Margm Posted May 1, 2016 Report Share Posted May 1, 2016 I don't know if my cancer could have been healed naturally. That said, I had started Billy on the green drinks and have both Ninja mixers. It was too little, too late. In my case, the thing that saved my life for 32 years (longer now) nearly killed me after 32 years. Now my insides are destroyed to any remedy that has any raw vegetables (and I loved them) and I am limited to eating a low residue diet and cannot go off it. It was too late for Billy, and even ground up in a Ninja mixer, I cannot eat the raw vegetables. I can drink Boost, Ensure, and eat all the things that are bad for us like fried food and white flour. I cannot eat anything with fiber in it. (My dietitian could not believe this was a lifelong thing, but it is). The ruptured colon and sepsis came so close to killing me that Billy had to face things I had not thought of since I had cancer. Those painful months after the rupture, he understood more than I did. The medical cure radiation gave me a bunch of years, but in the end (no pun intended), it makes it where nothing can be repaired in this old gal's "innards" and I can only limp along with what was left me. I do okay though, and if it gets me closer to Billy, I just really don't care. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 1, 2016 Report Share Posted May 1, 2016 George, I have to hand it to you, you are taking charge of your health and I so admire that! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted May 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2016 ALL of my tax paperwork is done and ready to be mailed. I owe much more money to the state than I expected. You will notice, I changed the profile picture again. I don't usually like pictures taken of myself but this one is special to me. I saw my lovely wife and our eyes met across a crowded room 28 years ago on May 2nd, 1988, and we have had eyes for each other ever since that fateful day. You can tell by our smile how happy we were to be together. What a wonderful memory to share of happier times. Shalom - George 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 2, 2016 Report Share Posted May 2, 2016 Beautiful lady George. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 2, 2016 Report Share Posted May 2, 2016 George, I'm glad you have your paperwork all done, it always feels good to have it behind you. I will be doing computer/paperwork tomorrow as I have all of the bank statements, reconciliations and reports to do for the church. Ugh! This picture of the two of you is really good, you both glow with love! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted May 2, 2016 Report Share Posted May 2, 2016 Beautiful picture George Joyce 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted May 3, 2016 Report Share Posted May 3, 2016 Indeed a sweet picture of your bride George. I like seeing the faces of love we all share. I changed mine for just a while because it was sent to me by a very special lady who knew Kathy was Lilacsandladybugs and how much that meant to me. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted May 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 Mitch has helped me by working his magic with photos. My pictures are too large and I have lost my touch/knowledge on how to change them. I had a full night sleep but was still tired and wanted to go back to bed all day. (Work is a priority) I don't know what is causing the "funk" unless its because the moth of May I have all of these wonderful/ blissful memories of when we met and fell madly in love with each other. Our birthdays are coming up( only one week apart) and the same age. It was one of the happiest times in my life. My BIL"s birthday is today so my Dad treated all of us to Cracker Barrel this evening. I am in better spirits at the moment. Severe thunderstorms tonight. Shalom - George 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted May 4, 2016 Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 May is also a difficult month for me because of memories. Also april, june, july, august and september. Hope to learn to cope and to bounce back quicker. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted May 4, 2016 Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 It's a bitch when things are clumped together. Mine are October thru January. But in one way I know I just have to face that time of year and not have it hitting me all year with major special days. Everyday is a reminder anyway, but holidays and birthdays Ned anniversaries see especially tough. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted May 4, 2016 Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 3 hours ago, iPraiseHim said: My BIL"s birthday is today so my Dad treated all of us to Cracker Barrel this evening. I am in better spirits at the moment. Severe thunderstorms tonight. Shalom - George Ah, Cracker Barrel. We made many road trips out to Ohio and CB was always part of it. Not only is the food pretty good for the money but Tammy loved checking out all the goodies in the shop before and after we ate. Lots of nostalgia there. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted May 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 9 hours ago, mittam99 said: Ah, Cracker Barrel. We made many road trips out to Ohio and CB was always part of it. Not only is the food pretty good for the money but Tammy loved checking out all the goodies in the shop before and after we ate. Lots of nostalgia there. My wife, Rose Anne, Loved to walk around Cracker Barrel and window shop. One of her favorite places. Shalom 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 4, 2016 Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 George, I usually resize my pictures in Paint, it's easy, just select all, resize, and save as (name of picture+sm).jpg 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 4, 2016 Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 June is tough for me, my dad's bdy & parent's anv., George's bdy, and George's death day/Father's Day, all within nine days of each other. Then in October, my bdy and George & my anv. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted May 4, 2016 Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 @Kay, I don't do October anymore. I will do Halloween for the kids, but that is October 31st. My calendar only has 11 months and the year 2015 never happened. