kayc

Just my opinion, it takes a very long time to learn to live without them. You never like it though.

My husband would still be with me today had the doctor sent him to a cardiologist when he first complained of tightness of the chest, chest pains, etc., esp. with his family history, which the doctor had. It wasn't about money or the drug companies, it was about the doctor's pride, thinking HE could be the expert and not sending him on to the real expert. It cost me my love, my life.

I lost my mom 1 1/2 years ago, my dad 34 years ago, but I think you always miss your parents no matter how old you are. My dad missed everything in my life, the birth of my children, seeing them do well in school, marry, my son serving his country. He never got to know the love of my life that I didn't meet until my 40s (who has since passed). My mom lived to 92, but even though she lived a long life and I don't feel bad for her, she got to go be with daddy finally, I miss her. My kids are grown, I'm alone, and I really understand now how my mom felt after losing my dad. I feel like history is repeating itself. So often I want to call her or take her to lunch, but she's not there.

Thank you! First flower I've gotten in ages!

My mom put masking tape notes on the door. Now I understand.

MyMB, Welcome to this site, I hope you get as much from this site as the rest of us have. We're all in the club no one wanted to join, but we're making it together, one day at a time. You can start your own thread or you can jump in on any of the threads already started here, you're in the right place. Have you seen a grief counselor? That's a good place to start. Having a way to express yourself is important, journaling, blogging, or here. I'm glad your son is living with you, even if he is at work all day. I had my daughter with me the first few months and I thank God for it. I believe we will be together again and that faith, that hope, is what keeps me going in life too. They say energy never dies, it just changes form, so I believe even without their physical bodies, they still "are", they're just no longer limited to them. I know it hurts like hades, I remember those early months, very tough. We'll be here to go through this with you if you want us to.

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss and the reason you're here. Nausea & panic attacks I think are common with fresh grief, it's stressful! I'm sure the eye-twitching is also probably stress. Are you seeing a grief counselor? If not, I'd recommend it. There's also support groups that might be helpful. Make sure to express your feelings through journaling, blogging, or here, it helps to feel heard. For myself, when my husband died I felt my power had been stripped from me, after all, no one asked ME if I wanted this! Coming here helped tremendously, but it's important to do our grief work, and it IS work! I used art, writing, making a collage, all kinds of things to work through it. It also helps to take care of ourselves, daily walks, eating healthy, avoiding depressants like alcohol. Make sure to have supportive people around you and limit your time with those who just don't "get it", at least for now. I hope you'll continue to come here and read the threads, it helps to know you are not alone in how you're feeling and what you're going through. Meditation is also very helpful, and listening to soothing music or nature sounds. Spending time with pets also lowers your anxiety. See your doctor if your symptoms continue in spite of your best efforts.

Terri, I'm not sure but what those ER personnel might find themselves in a similar situations someday.

That's kind of a take on Lamentations 3:25, something Abe Lincoln used to quote. They say it's mostly true but I'm not so sure it's applicable to terminal illness or death.

Just don't let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to do or aren't ready for. Hang tough!

You will do what is best for you. There is no right or wrong way, only your way.

Our GPA ratings 4.0, is perfect (the highest) so yours must be different. I know what you mean about trading sleep, my son hardly slept in college, always studying or projects, etc, plus he had to come up with his own funding so that meant applying for scholarships & grants. College is tough! It'd still be good to talk to them, maybe they could give you an incomplete instead of a 0 so it doesn't count against your GPA.

Wow! What an exhaustive list!

When my son was in the Air Force he was going for an Electrical Engineering degree, but lacked a couple of courses when his stint was up. He did not want to reenlist even though he was Staff Sargent Elect and it'd mean he wouldn't get the title he'd worked so hard for. When he enrolled in university afterwards, he learned his credits were not transferable so he'd have to start over again, taking courses he'd already taken. It goes easier the second time as you don't forget what you've learned, esp. if it hasn't been a long time (he took a couple of years off in between). he graduated 4.0 gpa with Engineering degrees in Electrical, Mechanical, and Computers, was the commencement speaker and Summa Cum Laude. I say all of that to you to tell you that none of your schooling has been a waste, not even if you haven't been tested or received credit for it...the knowledge is there and will aid you when you go back to school.

