Shock and Awe after 1 year

[mittam99]

6 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

I try that 'hanging in there', but it seems to still imply we are doing OK.   If only there were words to describe this that people could understand.  

Gwen, I use the "hanging in" answer in a business setting. Saying "not worth a damn" over and over to customers would be problematic to say the least. Good answer when talking to friends though.

I really like this definition of "hanging in there" from the Urban Dictionary, of all things:

"To hold on and not give up. To say I'm hanging in there could mean that you're just all right or it could imply something deeper. For example, the person may be going through some rough times, but they're still holding on and living."

Hanging in = holding on.

[Margm]

Mitch, I can see where if you were dealing with a business that would be a bad idea.  I really do not get asked how I am doing very often thank goodness.  I find that just saying "I'm okay" is sufficient enough to get by.  I suppose if someone asks you how you are doing, turning around to them and saying "why do you want to know" would come off as crass.  So, it really is no big deal.  "I'm okay" does the trick for me.  Thankfully, it has not been a problem.  In the big order of things, I don't think it matters.

Now, I have a "friend" that you cannot ask her "how are you feeling?"  Don't ever ask her that.  OMGosh, we all run for cover if anyone asks her how she is feeling.  We get answers that involves migraines, gallbladder, hemorrhoids,  only 5 drops of urine today, and I promise you, this is not an exaggeration.  There really is a mental diagnosis of hypochondria.  It is a sad diagnosis.  It is the writing on a gravestone "See, I told you I was sick."  

So in all honesty, whatever you say to questions that people ask only as something they do as friendly conversation, we just answer and don't continue the conversation unless they pin you to the wall.  

[mittam99]

Marg, on the subject of hemorrhoids...

And yes, this is a bit off topic but hey, you mentioned them.

As I've mentioned I work with the public, right? Well, as you know, many people walk around with their cellphones pretty much glued to their ear and they often forget they're in a public place. One day, in front of a bunch of people, a woman loudly started blabbering on the phone...

"Yeah", she says in a voice that could be heard a block away. "They've gotten huge!", she continued. "I can hardly sit down. My ass is killing me.They itch like hell and the Tucks aren't helping so I'm going to schedule surgery to have those damn things cut out".

All I can say is a lot of us that were in earshot decided to skip lunch after listening to that nauseating conversation.

Only reality could be this bizarre. You can't even dream this stuff up.

I should write a book.

[Margm]

1 hour ago, mittam99 said:

Marg, on the subject of hemorrhoids..

Thanks for the laugh Mitch. This young girl is right at 30.  She honestly is a true hypochondriac.  The "husband" had to go buy throw away plastic gloves because she did not want to touch herself to insert the suppositories that she had to use.  I am not making fun of her.  (Well, kind of), but unfortunately though she is not a relative, she will soon be one.  I'm sorry, right now I have a hard time being around some people.  I think I have become a mean woman.  I just keep my head down and try to run from controversy.  Lots of times I want to say something and I don't have Billy here to make me hold my tongue, so for my own sake, I have learned to run from some people.  I might have run-on fingers, but have learned to control my tongue.

[kayc]

Mitch, that is hilarious!  You should write a book!

[iPraiseHim]

This has been an interesting week.  My work schedule for today has been totally blown up. My client texted last night at 10pm that she wanted me to reschedule because she wasn't ready for me to come clean today.  Last day of school and her home is not picked up to be ready to be cleaned.  I had a estimate schedule close by ( to save the 30 minute trip).  So I was able to sleep in and get good rest.  I have three new possible estimates for cleaning this week.  One posted but apparently does not answer her phone or return calls.  The second is now waffling on whether they really want someone to clean so that is rescheduled for tomorrow.  The third is an interesting one. I have her scheduled for Monday evening.  She has a lot of conditions and questions so I will need to determine if I really want to take on the cleaning of her home.  It is twice the normal size home.

my FitBit came in Tuesday evening and I have been wearing on my wrist since then.  It tracks your steps and even your sleep.  My Insurance company paid for it and when I do their little goals then the incentivize by giving money(debit cards) when you complete their tasks.  I did manage to walk over 12, 000 steps yesterday, and have been walking again for the past two days. It makes me conscious that I need to move more and sit less. I am getting back on track with my food, too

Here is a video that helps to summarize why most of us have the ailments we do.  I have been slowly become aware of this and I am switching to all natural and less processed foods and fast foods.  It is still hard to pass up Fast food chicken of biscuits.  I am just gradually changing one meal at a time. Drink more water. Vitamins and suppliments, God sleep, exercise, good thoughts.  One day at a time.  

  Enjoy!  Shalom - George

[iPraiseHim]

The fit bit suggestion is to take 10,00 steps each day.

Yesterday, no work schedule fitbit steps 4,706.     2.24 miles    moderate exercise 21mins

Today with 8 hours of work and no extra walking  Steps14,004 6.16 miles moderate exercise 56 min

The high temperate today is 96.

The estimate for move-out cleaning cancelled.

