My Sanity Needed Vents

[kayc]

1 hour ago, Gwenivere said:

I can’t get away from the terror of going back to be cut into again.

I understand that.  I have lost so much trust in doctors...but I am believing for you that this will work!  I feel peace about it, I know, easy to say, it's not my back, but still, that undergirding faith/hope is there for you... 

[kayc]

18 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

sad your beautiful daughter had to experience a sad difficult divorce.  I hope she is finding happiness again.

Except she never received the outcome of it, doesn't even know if they are divorced yet...or not.  Covid hit right after his lawyer sent it to the court and they shut down, haven't found the outcome as of yet...may require another expensive lawyer to find out.  $ she doesn't have.

[Gwenivere]

I don’t know if divorces are public record, but I would think you can find out your own without a lawyer.  I checked snd they are accessible to anyone in Washington.  

I just posted in Annette how I feel about how I’m seen hear approaching this surgery.  I appreciate your faith, but I have none.  
 

Woke up and lost power within an hour.  Didn’t last long but enough to mess up lots of clocks.  Could have waited for Dee to get here but it was driving me nuts.  She brought a burrito from the church and we packed a few things for Wednesday.  Forgot I have to take off all jewelry and a case for my glasses. I’m trying to keep what I take minimal for rehab.  
 

Pouring rain tonight.  Snow melting so flooding coming.  Only have tonight and Monday for my usual routine.  Don’t know how I’ll handle Tuesday to make it to the hospital by noon.  Can’t even imagine getting to the car much less going in.  
 

I knew this would consume me.  Have 2 more ‘normal' nights.  Tho functioning is so much harder.  I had such a hard time getting thru dinner as I had to wash utensils.  I whined about it in another topic, but I so need and don’t want a shower.  Physically needed but so hard to do anything over my head that requires both hands like hair.  Wish it wasn’t mucked up last weeks snow.  
 

Guess I better post this.  Lord knows if I’ll be able to think well today.  💕 to you all.  

[kayc]

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

appreciate your faith, but I have none.  

I know, and that's okay, sometimes we don't and that's when we need others to carry us in spirit.  (((hugs)))  

We're having insane weather too, high winds, another 11" snow coming esp. tonight, kind of scary, no place left to shovel it and it's so rock hard you can't even chip it now.  44" sunk into 22" now.  Roads are horrid, can't walk in this stuff, very hard taking Kodie out, I get frustrated when he doesn't cooperate and go potty when I risk my life taking him out!  Jazzy is a godsend for him right now, it's all I can do to walk him down there and back twice a day, the road is treacherous, so is my driveway and the pathways I shoveled, and branches in this everywhere.  Nearby Pleasant Hill is out of power, hoping we aren't next.  Internet down again last night.  They want to send someone here, they don't understand, they can't GET here right now!  They don't listen to me.  Sometimes I feel no one does (customer services).

Even with all I've got going on right now, you are uppermost in my thoughts and on my heart right now, Gwen.

[MartyT]

39 minutes ago, kayc said:

Even with all I've got going on right now, you are uppermost in my thoughts and on my heart right now, Gwen.

And we're all thinking of you, too, dear Kay. You have your own crosses to bear. Praying that better weather comes your way ASAP . . . ❤️

[kayc]

My dish network wouldn't work tonight, they said it's my old equipment (2 1/2 hours to learn that), I lost all 113 of my recordings.  They're supposed to be out tomorrow afternoon so I'll have to wear a mask and Kodie will miss his play date.  He missed it this afternoon too as Iris wasn't back from chemo yet and Jazzy was stuck in the house while they're gate was open.  Getting a lot of snow, high winds, it's scary.

Two admin/moderators quit our diabetic group this week, leaving us in the lurch when we most need it...George is sick and I'm in my own emergency.  What a mess.  I know better than to ask if anything else can go wrong.  I need to get my Christmas decorations put away even if not the tree because they'll be in the way if the guy shows up tomorrow.  That's iffy in this weather.  Found out my internet provider scheduled an appt for Wed. even though I told them not to and called it off.  Does anyone listen anymore?  I think not.

My heart is with Gwen and what she has tomorrow...hoping to hear from her soon.  Crossing all fingers and toes when my boots aren't on!

[KarenK]

Gwen,

Sending you courage, warm thoughts and good vibes. Wishing for a speedy recovery as pain free as possible. We are all pulling for you. Check in when you're able.

[Gwenivere]

Definitely will.  Posted in another thread the lengthy process to get to where I can.  I woke up from my pre dinner nap thinking it was morning.   Still have a little time before the nightmare begins.  💕

[V. R.]

Hi, Gwen, replied to you in other topic(if you're going thru hell). 

Forza! Dai che ce la fai(translated: Come on! You can do it.) 

The second part is a famous catchphrase of one our famous italian singers(Gianni Morandi) 

Lots of love. 

