missing Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 New here. Need help getting started. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 You have already gotten started by being here on this forum. We listen, we do not judge, and most importantly we understand. A good place to start is telling your story. Who is Randy? What happened that brings you here? It helps us to know something about you. Share what you want. Ask questions. What are your concerns? It helps to read posts from other members. We each have stories and by sharing, we begin the journey of healing. I am so sorry that you are here but be assured that you will be heard. We are a caring group of people and we all have one thing in common ~ we have lost someone very dear to us and we are hurting and we need to know that others can hear us. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Missing, just start out and pour your heart out. Don't worry about sounding any other way than yourself. I get on here sometimes and have run on fingers and never get my point across. No one cares. We are here to grieve and we are here to help you in your grief. There are some wonderful people on here and nothing you say hasn't already been said. We all hurt and we probably bleed a lot in our words. That is what we are here for, you will feel our empathy in our words back to you. Just tell us what you want to tell and what you feel like saying. If you feel more comfortable, just read and you will find we are all kindred spirits. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Missing - I know how hard it is to start on here, but I have found that all the people on here are very caring and show true concern for you. Just tell us what you are feeling, no matter what it is, tell us your story. We all are here not because we want to be, but because we help each other through this journey. So sorry for your loss and hope you come back often, it has done wonders for me. Joyce 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Welcome, Randy. This is a safe haven. People here understand and care. MartyT has great resources and we listen and support each other. - Shalom 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 30, 2016 Report Share Posted September 30, 2016 Missing, I am sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you found this place. Please tell us what you want help with immediately. We are here for you. It does help to express yourself. We're all in this together. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 1, 2016 Report Share Posted October 1, 2016 I want you to know that you are not alone and we all understand your pain I know it is hard to pour your heart out to people you do not know but we are all going down this grief journey and are here to listen and comfort and support you. Grief is hard work and it can be hard and overwhelming when you are ready we will be here to listen just know that my heart feels for you and you are in my thoughts 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Widowedbysuicide Posted October 1, 2016 Report Share Posted October 1, 2016 Welcome to this sanctuary. Everyone here has been where you are now. If we can help in anyway all you have to do is ask. I'm sorry that you have lost someone dear to you. I'm glad you have come here to be helped. Marita 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted October 2, 2016 Report Share Posted October 2, 2016 Hello.....and you are welcome. All that is needed to get started, is to just.....well.....talk to us. Or even if all you can bring yourself to do at this point is to just read what people post, and check into some of the links Marty has provided, that's okay as well. Anything at all that you wish to share will be accepted, and understood......you've come to a helpful place! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missing Posted October 3, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 My husband of 3 days ( We have been together for 28 Yrs.) Flew away from me on July 20th.2016. He had throat cancer. From start to finish was 13 months. I am broke and Raw. miss him so much I can't stand it. I want to be with him so bad.. I pray every day that today will be the day GOD come's to take me home. But every morning I wake up. My life is not mine anymore. It is Grief filled , with tears. Trying to make decisions for one that it has taken two to make. He was always there to pick me up. now I have no one. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 So very sorry you lost your husband. It is a hard road, but we are all here to help you. Do you have family and/or friends to support you? Post here when you are able. At 2+ months, it is still so raw for you. Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdownes Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 I feel and understand your pain I lost my husband of 26 years on March 17,2016 and I am still considered raw to grief, it is hard there will be days you just want to rip out your heart not to feel the pain anymore I still have bad days like that, it is normal to feel like you want to be with them they were our lives our soulmates and it is hard learning to live without them one of the hardest things we will do, try not to think to far in advance, I would put any life changing decisions on hold for alittle while unless you find it is something you feel up to, take it one breath at a time.Try and hold on to his love and memories he would not want you to join him I am sure he loved you to much,this journey is hard and it hurts but for me I see a light at the end of the tunnel and it is my Kevin's unconditionally love, we all have our own paths and in time we will find our way which I know doesn't always bring any comfort sometimes we just want the pain to stop now but unfortunately it doesn't work that way we will feel the loss for the rest of our lives but the hope is to come to a time when the pain is not so overbearing, to be able to smile at remembering their love but it will be hard work.My heart truly breaks for your loss because I know how painful it is please know we are always here to listen to you. Hugs. Robin 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 Missing, I am so sorry, to lose your husband so soon, just after marrying, it has to be the worst feeling of being gypped...I felt that way because I was only married to mine for 3 years 8 months, and knew him 6 1/2 years. It may be short but he impacted my life more than any other persons combined, and that time with him was everything to me. I understand your longing to be with him. This journey's process is long and takes much effort, but we're here to walk it with you. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brad Posted October 3, 2016 Report Share Posted October 3, 2016 8 hours ago, missing said: My husband of 3 days ( We have been together for 28 Yrs.) Flew away from me on July 20th.2016. He had throat cancer. From start to finish was 13 months. I am broke and Raw. miss him so much I can't stand it. I want to be with him so bad.. I pray every day that today will be the day GOD come's to take me home. But every morning I wake up. My life is not mine anymore. It is Grief filled , with tears. Trying to make decisions for one that it has taken two to make. He was always there to pick me up. now I have no one. Missing- So glad you found us here. There are so many wonderful and caring people who are more than willing to give you a shoulder to cry on. Losing someone so close is so devastating. I understand your pain. My life, like yours, is no longer my own. Actually, my life is my own and that, for me, is a big problem because I am not ready to have it be my own. I still want my life to be our life. I want to share with her and she with me. I don't know that it will help but for my wife's Celebration of Life my kids ended it with a quote from Winnie the Pooh: 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted October 4, 2016 Report Share Posted October 4, 2016 Missing: You don't have no one, you say......perhaps not in your physical world, but, you DO have us! I know it's not a substitute for a "real person" that you can have on your side in all of this, but, this IS a very helpful, safe place for you to come to, to try to come to grips with the pain....and to know that you are NOT alone in the dark abyss of grief, that others understand, and, hopefully....we can give each other some measure of comfort....and find ways to not just cope, but perhaps even find some happiness again in a world suddenly shattered for us. Hang in here with us....just take it hour to hour....you are still here for a reason, and may find strength that you did not know you possessed, hard though it may be to believe that, now! ((((you)))) (virtual hugs) 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 4, 2016 Report Share Posted October 4, 2016 3 days, 28 years, no amount of time is enough, not even if we had them fifty years! To each of us, our loss is the greatest. This is the hardest journey we've ever been on, yet...once I didn't think I could, but somehow I've been doing it for eleven years now. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missing Posted October 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Thank you all for your kind word's. I haven't been on here for awhile. Still trying to find me. Wherever that is. Just had a yard sale this past weekend. Had a lot of Randy's tools to sell. He was in Construction. And had many different things. He would build, roof, car repair. Jack of all trades. There was a lot of household things I put in there also. Was very hard to see his things go. Broke my heart. Feel like I am washing him out of my life. What do I have left??? Things I use to love have No meaning to me anymore. I have a very large collection of Elephant's that I just don't care about. My Mother tried to teach me that THINGS were not important. That PEOPLE were. I get that now. I could sell everything in my house and be just fine. I feel so empty inside and raw. I miss his so much. I keep replaying the last 5 day of his life. Most things I can see so clearly before my eyes. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 It is true that when we let go of something of their's, it feels like we're losing a part of them. I remember when I was out of work and sold his leatherman wave, I cried when I had to mail it to the buyer. But it wasn't him, it was just something he used. I couldn't lose any more of him than I did the day he died. And I haven't lost HIM, I lost the ability to freely touch and communicate with him like I used to, but our love still exists, both ways. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 12 hours ago, missing said: THINGS were not important. That PEOPLE were. I think all our life shifts. Some things that were necessary before we do not pay attention to anymore.. I have met people in the washateria. Used to I would be interested in these people. I don't even care to make eye contact. I talked to one woman and her father-in-law had had an affair with my MIL. I wanted to run home to tell Billy. Of course the woman did not know that I knew something like that and she probably didn't know. That was as about as exciting as it gets. Except the other night I could not find all our underwear, the sleeping things. I had washed that morning. I ran over there some time after 9:00 p.m. Darkness, lights around, I was not scared. I stayed there and waited for them to dry.. That and family fights, that is about as exciting as life gets now.. Got a good family row going on now. Now the two middle aged kids are against me because Brianna wants to stay with me and I am catching really bad yelling, life thrown before my ears. I do remember a time when old folks were taken care of by the younger folks. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 My dear Marg, I remember that time as well. My father was a general surgeon in a small town in northern Michigan, and he ran his practice like a country doctor. I vividly remember the times he was called in the middle of the night to make a house call to take care of his 80-something-year-old uncle and he did not hesitate to show up for him. I also remember how he oftentimes got paid for his services to others with homemade bread or canned goods. He was dearly loved by his patients, but there were times when my parents couldn't even afford a Christmas tree ~ and still (I learned many years later) there were folks in town who thought my sister and I were princesses who lived in a castle. My childhood was not easy for lots of reasons, but the lessons I learned from my father are priceless. Now that I too am growing old, I am acutely aware of how younger folks today just assume that older folks will continue to take care of ourselves, just as we've always done ~ so they don't have to worry about us. They don't seem to notice that we're not still here just to continue putting their needs before our own. Have you ever thought of writing a book of your memoirs, Marg? You have a knack for writing, you have an authentic voice, and you certainly do have a way with words! ♥ 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Marty, I do not think I have a writing talent, I am just wordy. You would be surprised, in person, I am fairly quiet. But thank you so much for the compliment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Marty, I long for the days when the whole neighborhood pitched in to build someone's barn, although I never lived them. It is just a fantasy, like "Little House". I think there are still many cultures left that honor and care for their elders. Unfortunately, there don't appear to be many in America. Most elders are "swept under the carpet". I am fortunate that my son is of the mind that since I have taken care of him and his for so long that it is only fair that he reciprocates. He helps when he can, like driving me to the doctor and grocery shopping when I don't feel up to it. I do sometimes feel like I am taking up his free time. None of us wants to be dependent on others, but sometimes it is a necessity. Marg, I think you and I could put Erma Bombeck to shame. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R.Everit55 Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Dear Missing. I'm so very sorry for your loss of your husband. Come here often there are so many here to listen love and grief with. It may be impossible to see the future now but eventually you will. I can't tell you when. You have my thoughts and prayers. And hugs. Butch. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 Marty, Billy and I used to watch Gunsmoke, over and over and over. My modern times kind of made me wonder, well why didn't they have a cell phone so they would not have to ride back 10 miles to pick up Doc Adams. So, your dad was a Doc Adams. I was a child in the time where doctors would make house calls too. In fact, our GP knew my family well enough that when he put that ether cone on my nose at seven-years-old and I fought him and the nurses he spanked me to settle me down. Can you imagine that happening now days.. I'm gonna go to my "going through hell' post to give update on Kelli. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missing Posted October 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2016 On 10/12/2016 at 8:02 AM, kayc said: It is true that when we let go of something of their's, it feels like we're losing a part of them. I remember when I was out of work and sold his leatherman wave, I cried when I had to mail it to the buyer. But it wasn't him, it was just something he used. I couldn't lose any more of him than I did the day he died. And I haven't lost HIM, I lost the ability to freely touch and communicate with him like I used to, but our love still exists, both ways. Marg I guess I haven't looked at thing's as you have. You are right they are just tool's that he used. They didn't make who he was. And I do have many happy times to remember him. I really like your quote ( I couldn't loss any more of him than I did the day he died ) . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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