mittam99 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Has something like this happened to you... ?? The other day I was re-caulking the bathroom tub and around the toilet. I realized a tool I needed was in our bedroom closet and as I went to reach for it, I accidentally got caulk on one of Tammy's nice dresses. Frantically, I ran to get a wet cloth to remove the caulk before it dried. I was relieved that I was able to remove it. Today I noticed that I missed a spot and there still was a bunch of caulk on the dress. I spent 15 minutes working on it and got it almost perfect. I told Tammy I was sorry and told her "I did the best I can do". Ok, so why was I so concerned about this? Do I subconsciously think Tammy will actually be wearing this again someday? Was I upset that I somehow "hurt" Tammy because I ruined the dress? Has grief cause me to go temporarily insane? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 I still act and behave as if Deedo were here. Doing the laundry I hang clothes the way she used too. I haven't vacuumed the furnace filter for a couple of months, something she wanted me to do monthly, and I feel guilt. I've written before about the hospital chaplin who stated the farthest distance known to man is the distance between the brain and the heart. Yes Mitch, you know your dearest Tammy is dead just like I know my darling Deedo is dead. That's the brain. Panicking about caulk on a dress or guilt over not having vacuumed a filter; that's the heart and sadly the heart is what is giving us grief. Tammy and Deedo are both most likely rolling their eyes and saying why are they worried about such minutiae. But then they know so much more than we do right now, so very much more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 In the last couple of years of Tammy's life, she was mostly bedridden. Before I'd go to work, I'd make her breakfast and left snacks for her to munch on if she got hungry. I'd always tell her the remotes (3 of them) were on my side of the bed if she needed them. She also liked the way I'd straighten out the comforter. She'd ask me to "make it pretty"... Then, I'd ask if she was ok (if she wasn't, I'd call out of work) and tell her I love her. Fast forward to the present. Before I go to work, I straighten the comforter and "make it pretty" the way she liked. I put the 3 remotes on my side of the bed just like I used to. And I tell her I love her. Like you said Brad (and you're right), that's definitely my heart. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Mitch, I don't think you went insane, nor do I think you believe she'll wear it again, but more like you don't want anything to tarnish anything that was hers...you want to preserve every bit of her & the memory of her. And that is understandable. Some of it is our way of honoring them, by doing what we know they would have liked. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 1 hour ago, Brad said: Tammy and Deedo are both most likely rolling their eyes and saying why are they worried about such minutiae. I think you are right, Brad. I haven't done anything that has 'harmed' anything if Steves, but if he's around he probably winders why I do little things like replacing the air freshener in his bathroom which is never used or keeping his place met on the table. But then he would understand it's the little things that make us feel some connection on this plane. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Mitch, I agree Kay. So often I like to hold things that belonged to Mark, to perhaps feel traces of him. Just today, I took out the box of personal items I have in the bedside table. I wanted to hold on to his glasses. I, too, find I don't want anything to ruin anything that was his. Like keeping his bacon fat and bottle of beer in the fridge. I know he would probably tell me to drink the beer...why are you saving a beer? My heart is just not ready to let go of him. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 I feel I should fess up too. I have a bottle of cranberry juice, a tin of some tobacco and half a bottle of Steves wine in the fridge. Had to get rid of the perishable stuff, but those stay even if they catch my eye some days more than others and hurt. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Well, I got rid of the 50 morphine pills. But I am not ready to get rid of any of his belongings yet. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Tammy liked these Daily's frozen margarita pouches that we couldn't get here locally. Once in a while her mom would send a "care package" of them. The other day I was cleaning out our pantry when lo and behold I found two of them behind a box of cake mix. I so wanted to say "Tammy, you won't believe what I just found!". But alas... This new life kind of sucks. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 My wife was always after me to wash my hands after work, before cooking, etc... At times it would bug me she was so worried about germs. Now when I come home, one of the first things I do is wash my hands and look upward and smile. It gives me comfort. Shalom 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 28, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2016 Thought of the day.... (wasn't sure where to post this) In my job, I come face to face with the public everyday. And it never ceases to amaze me how upset people can get over the most trivial of things. Today, a woman was angry because an item she purchased was one penny over the price she thought it was marked on the shelf. Honestly, a very minor issue yet it caused her great anguish. When Tammy was alive and similar head shaking events happened, I'd think to myself "thank God, I don't have to go home and live with someone like that". Tammy would love hearing my stories of all the crazies at work. And they were plentiful. I can only imagine how these people handle actual, major, difficult events in their lives. Or life changing ones like grief. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 Mitch, that reminds me, years ago I had to do monthly commission reports for our sales office. One day one of them called long distance to find out if I was rounding up or down. I said, "What difference does it make, Greg? We're talking pennies here, and it's costing you more money than that to call and ask me about it!" It reminds me of the IRS spending 49 cents to mail someone a statement for 32 cents. It just doesn't make sense! