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PAW PRINTS IN THE SAND David Lasaine 2017 When you were alone, I was there. When the sun or set, I was there. We shared many wonderful memories, you and me. We laughed and played together. When you were sad, I was there. When you cried, I tasted your tears. When you faced death, I was there. When the darkest of times happened, I was there. When you slept...I protected you. When you shivered...I was your warmth. I asked not for much: a belly rub, my side and chin scratched. To be walked a few times a day. I put my life in your hands to care for me, to feed me...to love me. I served you with unconditional love and faithfully during my life. I know you suffer but as always you think of my well-being first. Thank you. I know you love me unconditionally. I will not be gone from you…ever. When we meet in the Spiritual World, we will play again and again. I know you will not forget me. I will be patiently waiting for you, and when it is Bailey’s time, we will be with Mitzy. We will become one in spirit forever when you arrive. Write the books about us. Don’t give up. Honor us to help others. Eternally Yours, Your Faithful Companion, Bambaloo McWigglybutt Lasaine Happy Life with Poppy 12/3/17 - 2/3/23

I somehow can't move forward. My young little dog passed away unexpectedly due to fatal mistake by a bad vet. I am riddled with guilt for letting him go there. This was a different vet we found out too late he was incompetent and killed my dog, just for a routine dental cleaning. Something that takes less than an hour. He did nothing right and everything wrong. My dog did not deserve this. It was voluntary and I regret sending him there. I grieve and cry every day. I don't now how to manage this. It's a big loss. He was the pack leader and such a wonderful friend to his 2 brothers. What do I do? I am beside myself. He didn't need this done. He was only 6 and very healthy. He was a fearful dog. It's possible they kept him in fear against his will without calling me to alert me that he was frightened. It' only my 2 other dogs that keep me going. Is there really a bridge? I need some kind of hope. I am lost. I don't eat right. I'm down 17 lbs and haven't gained any back. His passing is tearing me apart inside. I loved my little guy and I feel I failed him. I had on word to say to prevent this fro happening. I could have said NO, that he was not coming in and I would have kept him home. He'd be here today instead of in a box in my closet which I still cannot open!!!

In December of 2021, after 7 years of living without a kitty, I decided to adopt a senior cat to come and live with me and my senior pup (12 year old chiweenie). About a week in to kitty being here, I noticed she was having potty issues. I took her to a vet who did some blood work to rule out thyroid and kidney issues (she has none) and gave me a low dose of lactulose to give her and sent us on our way. At this point I did not know about mixing it in with wet food and was trying to get it down her throat manually. This started a bit of mistrust between kitty and I when we should have been bonding. That dosage didn't wind up helping anyway and we wound up at an emergency clinic 5 days later because she was so constipated and had only been dropping tiny nuggets. They wound up sending us home because she was stable as opposed to the other pets there (totally understandable!). So I made an appointment at my dog's vet the next day (thankful for vets open on Sundays!) and kitty got a much needed enema, a new meds structure (where I put the lactulose in her food 3x a day, give her cisapride in the morning), and a surgical consult referral (vet felt a stricture in her rectum). Well, new meds structure doesn't really work for me (3x a day super stinky food with a food motivated dog at home gave me massive anxiety) or her (did not help move the poo out very well) and a week later she is back in for another enema. We adjust med structure again to fit my schedule and help her and wait until surgical consult day. Surgical consult day arrives 2 weeks later, we go, and the specialist says she feels no stricture and that the cat has idiopathic megacolon. She adjusts the med structure again so I don't need to use the sticky lactulose (we are now on Miralax) and sends us on our way. At least we don't need surgery! Yet. This all happens in a span of 30 days. I continue with most updated meds structure and over the next two weeks take notice of what's happening with her. At the same time during these two weeks, I notice my dog starting demonstrating some odd behaviors for him. I find out last week that he is diabetic is now going to have to take insulin injections 2x a day for the rest of his life. And, I had called the vet about kitty not pooping like she should be (it was a mega poo every 4 days at that point with several small/medium turds daily in between) so we adjust her meds again and in one day she has now started literally oozing/leaking poop all over my house (they are mostly formed, but very soft and gross). She now also has an appointment this week to get an ultrasound so we can see what's actually going on in there. I am so frickin' stressed about what to do with this cat. She is so adorable and sweet and loving, but I cannot handle the poop everywhere and the cost is WAY more than I had even imagined for a new pet who wasn't flagged with any issues at the shelter. I'm stressing about whether I can handle all of this or should I rehome her? And now my sweet little boy has diabetes and he's not feeling well as we wait for the insulin to arrive so we can start that process of getting his dosage correct. I've started pre-grieving and it's just so much in such a short period of time...and this is just the pet related situation on top of other things going on in life (new boss, sister leaving alcoholic partner, aging mother, my own health...). I am crying nearly daily from guilt about maybe letting the cat go, guilt about wanting to kind of keep her because she is very sweet, guilt about not wanting to be this deep into caregiving for an animal I just met, fear about not being able to take care of my pup in his time of need, fear something will happen to me from the stress of trying to manage this all. (Side note, I am going to therapy once a week right now to help me cope and manage some of this, just wanted a specific support group to hear from others about ideas or thoughts on what to do.) Many thanks in advance.

