My Sanity Needed Vents

[nashreed]

That's interesting Kay. Even though the news says it is on the wane again (and I do believe the news), I'm still on Def Con Freak Out and am getting my booster next week. I have no way of knowing what's going on with it in town here- I have no social connections now. All I know is after my father-in-law passed from it, I was bound and determined to get my mother and brother vaccinated and they are now full vaccinated! Hooray for stubborn tenacity! 

[Gwenivere]

I know it’s hard to feel good about accomplishments, but you did good by your family.  I know you aren’t tight, but it was a very caring thing to do.  💕

[nashreed]

I don't know if it's that we're not tight. We're probably too similar. They're (especially my Mom) very passive aggressive, and not warm and loving or emotionally open at all. The complete opposite of my relationship with Annette. It's not that they're mean and nasty- just not direct or open with their feelings whatsoever. It's the way I was raised, and I just am adjusting to it, begrudgingly. 

[kayc]

It's been two weeks today I've been on pins and needles because of Covid contacts, so glad to make it through to this day w/o symptoms/fever!  I was esp. worried because I'd seen my sister to celebrate my bdy on the 6th, I would hate to be the cause of someone else's discomfort or death.  One person had been throwing up for six days, yet came to church!  The doctor sent her for a test, and yes, she was positive, still struggling with it.  Her son had it and gave it to her...why would she come to church and expose everyone else to it?  The secretary lost her taste/smell, took two tests several days apart, both negative, so she went to work, yep, gave it to the pastor, her husband and kids, still struggling with it.  I was around the pastor and her husband, unaware.  I'm scared to go around crowds of people, and this is a very small church family!  Of course I see more people getting groceries.  Pastor's wife made the comment she thought she had it in Jan. 2020 so couldn't get it again....say, WHAT??!!  First of all, she doesn't KNOW she had it, second, has she never heard of different strains??!!  Not to mention you can get it again.  I set her straight, she didn't respond.  This is someone college educated and a hell of a lot smarter than me!  What the?!!

[Gwenivere]

Sorry, she doesn’t sound very smart to me!  

[Gwenivere]

Usual long frustrating day.  Didn’t do much from the pain.  Doc says if it hurts, don’t do it.  Only thing close is laying down.  I asked Dee if I was walking more hunched over and she said my easier walker was shorter a bit.  She always cheers me on.  I know when I came home from rehab that pain increased, but that appointment really has set me back.  Trying all kind of pillow combos added more pain by moving them over and over.  
 

Had a short Zoom call with a buddy caring for her wife’s shoulder surgery.  I know how much work it can be, but I’d sure rather be the giver than the recipient.  
 

Up in the air on that much wanted shower.  Seems it was quick last time, but my ability to withstand pain is so depleted.  This is when I wish I were a witch like Samantha.  Solve so many problems easily.  Darned X-ray hanging over my head.  
 

Have to turn Mel’s care to Tommy’s decision.  Rover (a house sitter) was suggested, but not sure he wants someone in their house.  I feel terrible I can’t be more proactive for her.  Tears me up.  
 

I'm just being redundant.  I just hate being a human being right now.  It’s become so complicated in so many ways.  Maybe I should say old human being.  Used to be fun not being so 'out of warranty'.

[KarenK]

Gwen, so sorry it didn't work out for Mel to come home. Hope your sitter finds a winning solution. My heart hurts for you.

[kayc]

15 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Sorry, she doesn’t sound very smart to me!  

There's book smart and then there's life smart, I'm life smart...having been through a LOT in my life!  She can please a professor but it seems to stop there.

I'm sorry Mel can't be with you right now either, on the one hand it'd perk you up, on the other hand, you don't need to do any more than you're already struggling to do.

15 days since coming in contact with Covid, so relieved.  Iris' husband Mike is sick with flu or something, has Covid vac. but not flu vac.  He's staying in.  Called my son last night, they finally rehomed Enzo again, I hope he stays gone, they were getting attached, he called him "sweet," uhh...not to me and Kodie!  He's a beautiful dog I hope never to see again, but wish him well with his new owner.  My son tried transferring $ to my bank account but the bank took away that option so he Paypal-ed it to me for the hospital copay.  I told him my hand is doing better but truth is, I'll have permanent damage from it...11 injuries to my hands inside two years, three to the same area, it has a lot of trauma and increasing arthritis.  My mom didn't have arthritis, the doctors say mine is severe...not from old age but from injuries.  I need bubble wrapped, my friend from TX keeps saying she's going to come bubble wrap me, bring it on!  I'd make us a cappuccino!  I miss her, so much.  Right now I'm drinking some wonderful coffee with pumpkin and whipping cream in it!  That is my splurge, way of pampering myself.