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 4 hours ago, mittam99 said: Today, a woman was angry because an item she purchased was one penny over the price she thought it was marked on the shelf. Honestly, a very minor issue yet it caused her great anguish. Isn't that amazing? I go thru my day listening now to what upsets people. I know all of it is important to them, but so much that used to bother me doesn't now. I have bigger issues than someone frustrated by the traffic that exists every day, for example. Guess it would be nice to have my biggest worry about a mismarked item. Well, know it would. Want to tell them I would trade but that is just an inner fantasy. Then you hear them on the phone to their spouses about thier anguish not knowing how lucky they are they can! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 So true Gwen. I think of the little things that would bother me before and now I too think, I wish they would bother me again and that be my only worry or problem for the day. Joyce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 Last night we had severe winds and some of the siding on the front of my house blew off. Unfortunately, this happens way too often as I seem to live in a wind tunnel. When this happened in the past, Tammy was by my side. That eased the misery and the annoyance of these bumps in the road. Now, I have to face every event, good or bad, alone. It's awful, but there's nothing to do but grin and bear it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 Mitch, I'm sorry you received damage last night. It is so hard now to face everything by ourselves. Hugs Joyce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted March 29, 2016 Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 22 hours ago, mittam99 said: Thought of the day.... (wasn't sure where to post this) In my job, I come face to face with the public everyday. And it never ceases to amaze me how upset people can get over the most trivial of things. Today, a woman was angry because an item she purchased was one penny over the price she thought it was marked on the shelf. Honestly, a very minor issue yet it caused her great anguish. When Tammy was alive and similar head shaking events happened, I'd think to myself "thank God, I don't have to go home and live with someone like that". Tammy would love hearing my stories of all the crazies at work. And they were plentiful. I can only imagine how these people handle actual, major, difficult events in their lives. Or life changing ones like grief. Mitch......how that resonates with me!!!! I work for Walmart......(necessary evil) and I am continually amazed at how ugly-tempered and rude customers can get over the silliest, most petty things! They will throw fits, yell, cuss you out........and I so WISH I could say...."If THIS is all you have to be unhappy for in your miserable life, you've been blessed MUCH more than I have!" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2016 I think people tend to get so wrapped up in the trivial and inconsequential that they forget about the bigger picture and what's really important in life. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 30, 2016 Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 I am one of those people who will think I have a bargain for $4.99, rather than $5.00. I will not put up with someone "in charge" fussing at a worker in front of customers. I saw an assistant manager dressing down a "greeter" and I went up and got his name off his shirt and called Wal-Mart corporate. This was an elderly man he was fussing at in front of Wal-Mart customers. The elderly man could not fuss back. I never saw the assist. manager again. I very much dislike loud customers too. Did you know you can stare them down without opening your mouth. I think sometimes I enjoy being a witchy old woman. My mom checked groceries for years and years in our small town and some of our nicest people were demons at grocery checkout. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 Hey Marg... I totally agree with your thought on the assistant manager. That guy clearly had no respect for the employee and shouldn't even be in a management position. He obviously thought he'd get his point across better if he belittled his employee in front of customers. Ironically, it's gonna have the opposite effect. The employee now feels humiliated and knows the boss doesn't have his back. He's now more likely to be a less loyal, hard working employee and just go through the motions. IMO that guy was truly an ASSistant mgr. if you catch my drift. He must have gone to the DUMB AND DUMBERER management academy. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 30, 2016 Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 Margaret, you did well then because I've never gotten a response out of corporate WalMart. Good for you! Mitch, I'm so sorry to hear about your house. Can the siding be put back or will it need to be replaced? So often the repairs don't come to much more than the deductible on our homeowner's insurance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 30, 2016 Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 Kay, I have called them before for not having the vitamin water other Wal-Marts had. I had it within a week. (But calling the people who put out the no-fat potato chips did not bring them back). Obviously I would not be on this forum if I had any pull anywhere. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 30, 2016 Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 I got the rudest, worst pharmacist ever at WM and reported her to corporate and never heard from them. You'd think they could at least give me a blanket email pretending to care. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 Marg, if you're superstitious, it may be time to make another post quick... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 30, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2016 Changes can be overwhelming. I've been making small (tiny, really) updates to the house and beginning a bit of spring cleaning. I'm working on the kitchen now. Over the years our fridge has become a combination art gallery and information center. Tammy even has her beloved dad's obituary there. I thought it was time to take down most of it. I mean, honestly do I need Katie's school calendar from 2011? So I took everything down. And then it got weird. Looking at the pristine side by side fridge, a feeling of emptiness went through me. This wasn't the right time. It was as if I was removing my life with Tammy. I simply couldn't do it. So, back went virtually everything, including her dad's obituary, some artwork I made for Katie, family photos, little magnetic trinkets Tammy liked and more. I did part ways with that 2011 school calendar. And the magnet from an overpriced plumber we used once. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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