My Sanity Needed Vents

[MartyT]

Sharing: Trouble Gaining Access to Medical Records?  ❤️

[Gwenivere]

Did get my shower done, but skipped my hair.  Had a few spoonfuls of peanut butter for some energy.  I had tried to call the surgeons about the X-ray but they were at lunch.  Pretty sure they would have said to listen to my body.  Dee had called and said the same thing.  Now home health is calling about a nursing visit for some red area on my back I know is from sitting in the chair so much.  
 

Kept my counseling appointment for craving talking to someone.  This was with the counselor I’m not that hot on right now.  Have my grief counselor Wednesday who I love.  My mind is just jumbled with so many thoughts about what is going on.  Woke up 3 times in dread this morning.  For some reason I have get to bathroom also.  Not easy getting up and down and loss of sleep.  I keep thinking in the twilight sleep I can get up and 'return' all that has happened and go back to my already altered, but livable, life.   
 

Talked to Steve.  How much I love and miss him.  He would have been 70.  A biggie.   I know he would have still have been going strong.  He was such a vital life force.  I try not to get too much into how our lives would be if it progressed without crisis's. I look around this house and how we loved it.  I see the neglect in small ways.  The messes that should be here from him.  I look at our family picture wall and want to be that smiling couple.  Add in more wrinkles of course.  Seeing young couples makes me nostalgic.  Seeing old ones makes me drown in grief.  Envy.  Hey, I’m only human!  
 

Having nasty weather.  Dark at 4:40 now.  It’s so dramatic this far north.  Didn’t really care way back when.   Loved being cozy here with him and the furry kids.  House smelling of home cooked meals.  Making popcorn.  The house has become too sterile.  Cluttered with my meds, med toilet and walkers now.  I lay out a few days of meds in advance as it hurts, it would be nice to just take what I need that day like it was.  But it’s still sterile.  None of this was normal.  Where’s all the soda cans he would leave scattered because he’d forget he already had one?  
 

Happy Birthday, my love.  Would have made your favorite quiche from scratch per tradition.  ♥️

[kayc]

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Now home health is calling about a nursing visit for some red area on my back I know is from sitting in the chair so much.  

Would a donut pillow help with pressure in the back area?  It's worth asking about.  (I used one to sit on after having my babies.)

11 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Have my grief counselor Wednesday who I love.

I'm glad you get to talk to her today, kind of the pits when this is the highlight of your day/week though.  

 

[Gwenivere]

I’m not sure a donut pillow would help.  The problem is weight on my spine and that would still be there.  I can’t align my spine any more and pressure does hurt.  Online they mostly talk about after birth and hemorrhoids.  OT just called and didn’t think it would be a good thing for my surgery and said what I was asking for (help on knowing what is wrong and ways to handle it til my appointment in 2 weeks) was reasonable.  It scares me how weak I’m getting.   Can’t get any info on the SI joint that now hurts as much, sometimes more, than the surgery 'repair'.  I’m getting no PT in all these weeks.  Couldn’t handle it right now.  Frustrating knowing it’s so needed and I’m getting weaker.  
 

Yes, it’s pretty sad when a counseling session is something to fill some time.  Tho it hopefully will help.  Dee is coming by later, but I warned her I’m not great company.  Called the back doc and got the same answer of they would call me if they can find time and I again emphasized just need to know if I an hurting myself more til my scheduled appointment in 2 weeks.  Said to also contact my primary doctor.  I did but he’s not a specialist.  

Counseling was OK.  I was distracted having to hold my iPad.  By then it was hours of sitting so moving around was harder.  Dee did come by for a bit.  She’s doing some shopping tomorrow and will be by too.  I have to see my shrink so another day of holding the iPad.  It doesn’t sound bad, but it means bending in a way my back does not like.  
 

Talking with Dee brought up lots of memories of Steve.  When I was a productive member of society.  How things were so important at the time and now not.  Just how life flows.  Not floating on that river is so hard.  Even if I could be Mel’s mom now would bring some purpose.  Tommy tells me things he means to make me feel good that she is doing, but it’s having the opposite effect.  I’m sitting here alone knowing I can’t do it.  Now always wondering how it came to this.  I couldn’t have dreamt up this situation if I tried.  