Gwen, when life is at it's most down, there's only one direction left...up.  Praying that for you!

[Widow2015]

21 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Have to turn Mel’s care to Tommy’s decision.  Rover (a house sitter) was suggested, but not sure he wants someone in their house.  I feel terrible I can’t be more proactive for her.  Tears me up.

Gwen:  So sorry Mel won't be with you yet.  I totally understand how you must feel having to delay her coming home.  😢 Hugs, Dee

[Gwenivere]

I so hate weekdays.  I’ve been on the phone for 4 hours trying to sort out the next 2 days.  So sitting for most of that time which isn’t good, but I would have anyway from pain, just less stress.  
 

tomorrow is a try for the shower.  Provided I can take it I wanted to have no other plans.  Canceled my therapist.  Home health messed up a blood test snd wants to come out to repeat it later in the afternoon.  Called the surgeons as they haven’t responded to my reaching out twice about the escalated pain since going in.  Wasted time with my insurance on some plan to help but wouldn’t for my situation.  Took forever to clear out my caller ID with so many health calls not clear who they were or if needed.  TV on to break the background silence.  Blah. 
 

Wrote Mel’s sitters last night and said it was totally up to them how they wanted to handle her care while gone.  Haven’t heard back.  Could mean more phone calls if they board her as that requires rabies proof.  I hate feeling so powerless as her mom.   Like I’ve abandoned her emotionally.  Thank you Karen, Kay and Dee.  I really need some help with the guilt.  

Think I’ve made my last call of the day at 6:30.  Found a double billing on my credit card and hopefully solved in a few days.  Did some walking in the hall as was told and in agony.  My Dee called.  Was worried my meds are in the mail and was going to come and get them, but supposed to be tomorrow and what is out there is hopefully just my nicotine lozenges.  Those can be replaced if stolen.  Told her to stay home, she was worn out after a long day.  
 

kay, I’m so sorry about your hand.  It sucks when we know something won’t ever really heal and adds more changes on top of what we already had or adds limits.  Being alone I totally empathize.  

 

[kayc]

Gwen, please try not to feel bad about Mel...you will have her home as soon as you can and animals forget/forgive instantly it seems!  I know you'd love to have her with you, and I sure wish you could...all in time.  One day at a time it seems, that's how I've done life for over 16 years now, I really can't handle any more than that.  If I look at surviving into my 90s it'd drive me over the brink!  I have to leave how long I have to do this/live to God, me I just deal with today, it's enough, sometimes more than enough!

Fighting with WM about overcharges, I don't understand why it's so hard for them, I place an order, they list the prices and total, but then all these random charges come through on my credit card that don't line up with any of it!  Talking to foreigners that speak fast and don't listen and can't understand basic math...ugh!  I don't envy you this chore any!

[Gwenivere]

16 hours ago, kayc said:

you will have her home as soon as you can and animals forget/forgive instantly it seems!  

I sure hope that is the case.  Tommy is definitely going to board her.  Trying to coordinate with the vet to fax her info when needed.  They’ve gotten so busy that it’s all messages now.  What happened to people answering phones?

 

16 hours ago, kayc said:

Amen, sister.  I’m just so tired of the basic monotony and crazy new fires.  How great it would be to have a partner or a pet.  I noticed I have little interest in my magazines as I am not into the Middle East, much politics anymore, and other articles are about couples.  I start reading them and go.....why?   They don’t relate to my life anymore.  Tried again tonight and it was informative if I wasn’t so caught up in this most unique situation.

Did get my shower!  Yay!  Still in pain from having to move different ways.  But so nice to feel clean.  She’s coming back next week and if we skip my hair it will go even faster.  Nurse came by for blood.  Dee called and will be by tomorrow.  See my grief counselor on computer after months.  Have so missed her.  Don’t have to play historical catch up as we’ve been emailing.  
 

