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Patty65

Simultaneous Grief and Love

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As I write this Patty is half way across the pond heading back to Maui to start loading the pod to ship the restaurant and her house to Scottsdale. She made it through her daughters graduation which I was blessed with the chance to see. I met her daughter for the first time. Ron had paid for her college education and I know it hurt Patty for him not to be there to see but I think he was and I bet he did see. He was proud as heck. I am certain of that. Now comes the next hard part which is the dismantling of home and business.  I know this will be a difficult time as well but by mid August it and she will be calling this place home. Of course I didn't tell her much about the heat. It's supposed to reach 120 by Wednesday but who can tell right? In four weeks we will be married on a beach in Maui and that is like a dream come true...........a dream neither of us had, wanted, or expected but it happened just the same. I know all of this happened for a reason, a reason bigger than ourselves. 

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Image result for wishing you every happiness

Sending blessings to both of you, dear Steve, for recognizing and appreciating your love for each other ~ and wishing you every happiness 

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4 hours ago, KATPILOT said:

... In four weeks we will be married on a beach in Maui and that is like a dream come true...........a dream neither of us had, wanted, or expected but it happened just the same. I know all of this happened for a reason, a reason bigger than ourselves. 

Blessing and peace Steve & Patty.  - Shalom:wub:

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This will be a bittersweet time for Patty, so much happening at once.  I don't know the weather in Maui but I've lived in Phoenix, it's HOT.  It must have been very poignant to see her daughter graduate, I know how I felt when my son did.  It's hard not having that person there to watch with you.  Good luck on all of the impending moving!

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So much has happened since I last posted and free time has become quite a rare commodity. Hopefully we will have time in the future but opening Maui Pasta is no small task. Hopefully we will have a lease that we can live with by the end of next week. Patty is understandably gun shy when it comes to landlords. I wonder why. 

In dealing with simultaneous grief and love we had our first experience when my wedding anniversary came up. So we went out to dinner instead of years of me going out by myself. Those days will still come and they will always be a part of our lives so it helps that we can be together for each other. I am grateful that I do not have to deny that part of my life. This Saturday we will go out to celebrate the one year anniversary of the day we met. That would be the day before last years art auction. I cannot believe how fast this  year has gone. Who would believe that all this could happen.

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Wishing well with Patty's upcoming lease, do let us know how it's going as it goes alone.  Have you found a place yet then for it?
Wedding anniversaries are hard...ours is coming up in three weeks.  I've never stopped missing him and wish so much he was here to enjoy retirement with me.

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It looks like we have a place secured and the POD with Patty's kitchen in it is being delivered to the space tomorrow.  That of course means the horses will leave the gate and we will understand what "busy" looks like.

Speaking of anniversaries,  we never get over them no matter how long it goes on. Those are days we should remember with love and joy as the day they chose to spend the rest of their lives with us. You would think it hard with a complicated life of new marriage and love but somehow it is not. It does however bring about a feeling of joy more than sadness.  I remember two years ago I was in Maui for my anniversary. I know I had driven past Maui Pasta during that time unaware what was soon to happen. I was not yet connected to a man inside who was soon to die of cancer yet not even aware of it. I only new my own loss being on the island knowing it was one of Kathy's favorite places on earth. Funny how lives are connected and destined for something so incredible. I had only been there once on Kathy's fiftieth birthday and if not for her most likely would never have been there. It is interesting to think about the two of us both with our hearts torn out and never looking to find another love yet brought together on this very grief support website.

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I've been wondering how things were going for you two. I'm so happy for both of you. It is crazy to think about how my boyfriends and my hearts were torn out and we both never thought we would be with someone else so special. I didn't find him on this website but we did meet at a grief support group. We have been dating for 9 months now. My 17 year old daughter has finally come around with the whole situation. It has been hard on all of us. Today was a hard day for me. I had to go to the lawyer and sign the final papers for Richards estate.

 

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Those days are always hard Polly. In the future it will happen again that something will need to be dealt with that connects you to Richard and with that comes a flood of memories.   I have learned to appreciate those times because it reminds me of just how important they were and still are in our lives. That love never ends. "ever"  We could write chapters about this subject right?

To love again, to live again is a very big deal.  If there is one thing that gets me it is the fear of loss. We tend to be gun shy when we've lost before and lost with such pain. The hard part is allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  I know I keep referencing the book "The Road Less Traveled" but in it is a chapter "Risk of Loss". I know that you cannot love without risking loss. How you accept that is thing. For me, that is my biggest challenge. There are people right here on this site who are grieving for the second time. Is it courage or perhaps just not stopping our inner voice?  I know I have very little courage. I also know I allow things to just happen. Kathy always said, "If it was meant to be, then it will be". I get that now. When I surrender myself to fate or destiny, life does indeed happen. In fact, no matter what we do or feel, life will continue to happen.