Really bad night.  So tired of being a prisoner.  Useless, taking up space.  Can’t help myself or anyone else.  It’s just existing when there is no purpose.  Sorry for the whine.  It’s lonely this late.  I’m just glad I have here to toss my word salad.  So dreading talking to my cold shrink.  Purely medical.  It’s the last thing I need.  
 

Hugs to you all.  ❤️

 

 

 

[kayc]

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

The problem is weight on my spine and that would still be there.

Oh, I thought it was a pressure point from being against your back so much. 

Kodie and I took lunch to Peggy yesterday, had my maintenance guy clean her gutters and downspouts the day before, he said it'd been at least six years they hadn't been done as it was plugged with pine needles, she doesn't have a pine tree but her neighbor had and Jack had taken the tree down six years before.  Small towns, can't get away with anything!  She thought because the downspouts had water dripping from it that it wasn't plugged, no, it was plugged solid, doesn't matter the reason anyway, it more than needed done, it was splashing over on her house.  Her house badly needs refinished, the varnish gone probably at least 40 years ago.  Last thing she needs is water on it.

No playdate for Kodie yesterday, Jazzy was locked in her cage, no food/water, can't move, not even a blanket to lay on, breaks my heart.  All cuz she chased a deer and was afraid to come back to Iris because she was mad.  So she tells her all day she's a bad dog, breaks my heart.  Iris said she broke her collar, what? How?  I've never had a dog do that, it was a strong one.  I gave her a new one that's too big for Kodie.  At least she has the tag still, still waiting on Kodie's new one to come after Jazzy pulled his collar off and lost it, I must have spent two hours looking for it but it's a big property with lots of brush and no telling where they were (when I took Iris in for surgery).

Gwen, I don't understand the medical system, seems greatly lacking, no one does their job, gets back to us, answers questions, stays on top of things.  It's sure gone downhill since I worked for a doctor!  Those were the days, doctors cared, they weren't all about $, they cared about the people.  Sigh.  Seems it went the way of politics and big corp.

 

[KarenK]

Kay, I'm certainly not a dog expert, but I think dogs live in the moment. After a short time, Jazzy probably didn't understand why her loving mom was treating her that way. Not sure a long punishment does any good and given no water is cruelty. Just my opinion.

[Gwenivere]

6 hours ago, kayc said:

Those were the days, doctors cared, they weren't all about $, they cared about the people.  Sigh.  Seems it went the way of politics and big corp.

I think some of the doctors still care but are swept up in the system and have to follow the now restrictive rules.   Appointments were always kinda estimated so enough people could get help, thus why we often had to wait.  It still happens now, but once you get one, they seem to be watching the clock.  I don’t really know as I always had simpler medical needs until I got older and it did become a corporate business rather than a small practice that made their own policies apart from whatever hospital they were tied to.  If they were.  
 

It is pressure points in my back that hurt.  My growing fear is it’s going wrong. It’s certainly worse than it has been since the first couple of weeks.  I know because I live it.  
 

8 hours ago, kayc said:

All cuz she chased a deer and was afraid to come back to Iris because she was mad.  So she tells her all day she's a bad dog, breaks my heart.

Does this person know anything about dogs???   That is simply inhumane.  Their memory is not that long.  Yes, you can discipline them right at the moment.  Jazzy has no idea why she is locked up and only in fear of the anger being directed at her.  And who punishes a dog that way?   My dogs would slink towards me when I caught them, but I knew they understood why.  Then it was over.  Not drawn out.  I know we are different, but I would be in this woman’s face about it.  Had to do that with a friend whose dogs collar was so tight and nails so overgrown the dog was walking on curled ones.  I was appalled.  
 

Got thru my shrink appointment.  Keeping my meds the same, but long term wanting to drop one of them.  Ive been those routes and they didn’t work well.  At least he agreed no changes during this recovery thing.  Talked about switching antidepressants and don’t want to.  Hindsight still bugs me I ever started any at all. Back when they were the star studded fan of great results that didn’t pan out.  Then you’re stuck, like me, unable to get off without withdrawal over months.  They do work for some, but not enough was known before they were handed out like candy.  Now they’re adding drugs to boost the antidepressants.  
 