A long time friend of mine has been diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer and will undergo chemo, but not knowing if it will work or if she can tolerate it. There's no cure, it'll merely bide her time, her cancer is spread throughout her body, damaged her liver, etc. It is hard to know what to say and we no longer live in the same town, she's clear across the state from me. Knowing I may never see her again is hard to believe. Brad, your Deedo sounds like one very special lady, I'm glad you found that note.

No you can't tell her everything will be fine because you don't know that, but you can tell her you will be there for her and then be there. Sometimes that's what we need the most.

Historical novels are great because you can learn so much about the historical figure and time period, but they throw in enough to make it interesting.

My husband died right after he turned 51. In my family we live into our 90s, I felt I couldn't do 40 years alone! I remarried but it was awful, he was a con and he had no intention of a normal marriage or living with me, but I didn't know that. He always knew the right things to say to string me along, when all was said and done he used my credit for $50,000.00 and then quit his job, went into hiding with a girlfriend, and stuck me with all the bills. I had remortgaged my house when my husband died to pay the hospital, doctors, ambulance, then had to remortgage it when John stuck me with his bills. I got a judgment against him but it does no good, he doesn't work and I don't know where he lives. I tried one more time, got engaged to a very nice man, then when his mom was dying, he suddenly broke up with me...by Fed Ex...I got the news while I was at work. It broke my heart! I figure if I can't do better than this I should have quit when my husband died, he was a wonderful husband and treated me like a queen. I've never seen anyone so devoted, he adored me. I don't expect to ever have that again, and I've decided to live my years out alone. I'm 63 now (he died nearly 11 years ago) and I'm used to being alone now. Perhaps you will find it. I was in my 40s when I met George, he was my soulmate, and we immediately clicked, had great communication, just went together so well.

I think it's helpful to have a thread that stays with you in your journey, I had one here in anticipatory when my mom was diagnosed with dementia, clear through her death. You aren't the only one that has a hard time with seeing them in their current state. It was really hard to watch my mom go downhill, esp. towards the end, she looked so gaunt, so little, so old. Even though she was in her 90s, she'd never looked it, she was always so cute...but death catches up with you. A punching bag is a good idea, it'll relieve a lot of stress.

I haven't (heard from my mom) but I don't really expect to. I believe without a doubt that my mom is finally okay and that is the one thing that consoles me. I just miss her. So many times I want to talk to her and can't. I even dialed her number once, don't know what I was hoping/expecting, but it just said it was disconnected. Disconnected?! She had that number for 60 years! My dad died when I was 29 and pregnant with my first child. He missed so much, never got to see his grandchildren. It seems like he missed out on my life!

Benjamin Franklin is my great great great great uncle (through his brother James). My son and I've enjoyed learning all we could about him. He once funded a war, he invented the Franklin wood stove, street lamps, was interested in politics, they even asked him to run for president. He enjoyed France and the philosophical discussions there. He coined the phrase, a penny saved is a penny earned, he was very frugal. What a smart, smart man! Not overly religious, but definitely very interesting and intelligent.

It costs several thousand dollars where I live.

I think, like you say, it's more the loss of a dream. You'd built up something in your mind but that wasn't it, if it was, he would have reciprocated. Mind or not, it still hurts and it's still a type of loss. I hope you run across what you're looking for. I gave up years ago ever finding or having love in my life again.

I don't think a blanket statement can be made because people have wonderful experiences with them...and horrid experiences, and it depends on who the nurse is, just as with anywhere. I dread hospitals because of my experience, but that doesn't mean all hospitals are bad, but the one I went to a year ago doesn't have a good track record. Wish they'd spent more on hiring nurses and less on their art work.

I remortgaged my house to pay off George's hospital, doctor, and ambulance bills. I found out years later that I wouldn't have been responsible for them. Of course they didn't tell me that when they were hounding me. Check with the laws in your state before paying them...