Gwenivere Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 Also, being in physical pain all the time is complicating. So little I can do as most meds give me side effects the are unlivable. One or the other, mental or physical would be enough. Together.....too much. Crying used to be more cathartic. That scares me to as it was my 'go to' release valve. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 Hi Gwenivere, I hope you can find something to help you feel more comfortable. Physical pain and mental pain is torturous. I'm cheering for better health for you. I feel so fortunate that my mental health medications are not complicating my general health and that my physical health is good. Marita 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 24, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 38 minutes ago, Gwenivere said: Crying used to be more cathartic Prozac would not let me cry. Would not let me feel. Also now would give my tortured colon death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 24, 2016 Report Share Posted June 24, 2016 Marita, I'm so happy you are not dealing with the double whammy. They say without your health, nothing has much meaning. We already have that with our loss of partner and best friend. Stay healthy! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Karen, I tried living in Phoenix, couldn't take the heat and ran back to Oregon like the pansy I am! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clematis Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Phoenix is definitely not for the faint of heart. They call it the valley of the sun, but the truth is more like it is the surface of the sun. Sedona is considerably cooler, but even still the past month has been difficult! Hopefully the monsoons will start soon... Dang! it's 82 degrees and it's 10:30 at night and the air conditioner is running about all the time...Dang! And this is only Sedona...sorry about you being in PHX...dang! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Kay, I spent a while in Phoenix too and ran back to Albuquerque. Still hot, but not grill you alive hot! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 I think my brain got fried from living here all my life. Did someone say it was hot? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Pinetop gives me the best of both worlds - it got up to 80 the past couple of days and now the smoke has cleared it's downright pleasant to be outside. Then in the winter when I start to tire of the cold Chandler is just a three hour drive. The smoke from the fire did make for some spectacular sunsets. Steve - It is easy to spot Valleyites up here - they're the ones wearing parkas when it's sixty outside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerriL Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Gwen, I know what you're talking about. I'll automatically think how it would be a nice day to "insert whatever activity Paul and I have always done" and again, reality slams the lid shut on what used to be my regular routine for years. Going by myself or even with a friend would not be the same at all and the flood of memories would probably be too hard to bear. How are we supposed to make a "new normal" when we loved the "old normal" so much and didn't want to let it go? Marg, I've actually heard other people say that about Prozac---that it wouldn't allow them to cry; it left their brain feeling "numb". All of our emotions are there for a reason and just as a fever happens because the body is fighting an invader off, our emotions kick in to help the body and brain right itself. I do believe medication is necessary if someone is having extreme feelings one way or the other or if their mental illness is biological---such as bipolar or schizophrenia. But, I'm not with the crowd who feels automatic medicating for something like anxiety or depression is mandatory. Maybe we should adopt the term for this forum that many people on medication use now---we aren't addicted to this, we are dependent on it. It's a sanctuary where everyone understands us, does not judge us or tell us how or what we SHOULD be doing. We're dependent on the forum to help us as we try like hell to move forward. Some days are easier (and better) than others but this forum and the wonderful people are always here, waiting for us, no matter what. It's like Cheers, where everybody knows your name. And it's apparently hot all over this country, from the sound of it! I've never been out West and have always wanted to go. Gwen, your comment made me think of a song by The Partridge Family---I was a big fan back in the day---haha! "Point Me In The Direction Of Albuquerque". Maybe someone had moved to Arizona, they were broiling in the sun and wanted to get back to NM! The heat here in South Florida, especially around July/August is that oppressive, stick to your skin kind of heat. There's a lot of humidity and it feels as if you're melting. Marg may discover that kind of heat in Louisiana, too. If you live in a city near the coast, it isn't as bad. I don't live that far from the beach, so we'll get breezes that don't reach the middle part of the state. West coast gets the Gulf breezes, East coast gets the Atlantic breezes, and the center just gets hot. lol 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerriL Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 14 minutes ago, Brad said: Pinetop gives me the best of both worlds - it got up to 80 the past couple