Thought I had lost my med alert pendant.  Couldn’t find it in bed which would have been the likeliest if I accidentally broke the cord.  Turns out when I threw my oxygen tube to my pillow it pulled off and was on the floor.  I hated when I had to get it, now I hate that I feel so unsafe without it.  This little thing that replaces Steve It can’t help me up or anything.  Just alert others.

A nurse is coming out Friday to look at my back.  Guess I have some red spot from sitting.  Can’t sit without support, so I don’t know what she’ll suggest.  Every time I turn around another appointment gets added.  Supposed to get a call for a home covid booster from the state.  Can’t get to a pharmacy.  Hoping my reaction isn’t as bad as after the 2nd shot.  
 

Babble over.  Everyone take care.  💕

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

17 hours ago, KarenK said:

Kay, I'm certainly not a dog expert, but I think dogs live in the moment. After a short time, Jazzy probably didn't understand why her loving mom was treating her that way. Not sure a long punishment does any good and given no water is cruelty. Just my opinion.

1,000% my opinion too!  Not that they asked or would listen.

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Does this person know anything about dogs???   That is simply inhumane.

Apparently not.  My heart breaks for Jazzy.  Kodie comes home and kisses me, I think he knows he has it good. 

I always thought parents should have to pass a class/test before they had kids.  Can't push it out until you've passed!  Now I think that should be true before they adopt a dog too.  It sickens me.  I hate it when people are heavy handed with their kids or dogs and have no understanding of their nature or capability.  My mom was one of those people, abusive to us, abusive to the dog.  I totally agree with you both.  I've already learned you can't tell her anything.  She "knows it all" already.  Those type of people become even more resistant when you try to tell them anything, which further worsens the situation as they exert their power/authority, little caring what it does to the dog...proving to you they will do what they will.  And it's the dog that suffers.  The best thing I can do for Jazzy is continue to love her as I do and try to provide good places in her life, offering to take care of her for them when allowed...she lost the new collar I gave her so I washed Arlie's original collar, the one he came with, I keep the one he had most of his life, and will give it to her today, otherwise she won't get any walks.

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Talked about switching antidepressants and don’t want to.

Why the hell would he want to switch you NOW, don't you have enough to go through right now as it is!!!  Not a question, a statement.  I don't get doctors at all.  They don't see us as human I don't think.

If you can't sit w/o support, would a brace help during this healing time?  Might require exercises to be free of it later on, but one thing at a time.  I used to work for an orthotic and prosthetic facility, braces made it possible for some to live comfortably or independently.  Just thinking aloud.

 

[MartyT]

13 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I think some of the doctors still care but are swept up in the system and have to follow the now restrictive rules.  

7 Reasons Doctors Are Leaving Medicine

[Gwenivere]

11 hours ago, kayc said:

Why the hell would he want to switch you NOW, don't you have enough to go through right now as it is!!!  Not a question, a statement.  I don't get doctors at all.  They don't see us as human I don't think.

If you can't sit w/o support, would a brace help during this healing time? 

That was exactly my stance with the shrink.  He did agree for now.  It’s way down the line to add that to my situation now.  I’m hoping he keeps seeing it that way.  I do know he is planning to call in refills at months end.  Don’t know why he is waiting til I have the surgeon visit, but he is.  Maybe he thinks they’ll tell me I’m really doing well.  Yeah, right.   The nurse was out today for a chafing mark on my back she covered with a plastic shield to keep it from the next stage of opening up.  How it will ever heal I do not know without leaning against it sitting.  She was going to try and contact the surgeon.  I tried some walking today, not knowing if it was good or bad, because I’m tired of being so shaky.  
 

I can’t use a typical brace because it would make my spine straighter than it can be.  There might be flexible ones for support, but now I have that sore.  I also don’t do well trying to put things on.  Getting dressed in lounge clothes for the day is a massive endeavor.  I shake my head at the little details that derail things I could try.  
 

Marty, I looked at that link.  Now I know why my doc it typing while he talks to me.  Saves transcribing later.  I know he has cut his hours to have time with his family.  I’ve read about the frustrations of others they can’t care for patients like they want for predetermined cookie cutter methods dictated by billing administration and insurance companies.   That’s not good medicine, that’s making people fit into molds and often miss the best treatment.  
 

