Am feeling alittle annoyed at Kevin's family

[Margm]

Ya'll, I have grown old and jaded.  Nothing surprises me anymore.  (That is a lie really, I still get surprised at the evil in people).  Being stupid and ignorant, they don't surprise me, but sometimes being just plain evil does surprise me.  The little girl going for a coloring book and losing her life.  When I was a kid we went through yards, alleyways, back roads to get to school.  I was 6-12 years old.  Nothing ever bothered me but one of the neighbor's Great Dane's.  That dog was so much bigger than I was, but he was inside a fence.  Small town USA.

Now the thing going on Facebook is Hillary's language.  Lord knows, if I was married to Bill I would come up with some new curse words too.  Not meaning politics on here but Trump does not speak softly and carry a big stick.  (Look at the size of his hands), but I do get off subject.  

Mama was always a church  worker..  Daddy died and she moved her "letter" to the little country church with all the wonderful country people living around her.  She got down and bedridden for awhile, put her in rehab, then when she came out do you think a single one of her little Baptist Church members came to check on her?  Heck no.  Did anyone of them come to take her to church (she could not drive), well of course not.  She watched church on TV.  She never fussed about it..  I am the type of person that writes Walmart main corporation if I have a complaint.  I wish I had gotten up in her church and told them what I thought.

Reminds me of the time one of my childhood neighbors got up in front of our Baptist Church and asked forgiveness for having a child out of wedlock.  Then, my dad as one of the three deacons brought in this man and woman on Wednesday night business meeting.  Brought them in to throw them out.  (Lived together but were not married.) Even at age 11 or 12 I was thinking why in the world would they even come and I also thought that I would have waved the bird at all of them on my way out the door.  Sometimes I am a hypocrite, but I am a mean hypocrite.  

I know there is a passage in the Bible somewhere that we ought to help the widows.  Maybe that was Shakespeare.  

[kayc]

Marg, I do not see you as a hypocrite, I see you as a very caring person.  As for the church, it seems to me Jesus said, "Whoever is without sin, cast the first stone."  To which they all went away rather quietly.  Those were the hypocrites, not you.  I love your spunk!  And I am glad my Baptist church is not like the one you grow up in.  I think churches are what the people they are comprised of are.
Yes there are scriptures about helping the widows.  Perhaps no one is reading anymore or just conveniently choose not to notice that one.

[kayc]

Oh, and Marg, I won't name who I'm voting for or get into politics here (Marty thanks us, I'm sure), but I will say I've never seen an election like this one (thank God!) and will be glad when it's over and we can (hopefully) move on from it.

[mittam99]

Well Kay..  since you brought it up and not to get too off-topic, let's just say neither candidate is awe inspiring or confidence inducing.  

[kayc]

I didn't bring it up, Marg did, we'll see what happens.

[KATPILOT]

You certainly provide a laugh in the middle of tears Marg.  I never knew what a bird was when I was eleven. Later I figured out it was the Arizona State turn signal.

[kayc]

It took me reading it a second time to get it.

[MartyT]

No, Steve ~ it really does not belong to Arizona. As one who grew up in the Midwest, I didn't really know what a bird was until I moved to Princeton, New Jersey and began driving there. That is where I learned the real meaning of the bird, as it relates to the turn signal 

[iPraiseHim]

On 9/12/2016 at 2:10 PM, Gin said:

I do not have that feeling that Al is communicating with me.  Wish I did.  Don't know how to get it.  I do not feel him, hear him or see him.  We were so very close in life, I would think there would be some contact.  

I don't either. - Shalom

[Margm]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

 

I didn't bring it up, Marg did, we'll see what happens.

 

Tattle-tale, tattle tale.  I think there is a verse that goes with that, but I don't remember it.

[Margm]

30 minutes ago, iPraiseHim said:

I do not have that feeling that Al is communicating with me.  

Sometimes I think I just want to feel him near me so bad that I make it up in my head.  I don't care where it comes from.  I will never quit talking to him.  Today in the checkout line my granddaughter told me this man was checking me out.  I told her to hush, Daddy's gonna hear her. Probably an old classmate that could not believe I was as old as he was now.(I didn't look).  