Today around 00.30 midnight. I accidentally killed my Oreo. I did rescued a total of 8 kittens that I found on the streets. I lost 4 of them due to fading kitten syndrom. One week ago, my youngest kitten got sick and weak. So I was trying so hard to give every kitten I have the nourishment and vitamins they need. And I did focus only on the youngest. Giving her first some food before the other ones that is already healthy. Then, while I was trying to distract the other 3 kittens and 1 adult cat and trying to lead to our garden so that they can have their snack there without disturbing the little one. It happens so fast and I accidentally step on one of my surviver cat, Oreo. I panicked when I realized what just happened. I picked him up, and the blood was already everywhere. I came in and ask my friend for some help. After some minute. My kitten was already gone. I saw how my dog was trying to bark on my kitten and the look of the other kittens too. I was trying so hard to buried my kitten but I couldn't. I am devastated, guilty, and my mind couldn't stop mesmerizing all the memories I have with Oreo. He is my survivor and I am deeply sorry that I did took his life with a tragic death. I cant stop crying because this is the first time I got blood in my hands. That I am the one who took my beloved childs life. (every pet I have is already my child) I feel that I am on the edge of being traumatized of this accident. My kittens and I loves to be on garden and I dont know if I can still able to finished fixing it, with the thought that my kitten died there. I really do need a honest advice. Can you please help me?

Hi everyone ❤️ I came new in here a few days ago since I lost my dog this week (I had to put her down) and I need some advice. I loved my dog so much, we had an amazing bond and she was literally a light in my life, I'll keep her forever in my heart and I wish I could still protect her. I was the one in the family who took care of her lately so now at home they all seem to feel better than me, and they want to get a new dog. They know how I feel but they're getting it next week, and I'm okay with it because I will give him plenty of love and a new home, but still I think I'm not ready for it as I'm still grieving the loss of my little one... And I still don't know if I feel at peace with her death, it hurts to look at pictures of her but I also can't stop picturing her and missing her. I'm afraid that having a new dog at home won't help me get through my grief in a good/comfortable way. I don't know exactly what advice to ask for, but I guess just some opinions would help. Thank you ❤️