of days and now the smoke has cleared it's downright pleasant to be outside. Then in the winter when I start to tire of the cold Chandler is just a three hour drive. The smoke from the fire did make for some spectacular sunsets. Steve - It is easy to spot Valleyites up here - they're the ones wearing parkas when it's sixty outside. I'm sorry you had to deal with fires out there once again. I pray for everyone to stay safe, but from what I was seeing on TV about California, so many people are losing their homes. I've never understood why there seem to be so many fires out that way all the time. Is it arson or are there other causes? I know that fires will start in the Everglades because of lightning strikes. I'm afraid I'd probably be one of those in a parka at 60 degrees! HAHA! Winter for South Florida is when it drops below 70 degrees and the humidity disappears. I'd tell Paul that there are really only TWO seasons in South Florida: "Good skin and frizzy hair and Great Hair and dry skin". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Central Maryland this time of year is generally around 90+ with our oppressively high humidity. Today is a near perfect summer day. Sadly, grief has changed everything. I'll be on the inside, looking out. No motivation and no one to be with during this lovely day. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 (edited) Hi all. edited to add: sorry for you he bad formatting:( The weather in my particular hell is good today. So far, that is about it for good. I know it is up to me to change that and I'm working on it. Like you Mitch, I think what difference does it make if it is great or crappy when you don't have any 'life' in you. Now I know what living hell is and I sure don't recommend it for anyone. Yesterday I planted the tree from the funeral home. I don't like that tree, it represents his death not his life. The mother part of me did it for our son. He is very fragile still, not wanting to find anyone to talk to about it other than me. I see other widowed people that have gone forward in their new lives and I wonder how they do it. Since we all are so different there is no answer to questions about how long until... or how long before. And then the concept of time. I sort of understand the 'stands still' thing. For me it came in that moment (that seemed to take forever) when I was told, "I'm sorry, it wasn't the outcome we were hoping for. Your husband has died of suicide". I felt like I wanted to go to bed and wake up from the horrible dream because I thought what they were saying couldn't be true. Marita Black Creek, BC V9J 1G8 Sat, 10 PM, Partly Cloudy 15 °C|°F Precip: 2% Humidity: 87% Wind: 5 km/h 12 PM 5 PM 10 PM 3 AM 8 AM SAT 19° 12° SUN 24° 14° MON 26° 14° TUE 25° 13° WED 24° 13° THU 24° 13° FRI 24° 13° SAT 23° 13° SUN 21° 12° MON 23° 12° More on weather.com Feedback Edited June 25, 2016 by Widowedbysuicide Bad formatting 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Mitch, Same here. We used to sit outside and talk about the garden and the birds. Now, forget it. People comment on what a beautiful day it is....maybe for them. Not for me. Al always planted moon flowers. I could not do it! Seems like things are getting worse, not better. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 I am not liking the post because of your sorrow Gin. It is just that I can really relate to it. <3 that was supposed to be a heart for you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerriL Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Mitch and everyone, I'm at the same place in my life. So many beautiful days and they've been pretty much wasted on me, because the things I'd normally do on days like that I would do with Paul. Since he's gone, I'm like Mitch said, "on the inside, looking out on the life going on all around me". I've always loved our yard, especially our back yard with the pool and deck, bird feeders, bird bath and palm trees. I would go outside and feel so connected to the Universe. Now, the pool is almost empty of its water (the water was nasty though, which was harder to look at since Paul had always kept it so crystal clear), I'm considering having my banana tree plants, with their beautiful large fronds) cut down due to just getting out of hand and my not having the strength to keep them trimmed back, the garden Paul and I were going to plant is still bare, with weeds growing all over. My brother in law started to mention tearing the deck out and replacing it with sod, but I jumped in at that point and said, "NO." Paul built that deck with his own two hands and it's bad enough I may end up having to tear down the pool he also constructed. Just because it requires maintenance doesn't mean I want to tear it all down and live in a bare house with gravel poured into my yard where grass and trees used to be. I deserve to have my beautiful yard and I think I've suffered enough loss for now. I'm tired of only seeing a future where I'm being pressured into losing more of the things I love and that give me comfort. I admit the banana trees are overgrown and only going to cause issues like bugs and stuff, but it doesn't mean it won't hurt to have them cut down. Paul didn't even really want those plants, but I did, and so he planted them. He'd tell me, "You don't even LIKE bananas!" No, but I DO love the sound of the breeze rustling through the fronds. It's so soothing. It's so hot again this afternoon. Today would be a day Paul and I would be