I just got in so have not checked.  Gin, I hope you have heard from your son.  And Gin, just keep talking to him.  Maybe just talking to him helps.  I know it helps me.  I don't know if he hears me.  I want to think he does.  I am just gonna keep thinking he does. In fact, next time I talk to him I will tell him to tell Al to come listen to you.  I just don't think he hears you, or either you aren't talking.  Hey, I honestly can say sometimes I feel my mystical, magical imagination flash on and off for a second.  Billy never believed in it.  Now maybe he does.

[mittam99]

Gin and George and Marg...

Things have happened that give me hope that Tammy is here, letting me know she's "ok". There have been events that have given me the feeling she is still helping me, loving me.

But... I don't actually feel, see or hear her.

I have the feeling when you're not expecting it, something will happen and you'll get those goosebumps knowing your soul mate was sending you a sign.

[Gin]

George,

I think I am being open to receiving communication, but it does not happen.  Maybe someday for both of us.

Gin

[Margm]

Gin, I honestly do not receive communication from him.  But if he is out there some time, some where, maybe he hears.  Just talk.  

[Margm]

1 hour ago, KATPILOT said:

Arizona State turn signal.

Well Steve, I think I found out in the 4th grade.  But that Arizona State turn signal did make me laugh out loud.  Thanks to you too.

And now Marty too.  I have got to start reading these posts from where I left off lots earlier.

[kayc]

47 minutes ago, Marg M said:

Tattle-tale, tattle tale.  I think there is a verse that goes with that, but I don't remember it.

Nope, that must have been Shakespeare!

[KarenK]

My former neighbors are very involved in their church. He is an elder, I believe. I visited their pentecostal church once, but was a bit overwhelmed with the service. We were not close, but used to visit in the driveway. He always quoted a lot of scripture to me including the one regarding the helping of widows. Even coming from a church official, that is as far as it went. They do not call or check on me. Don't get me wrong. They do not owe me anything. It would just be nice if some people would "practice what they preach". Just when you think, someone cares..............  I have yet to find a church here that equals my daughter's tiny Baptist church in Kentucky where members actually care and offer assistance and love.I don't think one exists here in this big rushing metropolis. Yes, Kay. I think a church is only as good as it's members.

[Margm]

Mama had one person bring over a dish.  And, it was a friend of mine who brought it to the apartment, brought a whole meal.  Honestly, it used to be that when someone passed away there were casseroles in the freezer for months.  Just like sitting out on the porch and visiting on Sunday before church, cemetery workings, family reunions (I mean the old time family reunions with the pig roasting all night over open coals, people staying up and turning it, neighbors (because everyone was kin) from miles around, trying to keep the flies off the dishes that all the relatives brought, all the sisters going around telling you that you had to try her new so-and-so dish, and the big old hound dogs laying around in the yards, the chickens running loose under the trees, and watching where you step.  Dinners on the ground at church (outside on boards nailed to the trees).  I think maybe when AC came along and TV, people quit visiting and it took away a lot of our humanity.  Big churches now have committees that get together to take dishes when someone dies.  The neighbors brought things when Billy passed away, but Mama had not lived in her house except about fifty years.  She was a hermit though, so is my sister.  I guess no one knew they were there. 

[kayc]

Karen, I wish your experience had been with a different church.  Nothing against pentecostals (I was in one for five years when I was young) but it is not a right fit for everyone.  I, too, wish you'd found one like mine.  Our church has dwindled down to the 40+ few that hung in there while without a pastor for two years.  And they're all old!  We finally have a new pastor so maybe some will come back or we'll grow it from scratch.  But when the average age is 79-92 (we have seven 92 year olds!) you can hardly expect any help with anything around the place!

However, they do have a meals ministry.  They kind of dropped the ball when I had surgery, but I know now not to contact the deaconess I'd called for help.  I prepared ahead for my own surgery but the doctor's office screwed up by not telling me everything I couldn't eat until I left AFTER having surgery, so the meals I'd put in the freezer I couldn't eat.

Alas, I guess nothing is a substitute for having the spouse to depend on that we once had.  There's nothing quite like having that person that really cared about you.

