Gin Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 It has been 15 months since my beloved Al left this earth. In one way it seems like he was just here and in another it seems like forever since I held him and saw him. Can't believe I have made it this long without him. The thought of continuing on without him is hard to conceive. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty65 Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 ((((Gin)))) Forever and yesterday. My truth too. It is hard to conceive. It comes to me, that thought, and my head involuntarily shakes back and forth -- as if to try to shake me out of the surreal nightmare. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 4, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 Patty, The shaking does not help. The nightmare is still here, as you know. So hard to think of a life without him! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 39 minutes ago, Gin said: The thought of continuing on without him is hard to conceive. And that my dear Gin is the rub. Trying to conceptualize a future void of that one person who made us feel complete. I know I need to define my new normal; the new normal I currently find myself in is not what I want. What I want I cannot have. So I need to either find a way to continue in solitude and be content with that; yet I miss persoanl interaction. Or I need to find a way to open myself up for new experiences. The trouble is the things I have always enjoyed are pretty much solitary activities. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 Gin, I know exactly how you are feeling and you are right even though I'm at almost at 18 months, I have a hard time seeing more time without him. Hugs Joyce 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 I think looking ahead and seeing our lives being lived alone from our lost one(s) is the thing that is hardest to explain to someone who has never lost someone they truly love. You can't just say well imagine what it would be like .... They have no real form of reference with regard to never seeing that special person alive again; their special people are alive. Yesterday was 52 weeks for me. Tomorrow is the 5th of the month so that makes it a year. To those of you who have been widowed longer I must thank you for sharing what is in your minds and in your hearts. I pray for peace on earth for all of us. ? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 Marita - Tomorrow will be a hard day. I am wishing you peace and comfort. Brad 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 4, 2017 Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 We're all wishing you that for you, dear Marita. ♥ 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Thanks Brad and Marty, your kindness means so much. Everyone on here has been so much more supportive and understanding than any of my non-cyber friends. Not only are the people here caring and truthful they are real. We are here for ourselves and each other and it is mutually beneficial in so many ways. The non-cyber friends/acquaintances/relatives all have their own agenda for what they can benefit from me and my 'unfortunate situation'. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 I decided to start cleaning out the file cabinet. I threw away all Al's VA papers. Somehow it does not seem right, but I did it. These throw away events are really hard. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Gin these marker days are hard I hate them it is hard to picture our lives without them but we muster up the strength to carry on, trying to find hope in all this emptiness and sadness one day we will get there.Even though it is one more day they have been out of our lives it is also one day closer to be reunited with them again bitter/sweet. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Marita my thoughts will be with you tomorrow on this hard day it will be hard but I hope remembering his love will bring some comfort hugs. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 6 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said: I think looking ahead and seeing our lives being lived alone from our lost one(s) is the thing that is hardest to explain to someone who has never lost someone they truly love. You can't just say well imagine what it would be like .... They have no real form of reference with regard to never seeing that special person alive again; their special people are alive. ? so true. I remember trying to imagine what it would be like before my wife died and I just couldn't face it or imagined it. Even now at 22+ months, it is hard for me to grasp. If I try to think beyond today my world shakes and crumbles. I can only look at today and live as best I can today. I'm working on living in the REALITY of Today and ACCEPTANCE of what is as it is. Some days I can pull it off and on other days it is a spiral of memories, wishes, and dashed hopes of future plans. This is another reason to come here and see how the rest of us "left behinders" are fairing on our grief walk and hopefully able to help each other who truly understand our plight. - Shalom 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Thinking of you today Marita on this last of the firsts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Hugs my dear Marita. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Marita, Thinking of you today. I know it doesn't feel any better to have a year under your belt, but at least you've survived the "firsts without". You know what this journey is now and you've managed to survive one year. Now just do it again one more day. You're in my thoughts and prayers. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 22 hours ago, Gin said: The thought of continuing on without him is hard to conceive. Try not to think about it then. Just get through today. One day at a time...today. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Marita, you are in my thoughts today and hope you can find a little peace. Hugs Joyce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Thank you to everyone for their kindness and understanding. Since I don't expect life to become all sunny and warm just because I'm moving into the second year the overcast sky and -8 C weather is not a huge surprise or disappointment. I don't know what to expect for the remainder of the day but all of the understanding and kindness given here will certainly help me with each step I take. I don't know why my husband had to die to test my strengths. I do know my love for him has continued to grow. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Gin, I have so much respect for you and I wish for you the same peace and comfort that I am seeking.? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted January 5, 2017 Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Marita and Gin, I'm sending hugs to you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 5, 2017 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Marita,. Wishing peace today and all thru the next year. Our weather here is not much better, but I go out no matter what. I have to get away from the lonely house for a little while. I checked out a yoga class today. I might join. No matter how many things I join, I am still alone and lonely. Ana...thanks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 6, 2017 Report Share Posted January 6, 2017 21 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said: I don't know why my husband had to die to test my strengths. I don't look for "reasons" why he died, it just happened. I don't think that's why any of them died. I don't look for meaning in it so much as how to get through it and rebuild my life into something tolerable with a measure of joy thrown in now and then. It's all pretty unfair! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marie Lee Posted January 8, 2017 Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Gin and Marita, Sending many thoughts of peace and love to y'all ...to everyone really. Take care, Marie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now