 

[Gwenivere]

As I posted above, had a nurse out today and that complication.  She thought PT and OT might have some ideas. Still say it’s nuts the main doc won’t help.  Dee called as she was close by, but she never eats enough before going out for the day so I told her go home and eat something!  She’s coming by tomorrow anyway.  Heard from my doc after the surgeons office said to contact him.  He had nothing to offer but the ER if it got too bad.  Do they think I’m dumb?  They all say that.  I know that is there if I get unable to do anything or something extreme happens.

My domain names thru Go Daddy just renewed.  I looked on the site where Steve set them up so we could have unique names way back before Gmail and tablets.  It was 2007.  2 years before he got cancer.  I only dropped his bands name since they’re gone.  That made me sad as he was so into that.  He created my personal and business Gwen email addresses.   Seems we had them longer tho.  
 

I got another suggestion of having Mel come for a visit.  I don’t know why people don’t get how upsetting this would be to her routine and how it would tear me up even more than her not being to have her and let her go.  I’d love to see her, but she comes first.  If it was Ally I maybe could as she isn’t afraid of car rides.  She was up for any adventure and would love it.  So would I.  Can’t do that to Mel.  She’s settled and been thru the mill already.  More to come with surgery.  I have to say, I do wonder if I will ever see her again.  I had so much more hope in rehab. 

Kay, I hope Jazzy's mom doesn’t do again what she did.  Did you say anything to her?  If only people were required to be screened to have those precious lives.  I know some adoption places do it.  The shelters don’t ask questions, being desperate to get pets in homes.  This is a no kill state.  We get lots of rescues from other states.  I can’t relate to the mindset of getting a dog or cat unless it was to be my companion and deserving the best life I can provide.  

I did some more reading on recovery and found a few more articles that said this could get better despite my feeling worse.  Hard to believe right now.  Sitting advice is confusing.  But a lot about 6-12 months to really know.  Most said gets back to a level 2-4 which beats the heck out of this 7-9 I am in now.  The worst is that it does go more slowly as my age and at home.  Found exercises, but wouldn’t dare unless a therapist and doc OK'd them.

I was just browsing around and found this definition of a soulmate....

A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, compatibility and trust.

Makes me see just why my world was shattered losing Steve.  He filled every role.  No one else ever did.  Or will.  Dee fills some.  Grateful for that.  Back to watching Bull Durham.  Haven’t seen it in years and a nice break from late night shows.

💕 to you all.
 

 

[kayc]

19 hours ago, MartyT said:

7 Reasons Doctors Are Leaving Medicine

It's hard for me to conceive of patients abusing doctors, I've never seen it, in fact have seen it the other way, they sometimes use their authority over us to bully us.  I wouldn't stay with one like that.  But sadly electronic records and dealing with bureaucracy is true, many practices given over to conglomerates and their hands tied, and it's hurt doctor/patient relationships AND care.  Gone are the days of the doctor's office I worked for where there was caring, long hours, open during lunch, insurance companies didn't have the power they now wield.

[kayc]

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I can’t use a typical brace because it would make my spine straighter than it can be.  There might be flexible ones for support

We used to MAKE braces, not sell them!  They were custom.  They took a mould of the person and started there.  I hope that's not a thing gone by the way!  My orthotist friend is now retired but it seemed to me they worked miracles.

10 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I’ve read about the frustrations of others they can’t care for patients like they want for predetermined cookie cutter methods dictated by billing administration and insurance companies.   That’s not good medicine, that’s making people fit into molds and often miss the best treatment.  

I agree, we all suffer for these "changes" to our health care.

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Heard from my doc after the surgeons office said to contact him.  He had nothing to offer but the ER if it got too bad.

That is such a cop out, it means he doesn't want to do his job, I've gotten that before too.  &%$!@?

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Did you say anything to her?

