If You're Going Through Hell

[Gwenivere]

I only have my first hand experience with an addiction to coke, so grateful it wasn’t meth.  I truly feel for you, Kevin.  I can only imagine how it would feel seeing your child so poisoning themself and nothing you can do.  I’m happy to here she will not require surgery.  This may be the bottom she needed to hit.  Has to happen before things can turn around.  Always dangerous tho.

keep us apprised of how she and you are doing.  I’m so sorry for all your family.  These things affect so many people beyond the addict.  Hopefully she will get the counseling she will desperately need.

[kayc]

Kevin, three of my four husbands did drugs...I had no idea when I married them that they would but there it is.  I'm thankful that my kids' dad was the one who did not.  He was a good dad, not perfect, but we always provided for our kids, taught them so much and they had a stable life and we instilled good values in them.  I would hate for any child to have to deal with anything less in a parent.  I didn't learn about George's brush with Meth until three weeks before he died...it was a lot to deal with not only in that short time but putting two and two together on my own after his death when he couldn't answer or apologize, well that was a lot to deal with on top of losing him.  I hate what drugs does to people.  The prices paid by families.  I learned it takes an average of seven tries to get off of it even with rehab involvement.  That most of the foster kids in the state of Oregon are there because of drugs.  Drugs causes financial devastation and homelessness.  I despise drugs, there isn't a word strong enough for it.  I agree, cut the head off the snake.  In Bob and George's cases it was their bosses that set them onto it, to get more work out of them...and they weren't the ones that paid the price.  With John, he was just an idiot, got into them of his own accord, sorry, can't see it any other way.  No use for it.  Don't think I'd make a very good drug counselor, my bias is too great.  It caused me way too much in life.

I pray your daughter gets off it for good.  I pray this is the wakeup call of her lifetime.  And for strength for you each day as well.

Ditto to everything Gwen just said!

[KarenK]

Kevin, I'm so very sorry. I have no experience with drugs and don't care to. My son told me he and his former friends tried several different ones when they were younger. I was so blind I didn't even see it. Fortunately, he did not become addicted. Some of his friends were not so lucky. Today he shies away from even aspirin.

My heart is with you.

 

[Gin]

Kevin,

my heart hurts for you and your daughter.  Hope she gets the help she needs.   Gin

[kevin]

This might be a repeat post or I deleted something...I've been told the Meth Amphetamines of the past and the Chrystal Meth today are totally different...I think today they a "sprinkled" with an Opiod and it is almost immediately addictive...Whatever it is it really screws up the right and wrong function in your brain.....I heard this will find the basement in rock bottom.......

[kayc]

You are right, the meth from 45 years ago is very different from the meth today, I believe today's is synthetic, no telling what's in it.  I remember dealing with a husband who was climbing the walls literally, taking him in emergency, it was horrid.  Today's I'm told is even worse.  Not sure when it changed.

[stacy n.]

On 12/15/2019 at 7:01 AM, kayc said:

None of us mothers want to lose our children, no matter how old they are, they are the most precious ones in our world.  That's why it hurts so much that I don't hear from my daughter, esp. since I know her life isn't going well these recent years.  Probably she has nothing new to report and just doesn't like going down that rabbit hole.

Your mom forgave you, of course, all of us moms would...but I'm glad she saved your life and hope you someday will find something worth living for, even if it's still a struggle, that's kind of where I am now.

I Miss My Mother Very Badly.

[KarenK]

My turn for weird happenings. Heard a loud boom out front. Went to investigate and found that a large piece of my carport had just simply fallen down on my truck. No reason for it that we can see. House is almost 70 yrs. old. Maybe just tired of standing. Not covered by insurance if it was earth movement. If it's covered, I have $1000 deductible. Will have someone come out for an estimate. Will have to live with a few scratches on the truck. That's another claim and deductible. Oh, joy! Could have been worse, I guess. Could have been my ceiling.

[Gwenivere]

Geez, Karen!  You’re another one!  I have not spoken to one person something bad hasn’t happened to in weeks now.  Like an epidemic of some sorts.  Yes, glad it was not your ceiling and I hope insurance pays for it.  I backed my SUV into a car a year ago and this time since the damage to me didn’t involve the tail lights, decided to live with a slightly askew bumper.  I figured at 9 years it fit with the scratches it was racking up.  Plus you’d never notice unless you were looking for it which I became blind to.  

Steep deductable, but I can only imagine what the cost would be for a big piece of carport.  Maybe you’ll get a whole new one!  Let us know.

[widow'15]

4 hours ago, KarenK said:

My turn for weird happenings. Heard a loud boom out front.