It’s weird what being home bound does to the mind.  I definitely won’t be doing any driving for a long time, but my mind is wondering if I can handle it because it doesn’t feel as sharp to handle all the complex thinking it takes.  I sit here all day with such little, simple things that are complex now.  Put some raisins in a sealed container, for example.  Those were done without thought before.  Was a big planning thing!  
 

I have yet to come up with a way to do cross off another day as there hasn’t been any moving forward.  It’s getting harder so that was an unexpected turn.  Redundant again, but I get being home is harder than rehab physically.  I actually miss all the human contact, even when annoying.  You at least felt like you existed without having to schedule it.
 

Had a dream about my dad last night.  He was younger and healthy.  We were doing things, laughing and talking.  I don’t know why our minds sometimes take us to places like that.  I definitely enjoyed it, but it makes the waking harder.  Triggers habits I forgot like sending him the New York Times crossword as the NM paper didn’t have it.  The worst tho is the emotional reminder he is gone.  

 

I so miss my sharper mind and confidence.  Time, grief and loss take so much of us we never realized completed us.
 

 

[KarenK]

Gwen, mentioning your dad makes me think of mine. He's been gone a long time, 44 years. I was the last person he spoke to before he died. For the longest time, I had dreams of him that were so real, I almost expected him to be there when I woke. He looked his age and I remember walking and talking with him. He always seemed to be helping me in some way, just as he did in life. At the end of each visit, he would always say "You know I can't stay" and poof, the dream was over and he was gone. Not sure why our minds work this way. Maybe they come to us when we need them the most.

[kayc]

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Did get my shower!  Yay!

I'm so glad for you, Gwen!  We treasure those small niceties.  

Peggy had a stroke yesterday morning, I didn't find out until dinner time, she refuses to go to the doctor.  She can't find some of her words so I spent an hour listening to her struggle, which put me behind on eating dinner so this morning my BS was higher as it messed up my Intermittent Fasting schedule.  I can't talk sense into her.  I called my other sister Polly to let her know and she yelled at me for "going down rabbit holes" because she doesn't listen and gets frustrated with whoever is talking to her.  She told me I shouldn't go to church again.  I told her she doesn't know what it's like to be alone all the time.  Yesterday was George and my wedding anniversary.  I want to run away.  All I need is more family.  Talked to Julie and she's really sick, and has been for a week, I didn't know until she posted on FB yesterday.

I woke up at 2:30 to pee and Kodie kept jumping on my lap, needless to say I never got back to sleep, he's real needy this morning, not sure what's up, something has him upset.  I did scare off the skunk again.

[Gwenivere]

I’m guessing Kodie may have sensed your emotional state.  Ally would do that.  I used to envy you had siblings, and I know you love your family, but I couldn’t handle situations you have been pulled into.  I guess I’d have to if they happened, but just thinking about it I feel the stress.  
 

We all know anniversaries are so hard.  That once happy day now changed totally around.  That day you shared only with one person who isn’t there now.  A most significant date on the calendar all your own.   From ❤️ To 💔

[KarenK]

Kay, so sorry about Peggy. What a tragedy that she wouldn't seek medical help as some strokes can be stopped or reversed with medication if given soon enough(about 4 hours). I know she is a real trial for you at times.

[Widow2015]

14 hours ago, kayc said:

Peggy had a stroke yesterday morning,

kayc: So sorry Peggy is now dealing with a stroke which you too are having to deal with.  It never seems to end.  I can't imagine how stressful this must be for you.  Like Gwen said,  little Kodie understands.   Take care.  Dee

 

 

 

[Gwenivere]

Struggling with today.  Extra anxious as all I have to deal with are reminders off this inner loneliness and fear I’ll make it sanely thru another day.  It’s barely been 2 hours and I want to quit.  Call the vet, the surgeon (again), don’t understand how my credit card is so high, staring at the damned TV and seeing commercials I’ve seen a hundred times.  Sitting in pain and dreading eating.  Can’t stop the anxiety.  Glad I got the shower, but the 'glee' of it long faded.  No fighting spirit.  Not even looking forward to seeing my counselor or Dee.  So frigging sick of hearing about covid.  Feeling I made the biggest mistake by having this surgery.  Tho not doing so I would have been eventually totally disabled.  I want to scream my head off that I’m still alive and Steve’s gone.  Can’t even have my dog!  I don’t know if it’s from the surgery, anxiety, stress or all of it, but I’m so clumsy doing things with my hands.  Know I can’t make a move or even sit without the reminder of something I can’t change.  How dependent I’ve become.  This isn’t living.  
 