Enza

 

[kayc]

We're with you, Gwen...sending you love and positivity for what it's worth!

[kayc]

Kodie and I walked to Jack's yesterday to leave a note on the door that I needed the branches cut in front of my satellitte dishes, that's when I discovered that yesterday all of the snow on my garage roof had slid off at once (50" snowfall, sunk down into about 2' ice/pack), landed on my path to my firewood and in front of my vehicles and doorway to storage.  I shoveled all morning to get a path to the firewood but there was still 4 ft high by six ft across heavy snow pack in front of my double garage.  My hands were frozen, gloves soaking wet, I knew I had to get inside and warm up.  Came in to an SOS from Iris, she was alone while the family went to the valley to get groceries and then wait at the airport for her daughter to arrive.  She can't even let Jazzy outside, she's weak and sick from double medicine chemo the day before.  So I warmed up, changed my clothes and coat and gloves and trekked down there with Kodie, let the dogs play for an hour.  Iris was asleep but got up and talked to me briefly before laying down again.  Trudged home again.  The Dish Network repairmen had spun their van out at the top of my driveway (city slickers that don't know how to drive in the snow) and literally tore up the asphalt, making a huge hole at the top of the driveway, tried filling it in some, but will have to rake it when the snow is gone.  I'd put out an SOS on FB for help unearthing the vehicles or I wouldn't get out until Spring...a guy from the Nazarene Church had unearthed my car.  He's my age and looked done in so left.  Then Jack showed up to trim my branches in front of the satellite dishes (he got them all just to be safe), and another guy from the Nazarene Church showed up so him and Jack unearthed the pickup while I picked up the ton of limbs and tossed over the fence to put on the burn pile come Spring.  Still a lot of smaller branches stuck in the snow.  The one guy uncovered the door to my storage!  A couple of Mormons showed up just before dark so I had them chip away at the ice, they were ill prepared, no shovels or coats, wearing dress shoes, I felt sorry for them, they probably never saw that much snow before!  They weren't there long, didn't make a dent, wanted to share a Bible Study with me.  LOL  Before they left, my daughter's friend in Eugene had a friend up here that he sent up to help, so he unburied my gate and path to front porch.  I still need to work on the other side of both, but no rush.  

I felt overwhelmed and cared for.  See why I love this community?  And my pastor showed up, I turned him away, the main stuff was done, he'd already worked on shoveling my roof off 1 1/2 weeks before with the elder.

This is the first time in 45 winters here that ALL of the garage roof snow came off at once, usually it's in increments I can keep up with.  

My BP is high today so today my order of business is to relax.

[V. R.]

Oh, kay, I just had to reply to your post. I don't know how you manage all that snow-shovelling, and for so many days, too. I believe you live alone? Luckily, you say you have neighbours helping you. I don't know what I'll do if we ever have that 1metre high snow we had 10 yrs ago, just me and my kids, without my husband, just don't want to think about it! We usually get about 20/30 cm but that's about as much as I can take, the shovel itself is so heavy, and just like you I have to 'shovel' my way to the firewood shed, and shovel all along the driveway, it's like doing a course of physical exercises all in one go! Fortunately, we haven't had any yet, but I better not speak too soon. 

Really anxious to hear about Gwen, I hope everything went well. 

 

[MartyT]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

I felt overwhelmed and cared for.  See why I love this community? 

Indeed I do, dear Kay ~ and you deserve all the help you've been given. ❤️

[Widow2015]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

My BP is high today so today my order of business is to relax.

kayc:  Please do relax today if you can.  You are a true Pioneer woman.  Your little community is wonderful. 

The weather reports are now lots of rain here.  Are you still getting tons of snow?  The temp here is in high 40's/low 50's so now comes rain and flooding and landslides.  Saw on news Snoqualmie Pass is closed until Saturday with avalanche worries.  What a winter we are having. Dee

[KarenK]

And here I sit in semi warm AZ with temps 65-70 degrees!

Got Xmas stuff put away and tree to the alley for pick up. My family room where I spend the majority of my time has returned to the dogs' space where they leave bones, balls, and stuffed animals strewn around. Whose room is this anyway? I don't mind. I love their company and they don't talk back.....much.

Thinking of our Gwen.....

[Widow2015]

53 minutes ago, KarenK said:

Thinking of our Gwen.....

Karen:  Yes thinking of Gwen and hoping all is well. 

Also, aren't you supposed to have an appointment for your eyes soon?  

Jealous that you've gotten all Christmas decorations put away.  My decorations have moved from living room to a pile in my kitchen.  Also jealous you have your fur babies.  😔 Dee

[kayc]

I got all my decorations put away too...except for the tree.  I'm not ready to take it down (artificial so no hurry), I feel Christmas passed me by, no presents to open, no one to spend it with, just shoveled snow all day, and had chia seed cereal for dinner, too exhausted to cook.  That's no Christmas.  Fortunately our church had the children's program six days earlier so I got to see it, haven't been able to be back since.  Hopefully this Sunday!