We talked about this way back when it first presented, it does NO GOOD to talk to her, she's resistant, as I said, she already knows everything, don't confuse her with the facts, drives me nuts, oddly enough she's best friends with a cat rescuer.  I wish our laws favored animals more but alas we have a long ways to go in this country.  I do have someone in mind to take Kodie should anything happen to me though, it'd be a huge adjustment for him as he doesn't know them, but I know he'd be well loved and treated well...my ex-SIL & BIL.  They lost their dog several months ago, we've talked a lot, their Coco sounds much like Kodie, both in disposition and looks.  To me, the animal comes first.  My DIL doesn't treat him well because he's MY dog, my daughter would be wonderful but she works all the time, whereas Sheri is retired.  She said she'd walk him every day too.  Bud would be good to him too.  These are people I knew and loved closer than my own family (my ex husband's family).  But as for someone to take care of him if I'm incapacitated, I have no one, the people I had in mind would not work as they have vicious dogs.  Sigh.  At least Jazzy knows I love her and she gets to see me every day.  I'm going to bring her some more toys today, Kodie's had them nearly two years and never played with them, so time to pass them on.

To me, soulmate is also someone with whom you have amazing communication, can relate to and understand, can share anything with, someone with whom you have reciprocal trust.  Our connection was amazing.  There's no doubt in my mind we had it, I never did with anyone else.  Kind of funny considering I was married four times and engaged twice besides.  But I know a lot more now than I did way back...I was too young to know what to look for when I married, and when I was grief stricken, out of my ever lovin' mind.  I've had a lot of time to think over the years.  I can't explain how George and I connected like we did, it seemed unlikely considering our backgrounds, yet we did and it was tried and true.  Even the way we met was a miracle.  I'm not one to like dating, we didn't meet that way.  God would literally have to drop someone down made for me...like he did with my George.  Not sure I'd expect two such miracles in my life.  I've been alone so long now...I can't imagine having anyone in my life.  

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Back to watching Bull Durham.

I've never heard of him!

[Ruby]

1 hour ago, kayc said:

But as for someone to take care of him if I'm incapacitated, I

I’ve also been thinking about options in case I become too incapacitated to care for pets. I’ve been hobbling along after aggravating an old knee injury. 2 of the 3 dogs have been enjoying my weakened state, teaming up to dig under the fence and create havoc. Had to pester my neighbor, at night, to retrieve one from her backyard - 8 lb. chihuahua mix Kiko, never short on nerve, was acting mean to the husky in the husky’s own yard. Came close to ending badly. Obviously I need to secure the fence (it’s reinforced with cement block!), can’t do it now. 2nd dog was down the street and the (indoor) cat took advantage by shooting out the door into the woods. (Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. 🙂)

Since suddenly living alone, I’m feeling that vulnerability and missing the comfort of knowing that whatever problems, current or future, will be worked out together. Appreciated the definition of soulmate - how fortunate are we who have experienced that.
 

[Gwenivere]

Kay, Bull Durham is a movie with Susan Sarandon and Kevin Costner about baseball.  

[Gwenivere]

Start of another long day.  Got some weird spam call about Medicare.  This enrollment period has the TV flooded with cheesy commercials and calls sneaking thru my NO MO ROBO filter.  NW Harvest called looking for money.  Our tradition is a gospel mission for Thanksgiving and NWH for Christmas.  This all revives the sadness the season is now.  We used to hit price club and buy lots of actual food to donate.  Take it to Steve’s office on the weekend for the bins to motivate others to be more generous.  All I can do now is by credit card.  I miss the hands on and the doing it together.  
 

Another redundant day feeling so weak.  I so want to do something different.  Feel some hope or progress.  Been calling all the home health numbers to associate names with them on my phone.  Have most written down but they added a couple people.  
 

Dee came by and did some shopping.   Another day of being weak.  I am so dismayed how wiped out I am trying to just walk back and forth the house length twice.  Tired of my heart pounding.  These are the stuff I want the docs input on that I never get.

We talked about our respective lost partners.  I guess I’ll never get past date night.  We also talked about how big a trigger music is.  I use a station full of trigger songs to make me get up as trying another of ones I don’t have memories attached to I could lay and listen to.   I’m sedentary enough.  Music is a huge trigger for her too.
 

Each day just adds despair.  I’ll never seem to lose this date night trigger.  It was more tolerable when I wasn’t home bound.  It would have been a volunteer day.  Same old movies on TV.  I think of the months and wonder how many times can I keep running the same ones.  If I did romance there are 2 stations that run them.  Happy love stories just aren’t an option.  Salt in the wound.  
 