My Sallie died on February 23, 2018. She was a standard poodle a few months away from 13 and she was getting older, she was lethargic and I could tell she had trouble with her hips. On Wednesday, two days before she died, my mom and I decided to take her to the beach. We had a beautiful glorious day running around, playing with her, and she was SO happy. Sallied hadn't really been to the beach before and she would occasionally reach down and eat sand or lick the water, whenever she did we would scold her. We spent about two hours on the beach and we were walking the whole time and never took our eyes off of her. Almost right after we left the beach she threw up, which we thought was normal, she's just trying to get the sand/salt water out of her system right? The following day she was fine, but towards the night she started throwing up even more. We called the vet and he said she's getting the sand out of her system and just don't give her any water so she can get it out. I woke on Friday to her crying and she managed to jump over the stool and get water. I felt bad, so I gave her the food and water bowl and went back to bed. Throughout the day on Friday we took her on walks and observed her, slowly gave her water and tried to feed her turkey (she wasn't eating anything). On Friday she threw up in the morning, but by the afternoon she wasn't throwing up and was just tired/sleepy. We thought she was resting and would sleep and eat and would be fine, she puked alot and all the sand seemed to have left her system. Towards the end of the day Friday, she looked fine, quite, but wasn't throwing up. So I decided to go to a dance performance and she was left alone for an hour (which I will always greatly regret). When my mom got back from the gym, she said Sallie was fine, not distressed, she drank water and rested. It wasn't until 10:30 that my mom noticed that she had took a turn for the worse, her health had so quickly declined. In the morning she was her normal self and now she could barley move. By a stroke of God, I made it home while she was still alive and just cuddled her, petted her, told her what a good dog she was. She shat herself and I just cleaned it up and kept near her. We carried her down to the car and rushed her to the ER, but she died on the way there, it was so peaceful that I hadn't even realized that she died. She just took her last breath. We will never know what Sallie died from, but a vet we spoke to, said a healthy, young dog, who ate some sand and drank a little water would've been fine. She must've been suffering from something else, cancer, liver failure, heart failure, and the beach just made whatever she had speed up. I will always regret that I didn't pamper her in her last day, but at least I was there, I really don't think I could've lived with myself if she died without me. I'm 17 and she has been in my life since I was 5, she was my family, my sister. I wished I had pampered her more in her last day and had spent her last hours with her, instead of her last minutes. But we truly didn't know she was dying. On Friday the decline was so quick, that I don't think a vet could've saved her. They would've stabilized her and we would either put her down (which I couldn't live with) or we would have to choose between surgery. If we had to choose surgery I don't know what we would've done. We couldn't afford it and the chances that she survived would be slim, she's old and the surgery would've been invasive, painful, and traumatizing. Would I put her through that, just so she could live a couple more months in pain? We should've taken her in sooner, but I find solace knowing that she died with me petting her and not in some scary clinic. She HATED the vet and getting her haircut. She died naturally and the choice for us as her humans was taken out of our hands and (not now), but I think I will soon feel relief over the fact that she had a beautiful last day, a painful couple of hours, and then just fell asleep. Sallie was amazing: she ran across a polo field during a game, she peed in a strangers shoe, she stole food from peoples bags and they never noticed. Was her life perfect? No. But think of all the other dogs out there, who die alone in clinics, with no one to love them. Or dogs who died before they were a ripe old age. She had a beautiful, full life, she knew I loved her and I wish she was still here with us, but I know she's watching over me. I love you Sallie.

Gizmo was my 15 year old English springer spaniel. Her tail was always on the move, so much that this year I was going to sew her a hummingbird feeder costume for Halloween with a bit of ribbon attached to her tail so it looked like she was fluttering around the feeder. She came into our lives only four years ago and immediately won the hearts of my children and I. Her spirit was gentle and oh so sweet. Some called her a healer. I put her to rest yesterday after she could no longer walk without falling. For the last week, I was carrying her up and down stairs. She looked so lost, sad and confused. This little girl gave it all she had. When she ran too much and her leg gave out, she would run on three legs. After spending a day at the office with me, she would race me up the stairs so she could greet me at the top. Every person she met was her new best friend. She smiled often and her tail never, ever stopped. The pain is immense. My children are at college grieving. In ten years, we buried my beloved husband and three incredible dogs. You'd think we'd be oblivious to grief, yet each time feels like my heart will never recover. Goodbye, Gizmo. We will be forever grateful for your love and devotion.