Getting snow today through tomorrow but not much hopefully.  My hands need a break, so does my back and BP.  BP almost normal this morning, that's good.  High winds predicted, as if I don't have a million branches down already.  Got the staubs picked up in the fenced part so Kodie won't get hurt.  

Going to the other thread to see if Gwen's posted yet...

[Gwenivere]

Kay, I do take it easy in the snow.  Lots of breaks.  Sounds like your trailer was hit pretty badly.

Woke up to a worse day.   Couldn’t get comfortable at all.  Got woken up 4 times in 3 hours.  All ways knocking and turning on the lights.  BP keeps bottoming out.  Having a hard time keeping my eyes open.  Have the nurse from hell.  An ice queen and would hardly help me get up saying I had to learn to do this for myself.  That happened more in rehab.  Wayelllll, last time I was here I got assistance and this was a more intense one.  This is the scream phase.   My surgeons assistant even said so and having spent months in pain drained my reserves.  Having to have a more intense surgery.  Having a blood transfusion and scared about that physically and in this day and age.  They’re doing covid tests every couple of days.  

Going to take a break and then call Dee.  Think I’ll splurge for dinner and have salmon.   Forgot I have chocolate in my bag.  Wish I  could do the wine thing, but doubt there’s a drop anywhere.  Maybe in some doctors drawer.

love to you all.  See all the people walking around and think how that is taken for granted.

❤️❤️❤️

[KarenK]

Gwen, sending you love and strength as you fight your way through this awful part of your recovery. What happened to compassionate nurses? Guess she forgot why she became one. Scream all you want.

[Widow2015]

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Woke up to a worse day.   Couldn’t get comfortable at all.  Got woken up 4 times in 3 hours.  All ways knocking and turning on the lights.  BP keeps bottoming out.  Having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

Gwen:  Sorry another bad day for you.  Those constant interruptions are usually timed just as you drop off in sheer exhaustion.  Here's hoping the "ice queen"  will change shifts tomorrow.  Warm thoughts, Dee.

[Margm]

Sometimes I do get speechless.  I pray Gwen, that is all I've got, I'm sorry.  Could put more.  I won't. 

[Gwenivere]

So, what am I going to do with all this Ranch dressing,  Marg?

These tremors are driving me nuts.  I can barely read my writing anymore.  I’m always transposing numbers and letters.  Trying to do anything without supporting myself, like pinning my hair up makes them worse.  I’m sure my nicotine lozenges don’t help.   Top off with some crunchy stress croutons and viola!  pin some stress croutons and viola....you have one big grand salad. Now I’m having trouble with my iPad.  If I let it turn off it won’t let me back in without password I never made.  I forget my cellphone at home to to get a temporary one so they can get in and look at it.  My phone?  On the table I left home as well as can’t send or get mail either. What’s life without all these fires popping up? 
 

Gearing up on a long attempt to sleep already know how that won’t happen.    Hope all you have a good one.  💕
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

Oh Gwen, damn the nurse, had an ice queen that kicked me out when George was dying, no use for them.  Report her.  Had a nurse from hell when I had Melissa, reported her, never saw her again!

Do feel free to scream!  They can't lock you up for it...I don't think.   Ask Marg, she'd know!

Is your iPad cooperating now?  Do you need a new one?  I have a Kindle I haven't used in a million years, assume it still works.  The only reason I haven't given it away is it has my info on there and I don't know how to get it off.  I trust you. If you need me to send it, let me know.  Love you and am rooting for you!

[Widow2015]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

Do feel free to scream!  They can't lock you up for it...I don't think.

kayc: Hmmm, good question.  If it helps Gwen release some stress from the horrible situation she's in, could be a good idea?  🙄 Dee

 

[Margm]

4 hours ago, kayc said:

They can't lock you up for it...I don't think.   Ask Marg, she'd know!

Well, I tried it two times.  Locked myself away from people, screamed into pillows.  Terrible headache.  Did not change anything, so I only did it twice.  If it physically hurts twice, don't do it.  Might apply to your situation too.  If it hurts terribly twice, tell them to have the respect not to hurt you a third time, as they have already done it 1,000 times..

We have thunder and storms coming.  Kelli lives in a mobile home.  Scott can sleep through a tornado, but we have had a few days at 29 degrees.  I think it is in the 40's or 50's right now and rising, which means storms.  We have something called straight line winds that can cause much damage.  

Gwen, I just pray you will be more mobile with less pain.  I hope that is their goal.  I have to hang on to some belief in humanity.  I say this on the day after a drive by shooting in one of the nicer apartment houses in Shreveport.  I can only call it another drive-by shooting.  The shooter was on a bicycle.  The man he shot did not make it.  The shooter escaped.

Man's inhumanity to man.