Rochel Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 This site is like Twilight Zone these days...where is everybody?? The whole fam damily is missing in action...I'm sure that we are all trying to figure out our lives...and grieving thru it...Hopefully, family members, loving family members will bring some sort of joy into our lives at this time...Are we going to meet here for a toast on Christmas Eve??? Each day that passes will be a healing one for us...some worse than others...Let's try and stay mentally, physically and spiritually healthy....Bless all of you...Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanneC Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Rochel: I am still here. I check in every day and throughout the day. I try to read as many posts as possible. It is just I don't have much to contribute. It seems I say the same things over and over. I do see that we have many new members now. It is so hard to keep up. I feel for everyone that has lost their spouse or any other loved one. A lot of the members when I joined a 1 1/2 ago don't post anymore. Maybe it is a good thing. They are healing. I like to come and visit here even though I don't have much to say. It does help when I am down. Love and God Bless, Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 I come on every day, too, Rochel. The first months I was on this site I posted a lot, there were so many things going through my mind, I needed support and reassurance that I was normal. Like Jeanne says, it's just that I don't quite know how to express what's going on now. And if I may hijack your thread a tad, I'd like to say to Jeanne that I'm not sure it's that the widows/widowers further out are healing so much more quickly. For myself, the raw grief has abated (except when the grief monster wants to pay me a visit), but the pain and rememberance are still within me, every day. It's just that my coping mechanisms have improved. And so I hesitate to post, because the above was the last thing I wanted to hear when I was a new widow. Hugs, Rochel, for the kindness and empathy you've shown here. Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Dear Ones, I hope you know that you are always, always welcome here, whether you have something to say or not. And there is no requirement or expectation that what is said must be positive, uplifting or merry, either. Sometimes it's all we can do to drag ourselves out of bed in the morning. We're all in different places in our individual grief journeys, and there is room enough for everyone here, no matter where we are or how we're feeling at the moment. We know that many members and visitors find what they need here, simply by coming to read others' posts. Some of us are more talkative than others, and that's okay, too. We want to be a place of safety, comfort, peace and understanding, and your continuing presence here helps to make that happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaG Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Dear Rochel- I speak only for myself but I find I am too new to the grieving process to know if sharing my feelings here right now is of help. I need guidance and answers. I need to be told ways to process some of the pain and sadness. Joe has been gone for less than three months and wham it is Christmas. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. I was looking for examples of ways others were processing. I was looking for answers here and found everyone in my boat. I feel for everyone here but we are all in need of help. Some of us more than others. Sharing how sad we all are continually, I don't know if that is healthy for me as it further breaks my heart to read your stories and sadness. I wish you all the very best and hope to return once the enormous pain is more manageable. - Linda G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
derby Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Hi All, I am hoping this holiday week can help our hearts feel peace, love, and some comfort along the way. It is a very confusing time as I find myself with many mixed emotions as I am sure we all have all been feeling. Our lives are so different than last holiday and will be forever changed. We have all been shattered to a degree, and with faith we will be able to feel love and try to accept the changes in our lives. Going to be very difficult, but we will do the best we can. If I forget to say this Xmas Eve, I would not have wanted to start this journey without each and everyone of you. Your posts and replies have helped me so very much. You have all helped me see glimmer of light and hope. Although I have many miles yet to travel on this journey, I know I have love, support, and prayers from my family here. God Bless everyone of you. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Linda, dear, you said, "I need guidance and answers. I need to be told ways to process some of the pain and sadness." If you've taken the time to read through many of the threads in this forum, you will find all sorts of useful and positive suggestions, hard-won through personal experience and generously shared by your fellow mourners. In addition, please pay a visit to our sister site, Grief Healing, where you will find dozens upon dozens of articles, books and other resources that will help and guide you as you continue to process the pain and sadness of grief. See especially these Web pages: Death of a Spouse, Partner, Significant Other Articles by Marty Tousley Articles by Other Authors Articles on Coping with the Holidays Comfort for Grieving Hearts Grief Songs: Music for a Grieving Heart In addition, take a look at some of the outstanding articles in our forum, The Latest News, and consider some of the books recommended by our own members on our Grief Bibliography page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaG Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Marty- Thank you. I may have not digged deap enough. I plan to stay with the site. I found the stories so sad that I was not able to read too much to be honest with you. I will come back after the Holidays and read thru your suggestions. I am working with a grief counselor and a Personal Coach. I've read about five books on the Widow's journey. A little information in each has come thru. I've saved them to read again. I will start a young widow/widowers group in January. It is all so painful and unexpected - that my mind wants answers - probably alot more than anyone can provide. I wish you peace and appreciate what you are providing for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrspapajohn Posted December 22, 2009 Report Share Posted December 22, 2009 Rochel - - Thank you so much for your lovely sentiment. And you are correct, we are a family. I wish everyone some semblance of peace over these holidays. Each one of you has touched my heart and helped to fill in the terrible void in the middle of my chest. I love you all. Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Rochel, I have been on the site numerous time over the past few days. I feel like I am repeating myself and I was afraid that everyone would get tired of hearing the samething from me. I have been having a really difficult time lately. Tomorrow will be six months and next Monday the 28th would have been his birthday. I have been doing alot of crying, I just miss him so much. Rochel, I feel such a connection to you. I consider you such a dear friend eventhough we have never met. You have such a caring heart and so willing to be there for everyone. I will definitely be here on Christmas Eve. Let know when you plan on being on and I will try to be also. Again, thanks for being there for me tonight my dear friend. You take care and I will keep you in my prayers. Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Hi All, I am back again too... I have been away but now I am back to get through these days ahead... I lost my grandmother twenty five years again Christmas Day... I was 18 years old and instead of going Christmas eve to the hospital I went out with friends the next day was Christmas and received a phone call from the hospital telling us my grandmother had died... I have so much guilt because of hanging out with my friends instead of seeing my grandmother... Even to this day I am still sad when thinking about it... I lost my mom and dad in 2005 and I really get depressed because my mom loved Christmas so very much... I have even been really ill for the past two Christmas' because of stress... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Hi, Rochel. I know I haven't had time even to come here for a few nights. I always miss it, though, cuz I usually check in once or twice a day. I finally hung my remembrance wreath and sitting under it is my favorite spot in the house. It's real (Bob loved the woods) and the smell of pine reminds me of so many wonderful days hiking and camping, touching trees. I hung some things that he loved on it, including pictures of him with the kids. My company wanted to adopt a family this Christmas and I've been in charge of that. I've done more shopping this month than in the past two and a half years! I deliver their gifts tomorrow and know that will be very emotional. The kids and I were "adopted" the first year after Bob died, and it was life-changing. The love we felt that year from total strangers was like nothing else. I'm looking forward to being able to give back now that I'm doing better. I haven't baked a thing and will spend Christmas day making sugar cookies. Bob's daughter and her husband will join us and we are all looking forward to it. I love that this poor economy has turned us back to enjoying each others company and gotten us away from all the excess of this time of year. We are supposed to get 20+ inches of snow and I am so looking forward to just huddling in together. My daughter's birthday was today. She's thirteen and I usually digress remembering how totally cute her dad was during my pregnancy (my first at 37 years old) and he was 8 years older than I. But it was a good day and she has really grown into a remarkable young lady. I am so proud of her and glad that she has so much of her dad's personality. A lot of my family turned out to celebrate with her and it was nice. I found an angel wing bracelet with a piece of turquoise and one silver wing. It is for luck and protection. To me, the wing represented her dad. What a great visual reminder that he is still close, protecting her. She really liked it. Like all of you, there is not one moment of any occasion that passes without me thinking of my husband. I miss him dearly, but it isn't so much the loss that I think about these days, but rather the reaction he'd have if he were still here. I feel him, every day, in my thoughts, in my choices, in my heart and I see him in my kids. I used to worry I'd forget those things. I'm so very glad they are right here, safely tucked in my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Hi Rochel, I'm here, too. Been feeling kind of down but am still trying to find my way through this grief journey that I never wanted to experience. My son is home from college for about a month and it's really comforting to have him with me. The month of December has been very difficult -- two of Brian's daughter's had birthdays and my son's birthday was today. I try to stay as strong as I can but I miss Brian's presence. He was my rock and he always lifted me up when I was down. I'll be sure to check in sometime on Christmas Eve. I'm going to try to go to a friend's house for her annual "open house" and then to church. Thanks for checking on all of us. It has truly helped to have found such wonderful, caring people right here . . . people who understand. I continue to lift you all up in my prayers. I pray that we all find moments of peace and solace for our wounded souls. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 hellow from far away .Im here almost every day but I dont post.I feel I have nothing to say and most of all I dont want to to depress the new members .Im in the 3 year and hurt a lot.Some days are easier and some make me wonder how Im alive without him.Hollidays are more depressing and I hope and wish for every one here that next year will bring some happines.TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanneC Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Hi Teny: I am happy that we all heard from you. And don't ever feel that you would depress us. I know what you mean about some days are bad and some are good. Sometimes I feel like I am going backwards. It is now 1 1/2 years since I lost Alex. Every Sunday morning I watch the show that is on CBS - "Sunday Morning" They always have a segment where they talk to a celebrity. This week it was Sophia Loren. She is 75 years old now. So beautiful. Her husband was about 20 years older than her. She had two children with him. He died 3 years ago. She said he was everything to her. When the interviewer asked her how hard it was losing him. She started to cry, but said exactly how I feel. She said: The actual death was not as bad as what she is going through now. Being alone, sharing with him, confiding with him and her husband helping her through their years of marriage. She went on to say many other things about him. I started to cry seeing Sophia Loren crying about her husband and how vulnerable she is. It really goes to show you how we are all in the same situation as everyone else. Our grief is no different. Love and God Bless, Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted December 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Rochel, I have been on the site numerous time over the past few days. I feel like I am repeating myself and I was afraid that everyone would get tired of hearing the samething from me. I have been having a really difficult time lately. Tomorrow will be six months and next Monday the 28th would have been his birthday. I have been doing alot of crying, I just miss him so much. Rochel, I