I just don't know how to cope with what I'm feeling right now. I've dealt with severe depression before but this is a sadness and guilt like I've never known. At 7:00 last night, my puppy, my best friend, was struck and killed by a car. But I feel like it's entirely my fault. His favorite thing in the world is to go on car rides. My brother and I were going to get something to eat, so I decided to bring him along. He was his happiest self in the car, sticking his face out the window with the biggest grin on his face. I even took a video of him dated just a few minutes before he died, which is attached to this post. Usually when I get out of the car when he's inside, I make sure he's sitting and staying before I open the door. This is the one time I didn't, because he was in the backseat so I thought there was no way he could get out. But I was wrong. He jumped through the crack between my seat and the door, and before I knew it he'd hit the ground running. He'd run off a million times before, so we were sure we would catch him. He was even just out of my arms' reach at one point but I just couldn't snag him. My brother almost had him and ran after him, but my dog tried to escape and ran right into the road. It's this part that really kills me. I didn't see the car hit him, but my brother did. My brother said the car hit my dog in the back and spun him around, and that my dog made eye contact with my brother and the look on his face said "Help me," like he knew he'd made a mistake. And then he just kind of laid down in the road. My brother said that face will haunt him forever. The driver didn't even slow down. My puppy had never been out in traffic before. He didn't know the damage a car could do. My brother stopped another car from hitting him (what is wrong with people, STOP or at least SLOW DOWN), picked him up, and carried him back to me. I was in shock. My puppy was still moving a little bit, kicking his legs, trying to breathe. I called 911 - I didn't know what else to do - and begged them to please please please please send whatever they could right now. They could only send a police officer, and by the time he got there, my puppy was gone. I watched him die. I just kept petting him and telling him what a good dog he was and how much I loved him. I don't know when exactly he died so I hope to God that he heard me and that he died knowing how loved and cared for he was. I closed his mouth. I tried to close his eyes but they wouldn't close. I called my parents and they came and met us. We weren't even home, so we had to wrap his body in a blanket and drive him 20 minutes back to our house. We laid him on our porch swing while my dad and brother dug his grave. I couldn't leave his side. I just held him and stroked his fur and sobbed and kept telling him over and over how much I loved him and, "You're such a good boy." I was numb watching my dad put him in the ground. Then I was completely lost. I didn't want to eat, sleep, watch TV, anything. I'm completely distraught. An hour ago, my brother and I dug back down to his grave and laid his favorite toys, a few treats, and a bunch of Cheez-Its (his favorite human food) down in his grave. We listed a bunch of things we'd miss about him and said a prayer over his grave once we laid the sod back on top. I truly don't know how I'm going to move on from this. Or the memory of this. Or the guilt. This dog helped me through so much. I've had him since I was 10 and I'm 22 now. He helped me through depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, broken hearts, abusive parents, everything. He was so innocent and happy and deserved nothing but goodness. He must have been so scared and in pain, and that's what kills me the most. This little pure beam of sunshine having to know such pain and agony. I need to know that dogs go to heaven, that he's happy and healthy and that I'll see him again and be able to apologize to him and tell him I love him and feel his unconditional love again. Imagining the alternative makes me want to die. My puppy was 12 years old, but he still had all the energy of a puppy so it doesn't really feel like he lived that long. I suppose it's of some comfort that he never had to experience the limits that old age would have put on his bod, but it just hurts so much to imagine all the potential years he had left to live, all the memories we could have made. It's so surreal to think that just a few hours ago he was licking me and I was petting him and he was running around the house and happy riding in the car with the wind through his fur and now he's dead in the ground. The pain is unbearable. Can anyone please give me some advice on how to go through this? Or just give me some peace of mind? Do you believe that dogs go to heaven and that I'll see him again? I can't stop thinking about all the things I could have done differently to prevent his death. I feel like I've sobbed my body weight in tears and I just don't know how I'm going to be able to face tomorrow. IMG_1537.MP4

I thought you just had an infection That's on me The vet said it was heart disease, I never saw the symptoms That's on me They brought you into the room and you were struggling so hard to breathe That's on me When I saw you I knew, I kissed you on your head and through my tears I told the vet it's time That's on me Your buried out back in one of your favorite spots, in a marked grave with a headstone just for you That's on me I will live my life in the hope I will see you again, by my side That's on me I will love you forever That's on me