I need to make dent in the magazines stacking up.  I wish I cared about more issues.  Used to.  If I could do so many things independently again it would help immensely.  Washing my dinner bowl after dinner was excruciating.  I’ve been sitting here just.....staring at a movie I’ve seen many times.  Mind frozen and blank except worry Sunday may be even harder.  It’s so odd to go to bed craving the unconsciousness but dreading it ending.  I just can’t ignore that something is very wrong.  
 

One good thing happened.  Dee’s been raving about Safeway’s own pot pies and got me one.  Thought I hated them having only cheap Banquet ones as a kid.  It was so good!   Has been a long time I actually enjoyed something.  
 

My thoughts to you all.  💖

 

[kayc]

22 hours ago, Ruby said:

8 lb. chihuahua mix Kiko, never short on nerve, was acting mean to the husky in the husky’s own yard.

I had to laugh at this!  Seems they don't know their size or not to stir the pot!  Glad it didn't end badly!  The trouble with the little ones is they CAN dig holes big enough to squirm through!  My Arlie was up to 140 lbs, he only tried digging his way out once (when he was 80 lbs) and gave up quickly, realizing it was way too much work for his girth, ha!  Kodie is a master digger, and a quick one at that!  He's 20 lbs or so but I think he could easily get out if left unattended so I try to supervise him, but if every alone any time at all, I come back to a bunch of holes all over the yard!  

16 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Kay, Bull Durham is a movie with Susan Sarandon and Kevin Costner about baseball.  

Hmm, I'd like to see it, I love both of them!

Gwen, reminds me, I got 9 pieces of mail yesterday, all spam!  Yes, indeed, you can tell it's open enrollment.  I'd like to send them my garbage bill.

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

We also talked about how big a trigger music is.

I just can't go there.  If I listened to "our songs" (there were many), it would only make me morose. 

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

If I did romance there are 2 stations that run them.

I used to watch the sappy Hallmark Christmas movies.  For a couple of hours I could live in the happily ever after world.  The last couple of years I haven't watched them. I don't even know if I can put up a tree this year.  I've never NOT put one up.  Everything is so hard with these hands.  Last year I had help with it as I'd just had surgery.  That was the extent of the help I got.

4 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Dee’s been raving about Safeway’s own pot pies and got me one.

That's funny, just this morning Kevin (diabetic group) posted a Keto Chicken Pot Pie recipe, well the video to it, I typed it out and posted it.  May have to try it!  I'm glad you enjoyed yours.

[Gwenivere]

I don’t know what it is with dogs and digging.  Only had a couple that didn’t.  I don’t know if it’s boredom or maybe anxiety.  Maybe some just want to roam a lot.  Had one that would jump fences and be gone over a day even after I had him fixed.  I was lucky nothing ever happened to him.  Never had males after that. When we have females, they just dig in the yard, not to escape.  Guess til they can tell us, we’ll never know.  One of our goldens actually buried a large milkbone.  Made a hole, dropped it in and nosed the dirt back into place.  Doubt she ever went back for it.  
 

Another bad day.  I don’t know why I think they will get better.  Always frustrating not knowing if some of things I have to do are making it worse.  I know better than to try and get a credit card out from under a table, but fixing dinner or the exercise treks I’m not sure are good.  But neither is sitting prolonged periods.  
 

Our hand wind Regulator clock isn’t working now.  Steve’s parents gave it to us as a wedding gift over 30 years ago.  Had it fixed once and hoping a place locally can do it.  New clocks are battery operated and I don’t want that.  I don’t know what I’ll do if it can’t be fixed without shipping it someplace.  Way too old and in firmed to pull that off.  That’s a huge part of our treasures.  
 

It’s been a dark, nasty day here and supposed to be worse tomorrow.  I saw our digital temp monitor needs batteries now too.  An annoying but doable task as it takes replacing batteries inside and out.  My dishwasher has never been repaired and I don’t want to become that old lady who lives in a house with run down or broken stuff.  Might not use them, but it’s a sign of caring.  So many things I can’t do now.  I do care, but already know I can’t tend to them.  Dee can’t fix all of them.  I had to have her get that credit card that fell on the floor under the end table because it was impossible to pick up with grabber.  Arg!   

