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Wedding Rings or Other Meaningful Symbols


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How do others handle them? Seeing my ring on my hand breaks my heart, but thinking about taking it off breaks my heart even more. My husband was buried with his ring on. Couldn't imagine him without it. I can't imagine me without it either. There's no right or wrong here. Just interested in knowing what others have experienced and done. Somehow "till death do us part" doesn't seem correct anymore. The feeling seems eternal.

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This is on my mind so I'm gonna respond before reading Marty's link.

I'm wearing my ring. It looks brighter than ever and I'm more aware of it than ever. It gives me some comfort. OTOH I'm concious that it tells the world something about me that's not true. Regardless, I don't have the courage to take it off.

I have Susan's rings. When I would snuggle up to her at night I would hold them between my fingers and think about how they symbolized our love. I intend to put them on the chain that holds the turtle pendant that I gave her and she loved and that brought so many complements, and that she was wearing on the day she died, and hang the chain around her urn. However I haven't been able to do that either. ??

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Tom, If only I could have been with her long enough to have a wedding ring. I would be wearing it now. What yours tells me is that you loved deeply and you still consider yourself married. You will either change that consideration one day, or you won't.  If you don't, so be it. The world's opinion doesn't really matter in this case, does it. 

As far as the turtle pendant, I love that thought. Turtles and tortoises were significant for Dana as well. When she came to visit me in June a year ago, i had gotten her a turtle ring, and gave it to her when we got out to the car at the airport. I held it out of sight, got down on one knee (and I could see the "Oh no, what is this?" wheels turning through her eyes), and in my most sincere voice I said, "Dana, I know we've only been back together in person for 10 minutes, but I have something very important to ask you..." (She's almost weaving to and fro at this point). "Dana, will you wear this ring? From me? And held it out.

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She looked startled for a moment, then lit up with a smile like a thousand candles.  She had this hooting laugh that always delighted me 34-35 years ago, and she let loose with it! "Yes," she said, "a thousand times yes, and proudly." "Where did you find it?"

Told her I searched the world over, and the local flea market. She hooted again, put it on, and never took it off while she was here except when I took her to the beach.

After she died, her best friend found it and sent it back to me. I treasure it every bit as much as a wedding band. If it were not too small, I would wear it every day.

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A few years ago I had my wedding ring enlarged so I could wear it again.  I had someone make a snide remark about how they didn't think it appropriate, I responded that it's a good thing it's not up to them.  It brings me comfort, it's a reminder of the one person in the world that truly loved and got me, and of the precious day we became husband and wife.  I will never forget the feeling we had when we were pronounced husband and wife!  The look on his face was priceless!  It is a personal decision that each must make for themselves.  I wear mine on my right hand most of the time because it fits better, but if my fingers swell, I switch it to the left.  It's no one's business but mine, so I don't worry what others think.

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Dave Susan loved turtles. I have her urn surrounded by turtle figures. We have stuffed turtles in the bedroom, one of which she knitted. Clothes with turtle icons, plates, cards, nametags wall hangings. I gave her a lot of turtle jewlery for presents and she would have liked your ring. Her passwords. On our last vacation there were friendly tortoises and we took lots of pictures. Walking along the river or on the boat we'd be looking for turtles. I'd show her any good pictures I came across online.  All her texts and emails were signed with ?so painful I can't even look now. 

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20 hours ago, TomPB said:

I'm wearing my ring. It looks brighter than ever and I'm more aware of it than ever. It gives me some comfort. OTOH I'm concious that it tells the world something about me that's not true. Regardless, I don't have the courage to take it off.

I still wear my ring and I intend to keep doing so. The family and friends that knew and loved Lori know why I continue to wear the ring so no explanation is needed for them. The ones I will encounter who never knew Lori will receive the explanation that "I was married for thirteen years and I am now a widower. I will always be married to Lori. If you have an issue with me still wearing my wedding ring then we can part ways now".

Tom, 

Courage has nothing to do with it. You wear the ring as long as you want to. If people have an issue then it's THEIR issue not yours. In your heart you will always be married. You will always be T & S. Show the world that she is still yours and you are still hers. 

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14 hours ago, DaveM said:

Tom, If only I could have been with her long enough to have a wedding ring. I would be wearing it now.

That's my case too. But I plan to get a ring as soon as I've saved enough money (not sure which type yet). 

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1 hour ago, TomPB said:

Sean, sorry I was unclear. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I meant that, even if I decided I wanted to take it off, I wouldn't be able to do it.

Understood Tom. The only opinion on the matter that should count is yours. I'm glad you feel that way.