 

I realize I need to move more when I am off of work instead of just watching Netflix or amazon Prime.  This book I am reading suggests doing the opposite of what you are feeling. Just ACT, Move.  Do it because you DON'T FEEL like it.  Do the opposite of what you feel.   It is an interesting take on life.

I don't agree with the author statement about getting over the death or divorce.  It is too cut and dry and is not based from her personal experience.  People telling me to get over it with Rose Anne's death is liable to meet a frying pan over the noggin'.  I am however, moving forward in my life, on my own time and my own motivation.  I have spent much time just facing, and dealing with grief on a daily basis. It is a slow process and I didn't see any progress for a long, long time.  Now, I get glimmers of hope from time to time. 

The health aspect of my life has been a big help.  Adequate quality sleep, Good drinking water, reduced eating processed foods., taking vitamins, walking, Chiropractor, Naturopathic Dr., juicing, more fresh vegetable's and fruits,  and no getting more focused on simple plan to improve certain areas of my life.  I still grieve and still cry often as I miss my beloved wife. I believe I have gradually come to accept emotionally her death. I still don't like and wish I could change it but it is not reality. I still have much more to do, grow and be.  Soon I will be tackling fixing up my home and sorting down all of Rose Anne's clothes and personal things.  I may even ask questions on here because I have a difficult time to give, donate, or throw anything away.  I do believe that it has really helped me to drink the Kefir and the NanoGreens 10 and the vitamins.  My moods seems to be better when I take these daily.  Shalom - George

 

 

 

[kayc]

I can't handle people that say to get over it.  They'd be LUCKY if all they met was a frying pan over the head!  (And I have a huge cast iron one that would fit the bill!)

[Clematis]

People who can easily "get over it" didn't have much invested. I don't think either of my sisters has suffered over the loss of our father...

[scba]

George, I'm glad to read that you are taking seriously your committment tp improve your health. I should drink more water but I can't. In another life I was a camel, I can spend hours without drinking. I know it is no good. How can I change a bad habit? I don't like sports nor going to the gym, all in vain I usually give up after 2 months. But I like to walk so I walk as much as I can. I cook my own meals and trying to reduce meat. But I don't eat fruit. The reason is that my BF peeled the fruit for me, and since he's been gone I could not eat fruit anymore.

[scba]

Dear Laura, maybe, just saying maybe without knowing the facts nor your family, that your sisters are grieving differently. When I talk to my brothers in law they always tell me how well they are, how things are going very well, one of them recently told me that they were going through a very good time and enjoying life. I was like "what? Do you remember what happened? Did you close it? Where is your grief? Are you over?". They explained why they felt that way,and I tried - hard - to understand....still can't, and at the same time if they don't suffer anymore and what remains is that they just miss their brother, it is the best. 

[kayc]

You get nutrients from fruit that you don't from other food, so since it's something your body needs, maybe you could try smoothies or throwing berries on your ice cream, raisins in your cereal, etc.  Look in the frozen fruit section.

[scba]

Thanks Kay for the suggestion! 

[iPraiseHim]

I should be paying my quarterly estimated taxes (due tomorrow) but I need to share and find out what this phase of grief I am in. 

I've been mourning the loss of my friend's dog that bolted and ran away on Sunday morning.  This has triggered some similar anxiety and powerlessness over the circumstances of my life.  I can't fix the dog situation and it is stirring up some strange feelings.  I've started to recall and get really annoyed today at some of my wife's faults and shortcomings. I am not sure where they are coming from or what to do with it.  We loved each other madly and deeply but neither of us where perfect.  I tried to get my wife to change some eating preferences and to take care of her health better so she could feel better but she had no real desire to. It would frustrate me that she didn't want to change not even for me.  I would have and did change a lot because I loved her. 

Is this just another aspect of grief that I haven't heard of or is this abnormal thinking.  I am not sure what to make of it or what I'm supposed to learn from this.  I know I can't even make myself change even though I need to or should.  It has to be a change from the heart.  I usually am focused on all of Rose Anne's good and loving qualities so this has me a little baffled.   I would like a resource or to know what is this thinking about.  Help.. advice.  Shalom - George

[mittam99]

5 minutes ago, iPraiseHim said:

 I tried to get my wife to change some eating preferences and to take care of her health better so she could feel better but she had no real desire to. It would frustrate me that she didn't want to change not even for me.

George, I understand what you mean.

Tammy, being the Midwestern raised girl, was especially fond of things like cheese and butter.  She loved a lot of things that probably weren't the best choices for her health. Things like Andy Capp's hot fries. And I did try to persuade her from time to time to try to eat healthier. But, her "comfort foods" gave her pleasure, and in the world of constant pain she lived in, I do understand why she made the choices she did.

[kayc]

As none of us are perfect, so neither were our spouses.  They may have been "perfect for us", but none of us humans have a handle on the perfect gene.