feel such a connection to you. I consider you such a dear friend eventhough we have never met. You have such a caring heart and so willing to be there for everyone. I will definitely be here on Christmas Eve. Let know when you plan on being on and I will try to be also. Again, thanks for being there for me tonight my dear friend. You take care and I will keep you in my prayers. Kat Hi My Dear Friend Kat, I'm glad to see you here...Tomorrow will be only 3 mos since I lost Bob..and I still don't feel it as much as I would if I were home...That is going to be the real test for me...Around the memories...last time I was there I found all the medicine that Hopice used to keep him alive and comfortable...Before he died and when I was doing everything in my power to help him live, he was not even communicating with me anymore and that was very painful to go through...you and I have in common the prostrate cancer death, plus Bob had kidney failure...Yes, Kat this grieving is not for sissys and we have to face it everyday...this site has helped me immensely, and it doesn't matter if we tell the same story over and over here, we are all family members willing to help, hear, and cry with eachother...Bless you, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David'sGirlStill Posted December 23, 2009 Report Share Posted December 23, 2009 Hi Rochel, I've been here everyday. It's just been the roughest of times. I love your positive energy. It makes me smile. But I'm just not healing these days, I'm just clinging desperately to the side of the cliff trying not to hit the bottom. I can't stand being in my house, I just miss him too damn much. My daughter and I are leaving for Florida in the am. I know I'll take my sadness with me but it has to be better than my house. I wish everyone the happiest Christmas possible Hugs Phyllis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHO419 Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Hello Everyone, I have been here almost everyday reading but I haven't had energy to write. I like how Phyllis put it, "I'm just clinging desperately to the side of the cliff trying not to hit the bottom." Yesterday, nothing seemed to go right for me. I was having such difficulty concentrating and functioning. I finally realized that yesterday was 2 months since my husband died of liver cancer at 34 years old. I try really hard not to watch the calendar or count the days. But it seems that my subconcious mind keeps track. I feel like I'm in a catatonic state most of the time. I can just sit and stare at the wall. I can't even concentrate to type this post. I will try again later. I can't even express what I feel. God Bless you all, Maxine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 I'm still here, just dealing with a heaviness that I can't even begin to explain or describe. The only thing that feels right this season is the desire to want to go somewhere anonymously, to just drive and keep moving. I feel alone so I want to be alone. Peace and Love to all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrm Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 We are all here. Either we just read the posts or contribute we are all here. It's hard to be positive today missing Duke. Seems like 5 months ago all was great. I try to focus on all the greats. God bless us all. Judy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 We're still here. I don't check in every day, my job has been more demanding lately, but I do check in regularly. There's always somebody here, even if they aren't posting, you're never alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AZJane Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 I come read each day. I think I am sadder this year than last year. Maybe I was in such a fog last year it just didn't seem real that he could be gone? dunno. This year my daughter moved here so it will be nice to have her company. His family has pretty much abandoned me altogether so my dd and I are making new traditions since we always spent the holidayw with them. We're going to a lovely mexican restaurant tonight and tomorrow we're going to the casino and having a nice dinenr there. I just couldn't cope with cooking, decorating, etc and she didn't feel up to it either. It will be a nice change of scenery for me and hopefully the time will pass quickly and I'll have one more holiday without my Love under my belt. Wishing everyone a safe holiday. Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 There are lots of us still viewing from afar. It isn't necessarily that we don't have anything to offer, but helping others helped us and now it is others turn. If we really feel we have something to offer we will, but know that you need that healing too. I especially think Boo has done a wonderful job as well as many others. I remember the first time someone said that I had helped them. It was a big turning point for me and we all need our turn at it. Just know we are here if you need us. You can always send us an individual message if you need to. This journey is different for all of us and for me personally, some things are better, but I still fall back in to some of the things that first happened. For instance, I am back in a no sleeping pattern and beating myself up again about did I miss something, did he really know how much I loved him, did I give him enough "space" in the end, did I give him too much... and in 2 weeks it will be 2 years. I just know we will all make it through because thousands before us have, but it's not an easy road to travel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Thanks Mary Linda, Yes, it is good to hear that we can help people because that is the Lord using us inspite of our own grief...Also, when we help others, we help ourselves...Every time I fall backwards, then I know that eventually I will take 2 more steps forward... I read in one of my many grief books that even though we were loved, and we loved our spouses deeply, the question asked in the book, "in your mind, do you tend to make your loved ones appear to be a Saint?" I got to thinking about that and if we tell ourselves the truth, we can come to grips that we gave our all and did good when times were not that good...let's face it, marriage isn't exactly a cake walk all the time...If we can admit this to ourselves, I think it can help us to move ahead to the next level whatever that is...Bless you, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hi Everyone, Mary Linda, it is nice to see your name posting. I do agree that Boo has been very helpful and also yourself.Many other people on this posting have helped me by sharing their thoughts and experiences. I feel a a weight has been lifted of my shoulders because the holidays have come and gone and I survived the second time around. It is a nice feeling to know someone is always on this site. Kay, I hope 2010 will be good to you. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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