Maybe just tired of standing. Not covered by insurance if it was earth movement. If it's covered, I have $1000 deductible. Will have someone come out for an estimate. Will have to live with a few scratches on the truck. That's another claim and deductible. Oh, joy! Could have been worse, I guess. Could have been my ceiling.

Karen:  Oh my goodness 😱  So sorry to read of your weird happening.   Are you experiencing heavy winds, heavy snow or flooding where you live?   Hope you won't have unreasonable expenses.  Thank goodness it wasn't your ceiling!!!  Seems like life just keeps harder,  not easier.  Thinking of you.  Dee

[KarenK]

It's always Murphy's Law around here. The other shoe has dropped so many times I've quit counting. I get a refund of my real estate taxes every year because I'm elderly, widowed, and very low income. I always hope I can use it toward the maintenance contract I keep on all the appliances here. Never gonna happen. Last year plumbing problems took it. Just remarked to my son the other day that maybe this year nothing bad would happen. Should keep my mouth shut.

No storms at all, Dee. Just beautiful 75 degree typical Az. weather. I know old houses creak and shift all the time. Never noticed a crack. It's like the sheetrock just decided to break in half. The wood above it appears fine.

[Gwenivere]

I swear there is something cosmically going on.  For 2 weeks every person I have heard from has some chaos happening.  Even the people I considered charmed.  And the ones that always did have bad times are getting worse.  An old friend back in NM told me things were shifting in the universe which I usually poo poo, but maybe she is right.  All I know is thereisittle good news.  At least we have Kevin and his great grandkids.  🦋

[kayc]

Karen, that is horrible, I'm so sorry!  So the ins. will cover it as a claim but you have to pay $1,000 deductible?  That's a lot.  A lot of times they exclude it as "ordinary maintenance" when it's not from a storm or water leak so it's amazing they'll do it even though you have to pay ded.

My ceiling fan switch broke off on high and no way I can turn it off now.  High is noisy and keeps me awake.  If the elec. goes off, when it comes back on it will sit and buzz in place and no way to turn it back on except perhaps getting on a step stool and throwing the blades clockwise over and over until it catches.  If that doesn't work I'll have to shut the breaker off for the room, of course it's where my t.v. and stereo are.  My son said it'd be an easy fix for him but doesn't know when he can come.  He's the busiest person I know.  So I'm praying the elec. doesn't go out before he gets a chance to come.  Ugh.  The fan is 38 years old but wasn't installed until maybe 2002 when Paul and George took the wall & ceiling apart to wire it in.  That's 18 years of it running day/night!   My greater concern is if the elec. goes out while I'm gone.

Seems it's always something.  

[KarenK]

Kay, most likely they won't cover it as there was no storm and nothing hit it. If for some reason they decide to cover it, I still have that deductible. Agent said to get an estimate and determine what caused it before pursuing a claim.

My blasted arm is still hurting badly. Pain kept me up all night. Have tried heating pad, ice pack, and different pain pills. Nothing works so I may have to give in and call the doctor Monday.

Gwen, forgot to tell you I also have a big dent in my heavy duty truck bumper. I managed to back into a steel pole. Truck is 14 yrs. old. Pretty soon it will look like a real cowboy truck.  Now, if I only had a cowboy......😁

[kayc]

21 hours ago, KarenK said:

Agent said to get an estimate and determine what caused it before pursuing a claim.

Sounds like good advice.  

I very nearly wiped out my car yesterday.  It was supposed to be warm enough in the afternoon for snow not to stick, snowed in the morning but wasn't supposed to in afternoon, it started in about 2 pm so I hightailed it home, but couldn't make the turn onto my street and nowhere to park on the long road leading up to it...it started sliding out of control!  Turning into it didn't help, so I let off the gas (it's uphill) and slid back to the previous road and started over.  Still slipping but heading forward, barely made it...scary but intact!  May not go out today, they never did plow and it's wet snow...frozen by now.

[KarenK]

Wow Kay! So glad you're ok and didn't slide off or hit something. I doubt I've ever driven in snow, can't remember. Ron always drove if we went to the cabin in winter.

I know we all live in different areas, but it's so weird to think you're in snow while it's 80 degrees here.

Take care.

[Gwenivere]

Now that I’m older, I’ve gotten to hate snow.  No matter how pretty it looks, it creates problems galore if it sticks in this hilly city.  All kinds of weather with everyone spread out.  Kevin has got to be the coldest, we have rain and barely 50 degrees, Kay with snow and you southerners with high temps.  I’m just glad February has ended.  It’s such a 'tween month.  Always a breaking point for us after months of rain.  We’ll still get it, but March sounds more like spring is really coming.  

