Gwenivere Posted February 11, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 11, 2023 I’m starting today with aggravating phone calls with places. Aggravating conversations with Dee. Her thought processes that make things more complicated than they have to be. An example is my brakes need to be adjusted or needs some parts. She thinks I should be ale to tell them when to do it. I told her it takes an appointment. She gets angry with them. It’s callous business. Like you can’t just go the doctor when you feel like it. She goes to appointments, even social,. I’m tired of her supposed logic which isn’t. Just had the most ridiculous conversation. Now we have nothing in common after all this time how much we understood each other and enjoyed each other. I’m never impressed enough tonight with things she does. She wants to do things I don’t care about with my stuff to help. I told her I'll ask if I need it and do. Trying not to get through the rest of this night as movie time was messed up again. Told I said something I know I didn’t. When we get things settled she’s on me about being here. My lifeline to the world. Jinny told me a lot of long tern and disabled people get overly anxious people become very stressed at the thought of leaving the house. She has it happening to her too. I’m terrified to go out. Just want to take my meds and crawl back into bed till the next dose and repeat all day. Don’t want to eat and watch the time drag by. Best get ready for a few hours. It won’t be fun to have.more time Sunday alone, but she’ll be gone for Super Bowl. 💕 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 11, 2023 Report Share Posted February 11, 2023 Some people get extremely angry when they discover their world is not a perfect place where everyone and everything immediately caters to their needs and wants. I know people like that. Getting angry doesn't change a thing. $HIT HAPPENS! Get over it! Harsh I guess, but it's reality. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 11, 2023 Report Share Posted February 11, 2023 Exactly, Karen, wish Dee could just move on and be nice but don't think she'll change except for the worse. Dr. Phil says past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, that has been my observation as well. Snow Mon-Tues, Thurs on.... Mike's memorial a week from tomorrow. Iris said she'd give me a ride if snow, it'd actually be good as then I could help her. Our church offered to help with meal, plates, etc. but she said no that it's handled. I know she's leery of any organized church, ours is so small and intimate, they really just want to help, no strings attached, but she is leery for her reasons, I don't blame her. I've no idea how she's functioning, I had a feeling she'd be okay...until she isn't...it will sink in little by little, I reckon she's probably running on adrenaline right now, amazingly organized. I needed help when I went through it. I know she knew ahead of time, I didn't, but still, wondering when the finality will hit...will be there when it does. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 11, 2023 Report Share Posted February 11, 2023 7 hours ago, kayc said: when the finality will hit. Last night was Billy's night. I cried until bedtime. Then awhile afterwards. Watching "New Amsterdam" on Netflix, because I was watching "Chicago Med" and didn't need two of them. Sure, I'm crying for the actors, acting out their loss, but the scar tissue is so loose, even going into the 8th year. 2015 sounds so long ago. It was just yesterday. It will hit her soon, probably does when she is alone, then what C.S. Lewis said: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." And it does, and it does, and it still does. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 12, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2023 16 hours ago, KarenK said: Getting angry doesn't change a thing. True, but some have more reason than others. Dee definitely does. I’m not making excuses for her. It’s how she handles them, tho even there she has physical brain damage from abuse. Trying to work within that is huge. Friday night she said I said something cruel and hurtful. She was sober and stayed that way. One thing she has ever done is lie to me. I honestly do not recall saying it. Other conversations I do. She said I didn’t think she could ever quit. When she cornered me later I didn’t know what to say. I would never knowingly say anything to hurt someone. She insists I did. Now I I'm doubting myself. It’s a very bad feeling. I never want so deliberately hurt anyone. I don’t know how people that do live with themselves. I need to talk with her about this need for lots of attention when she does something she feels is impressive. I acknowledge it, ***********************g I wrote the above before the worst, so far, crazy behavior yet. Nice dinner and then coming out to the living room to wild accusations. All over the map. First about losing her best friend, gave sympathy, advice about what to say to Robin, seemed appreciative. Then a 180 to how how horrible and cruel I am. Name calling. actual mistakes I've made and apologized for and others completely fictional. I’m staying away from her but she can attack. A couple hours later she’s acting normal again. This is weird. The non engagement method Jinny suggested worked this time. Discussing it is a whole different matter. Got a card from Melody’s care givers was a jolt. I was afraid there were pictures. That would have been too much. It was a nice 'thinking of you' and her missing her momma. Lot's doing the Super Bowl. Hope they enjoy it. I talk to Nina hopefully. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 12, 2023 Report Share Posted February 12, 2023 Is she Bipolar? I don't want to insinuate everyone that is this way is Bipolar, although I do wonder about my DIL. I know something is wrong and she took meds for it but not sure if she does now or not. If not, I'd maybe up them. I know it's hard, people don't want to seem robotic, but by the same token, when you strike irrationally out of nowhere... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 13, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2023 No, not bipolar. Relapsing alcoholic and brain damage. I got her to commit to getting help in the morning. She had no memory of he r binge Saturday night. She came out of it just before I went to bed. She had gone almost 3 years without a sip, but things are too much now to do herself. She had to accept that. Says she does. All I can do is say she has no choice if she wants to stay here. Strange day today with Dee out watching the Super Bowl with a friend. I didn’t record the news as I normally do. Had my Zoom call with Nina which is always a bit strained. She always seems bored. I always feel I have to try and keep it going or she would sit there not saying much. That was tougher today as I didn’t want to bore her with the med stuff. She doesn’t seem very interested in that, not that I blame her. Was telling her about relief I didn’t get pictures of Mel. We did talk about the old days when I'd take Ally and Mel over to play with her kids. Ive never met her new dog of 3 years between covid and surgery. The other will be 9 soon. Seems like not so long ago she was a puppy. We did moan about daylight savings this year. I really wish our congress people would get us out of it. All we do is gripe about it every year. Just so not needed anymore. I'm going to call Direct TV. If I get an interest DVR, I need to know if I have to (ave a smart TV. If I do I have too much stuff I couldn’t stream I've collected. I think I was told I did. Sad when you’re li&e revolves around that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 13, 2023 Report Share Posted February 13, 2023 I don't have a smart tv but I don't stream with my limited data either. Was surprised how many tons of channels they took away to knock $8 off my inflated bill (they told me the Hopper wouldn't cost more, yep! Up $18, still have to pay $8 more than I did even with loss of channels). Good luck, you have Direct, I have Dish, not much difference from what I can tell. I'm locked in for two more years with equipment change. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 13, 2023 Report Share Posted February 13, 2023 Gwen, I'm so glad to hear that Dee is willing to get help. It certainly won't be an instant fix, but definitely a step in the right direction. My Marley's bleeding appears to have stopped. At least there is no visible blood in her urine. Will be taking her later today for another platelet check. She seems to be feeling a bit better. Fingers crossed.... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 13, 2023 Report Share Posted February 13, 2023 Kay, just out of curiosity, what do you pay for tv and internet(if you don't mind sharing)? I'm with Cox and I pay $240 a month, which seems ridiculous. I have no premium channels, but I do have unlimited data to cover all the gaming that the guys do. I don't have streaming capability or a smart tv. Although we have several tvs, only one has cable. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted February 13, 2023 Report Share Posted February 13, 2023 Mine with Optimum went up over $40 a month. Talked to some person that seemed to care and got it down to $180 (with taxes), but I have Netflix separate. Said I had to pay the $248 first though. We'll see. I paid it. My electricity was almost $400, but Brianna used a separate heater and she still stayed cold. Her thyroid levels run normal, but her body temperature gauge does not run like regular person. She is at her mom's now, so guess it will be down. This time last year it was $170. I called them and learned prices had gone up on things. No kidding!!!! That was something if you live and breathe, you already have learned. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 13, 2023 Report Share Posted February 13, 2023 10 hours ago, KarenK said: My Marley's bleeding appears to have stopped. At least there is no visible blood in her urine. Will be taking her later today for another platelet check. She seems to be feeling a bit better. Fingers crossed... Hoping and praying with you, Karen! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 13, 2023 Report Share Posted February 13, 2023 10 hours ago, KarenK said: Kay, just out of curiosity, what do you pay for tv and internet(if you don't mind sharing)? I'm with Cox and I pay $240 a month, which seems ridiculous. I have no premium channels, but I do have unlimited data to cover all the gaming that the guys do. I don't have streaming capability or a smart tv. Although we have several tvs, only one has cable. My Dish network, stripped of channels now, is $70/month, my Viasat internet limits me to 10.3 GB/mo, (not much) and slow speed, I can't stream and have to mete my time online out. It was $49/mo but some gov't subsidy pays for $29 now. I'd rather have unlimited high speed. Anyone can apply, it does not matter who your provider is. Found here: https://www.fcc.gov/acp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 I am so sad,upset, and exhausted. Marley's bloodwork not good. Platelets still dropping and WBC up indicating an infection. Vet changed meds and added an antibiotic. Ultrasound scheduled for next Monday(or before if she gets worse) to check for possible abdominal mass. She still seems happy, but less energy.... 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 14, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 My Direct TV is. A little over $100. Lots o& channels, but little very watchable. I haven’t found any other packages less than that without premium channels. My utilities are low for the summer and very high in the winter as would be expected. I'm so sorry, Karen. Please keep us informed on what is going on with Markets bloodwork. Not going to say anything about Dee tonight. It’s too messed up. Hoping I can get through a shower as always. I’m very upset for sleep. Today and Wednesday will be screwed lunches, actually hardly any with doctors all day tomorrow. My garage freezer died. Massive food in the trash. All didn’t need to be, but Dee wouldn’t listen to me. Nothing I could do. It was only a couple days and breads were fine. Not replacing it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 Several years ago my large freezer died. I discovered it in time to donate boxes of thawed meat to a women's shelter. Can't remember how I discovered the shelter as they are hidden for obvious reasons. They had to cook it all right away, but at least it wasn't wasted. My Sears contract paid for the lost food and a new freezer. That year the contract paid for itself. Doesn't happen often. Sleep is not my friend right now either. Too worried.... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 I've been up since midnight, shoveling off and on. Tired but keeping going. I'm sorry you lost your food/freezer, Gwen! It's too bad it couldn't have been cooked/canned. I wasn't able to get canning lids (Covid shortage) so would likely have to do the same unless I could get someone to deliver a new freezer to me immediately, unlikely... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 7 hours ago, KarenK said: Marley's bloodwork not good. I am so sorry, Karen...they still don't know/have any treatment? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 Kay, she has Immune Mediated Thrombocytopenia which destroys platelets. Only treatment is steroids which she is taking massive amounts of. Always at risk for infections which she now has. Not good for an old dog. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 15, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2023 Karen, as i've said, my heart goes out to you. Our ‘families' are everything and pets are more than that. I've decided not to replace, fix or remove the freeze. I can’t get there anyway. Costs so much to have it removed. Just have to get a couple more loaves of bread and shredded cheese. Called 911 Monday night about 3:15 pam. Dee was acting too strange. Still is from being off her antidepressant for pain and sleep. Medics came out and she yelled at me, turned on lights for over an hour so I lost a lot of sleep. You can’t stop them cold turkey so she’s still really off. Fortunately a doc appointment today. She won’t/can’t stop talking and babbling the same things repeatedly. She did have a drink while cleaning out the freezer. Now I'm in trouble for not saying Happy Valentine Day (which I did))or getting her a gift. It’s never been a holiday Steve or I did. I consider it a Hallmark holiday. I’m praying some meds clear her head up quickly. I don’t have a good feeling about the rest of tonight. I violated a ‘street code about calling the cops. Told her, sorry, I don’t know those rules. Just frantic about her physical wellbeing. I’m afraid to say a word or make a move. I gave her more ammunition by that call. I wrote too much. Have 2 doc calls today. Pain doc called. Supposed to start a patch with the pills. Scared. Life’s just peachy. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 15, 2023 Report Share Posted February 15, 2023 If she continues to bring up no Valentine Gift, remind her you and Steve considered it a Hallmark Day, leave it at that. She'll still escalate, go on a tirade, nothing you can say/do will stop it, just repeat your mantra as needed and let it go (as much as she'll let you). She is scary. Wow, your day/night sounds horrific. I shoveled snow for 12 hours, just taking breaks so I don't have a stroke, got 12 1/2" of snow, at least half of it was wet snow (the worst! Heavy) the rest powdery. Made one last pass last night. I slept 7 1/2 hours straight, not even waking to pee, unheard of! Today I am exhausted and hurting. Had to use Voltaren on my wrists last night. 17 during night, had to turn heater on out in the pipes/water tank/freezer room. I remind myself cheaper/better than having to call a plumber! Today will be a rest up day. Kodie and Jazzy had a ball in the snow, took him there am and pm, it was so cold, only stayed 1/2 hour each time. Missing Mike. Iris doesn't let me in or visit with me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 15, 2023 Report Share Posted February 15, 2023 My freezer stays fairly empty. Don't have the funds to buy a lot at one time. When Ron was here and more money was available, he always bought large quantities. He seemed afraid to go hungry, a result of his poverty stricken childhood, I believe. Ironic that I'm barely above poverty now. Why would Dee suddenly stop her meds? Sounds like she has gone over the edge. Please be safe. Hope the patch helps. Did you ever find out what kind it is? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 15, 2023 Report Share Posted February 15, 2023 Kay, isn't there a nearby teenager you could hire cheaply to shovel for you? I don't see how you keep up with it. Kind of mean that Iris won't let you inside. Just my opinion. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 Dee stopped her meds because they were making her stumbling. I didn’t realize they were antidepressants. Explained a lot. Waiting to hear she got them replaced. Won’t cure the brain damage, but definitely get her thinking back to baseline. She got a definite sirrosis (sp) of the liver diagnose. Will be 6 weeks in the hospital. I’m terrified for her, but I know she’s suicidal about the deaths in her life. This disease makes her impossible to be around. I’m praying she doesn’t keep us up all night. She’s ben loco since being home. Got meds but I don’t know what I can do as I tried to call the on call doctor but she ripped the phone away. I’m hoping she’s fallen asleep as it’s been many she hasn’t had any. I’m hoping she wakes up this morning. Got my pain patches but waiting till I have conferred with the clinics doctor and pharmacist. That is weeks. Got my piddly prescriptions from my shrink for my panic disorder. What's happening with Mike, Kay? And how is your dog, Karen? I cleaned the microwave last night. We talked about a lot of things before she flipped out. Maybe she drank it was definitely worse after her walk when she does. For once I hope it was. 😨 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted February 16, 2023 Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 Gwen, what a mess you have! Maybe a hospitalization for her will be what it takes to turn the tide. I imagine drinking contributes to the stumbling also. If only she could see what she's doing to herself. When is the hospital scheduled and will she go willingly? So many aren't convinced they have a problem. What about calling the pain clinic for an earlier consultation? Marley is still acting normal except for a little confusion sometimes. Will know more after the ultrasound coming up Monday. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now