A few hours later and settling in for another long night.  Tommy found a place for Mel, now they want to know why she isn’t current on bordatella.  I stopped that vaccine when we stopped going to the dog park.  Hoping this doesn’t ruin this plan.  Always a wrinkle.  Can’t one thing go right?  If the place is insistent I don’t know what will happen.
 

Dee came by and got me to smile.  Was good to see my grief counselor after months.  She looked haggard, but I could feel some emotional relief.  Bank still doesn’t make sense on my balance.  Dee and I talked about the X-ray I can get and how we could try, it would be intense.  Getting a booster vaccine we can’t solve without a wheelchair.  

Just so tired of endless problems beyond my recovery.  Or making it harder.  I know if I could relax it would help so much.  
 

 

[kayc]

I've heard this in the Bible, "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning."  The thing is we never know when morning will arrive...it seems to me a long wait meanwhile.  I don't think this speaks figuratively of nighttime vs daytime, but we have challenges/struggles and when through it, then something good comes.  I hope this for you and your back.  I know the meanwhile seems beyond what one can endure, the pain incredible, the things you can't do seem insurmountable and nothing to fully enjoy in the meantime.  That is the hard part, pain destroys incentive, motivation, appreciation, even the ability to see anything beyond what we're going through.

My sister's speech came back yesterday.  I ordered her some Bromelain to start taking, it helps not only inflammation/joints (she has arthritis in her hands) but it's a blood thinner, she can't take NSAIDS so no aspirin, I think it'll help as a preventative course of action since she's refusing medical help.  

I've fought for MONTHS to get an electrician out to replace her panel box so she's not left in the lurch, I wanted this to happen before she runs out of $...the state will cover caregiving costs when she's broke but not home repairs so it makes sense to prioritize what needs done around there.  It's so hard getting her to listen and use any logic, she seems to have none.  Today they're finally coming so the electricity will be off from 8/9 am to sometime in the afternoon.  I told her I'd bring Kodie and lunch to break up the monotony of just sitting in the dark, bored.  She can't read because she let her eyes go too long.  We're working on that, she has her first cataract surgery 10/26.

I'm beginning to wonder if Mike, Iris' husband has Covid, he looks like death not warmed over!  He hasn't been tested, thought it was the flu.  It looks worse than that.  I hope and pray she doesn't get it, she's to start chemo in the next week or so.  He's supposed to have his third corneal transplant so I hope he gets over whatever this is SOON!  

Gwen, can they come to your home to do the shot?  They did that for housebound people in our county but I haven't heard they do that for boosters yet, although I think they'll get around to it sometimes.  I'm glad to hear Dee brought you a smile and you got to have a visit with your grief counselor (I assume phone or zoom?).

I got a shock last night, friends I've known 45 years are getting divorced.  We never know what's going on inside someone's heart/home.  It totally threw me, I'm still stunned.  No sign of this from appearance.  Incidentally, someone who disparaged me when Paul and I went through it.  (Be careful to never assume or judge!)

[Gwenivere]

15 hours ago, kayc said:

Gwen, can they come to your home to do the shot?  They did that for housebound people in our county but I haven't heard they do that for boosters yet, although I think they'll get around to it sometimes.

I’m really hoping that will happen.   Going to a pharmacy or doctors would be so hard.  I have been so bad with pain today and I didn’t do anything beyond what I had to.  I definitely sit too long.  I think I slept wrong. It felt that way trying to get up.  I did get some meds out, but really simple stuff.  Made lots of calls and now have to fix an appointment that got scheduled too early when I told them I couldn’t before at least 1:30pm. I know they are squeezing me in, but I reminded them I’d been calling and emailing for help since last weekend.  I’m pretty sure it will be pushed out to another day.  
 

No human contact today.  That makes a big difference emotionally.  Other than wanting my dog because she lives here, having no living contact is even worse.  
 