It is hard for me to fathom taking it off. I kept it on throughout our marriage 24/7. I took it off once while in the shower and forgot to put it back on for work. I felt naked without it. So in 13 years I have had it off for a total of about nine hours. I hated every minute of it so I will probably never take it off again.

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Rings are a little different to me......I have two wedding rings, my plan is to give them to my Grandsons or  Current sons.......Now Angela's Wedding and engagement rings I will pass them on to Grand Daughter in a few years......I removed wearing my ring early this year, part of my Journey I think.......

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I still wear mine. It just doesn't feel right with it off. I did try going about my day with it removed a couple of weeks ago and it just felt wrong so I put it back on. There's something comforting about wearing it. And at the moment I don't like giving the impression to anyone of the opposite sex that I'm 'single' and therefore 'available'. I'm aware that some people I know think that this is silly but I really couldn't care less about that! I'll may very well take it off one day...or I may not. But for the time being it's staying on.

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I have no plans to ever remove my rings.  I also have earrings and a neck chain he gave me.  I never take them off.  They are a part of me.  My wedding rings don't look like the norm as they are sapphires.  It's the finger that they are on the gives it away if anyone notices.  I remember over 20 years ago when thought we might divorce and the absolute worst physical feeling was taking off my simple gold band wedding ring.  Never again.

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It's funny how something we might have taken for granted for so long means so very much now. I wore my ring every day we were married and really never paid it much mind. It was just something I wore. Sure it had meaning. It was the symbol of my commitment to Lori but I really never gave it a lot of thought. Now it means everything to me. I want people to see it and ask about my wife. I want to tell our story. Funny how the things that were so normal and maybe even mundane before seem like Mt Everest now.

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It cost me $275 to have my band resized (because it's platinum and YG and had an inscription) and it was worth every penny of it to be able to wear them again.  It just doesn't feel right without it.  They are a symbol and a reminder to me of the love we shared beginning when our "friendship grew wings" as George put it. :)

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Once after swimming I saw that my ring was gone! It was a loose fit and had fallen off in the pool. It is a big pool. I thought it was lost for sure. Nevertheless next morning I went to the lost and found and asked if anyone had found a ring in the pool, thinking no way. And, the kid at the desk said sure, we have it. They had been cleaning the filter and there was my ring. So I guess it didn't want to leave my finger.

Susan's ring is a simple latticework gold band made by her uncle. When we got married and didn't have much $ I asked if she wanted an expensive ring or an expensive honeymoon. She opted for the honeymoon so we went to Caneel Bay. A good example of how we understood each other perfectly, and the first of many trips to the Virgin Islands.

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Tom,

Thank you for sharing that...Susan made the better choice, no one can take away our special memories.

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I went to Marty's link and didn't come back here thinking there may be no replies since it had already been discussed. Just checked back now. Happy to see that it sounds like my feelings are pretty normal. The conflicted feeling is mostly about what society expects me to do. The bottom line is that I want to keep it on. So that's what I will do. I will listen to my heart. I love that ring.

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I'm glad, I'm 12 years out and still wearing my wedding band.  I got a snide remark from one person but it's no one's business but mine.  I chalk other people's reactions like that up to "grief ignorance".  She was widowed too but never LEARNED anything about grief, never went to a counselor or a grief support group or read the books and articles, never visited a forum.  She dated from the time her husband died until she remarried.  

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Wow, seems like she didn't feel much about losing her husband.  Some marriages are like that, I guess.  Easier to move on if there weren't strong ties.  Hard to say about people.  The snide remark would lead me to believe she doesn't get attached.  Speaking of that, this was sent to me.....

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifelines/201111/attachment-is-the-source-all-suffering

 

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I am married again but the ring stays on and so does my brides ring from her marriage. So the four of us are connected and it could never have been any other way.  When Patty and I married on a beach last month the reverend said something I specifically asked he not. He said "Till death do you part".  I actually smiled holding back a laugh thinking how little he knew.

A ring is a symbol. It says so many things but the most important thing it says to me is "For all of time". I never took that ring off after Kathy died except for Patty to have it engraved and I replaced a stone in Ron's ring to Patty so we share those rings between the four of us. It seems so right. It feels so right because it was Kathy and Ron who brought us together.

 

wedding rings of Maui Pasta.jpg

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The "God doesn't give us more than we can bear" is actually a misquote/misapplication of the scripture.  I've heard it taken wrong more than I've heard the actual application.  It means "with God's help", God never thought we could bear it alone and He's right.  We need someone to turn to, someone to help us through the hard places, we weren't meant to be alone and struggling, yet here we are.  I cringe when I hear people throwing that at us as if we're just somehow failures at bearing up.  Grrr!  No, we aren't, and if they walked in our shoes, how well they'd know how hard it is.

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