To our best boy, our Chappie boy , our best friend forever, 01/7/2002 - 12/20/2015. Our way home, our path to a better life. You gave us the best 13 years we ever had. You were our best boy, we miss you so much, we hurt every second, and we want you back so so bad. We are so sorry you had to go this way. We feel so sorry you had to feel any pain. we cried behind your back so you would not be stressed because we knew how much you didn’t like us to be sad until the end was near we could not hold back our tears and we cried with you in our arms, we felt so bad as you got sick we didn’t want you in anymore pain, you got so sick so fast we tried to take your sickness away by taking you to the doctors and even tried different ones, we finely found a vet that promised us some hope. You did so good after your operation , we thought you was free of the cancer , after your operation you did so well everyone even the surgeon was so shocked you were so perky you were running again walking and eating back to your young self, it was the best week we had for that year. we found your cancer was so ruff we did everything we could to help you dear boy our best friend we cried during your surgery we prayed asking for you to come back to us safe and sound to your home you came and incredibly you were back on your paws you were so good we brought you to your favorite places and we shared a few good days we thought it was gone the horrible tumor was gone for good , the morning we saw that lump come back we took you right back to the vet they did another test and the test was 2 cancers in one we almost died we was so sad so shocked it was coming back again and fast it was two types of cancer in one spot, it was so fast boy I’m so sorry we tried everything to slow it down but it was coming back to take you away, you lost so much weight and would not eat we fed you with a syringe and wet your lips when you were so thirsty we got you the best organic foods that you loved Beef Bison salmon and pork chops , so sorry to take away the carrots and sweets for we were trying to starve the cancer of sugars . we got you everything we could we did all we could to make you cozy and full, we held you in my arms for 3 weeks as the cancer got worse, watching you throw up was heart breaking we know you were so thirsty and it was so hard not to see your thirst go away daddy packed your dressing with Manuka honey and essential oils to try to soften your area so you could poo and fight infection , We soaked you in the tub only to sooth your ulcerated wound, we took you to the doc as much as you hated them they all realy loved you tried their best to Help us , we got you the top supplements to boost your body and fight the cancer toward the end you could not drink your water and hold it down you didn’t want to eat anymore you were so sick boy your poor eyes were starting to sink in, we were your helpers your nurses you parents your companions we helped you as much as we could, Daddy and mommy went above and beyond to make you better but the cancer was too much it spread so fast without us seeing it was already there destroying your insides, when we first noticed something was wrong we took you to the doc a number of times but they said they couldn’t help you anymore . at the end we was so upset we did not sleep for 3 nights as we took turns holding you in our arms and sleeping by your side. when we got up you would cry for your mommy and daddy to come back and we would run back to you boy . For we will remember your first bark when you was only 4 months old and last howl at 13 years, whenever Daddy was away at work mommy was there for you daddy had to work and he would feel your pain when working he would sometimes break down and cry at work. We knew it was very bad when we felt the hunger in your belly but would not eat and could hear you breathing funny in your sleep. We didn’t want to throw in the towel we wanted to fight it more but we couldn’t bear to see you in any more distress and pain. Toward the end your bum was so ulcerated and so painful we couldn’t let you go on any more. We didn’t want to see you go I held the phone in my hands for three nights finding it too hard to make the call. we just couldn’t see you like that anymore after all the years of our going for walks and going for rides to the park going fishing and camping playing ball, you walking with your skunk toy and fox tail, every day daddy came home from work we really di love you greeting me at the door to take my hat , this year we will really miss you pulling the Christmas tree down the trail with Sukie beagle we will have to take your place for we don’t know if she will pull it without you there . We went for a walk and she smells you’re sent and looks all around we think she thinks you ran away and will be back she looks to your bed every night to see if you are back. All the good days we had together. You really were our best of boy. We couldn’t bring you to a place to let you go so we called a nice doctor who come to the house with here bag of things to take the pain away, she insured you would pass with no more pain, daddy held your head to my head like we would do before bed and every morning before we left for work, mommy held your hand and Andrew rest his head on your back we felt your last breath as your drifted to the other side to the end we always said we would be there with you till the very end the end was here end we love you we had to stick to it and we did , it was by far the hardest thing we ever did but we knew we had to be there till the end it’s what we promised you your whole life I’m so sorry the end was now, we always just thought one day you would pass in your sleep and old happy dog we really didn’t want you to suffer from sickness daddy and mommy always love you we have taking your pain away now and put it right into us . My eyes bleed like never before you were our love our past and present you are always with us we will never forget you , my only wish is to see you one day when we pass to play tug and sniff in the woods together, i ask you to make us a place there where you are we will see you again , we hope you found your way we hope you found your friend bun buns were sorry about her to, she was your friend we knew when she passed you missed her dearly we are gathering all your pictures I’m putting them all together so we can see you all the time , suki beagle your companion is still at the fridge barking for food she thinks you are in the woods she goes in the yard and watches the woods for you she is confused for now she misses you and we will take care of her just like you I’m sure she will be there with you soon for she cannot stop eating. we will never forget the day we took you home , you were the most hansom beagle you walked like a show dog you were so tiny with your dome head that bumped the coffee table , we lived in a small apartment that would not take dogs when you learned about your bark we could not hide you there anymore , we would take you in and out hiding you in a back pack till you grew out of that , we finally moved , boy it was you that helped us move on to a new place away from the city , a place so peaceful we enjoyed you every moment , we will miss you till the day come that we can be together again, we will walk together and you will show us your new home . You were and always are my best friend best companion. Our best boy, Buddy Chappie Beagle. You rest easy, You will be greatly missed love always, Mommie, Daddy, Andrew and sukie .