[kayc]

March sounds like Spring but I need to do the church books tomorrow and now it shows snow.  I am supposed to go to my grandson's birthday celebration next Sunday 2 1/2 hours away and now they predict snow for it.  Grr!  If only we could schedule the snow when we could stay home and didn't have any place to be!]

Yeah, Karen, it's weird to think we're all going through such different weather at the same time!

[Margm]

One day I will have the "bone cold" feeling cold.  I hate fuzzy blankets and will even use them with the comforter with a pair of long socks.  By noon the  next day temperature in the apartment is up to mid 70's without any thing running.  I can turn the A/C and heat on off.  Then we have rain/cold.  Next day need to run the A/C in the car.  I have windows and screens but have well clipped bushes outside my windows that if I open them, ants will come in.  They keep the apartments sprayed every three months but the ants crawl in from the bushes.  But, I do not have to worry about the snow and ice we had at higher elevations 175 miles up the road.  At my age, I have a deep fear of falling.  Heck, at my age I have a deep  fear of living and/or dying.  

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, Marg M said:

at my age I have a deep  fear of living and/or dying.  

I can sooooooooo relate to that statement.  What happened to the middle when we didn’t think about either?  Those days we were happy and life just was.  Fear of death is natural.  But this fear of having to continue on so empty now is something I never knew existed.  Never could have prepared for.  Just like I didn’t know each day he is gone just gets harder.  Adds to the tally of this now 'life' sentence. I don’t even remember the trial and why I was a defendant.  I/we didn’t do anything wrong but love each other.

[kayc]

I can relate.

[Margm]

In my late 30's I was diagnosed with a rare, double cancer heading toward each other.  (Followed up constantly and was told they must have been false negatives).  (You think?) Sent me next day to MD Anderson.  I had been typing GYN everything, operations, discharge, admission, consults.  There were about 6-9 "girls" at any given time.  If there was a rare disease that came in, at least one of us had the symptoms.  Ever so often we would get a doctor telling the patient to do the Kegel exercises so whoever was typing that word would yell out "KEGEL" and we would all do our exercises while sitting in our chairs.  Not pertaining to my problem, but I guess it did strengthen pelvic floor some.  Anyhow, having cancer, typing about it every day did drive me crazier than I already was.  Typing women coming in in their final stages of "my" cancer kept me "cancer conscious" the rest of my life till now.  One woman's leg swelled up.  My shrink at that time was a 3rd year resident and I told him one of my legs was getting bigger.  His answer "It is sad God did not make each part of our body the same size" so I knew he did not sympathize with me.  But, over all the next years I had many scares.  Poor Billy, the doc's were telling me I was a cure, and I was thinking, "yeah, but what do you know!!??"  I told Billy once a cancer cured person that types it every day is never cured, and he agreed with me (sort of in a sarcastic way).  And I was right, the cure nearly killed me 32 years later.  An acquaintance of mine passed away November 20th.  Her husband left February 29th.  I don't know the reasons, his family will miss them, but somehow something I cannot say out loud "He is with her now, he is not suffering, only three months later he caught up with her."

[Margm]

I braved it through another box and after this one put it down.  I told my son that Billy was just the cutest tall fellow.  He was 6'2" and I was 5'2" (at one time), but said I was shorter now, but Billy was a lot shorter and compact too.  I said, well, I guess that is not funny.  Scott said, it kind of is and Daddy would have laughed.  I think you call that Gallow's humor.  This was in 1980, forty years ago.  I miss us.  I think we always looked like "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, so between them both, they licked the platter clean."  (I know that was one of my mom's songs.

[iPraiseHim]

58 minutes ago, Marg M said:

I braved it through another box and after this one put it down.  I told my son that Billy was just the cutest tall fellow.  He was 6'2" and I was 5'2" (at one time), but said I was shorter now, but Billy was a lot shorter and compact too.  I said, well, I guess that is not funny.  Scott said, it kind of is and Daddy would have laughed.  I think you call that Gallow's humor.  This was in 1980, forty years ago.  I miss us.  I think we always looked like "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean, so between them both, they licked the platter clean."  (I know that was one of my mom's songs.

Adorable picture and a treasured memory.  I remember my Mom telling me about "Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean" as a children story.  I loved to hear my Mom read. She instilled in me the desire to read and learn everything I can.  Thanks Marg - Shalom (Peace)

[kevin]

Marg, that is a great picture of you and Billy...