[Muggs138]

I feel the same way.  I have dedicated my life to their son.  We loved each other very much and we were so happy.  His family always liked me and we always got along, but once he went into the hospital, it was a different animal.

It was like they blamed me because CPR did not work, and i could not get his heart started again by myself and by the time the paramedics did, it was to long and he went into a coma.  It was my fault because I couldnt save him,and i saw everyone's attitude change instantly!  Regardless that we had been together forever, all that went out the window and it was "family" against "wife"  

Alot of it was the shock and the "heat of the moment" thing, but i find myself getting so angry when i think back at everything.  When i see them posting all these things on Facebook and social media about him, never once pertaining to "our" live together, it makes me so furious. Before all this happened we were all so close and now i try to text and call and its just very rushed and non-caring.  I guess i just expect people to treat me, the way i treat them, and thats where my thinking is wrong.  Because everyone thinks different and what i think is right, they may think completely different.  

Sometimes people need someone to blame when bad stuff happens to them that they cant understand, and i guess that person was me.  I have to live with the guilt they made me feel that first day, forever.  I try not to be mad and forgive them, but its so hard !!!

[rdownes]

Muggs  I am so sorry do not blame yourself you did all you could it was out of your control I feel for you guilt is a hard cross to bear I felt so guilty when Kevin passed all I did was apologize to him for things I felt I should have done, I now realize I have nothing to feel guilty about I did the best I could and we had a love few ever find and that is all that matters, I am sorry for how you are being treated I know it hurts,  I guess loss changes people and not always in a good way my heart goes out to you.

[Clematis]

I have heard that sometimes people draw closer together after a death, but all I see is the opposite. And it's not just in-laws - it's just as frequently within the family, like siblings. It really makes me wonder how many people are all about the money and really don't care about the other people.

[Margm]

34 minutes ago, Clematis said:

It really makes me wonder how many people are all about the money

I saw Billy's family do this after his dad's death.  I never could see the point in it.  They rented in a house that had an outside toilet.  The man never kept his paycheck, all he wanted was his "chew" out of each check.  They had no good furniture, no savings.  He drove the tractors on the roads and would pick up rusty tools people changing tires would just forget or throw away.  Yet, here was his family squabbling over his belongings.  I was so proud of Billy.  He watched it going on, there was actually fussing, loud fussing, and finally he said "I got all I needed from Daddy."  They jumped on him wanting to know what he had taken.  He said "I had his love."  And he did.  Naturally I think so, but Billy was my exceptional man.  I hate it when families fuss.  I have one child that says "you did this for the other" and expects the same in return.  And, this is why I have to go to a shrink again, so I can learn how to better handle mental illness..  (Not my own, although my mental illness is not being able to say "no."), but being able to protect and stand up for myself now that Billy is not here to do it for me.  

[Clematis]

4 hours ago, Marg M said:

 he said "I got all I needed from Daddy."  They jumped on him wanting to know what he had taken.  He said "I had his love."  And he did.  

I'm with Billy; I had my dad's love as well as his friendship, especially during those last ten years. My sisters will never understand, but it's not my problem. My sisters got all there was to be gotten for the thirty years they lived an hour away from our parents and both had husbands that provided very well for them, while I was out west alone struggling to make a living and keep a car on the road and a roof over my head. Now that I am the recipient of something they are totally bent out of shape. Functionally, they are adolescents. Neither has ever had to carry an adult load. They both have children- college age and beyond, but they are a mess because my sisters didn't want to ever be the "bad guy" (take an adult role). Not my problem. But hard to watch.

[Margm]

Laura, I cannot look at other couples with envy.  I had Billy 54 years.  Some had lots less.  There are friends and relatives whose husbands and wives are still living and I am so happy for them.  In the back of my head though is the knowledge that one will face this pain.  In your sisters lives, they will face pain of loss.  All a person can do for someone that has lost their best part of their life is to be there when they need to cry.  And you can cry with them.  But we cannot help them, it is a path a person has to walk alone.  But, we can listen. My heartfelt feelings are with people that have or will lose their reason for living.  But, we go on.  The only choice we have is really not a choice.