I did hear from Tommy is taking her to my vet for her boarding shot.  It’s right by my house and part of me wants to see her, but I know it would hurt too much to see her go.  Plus confuse her.  I already have my housekeeper and OT coming out.  Plus the supposed call from the surgeon.  Amazing how overwhelmed you can feel when you’re incredibly lonely.  Can’t level things out over the week.  It seems either too much or nothing.  
 

We’re looking at 3 storms over the weekend. Makes for dark days.  Gonna have some leftover chicken from the church tonight.  More work than a sandwich and chips.  Don’t know why I’m pushing it except I’m frustrated by monotony.  if you’re gonna have pain, might as well do it with a switch.  
 

Boring post, I know.  Hope all of you had a little better day.  💕
 

 

 

[kayc]

I took Kodie to entertain Peggy yesterday while her electricity was off all day and brought her lunch.  They have to come back and finish up today but the elec. is on now at least.  Last night I found out Iris' husband Mike has Covid.  She called and he can't even walk without assistance.  She's supposed to have her port put in and start chemo next week.  He won't be able to make his eye appt for his corneal transplant, she's still counting the days to the end of his quarantine...???  umm, no, it's wait until he recovers and tests negative!  I think she can't admit to herself how sick he is.  He may need to be hospitalized.  I hope he's getting enough liquid/nutrition.  He looks like death, I saw him through the patio door.  I take my temp. every day.  I changed my doctor's appt today to a phone visit.

I don't want to know what's coming this winter, it sounds like they're figuring it'll be rough.  One day at a time.  I can't change anything about the weather so knowing won't help.    Gwen I hope your life starts improving and gives you even a ray of hope.  It's got to be hard being away from Mel, I think the hardest part would be not being able to explain to her.  They're our babies.  We worry about them but I don't think they worry nearly as much as we do, they live in the moment better.

 

[Widow2015]

7 hours ago, kayc said:

Last night I found out Iris' husband Mike has Covid.  She called and he can't even walk without assistance.  She's supposed to have her port put in and start chemo next week.  He won't be able to make his eye appt for his corneal transplant, she's still counting the days to the end of his quarantine...??? 

Sorry kayc to read about your friend's Covid diagnosis.  They have so much to be dealing with.

18 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 

We’re looking at 3 storms over the weekend. Makes for dark days.

Gwen:  I have been watching the weather reports too and not looking forward to the predictions.  I keep telling myself I hope the winds won't be too bad and cause power loss.  The temperatures are "predicted" to remain fairly warm so won't worry about cold weather yet, only really wet and dark.

 

18 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Can’t level things out over the week.  It seems either too much or nothing.  

Anymore, life seems to only offer "unbalance".  Wednesday, I had to drive into my former part of town where I previously lived for two back to back appointments.  The realization hit me that even though I knew which road to travel,  the thought of the drive really concerned me.  The feelings were telling me this could be the last disconnect from my "balanced past".   As I drove back home, my brain kept telling me I was leaving a life that used to be, but can't be anymore.  I had to fight the temptation to drive past the cute little white steepled church where we were married so many years ago.  I passed on that urge  knowing the "drive past" would create a flood of tears for me. 

I finally had to buy a new laptop.  I am having a really tough time relearning and remembering sign on and everything required to navigate.  Everything in my life requires a computer.  More "unbalancing" .🤪 

Keeping you and Mel in my thoughts.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

10 hours ago, kayc said:

They're our babies.  We worry about them but I don't think they worry nearly as much as we do, they live in the moment better.

I know they live in the moment, but I also know Mel has been affected by things in her past.  She may not think about them, but they get triggered, like her fear of being in a car when she faces that.  
 

Had a busy day with people.  Occupational Therapy was here and said my movements were OK.  Unfortunately a place that does home X-rays she knew of can’t do my back because I have too many stairs for their equipment.  I couldn’t change an early phone consult next week that could conflict with getting a shower as doctors are notoriously late.  Next OT appointment might have to be moved for the shower.  Still don’t understand my Visa bill amount but I think they are right.  So I’ll pay it.  I’m so frustrated that I can’t get appointments spread out.  Either by day or time.  Not that I really want days with nothing to do, but if it’s medical, I’ll pass if I could.   
 

my housekeeper was here and got so much done.  She’s a gem.  She wasn’t going to charge me for an extra half hour she was here, but I want her time paid.  She insisted on only 15 minutes.  She also brought me pasta and homemade sauce.  We did get to chat a bit about her life.  It’s essential I don’t get totally self centered. 

