't remember about that time, I'm sure! Daughter, you only wanted a childhood remembrance, nothing wrong with that! I think your dad saw all of you collectively taking things of hers, not the individual paintings you wanted from your childhood...and even then he offered you and your sister her clothes and accessories, so he must have been okay with parting with some things by then.

Margaret, My son got to see the Northern Lights from his neck of the woods a few months ago, I was so jealous!! Kevin, what's going on with your knees? Hope your knees get better soon! Truck doing fine, I try not to drive it much as it gets such bad gas mileage, haven't had to drive it into Oakridge all winter so guess I wasted my insurance! As soon as Winter is over I'll put it back on storage ins., although it doesn't save a whole lot. I start it up and let it run every Monday so the battery doesn't go dead.

Marty, that article is great! I liked also what you said about we can't help how we FEEL but what we do with it.

Gerald and Zac who??? I'm not a cougar but George was two years younger than me...a fact he had a lot of fun with.

I don't recall lashing out at people, but I think anger is common in grief. I hope you're seeing a grief counselor that can help direct you through this as grief of this magnitude is just to great to maneuver on your own. I think most of us here have seen one in addition to the other grief work we've done. It's good to explain to the person that it's not them, but you're experiencing grief anger and to please forgive you if you're not always yourself, you don't mean to hurt anyone. I know I became protective of myself and stood up for myself more after losing George.

Naw, Clint Eastwood is never too old!

This is indeed a very special place and it's always been a place of support and respect, I hope that continues.

Brad That totally doesn't surprise me, it's what I'd suspected because of what I've seen over the years. I think it's harder for a man to live alone in some ways.