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted May 4, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2016 I visited with my Dad today and showed him how Mom taught us to make grilled cheese sandwich and ravioli side dish. He was cute learning how. My mom would make that for our late lunch when I came home from college classes many years ago. I check on one of his alarm security sensors was working correctly. I did some research and called the security company and found out that the sensor was not registered in the system correctly. And the loud siren (105db) batteries were weak so we changed them. The system is functioning correctly now. Unfortunately, we found out the burglar have stolen a large ladder in the back yard. He had three propped up by his house. We tried to get him to put them in the garage Saturday but refused. Now he is fuming mad. They also broke out a small shed window to try to steal some stuff from his attached shed. It is so frustrating. the next step will be to buy a wireless videotaped surveillance cameras. They are expensive. It seems every time that my Dad leaves his home they steal something. - George 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted May 5, 2016 Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 Marge,. I think we lost Billy and Al around the same time. Al died 10/4/15, so I hate October and 2015 also. I also wish 2015 never happened. Gin 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted May 5, 2016 Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 2015 was a bad year for a lot of us. So many days are just so hard. Our anniversary is Christmas Eve. My birthday is May 10th and always falls near Mother's Day. Tammy's birthday is exactly a month later on June 10th. Truth is, everyday in this new unwelcomed world is tough. How can it be almost 14 months since the terrible nightmare day when my world changed forever? My days now seem to be a combination of tears for Tammy and the ability to draw inspiration from her amazing spirit, courage and the love we shared. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iPraiseHim Posted May 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 Yes, 2015, was a bad year for me as well. I surely didn't see or expect my beloved wife to die. In some respects this second time around this grief calendar sometimes feels like the movie, "Groundhog Day" with some growth and less anxiety intertwined. Sometimes I feel stable and other times I'm tilted on crazy. I can somewhat function in life yet cannot quite focus on my future goals or life plans. There are a lot of things I need to do but still do not have the energy, stamina, will, or desire to. At times, I feel like I'm dying from this grief and others where I have glimpses of some brief happiness but it is very fleeting. I am neither cured nor in a pickle. This is a strange juxtaposition in life right now. I am still upset about my Dad break ins and stealing all of his possessions they can get their hands on. I am helpless but not hopeless. I am off to sleep now and by His Grace, I will meet the new day afresh with Grace and Mercy. Shalom - George 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted May 5, 2016 Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 I think one word was left out of my life six months ago. Enthusiasm. A new apartment. I looked at it. It has walls, doors, big closets, refrigerator, blank walls that I cannot tell you what color they were, tile floors and carpet in some rooms. I cannot tell you which ones. I remember a big separate pantry and I remember bookcases at the end of the hall built in. I think I remember a ceiling fan. I remember a fireplace but could not tell you what it looked like. My granddaughter said "Don't worry, Mama will decorate it." Here I am thinking about Walmart furniture. Hey, it works. I like their futons. I am going to get Walmart everything. "My kind of place." I have no enthusiasm for fixing it up at all. The only thing I got any enthusiasm about was the water, sewer, garbage are paid. My son got rid of a bunch of stuff from the garage today, he burned it. You have to know we have had different members of family, in-laws, significant other-in-laws, and all sorts of family put stuff in the garage. Scott started telling me what he had burned and I said "I don't want to know, if it was in the garage, no one remembers having it anyhow." How can you get enthusiastic or happy? I am such a downer most of the time. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted May 5, 2016 Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 And I am sorry George, this is under your byline. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted May 5, 2016 Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 Marg, I feel the same too. I have lost motivation. I had a job interview and I felt nothing about it. I was like "oh Ok". My mum asked me how it going in the new city, I shortly replied "it is fine". A friend wrote me asking for news, and I could not think of a fact to talk about. Maybe the next stage of my grief will be to create a fiction. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted May 5, 2016 Report Share Posted May 5, 2016 10 hours ago, iPraiseHim said: Sometimes I feel stable and other times I'm tilted on crazy. I can somewhat function in life yet cannot quite focus on my future goals or life plans. There are a lot of things I need to do but still do not have the energy, stamina, will, or desire to. At times, I feel like I'm dying from this grief and others where I have glimpses of some brief happiness but it is very fleeting. I feel the same! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 Oh George, I am so sorry. I know that feeling, even though it's been years since we were burglarized. It's a huge invasion of privacy as well as the annoyances and cost of losing your property! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenK Posted May 6, 2016 Report Share Posted May 6, 2016 George, It just makes me so angry that these A-Holes are taking advantage of your dad. Can the police do anything to help, like put an unmarked in the neighborhood, or have I simply been watching too much TV. Sounds like he needs a big, mean dog. May not help at all, but whenever we went out of town, we left the radio on a talk station or left music playing to appear that someone was home. Just is so sad that he literally has to guard his home. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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