Called Dee as we were supposed to talk.  Between my day and whatever she did, we decided to get together in person tomorrow.  Much better.  That’s like.....almost normal!  
 

I woke up today thinking of my dad again.  How he withered away in his cancer when he got home bound too.  Couldn’t drive and his dog passed.  I have so much empathy for him now.  I know how it really feels now.  I talked to him all the time, but I know the phone is no substitute.  He lost the ability to do more than sit in his chair and eat now and then.  Like grief, until you experience it, you don’t grasp how it truly is.  He lost my mom and Shad, I lost Steve, Ally and am apart from Mel.   I sit in my chair, eat and watch TV too.  
 

I pushed myself with some hobbling around after stuff I already did.  It’s too tempting to just sit.  That makes it more difficult to move.  It’s a viscous cycle.  OT said it was apparent I was in pain and it should be better.  I think so too, but see how tricky it is to get around the house.  The easier walker doesn’t really support weight bearing.  The standard is hard to use on carpet and over oxygen tubing, so it’s always stop and go to navigate it. 
 

3 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I had to fight the temptation to drive past the cute little white steepled church where we were married so many years ago.  I passed on that urge  knowing the "drive past" would create a flood of tears for me. 

Oh, Dee, how hard that had to be.  There are places I hate to pass.  That extended to regular routes just by changes since he left.  I’ve, without thinking, taken a street the place he passed is.  I don’t know about you guys, but Steve and I would deliberately go by places we had great memories and it felt good to go back in time.  That is changed for us all now.  Also your neighborhood.  So many years of your loving life together.  Hugs to you.  💕

 

[kayc]

Dee, I don't envy you getting a new computer, we feel like a duck out of water.  I haven't had a new one since 2009, bought a refurbished one and have it still, but have had many operating systems on it...98, XP, 2007, 2010, 2007 again.  Each switch feels like a new computer, can't count the time I've had to reload things onto it.

I hear you on the memories, I want to see my mom's house where I grow up but it's also a huge reminder she's gone and everything's changed forever.

I still go to the church where George and I were married, it doesn't feel the same although it looks it, different pastor, people, etc.  We no longer have night services, rarely use hymn books anymore.  I miss how cozy it felt.  The spontaneity.  

Gwen, you have full days, so much to consider!  Everything a challenge.

I hope to God the winds aren't too high.  I don't feel up to a storm.

My roof leaked yesterday, only 7 years old, the roofer absconded with my warranty, he'd been here forever, went to prison after my roof.  Protected his $ so no one could get at it, including his wife.  She divorced him after about 45 years.  It never leaked here before his work.  Called my new roofer to look at it, he put some stuff on it but doubts it'll hold as it's pouring rain and supposed to in the predictable future.  He'll come back Tues. and check it.  Turns out they had a nail all the way through where they put the flashing on it.  I'll have to order more Kilz to put on the ceiling.

Mike and Iris seem to think they can go to the doctor Tues.!  Umm...no!  They should be quarantining.  This is how it spreads.  Too many people don't get it.  I posted the link on quarantines on FB yesterday, no one listens to me, maybe they will read this?

[Widow2015]

14 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Called Dee as we were supposed to talk.  Between my day and whatever she did, we decided to get together in person tomorrow.  Much better.  That’s like.....almost normal!

Gwen:  Good Dee is able to get together in person, "almost normal" is acceptable in my book.  I would love to have a gem of a housekeeper like you do and I know the day is coming that it will be necessary.  My 10 year old grand daughter has already informed me that she would love to clean for me.  I have considered it, but right now I still have too many boxes to unpack and am still in downsizing mode.  I have to push myself to do as much as I can or the body will quit sooner than it should. 

 

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Dee, I don't envy you getting a new computer, we feel like a duck out of water.  I haven't had a new one since 2009,

kayc: I had very little choice in getting a newer laptop.  My 2007 was just too old.  My new one is nice since it has a 17 inch screen so I can see easier, but it has too many bells and whistle I don't want to know how to use. 

I don't understand how your friend can still keep a medical appointment.  Each time I go to my medical appointments I am quizzed if I have been around anyone with Covid.  🙄 Dee