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We have been so busy over the last few months working on a dream. Patty and Ron's dream.  We should be open in a few more weeks and then the fun begins. It is interesting that the time we open will be the time of year when Kathy and Ron left us. I know they are smiling big time but it will be an emotional time for certain. Tears of joy and sorrow.

I can't help but feel like all this was part of a big plan. Fate is the key 

enhanced maui pasta sign.jpg

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We wish for both of you every success with Maui Pasta, and all the happiness you deserve, dear Steve! Do keep us posted!

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I was so happy to see this Steve. I was just thinking about you two and wondering how things were going. That picture made me smile. So happy for you and Patty. 

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Friday we spent the day in the ER because Patty was in severe distress over a stomach issue. It takes a lot to get her out of the restaurant. Years ago she had a similar situation which led to them taking out her gallbladder only to discover there was nothing wrong with it. She had kidney cancer which was then addressed. That was ten years ago so we should be on the other side of it. The Cat Scan showed nothing of concern and that was a hell of a relief because I was scared you guys. For a half an hour I was back in a place I wish I didn't have a memory of.   Point is she has had a sensitive stomach ever since Maui and her blood work was off the charts recently. We will figure it out now that she is where we can get decent medical care. They have a saying in Maui that "If you have a pain, take a plane". There is a good reason for that!  It was difficult being in the ER for we both have a big bag of bad memories with that one.  Life is difficult sometimes but we will get through it. I have to laugh sometimes because we are both fighters and we don't know how to give up. ☺️ 

Next month is our first anniversary. I can hardly wrap my head around that one because time has literally flown by. One year ago we were trying to figure out how we could close down the restaurant in Maui and move it here. We were planning our being married and living apart but thankfully that was only for six weeks. So I am in awe at all that has happened in the last year. We are slowly starting to make money and all though we are not yet breaking even I know it will come next fall. My life is so interesting now because we get up at 4 am and go to the restaurant where I help her get the bread going and set things up. Then it is off to work at my own business where we spend the rest of the day apart until 4 when we both meet at home. This is our routine seven days a week and I love it. By the way, Patty works eight minutes north of our house and I work eight minutes south. Not a bad commute is it? Sometimes we pull into the driveway together.

I have read on "Loss of Spouse" how some of us are struggling with dating and finding new love while some are certain that they lost the only one for them. It is a mix of emotion for sure and it brings to light some interesting feelings on my part. Every one of us is following a different path. No two grief's are the same because no two lovers are like any other. I remember how I felt a few years ago. Actually just a little over a year ago as a matter of fact and I was certain Kathy was the only one for me. I new what being married to someone who was not my soul mate felt and looked like. You start out young not even understanding what soul mate even means.  Only until you find it for real that you can look back at what it wasn't . I endured that for twenty years so I think I know the difference now. I knew it when I saw Kathy for the first time. I knew what I had lost and after over two thousand five hundred  days I lived with that knowledge that I was indeed soul mates with her and no one would ever change that. And no one ever shall change how I feel. Thing is I have found my soul mate again. Now I have two. 

I wrote something years ago when I knew beyond any doubt that I would never marry again that even if you meet someone, one of them has to take the back seat.  I was wrong. I was so damn wrong! I spoke without knowledge. I assumed. And, assumption is the mother of all screw ups.You think I would have learned that by now because I know it kills pilots all the time.

I wish I was more like Kathy because she looked at all the facts before she ever spoke. She tried to teach me that but she left before I learned it. I think she is still teaching me. The point is that I discovered that I could find a soul mate in Patty and still have a soul mate in Kathy. Make your own assessment  but I know what I have been through. Assume nothing and you will learn more. Assumption is a door closed so tight that light cannot get in. 

So here I am in love with two souls or maybe three if you count Ron. Or maybe four if I count myself. I knew from the moment I first saw that painting that Patty had posted to contribute to our fund raiser that something far greater than me was at play. I struggled with that one let me tell you. So much can go through a mans mind along this journey of grief and life. I know how every day I keep learning so I keep growing in some small way.

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Steve, I greatly appreciate you sharing your heart and soul.  At three years + after my beloved wife died, I am learning to never say because I just don't know what the future holds.  The wisdom you share with us helps me and others here.  This 4th trip around the calendar, I find myself more introspective and working on the reality and finality of my wife's death.  Each of us deals with grief and healing in unique ways.  I don't know what I don't know. I know I am supposed to "Get busy living".