Ive been missing from this forum for awhile but Im struggling. I have a 13 yr old dog and Ive had her since my parents got divorced. I mean we got her about a year later but whatever. She was old and I noticed she was peeing weird. She acted like she had a UTI. We tried to treat her at home but she's not how she was. We took her into the vet and she's in kidney failure. I know there is no coming back from that. She didnt get better with IV fluids so I decided to put her down tomorrow but omg. I feel like I am losing a child. She reminds me of when my dad was really sick. They just arent themselves. She pooped all over herself at the vet and laid in it. She didnt even lift her head up when I went to see her today. I know it happens since pets dont live as long but that doesnt help. I just feel so awful. I wish you could tell them how you feel like you do with ill family. I have 2 other dogs but the thought of going out in the backyard and seeing her little empty spot makes me want to avoid them and that only makes me feel worse. You'd think after losing my dad I would know how to handle these feelings but I cant. She used to sleep under my window every night during the summer and whimper at my window until I woke up and talked to her. I saw her the other day and held her head in my hand and we made eye contact and I swear she was talking to me. She isnt the same dog. Shes in there but I know she's done. She wants to go. Heres a pic of the baby. http://imgur.com/OHZ7lp9

Awake at 11:30 pm last night, reliving Tray's seizure two weeks ago to the day and hour, and then finally slept in a pool of tears. Awake again at 2am, reliving the debate of euthanizing, two weeks ago to the day and hour. Never slept again last night as 3am arrived, time of his death, which tore my heart out anew. My perfect dog has been gone two weeks and I feel like it's me that's dying for two weeks. Tray was my heart dog whose presence has gotten me through the past 3 years of huge challenges: my cancer survival, Tray's brother's death, Rocky, due to cancer, deaths of two friends and 13 weeks ago, the death of my father. Now I hug a pillow and pretend. My husband doesn't relate to grief of this level so I try to spare him and hold my meltdowns for when he's not home. In some ways I admire his practicality and his awareness and acceptance of the impermanence of all life. I only know those things and do not feel them or live them. I want Tray back in my life and that is all I feel. I'm grateful to have found this group of people sharing their feelings and wisdom about surviving a loss of a precious, innocent, gift of this world, our fur babies. Though actually in some ways my grief is amplified because I don't want any of us to suffer. But as someone once told me, "if you want to avoid suffering, you're on the wrong planet." I wouldn't give up my life with Tray for anything, so I guess I just have to suffer through this huge loss and chasm in my heart.