Have absolutely nothing happening today but pass time.  Hope, hope, hope I can handle a shower Tuesday.  This pain makes me clammy when I’m up moving.  Having the church dinner last night was one I needed to get rid of the big container to the outside trash can.  So bending over the railing.  I already know there is nothing I can do or not (that I know) to prepare for the bath aide.  
 

DTV is running The Green Mile.  It’s amazing when you’re trapped that a movie you’ve seen many times is comforting compared to most of the stuff that is on.  Also sad.  I take what I can get to try and keep my mind off all the limitations.  All I have to do is move a little differently and it takes over again.  
 

Well, better cut myself off.  As always, hugs and love to you all.  Thank you for being there.  ❤️
 

 

 

 

 

[kayc]

3 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

One of our goldens actually buried a large milkbone

Kodie's done that.   Not sure he tries to escape although that is a concern I have, but he'll dig anywhere he can in no time flat!

I wish I'd known the Green Mile was on, I have Dish, I loved that movie!  I don't even look to see what's on. 

My sister dropped her phone outside while smoking and couldn't see to pick it up.  Good thing it didn't rain!

Supposed to snow tonight/tomorrow, naturally, because I have to drive the long drive to the allergist.  Couldn't sleep at all, can't take allergy meds, my tongue is covered in sores from tip clear down the throat, this is miserable.  Am scared to find out what I'm allergic to, it's got to be something/s I eat all the time because this reaction never abates, been nearly 11 months now.

May have to park my car out on the road as I might not get it out of my steep driveway when it snows.  Ugh.  Ain't life fun!

[Widow2015]

22 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Our hand wind Regulator clock isn’t working now.  Steve’s parents gave it to us as a wedding gift over 30 years ago.  Had it fixed once and hoping a place locally can do it.  

Gwen:  Before I married Bob he was stationed in Europe where he purchased an old German regulator wall clock for his parents.  We ended up with the clock in our home after their passing.  I loved the tick tock sound of the swinging pendulum and the gong on each hour.  The clock stopped working about the time he became ill.  I did take it with me when moved, but as of yet have not hung it.  I was hoping my son would want to have it.  Repairing a clock is not at the top of his list right now even though I did offer to pay to have it repaired.  I hope it is repairable.  So many memories watching Bob wind it so carefully.

19 hours ago, kayc said:

Supposed to snow tonight/tomorrow,

Kay: Hope you don't get snow for your drive to your allergist , but according to weather report here it is to get down into 30's tonite.   Hope all goes well tomorrow.

I woke up to pounding rain this morning and could hear the wind blowing and limbs hitting house.  We lost power at 1:30 PM.   I was ok without power most of the day cause the temp was only in high 50's.  Only I didn't have wifi or tv to keep my brain occupied.  It was a bright day off and on so opened blinds and was able to function pretty well without electricity.  Once the sun went down it was pretty lonely and chilly so I drug my blanket off my bed and covered up in my recliner.  My grand daughter and her mother had picked up some groceries for me and were keeping me company by battery operated lantern when my son got home from work around 7 PM.  He hooked up the generator.  The  power came back on at 9:30 PM.  Now I regret that I didn't have a generator installed that only needs a button pushed to get the generator going.  Live and Learn.  Dee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Gwenivere]

A totally alone human contact day.   Really worried I won’t be able to handle a shower tomorrow.   Had to cancel counseling as  the estimated time is too close.  Made a call about our clock and they’ll look at it.  It’s amazing the little sounds you didn’t think you hear but do when they are gone like the pendulum ticking.  I called my cousin and she did say it was right twice a day.  I could hear her dogs in the background.  That was hard.  She has lots of maladies I wouldn’t want, but she can still get around and was raking leaves today in 70 degree weather.  My few trips down the hall were so hard.  The frigging oxygen tubing gets tangled every day.  Have to unravel it or it doesn’t reach everywhere.   
 

I went thru a Time magazine quickly as was from October and I have so little interest in world issues.  Watching the local news has been depressing with all the wind, rain and flooding.  Loss of electricity wide spread.  Dark so early.  It’s hardly worth opening the blinds but it would be too weird to have them shut all day.  
 