I wonder if maybe you're reaching a place where you're more realistic and don't have to sugar coat your wife, you can see her fully as she is, good, bad, everything.  It's like a new phase of acceptance.  I don't think it's something to worry about, but rather it's an indicator that you're further along in your journey.  And with regards to health, we all wonder, if they'd just taken care of themselves better, would they still be here?  It's something we have to come to terms with, just as accepting them fully, faults and all.

[Gwenivere]

I agree with Kay.  I think we reach a point where we see our spouses as they REALLY were.  We tend to think of only the good at first and then they start becoming real to us again.  I think this I a good thing.  Realistic.  Maybe that is what makes it harder sometimes.  We remember when they hurt us or us them and how we worked things out therefore strengthening our bond.  I recall coming home humbly with a piece of pie or something to make things up to him.  Or how he would peek around a door and ask if we were OK.  Yet, of course, they were still perfect fir us.

[mittam99]

Even though I only post about my Tammy in terms that seem to make her "superhuman", she was (as we all are), imperfect. But, she truly was perfect for me. She loved me, warts and all. 

I've never sugar coated the life Tammy and I had. It was beautiful and it was gut wrenchingly hard when Tammy was ill, which was quite often. It was our deep and intense love, our mutual sense of humor and our belief that " things will get better" that got us through those difficult moments.

After Tammy died, I was just numb. The sadness overwhelmed. Now fifteen and a half months later I've had time to reflect on my life with Tammy and reflect on who Tammy was. More than ever, I realize how amazing she was and that maybe there were times I took for granted just how truly wonderful she was. 

The truth is, Mitch and Tammy together was a team for the ages. Mitch alone is an empty shell filled to the brim with sadness. 

[iPraiseHim]

GREAT NEWS and answered prayers.

I received noticed that Stewart (the dog) was found and returned to the owner.  Many hundreds of people have been praying, searching, posting and passing out flyers.

I will fill in the details soon.  God's Sovereign hand has been all over this miracle story.  Thank you for your prayers.  Shalom - George

[kayc]

Wow, after all this time!  I'm really happy for them.

[iPraiseHim]

The return of Stewart (the dog).

After two weeks of frantic searching, passing out flyers, postings on Facebook, pet finders, visiting shelters, several sightings and even setting a friendly cage/trap there was still no capture or return.  I saw the owner the day before and her heart was broken and distraught. She had lost faith and hope of his return.  My sister and several others had a sense he would be returned.  I reminded her to read and study Hebrews chapter 11 that describes what faith is. I was hopeful not fully expectant of his return.

The next day around 1pm, the owner started getting Facebook notices and texts that Stewart was spotted near the busy Interstate 664 about five miles away. A couple of vehicles narrowly missed him and stopped traffic on the interstate.  A lady was so shock up that she almost hit him, pulled off the road to calm down.  Meanwhile the husband was crawling through the woods and swamp tried to find Stewart.  The lady spotted Stewart and opened her side panel door and Stewart jumped in her van.  He still had his collar and blue leash on. The lady called the Mom and Dad and they picked up Stewart and took him to the vet and groomers.  Many people prayed for his safe return and God answered their prayers.   I will hopefully get to see Steward on Friday.  Thank you all for your prayers and support.  Shalom     

[Clematis]

That's a great story, George! It's really good to hear of a happy reunion

[kayc]

George,

I remember your sharing the beginning of the story with us so it's good to hear the happy ending!

[iPraiseHim]

I'm finally in better spirits and can report some positive outcomes.  I have been in the down circumspect place for a couple of weeks and it is difficult but I will continue to persist. 

My car has been running rough for about 3-4 months and I finally brought it to the auto repair shop.  I couldn't get a ride so I had to stay in the waiting area and hope it could get repaired.  By grace, I only had to wait for an hour to find out it was a cracked spark plug instead of the more expensive fuel injectors.  Yea.  The mechanic recommended another place to do the exhaust repair. I waited in line for the place to open at 8am and the worked was completed by 10am and it was under the estimate. Yea. 

I spoke with a Vietnam veteran while waiting and found out his girlfriend of 30+ years died from complications of cancer.  I listened to his stories of  work, illnesses, Dr. and etc.  I shared that my wife died last year as well. and we were happily married for over twenty-five years and that I took care of Rose Anne during the last six years when she was unable to.  He said the kindest think to me. he said, "You are a special  man with a kind heart of love for your wife." Most men would just leave.

I was a little stunned by the comment.  But understand what he has seen in his world. 

 

Despite feeling extremely down, isolated, and lonely, I realize that I need to count my blessings and look up.  I continue to work on getting enough good sleep, drink plenty of clean water, healthier food, move, vitamins and minerals, greens, essential oils, read, pray, and keep moving forward.  I've found some songs that uplift my spirit and keep me moving forward despite how I feel. 

Right now, I feel better than I have in the past few weeks. Praise the Lord.  Shalom - George

[Gin]

George,

glad you are feeling a little better.  that was so nice of that man to recognize your devotion to Rose Ann and to tell you.  Maybe because he has been through it, also.  Keep up your good habits.

Gin