2 years ago,for valentines day,me and my husband decided to add a dog to our family.Its been just the 2 of us for almost a decade!!We got a cute little pomeranion mix and we named him Charlie bear.About a year after getting him,we had our 1st baby.They became best friends and very protective over each other.We did everything together and even took him with us for vacations.We treated him like he was our son and even after having a baby nothing changed.We still loved him the same. 3 days ago I let charlie outside to play while my husband was out there.Somehow,charlie crossed the street when my husband wasnt looking and when my husband started yelling his name he ran across the street to get back home to us and a truck hit him.The sight of charlie lying there in the road stiff and no longer alive is something I hope to never experience again. He was just trying to get home.He was such a loyal happy and protective member of our family.He would do anything for the 3 of us,so for us to have let this happen to him breaks my heart. Not only were we negligent, but now our daughter is just heartbroken and lonely looking everywhere for her little buddy.Im so sad about it,we lost our little fur baby,a member of our family ...and it really opened my eyes to how life can change in literally the blink of an eye. My house is so quiet and lonely,his toys all over the house.But he no longer greets us at the door when we get home,or follows us around.Even the neighborhood dogs knew,they barked all night the night charlie passed away.I really loved him so much.Driving down the road you can still see his blood,it rips my heart apart to see that.I feel so guilty and can only hope he forgives us and knew how loved he was!

I really need some help because I feel terrible and I don't know how I am going to get over this situation. I try to rescue stray dogs to then find them a happy home and I have tried to find a home for a Golden Retriever for 6 months. He has been in a pet care for months and every two days I went with my French Poodle to pick him up and take them for a walk. Today, I was outside a Vet with my little French Poodle, The Golden and a little Cocker my brother rescued. Everything was ok and I have them with their own leash. Suddenly, my little dog growled at the Golden and jump over hgim to attack him. The golden just put his body above my dog and I separated them almost immediately. The problem is that my dog fell unconscious with his tongue outside the muzzle. The Vet tried to save him, gave him a shot, reanimated him and nothing. He died. I feel terrible. He was my best friend, my partner and my life. I feel I could have prevented this from happening and this makes me feel guilty and misserable. My dog was 7 years old and had lung and heart failure that made him snore, have breathing attacks and get tired easily after running. I don't know if it was a combination of all these problems and if he wasn't going to be able to life fro many more years and these problems caused his heart attack. I really need some advice and support because this dog was the best thing in my life. I have OCD and my life has been horrible for years and this little dog gave me moments of great happyness. My mental condition makes this tragedy tougher and I don't know what to do. This was just the last straw to complete my misserable life. I wasted my twenties, I have no friends, no job, not life. My dog was the creature that cared the most about me and loved me with all my problems unconditionally. He was my best and only friend. He was my life and the one that brightened my life. Could you please help me? I am desperate. I am losing my mind. Thank you very much in advance for your answers.

The new year is getting to a bad start. We miss our SNICKERS. She was a pit bull chow mix with a heart that could warm anyone with a hard heart. Rest in Peace, our beloved dog. http://tjsmitha5.wix.com/tribute-to-snickers#