going in the pool. I'd even bought a really cute bathing suit when it went on clearance sale in August of 2015 to wear when summer came this year. I tried it on for Paul when it arrived and he really liked it. Now, I'm no longer sure when or if I'll ever wear it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Terri - I know exactly how you feel. Dale and I also use to love our back yard, he built a beautiful covered deck and we had a nice above ground pool too. As you said on the hot day like today, we both would be out there in the pool, sipping our drinks and floating around. Now the pool is gone and the deck has become a storage place (since our shed fell apart last year) and he was not able to put up another one. Our flower gardens around the pool area are all grown over with weeds instead of flowers. I hate even looking out the back door anymore because it is not our sanctuary anymore. Just another heartbreaking part of this "new" life we are being forced to live. Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 Same here, Joyce and Terri. I've managed to somewhat keep up,the backyard, but I don't get any solace from it. There is a pride that comes from that when you share it with someone. No one sees it but me and the dogs and they really don't care. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 My shed is rotting and I can't use it anymore, it's barely standing, I'll have to take it down someday. It's depressing to see things go downhill that George could have easily tackled. Oh well, I do the best I can. 80 here today too Mitch. They predict 88 tomorrow but it'll probably be 94, they're usually off. It's going to be hot all week, and remember, I'm a pansy! Ugh... Nobody sees my place either, Gwen. That's okay, Arlie, Kitty, and I are home here. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerriL Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 I have a shed that's rusting out, too, Kay. So far, it's still standing and most of the stuff inside stays dry---most---but there are definitely places where it's leaking. I have no idea what I'll do with that either, since it's Paul's lawn equipment shed. It houses the mower I can't start or maintain, leaf blower, edger, weed whacker, hedge trimmers, etc.---all that stuff. If I tore the shed down, I'd have to either find room for it all or even worse, sell it off. I haven't been able to bring myself to sell anything of his or give it away yet. My yard is the place I go to just "be still" for a while and breathe. We have these two mockingbirds that sing away the whole day on our wooden fence and I love to listen to them. Funny, I don't even know if they realize that they lift my mood when they sing like that. The only thing I can give them in return is to make sure the hedges that grow "cherries" and flowers for nectar stay healthy and keep blooming, for that's where the mockingbirds get extra food. Joyce, I remember the days, too, of floating around the above ground pool, laughing, talking, just enjoying a beautiful summer day. I sit on the deck now and look at the grungy, draining pool and I can almost hear the two of us again, the way we were last year. I think of how clueless we both were as to what was lurking right around the corner. We had no way of knowing it would be the last time we'd share those times together. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 Mine is wooden and sinking into the ground, the roof is sitting on rotten wood but it's dry inside although the door won't completely close anymore. Not much in there, it can wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted June 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I think this topic provides well a lot of different posts, so I will put a little anecdote today. My last batch of books to give to the thrift store (proceeds go to Mount Ida's Nursing Home). Book titled How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People. Got to admit, I never read either book but probably needed them the most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 I have a lot of problems with direction. I always get lost and counted on Al to tell me where to go. He could not see much, but he knew where he was. He would say ,"two more lights and turn left". Tonight I am meeting my daughter and family at a restaurant. Al and I met them there several times. I do not even want to go there because of all the memories. At some point I have to turn on a diagonal street, which I hate. So, will I even get there? Have a GPS, so I should. I think the memories are the big hang up. We went there last year at this time for one of the grandson's birthday. Memories! Gin 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Gin, I completely understand about the memories. I haven't gone to our favorite restaurant yet because it was where we celebrated special occasions. I have gone to other restaurants that we liked, but it was with family, so it wasn't too bad. Good luck with getting there and hope you can find some joy being with your daughter. Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted June 30, 2016 Report Share Posted June 30, 2016 Wow Gin! It takes courage to go and I wish you strength for your dinner. I hope you find as I did in a similar situation that family makes it a little better, a little sweeter and that makes it much more tolerable. To your evening! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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