Have a hard time breathing yesterday.  Been happening more and more.  I’m sure much is physical.  Some is stress.  Too little walking around and too much sitting and laying down.  Another thing to worry about with all this free time.  
 

Dee, I hope your clock gets fixed.  It’s a soothing sound.  We passed on the hour gongs.  House too small for it.  We’d hear it when we were trying to sleep.  I’m sorry you lost power.  I’m glad you had company.  That’s a long time to be without.  Yes!  I’d feel so much better about all these storms if I knew I had instant backup.  Steve would have to set ours up up to and it was really loud.  Lots of cords to navigate.  Glad your back in service.  Watching the news has been horrid for so many the past few days.  
 

Caught another good movie last night.  My Cousin Vinny.  Classic with Fred Gwynn and Marisa Tomie.  I’m getting desperate for new stuff.  There is enough of the past that is my life now.  My Dee is checking the library for stuff to beat Netflix.  It’s the season, being alone, that the holidays hurt so much.  Next week my birthday is on Thanksgiving.  Kill 2 birds with one stone.  Just wish I won’t be alone in my heart.
 

 

 

 

[Ruby]

Thoughts to all who are experiencing the severe weather…

[kayc]

5 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I woke up to pounding rain this morning and could hear the wind blowing and limbs hitting house.

We had strong winds all day necessitating my picking up the limbs in the yard 2-3 times, but last night a lot of big branches came down, have to walk Kodie when light and then leave immediately so no time to pick them up except will have to the driveway.  They said 32 this morning but it has to be slightly above as it's not slippery, so glad!  Hoping highway is clear, no accidents or obstacles.  Also praying I'm not allergic to almonds or eggs, but what will be will be.  My tongue/throat is so painful, tip to all the way back, covered in lesions.  I need relief, I hope this will bring it.  It's been since Christmas, my friend has had this going on over two years, no help from Ear/Nose/Throat specialists or doctors, that's why I decided to try another tack.  I truly believe it's allergy as I've always had them and they can mimic thrush, it didn't respond to thrush treatment (double Rx twice) and it usually abates within two weeks.  It has also raised my blood sugar all year, as it is affected by illness/stress.

5 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I regret that I didn't have a generator installed that only needs a button pushed to get the generator going.

My mobile home is nearly 43, they didn't do that back then, mine has a huge heavy cable I have to hook to the power meter, too heavy for me to lift but the neighbor said he would do it when the power is off, only after a few hours to see if it'll come back on...his has a remote control!  How nice, cost a lot to set up with an electrician.  Mine cost enough as I bought a generlink, had to have elec. company install it.  Generator 10,000 watt, uses a lot of gasoline so would only run it enough to keep refrigerator cold, cook, flush toilet, etc.

I hope you can find someone to fix the clock!  My sister has one kind of like a cuckoo clock only with chimes, she broke the stem off so she can't wind it anymore, it also means a lot to her.  Our SIL's family owns Olson's Clocks in Eugene so we should take it in there and see if there's something they can do with it, a good summer project, I don't like to do any extra travel in the winter.

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

The frigging oxygen tubing gets tangled every day.

That would drive me nuts!  Mike's going through that too.

 

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

My Cousin Vinny.

That's another good one.

I'm glad you both have your power back on!  
My friend Kay had her baby on 11/25 also, went to visit them in the hospital and she was have turkey, dressing, potatoes & gravy, pumpkin pie, rolls, the works!  I teased her about going to a lot of trouble to get out of fixing TG dinner.  Her "baby" will be 40 on TG this year!  Her and my daughter were BFFS growing up before they moved away.  My little sister hated that her birthday would fall on TG as everyone was always busy with their own plans (she's 11/27) but this year she's on a cruise.  That seems so far removed from my world...

[kayc]

5 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Kill 2 birds with one stone.

Great pun!  LOL

[Widow2015]

5 hours ago, Ruby said:

Thoughts to all who are experiencing the severe weather…

Ruby:  Thanks for your thoughts.  Woke up to calmness and beautiful sunshine this morning.  "Calm After the Storm".  ☺️ Dee