kevin Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 It was 6 months ago Monday that I became part of this Fraternity.....what I knew about Grief then I could write on a match cover, I have to thank all of you for your openness and raw sharing. I've logged and journaled my day to day thoughts for the past 182 days. I noted in the past I resorted to vast quantities of Beer when I had the bad days. Those days are gone, proud of that, physically down about twenty pounds as is the blood pressure 125/70.........My next step is going to open myself Socially.......no strings or benefits, but to get outside past 7 pm with someone besides my dog.....Anyway, again thanks, I will check back in, ...in your debt ...........................Kevin 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 I am proud of your accomplishments. My weight is staying up guess I'll need to forgo the nightly ice cream after all. It sounds like you are managing well. I'll be six months Friday and am not ready to be out past seven for any reason; bed time is eight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Keven, you and Brad are on this journey that some of us have been on for quite awhile. I am so sorry that you are here for the reason you are here but I am very glad that you have found this forum. Remember to take it a day at a time ~ sometimes even an hour at a time. Do what each of you needs to do for yourself.Kevin, beer is good in moderation. My Jim loved a good beer when it was 110 degrees here in sunny Arizona. Brad, please do not give up ice cream especially if it is chocolate. This journey we are on is so individual. From what I have read, both of you are forging ahead and that is all we can do. Anne 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 Kevin, you're making great strides...don't be surprised if you get knocked back down, but if it does happen, remember, three steps forward, two steps backward is overall moving in a progressive fashion. Wishing you the best. Brad, I don't see how you could have a weight problem with all the hiking you do! Alas, we all have our own metabolisms, I am still trying to get mine down, but only halfway to goal. Proud of what I've accomplished but tired of it taking soooo looong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 I wish you peace Kevin. Please come back and let us know there is still life out there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 I wish you well regarding your goals, Kevin. I agree with Enna, ice cream may not replace beer, but it is a comfort! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 28, 2016 Report Share Posted January 28, 2016 11 hours ago, Brad said: I'll be six months Friday and am not ready to be out past seven for any reason; bed time is eight. I WISH I had a reason to hang out past 7 (other than heading home from work) No one to call for drinks or dinner. Just sad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Well today marks six months since my darling Deedo died (Kevin sorry for horning in on your thread but it is appropriate) Today was a day for reflection and a whole lot of hiking. I have come to the conclusion that in spite of the last ten days or so I am moving forward. I can see what a wreck I was and how I am slowly learning to face life without my love. It's not what I want but it is what I have. I want to thank all of you wonderful people here for allowing me to rant and rave when I need to and for giving me the courage to face each new day. Time to go fix dinner; another meal alone but you all know that too well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 I don't know what else I can say but that you have my heartfelt empathy today. You have been here for so many of us and I want you to know how much that has meant to me. I'm sorry you have to eat alone again tonight. Some days we are going to miss them more than usual, whatever that is. I wish you an evening with your good memories of your love for each other. Good night, Brad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Brad, It helped me to think of these days as milestones that I have survived, thus, deserving a badge of honor of sorts. Only those here that have been through this journey could understand that. It means that each and every day you've gotten up, haven't killed yourself, many of us having maintained jobs, paid our bills, maintained our other relationships, eaten, taken care of ourselves, all whether we felt like it or not! And that deserves something! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 3 hours ago, Brad said: Well today marks six months since my darling Deedo died (Kevin sorry for horning in on your thread but it is appropriate) Today was a day for reflection and a whole lot of hiking. I have come to the conclusion that in spite of the last ten days or so I am moving forward. I can see what a wreck I was and how I am slowly learning to face life without my love. It's not what I want but it is what I have. I want to thank all of you wonderful people here for allowing me to rant and rave when I need to and for giving me the courage to face each new day. Time to go fix dinner; another meal alone but you all know that too well. Dear Brad, I know that it´s hard now. I hope at least that you had something good for a dinner. PS:What about a sweet little cake or two??? The cherry at the top is really fresh.I´m sure! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 Thank you kevin for your perspective and I wish you the best. Keep letting us know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 On 28.1.2016 at 4:50 AM, kevin said: It was 6 months ago Monday that I became part of this Fraternity.....what I knew about Grief then I could write on a match cover, I have to thank all of you for your openness and raw sharing. I've logged and journaled my day to day thoughts for the past 182 days. I noted in the past I resorted to vast quantities of Beer when I had the bad days. Those days are gone, proud of that, physically down about twenty pounds as is the blood pressure 125/70.........My next step is going to open myself Socially.......no strings or benefits, but to get outside past 7 pm with someone besides my dog.....Anyway, again thanks, I will check back in, ...in your debt ...........................Kevin Hi Kev! It´s a pleasure to see that you carry on.We all have to.This is a hard journey,so I know what I´m talking about,after all 4 years long. I haven´t seen any picture of your dog.If you´d like to share with us,please,post it here. Hugs from Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted January 31, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 Janka........Dog just came in from outside...cold and wet.....Cat just Lazy 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Your dog is adorable! What kind is he? The fur reminds me of an Airdale my aunt used to have. I notice he has lots of blankets to snuggle with and get warm. Cats are different creatures (I have a dog and two cats). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Good luck Kevin. When I think about moving forward and what Daniel would want for me, this song comes to mind. The line in the song is so true that says "the only reason my heart beats is because you showed it how". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted February 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 KayC........the dog is a Red Heeler Cross....(terrier), in the summer he looks like a small Sheep Dog.........with Attitude!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Made it past the six month mark and things, for now, seem to have settled down a bit. However I did stream Carousel (Not one of Rogers and Hammersteins best) last night and couldn't help sobbing through "If I Loved You" and "When You Walk Through A Storm". But other than that things are better. It is snowing quite a bit today so no hiking - this afternoon could be dicey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Brad... I walk a thin line sometimes between intentionally looking at or listening to something I KNOW will make me sad, and those things that pop up and bring on the sadness. I have always been a rather sensitive person, and things that are emotional will make me cry regardless. But there are times when I NEED to pull out the emails that Mark wrote me, or listen to songs that we loved...or that were a part of our wedding. I have an email saved that was sent out to all the staff here at work the morning that Mark died...and the follow up one that told me how many staff donated money to pay for Mark's cremation. I think I try and test myself, to see perhaps how far I have come along. I find I am still at a point where many things do not create any sort of reaction...I still feel very numb about some things. Saturday night there was a show on CNN about the Eagles. I watched it and did not really have a reaction (both Mark and I loved the Eagles). I kind of "watched it" for him. But I did get emotional when they played some of the songs, and especially at the end when they put the dates for Glenn Frey. It was like losing a piece of who we were. I am still sleeping with the pillow made out of his shirt. Most times in the morning I have to re-button it...but it gives me a "Peaceful Easy Feeling". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Maryanne - I know what you mean by walking a thin line. I have always been a highly emotional type, it's what you get when you have five sisters and no older brother to beat on you. I have my cry time in the morning when I put on music and walk around the house remembering good times, or will reread the letter she left for me. I believe it does help me make it through the day although there are those times. Deedo used to laugh at me because when I wanted a good cry back then I'd put on Les Miserables. Can't go anywhere near it now. A few years ago we were in Austin during Austin City Limits. Our son got us tickets and we ended the day with Nora Jones followed by the Eagles. What a thrill. We really enjoyed them as well, but then there is little music I don't like. Drove poor Deedo nuts going from Iron Butterfly to Billy Holliday to Miles Davis to Rachmaninov on my play list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Kevin, Very cute dog! Brad, I got more snow during the night. I got my Treasurer's Reports done at the church today, came home and started a big pot of soup, and got my firewood in. I plan on sitting by the fire and reading this afternoon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted February 1, 2016 Report Share Posted February 1, 2016 Looks like the cold weather you are having is going to be the cold front that rolls through Houston tomorrow...it has been far too warm for January/February. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted February 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 Golf Course should be Open in two weeks one Mountain range to the West.......I'll be there.....have a good evening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted February 2, 2016 Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 Kev,you have such a cute dog... Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 2, 2016 Report Share Posted February 2, 2016 9 hours ago, Froggie4635 said: I walk a thin line sometimes between intentionally looking at or listening to something I KNOW will make me sad, and those things that pop up and bring on the sadness. Saturday night there was a show on CNN about the Eagles. I watched it and did not really have a reaction (both Mark and I loved the Eagles). I kind of "watched it" for him. Maryann, I am intrigued you sometimes have to look for things to make you sad. Just shows the difference between people. There are so many things around me I sometimes feel I am suffocating in triggers. Still find surprises too. It doesn't seem to ever end. I watched the Eagles special too. So many memories from thier songs. I, also, felt like I was watching it for Steve as well as myself. I didn't really care about the fights and breakup, it was seeing them perform those influential songs that really impacted me. Seeing them so young, knowing we were at that time too. Being a musician, Steve would have loved it. The saddest part was he didn't get to see it himself. i particularly liked how Life in the Fast Lane came about with a Joe Walsh exercise for his fingers as the opening riff and Glenn Freys coincidental high speed ride with a drug dealer saying......hey, life in the fast lane! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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