Steve,That day we meet at the airport, I never perceived how it would change my focus and perspective.  Watching you take off in that plane rekindled a childhood passion and dream which gives me a great desire and hope for the future (flying).  I'm not flying yet,  I have learn much about healthier eating and living and have managed to lose 130+ lbs.  Constant Hunger/food cravings gone and several health markers are improving.  I have learned much about the foods we eat and how it affects our health, also, sleep, stress, medicines, movement, etc..  If you are interested PM or call. Praying for improving health for Patty. - Shalom

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Also praying for Patty, keep us posted on what they find out, okay?  

It is so true about never saying never.  You have learned much, Steve!

George, I congratulate you on your weight loss!  My son is doing the KETO diet, he's tried to explain it to me scientifically but it seems over my head.  He's lost 25 lbs in two months, says he isn't hungry, has more energy.  A friend of his is on it too, she says it's not just about weight loss but it's a spiritual journey as well.

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George that is absolutely awesome losing the weight. The best side effect is how much better you feel. It also enforces our need to stay alive. We stay alive to find reason for staying alive. I know at first I just wished death would find me. Our lives become filled with "why" questions that can never be answered. When I stopped asking the questions things began to fall into place. There just has to be a reason we stayed behind when they moved on. We honor them to keep on living, to keep on making a difference. I started to think about how Kathy would want me to because she no longer was able to enjoy this world. Perhaps I thought, she could see it through my eyes and senses.  That might not be the case but what if it was? If there was just a small chance it was true then how could I let her down? I was stuck here on this planet anyway. It was worth a shot and what better way to honor her than doing something with what time I have left. 

I want to say thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers but Patty will be okay. Nothing is life threatening here but a balance has to be reached in her body and the doctors will figure it out.  Stress may very well have played a part. 

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12 hours ago, kayc said:

......George, I congratulate you on your weight loss!  My son is doing the KETO diet, he's tried to explain it to me scientifically but it seems over my head.  He's lost 25 lbs in two months, says he isn't hungry, has more energy.  A friend of his is on it too, she says it's not just about weight loss but it's a spiritual journey as well.

I studying and watched many videos and got confused as well. I had already lost 45 lbs on the traditional American diet reduce calories and move more.  I lost 45lbs and than stalled.  I was determined to lose more weight because of my passion for flying. When I watched this video and how I could make a SIMPLE and easy to follow plan. I decided to go for it.  I broke my plan down into small baby steps that i could accomplish and build upon it.  This is the way our bodies are designed to eat, store excess fuel and then use pour own fuel (Body fat stores) LCHF ( Low Carb Healthy Fat).  I chose the KETOGENIC because of the very low carbs will switch the body fuel source from sugar burning to fat burning (called Nutritional Ketosis).  There is an adjustment period and helps to know what happens in the body.  Mainly your body will excrete excess water and electrolytes (salts)  They need to be replaced daily.  It is not difficult except my whole life everything i was taught about food and health was wrong. 

I keep my plan very simple and doable each day.  I find the foods I like to eat and just KETO-ADAPT them. I'm not perfect at them but I have learned much about what works for me and how I can be successful.  I can eat this way naturally and comfortably the rest of my life.  If you are interested, I will share what works for me and you can discover if it is right for you. This way of eating has been around for over a hundred years do some research and also check out dietdoctor LCHF and KETO.  Here is Butter Bob.

 

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I very seldom venture off the norm of what I found with these forums.  My family and friends keep me so busy when I  go to the closet to get clothes, I realize others have my clothes and I have to find mine that are here to wash.  Hate a laundromat.  Anyhow, coming here, I find people that have "moved on" while still grieving, but still have found happiness of some sort, and I am happy for them.  Now I see where some names I have missed, where they are now and it is interesting.  I wish everyone any amount of happiness they can squeeze out of this lemon of life and make the best lemonade ever.  To all of you.  Sometimes I feel so tired, but there is always something left to push me to keep going, and I am glad other people are still in motion.  

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It is wonderful to read about the happiness you two are enjoying.  Thanks for sharing your story.  Like Marg I don't often read other threads on the forum.  I sure am glad I did though. ❤️

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Happy Birthday Ron!

Your dream, Maui Pasta, lives on but of course you know that.

You would be 59 today, far to young to have left but may your soul be filled with joy knowing your bride is keeping that dream alive....and that she is safe.

Sometimes the tears still fall but today we celebrate your life. You are indeed one of the few good men to have walked this earth..

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13718796_10206860942548744_4449031692513200175_n - Copy.jpg

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This is so touching to me, how you've included him, how you're both taking care of Patty.  :wub:

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