Hi, I recently joined this very helpful board, and responded to Melissa's post. Then Marty T responded to my post in that thread, and I wanted to reply, but I did not want to do so on Melissa's thread, as she deserves her space. I cannot re-write the story, it will hurt too much. So, although it is a bit out of context, I am pasting my first post, here, along with Marty T's response to me. Then I will "reply" to it here. ------------------------ Melissa, I'm reading your posts, and crying. My dog was Lila. A few months ago, something bad happened. Someone, or something, took her. We found her out on the highway just before dawn. We took her body home and buried her in the backyard. I carved her name in stone and got a little statue of an angel holding a puppy. I know that Lila is with the angels (and I do not mean that metaphorically) and that she is fine now. But I am not. It has been months, but my husband and I still cry sometimes...weep, not sniffles. Our kids have troubles with losing her, and our family therapists says that they won't even hit the hard part, until we adults get a handle on it. The kids want a new dog, and I do too, but I can't consider it because I am too scared. I know that women lose husbands, and marry again, and are happy with that choice, so I ask myself why I can't get another dog. We got Lila a year before I was in a car accident. She was with me through years of healing. Long days when kids and husband were at school and work, and Lila went with me everywhere. She would go in the car with us, but she didn't like walks, because she wanted to just be at home. I read a quote last week, that parents of teenagers should have a dog, because then there was always someone who was happy you were home. I laughed. I'm not depressed all the time. And again, I thought about getting another dog. Another little black poodle. It is the only dog I would ever get, just like you got Lola, exactly what you knew you wanted. But it scares me to consider it. Something bad happened to Lila, and there was nothing I could do--with a new dog, I imagine I would always be afraid something bad would happen. Lila was 8 when she was killed. Not at all old for a miniature poodle, but I know she was getting sick or something, because she was slowing down in significant ways. I try to tell myself that her death was timely, and saved her from living with what would surely have become a low quality of life. But all considered, I have to admit that it is not Lila that I am worried about. It is me. And my family. I've experienced losses in my lifetime (I'm nearly 50), and some have been very hard. But I think losing Lila this way, this is the hardest thing. After she died, neighbors stopped by to offer their condolences. One even wrote a card. Like Lola, there was just something very special about our dog. Our dogs were our saving angels, and we don't know how to live without them. I wish I had some kind of special healing advice for you, so you could feel better. All I can offer, is that you are not alone in how much you needed your dog, and how much it hurts that she is gone. They saved us when we needed saving, and then left us on our own. I know I should be glad she was in my life, and move on, but I haven't yet figured out how. Blessings, Shoe #6 MartyT Counselor Posted 27 November 2012 - 06:48 AM Melissa and Shoe, my heart hurts for both of you as I read your sad stories about Lola and Lila, and I am so sorry you’re each hurting so badly. The only way I know to deal with this sort of pain is to let yourselves experience it fully, without trying to suppress it or push it away. Find some ways to express it (including the sharing you are doing here, in this safe place, among fellow animal lovers). With regard to getting another dog, Shoe, I truly do appreciate your struggle. I will share with you that after my cockapoo Muffin was struck by a car and later euthanized, it took me ten years before I was ready and willing to let another dog into my home and into my heart. Fortunately for me, at the time this happened, my sons were grown and out of the nest, and my husband felt the same way I did about being "dog-less" for that length of time. But everyone is different in this regard, and I think it's important to recognize and allow for those differences, especially within your own family. Is there any room for compromise here? What would happen if you simply accept the fact that you're not ready for another pup without judging yourself for feeling that way, but if your kids feel differently about it, you could agree to let THEM get another dog or puppy -- with the understanding that you are allowed to feel your feelings without judgment, even to the extent that you'll have little or nothing to do with the new pup, if that's how you need to play it? Then see how it goes? Only you know if that approach would work in your family, but it seems to me that if everyone is open and honest with one another in this situation, there ought to be a solution here that would meet everyone's needs, including your own. For what it's worth, when my Muffin died I was shattered and absolutely heart-broken. I KNEW I could never, ever love another dog the way that I loved him. But after those ten years went by, we did get another dog, a Tibetan terrier named Beringer ~ and I must tell you that both my husband and I loved this dog more than we've ever loved another creature. We had him for fifteen glorious years of unconditional loving, and I could write a book about how much this dog meant to both of us. (See Saying Goodbye to Beringer.) When you are by nature an animal lover and you lose the animal you love more than anything, I truly do believe that your heart is big enough to accommodate another ~ I have learned that the hard way, through my own experience. Animals like cats and dogs just have a way of wiggling their way into our hearts, probably because they are so innocent, so in the moment, so willing to give us that brand of unconditional love that we will never get from another human being. But I also think you have to be ready, and willing, and open enough to let it happen. Only you will know when it is time ~ and there is nothing wrong with that. I just think that in a family, it's important to make room for the feelings of other members, and we can't expect everyone to feel the same way we do about important matters such as this. That's why I encourage you to consider how you might reach a compromise with your husband and kids about their wanting to get another dog . . . Meanwhile, I hope that both of you know you are not alone in your sorrow, because here we do understand and honor the magical relationship that exists between animals and their people, and you have our deepest sympathy. ♥ Marty Tousley, CNS-BC, FT, DCC Bereavement Counselor Hospice of the Valley Mail to: tousleym@aol.com Read Marty Tousley's Bio Here