Shock and Awe after 1 year

[kayc]

I have a dog that is a self-appointed guard dog, yet I dare not leave him inside to guard the house...if they came to burglarize while I was gone and he was sounding ferocious, they would just shoot him.  And he is the most precious one in the the world to me, it's him I must think of foremost.  The other stuff can be replaced, he can't.

Too bad someone with a gun can't be sitting there when they break in.  I know, not a good thing to promote, but gosh darn it gets old when they do this time after time and get away with it!  Most of the time it's not to support starving children at home (they get food stamps), it's for drugs.  And I apologize but I have a hard time feeling sorry for their being broke when they made the choice to do drugs...they knew the cost when they started.  It's the one thing I just can't understand.

[Gwenivere]

Here in Seatle, I watched a short show put on by a thief now helping the police.  Because of alarm systems and dogs, he said that with the very finite window they have to get in, grab and go that an alarm system was good but back that up with a dog and that was a house to skip over.  Frankly, things being what they are with grab and go there is so little these days compared to long ago to get!  TVs are huge now.  My laptop is so wired in to desk monitors that it just leaves my tablet as an easy to grab item.  I guess they could take my RXs.  Some have pretty good street value.  :-)

[kayc]

I like my Pink Lady...

[Margm]

This is my pink lady Kay.  It is a toss-up that I might spray it in my eyes. With my shaky hands, if I am scared I definitely would shoot myself.  And, I am not a gun control person.  Billy had one, but Billy's hands did not shake.  It was the first thing I got rid of that was Billy's.  I would like some bear spray.  Personally, I have been chased by two men when I was lots, lots younger.  I was followed by a man on one of my walks many years ago.  I admire a woman that can take care of herself, I just hope if I get that scared, they will decide they don't want to "clean up" an old lady.  

[KarenK]

I no longer keep a gun in the house because of my grandson. I depend on my dog and those next door to make a lot of noise, which they do all the time. We had 2 attempted break-ins. a kid whacked out on drugs and a drunk old man. Neither was here to steal or do bodily harm. Each was confused and thought he lived here. Plus, either David or I are always here. A burglar would also be sorely disappointed by the lack of valuables here.

Of course, George's poor dad is losing his things when he is away. Short of having someone "babysit" the house, what can you do? Just seems like the police aren't being very helpful.

[kayc]

It seems like it may be someone nearby that can see when he's there and when he's gone, unless they have a lot of time on their hands and keep checking.  When we got burglarized, it was definitely someone who was watching...which isn't a good feeling!

[iPraiseHim]

I finally got some much needed and restful sleep last night, over eight hours.  Mood is better.

My father suspects it is the next door neighbor.  There is a lot of activity in and out the home at all hours of the day.  Police were notified.  The break ins and thefts happen when he is away.  My dad did secure the window to the back of the shed.  A few people have suggested that someone  stay in the home when Dad leaves.  My father has weapons for personal defense but said he would rather catch them bare handed and beat them up. He is old school and doesn't understand the laws or for the criminals protection not ours. 

I have been contemplating getting a firearm for person protection for a few years.  I borrowed my Dad's 12 gauge shotgun after we had a break in a couple of years ago.  My wife was too weak to pull the trigger. I later returned it to him.  That was one of many items stolen from My Dad's home.  They also stole an old Luger ( 50 years old) and family jewelry, gold coins, silver, etc..) My Dad is off to church today and my brother in law is on standby in case the alarm goes off.  We are looking into wireless security camera system with video recording that runs around $500. Shalom - George

[iPraiseHim]

After coming homing from work and grocery shopping, I found myself whistling and almost in a happy spirit. Immediately a thought came into my head questioning why am I so happen when my wife is dead?  My mind is the biggest battlefield.  A few months before Rose Anne died, I found myself whistling while I worked. It reminds me of my Mom teaching me to be happy while working. I am just beginning to feel like whistling again but theses negative thoughts stop me.  Is there some unwritten grief code that says we can never be happy or joyful?  Logically, I know that it is not. But my mind and heart is trying to convince me different. 

I am planning my second trip up to the mountains to get away for a few days and relax at the end of the week.  My first retreat was so surreal yet I was able to relax and not think about business and truly recreate.  I am planning on eating healthier foods and do some more site seeing.  I have a busy work week and it exciting to have something fun and different to look forward to again.  My friends allow the use of their ski lodge and it is such a relaxing and serene place.  I hope to come back energized and focused to work on some more home projects and to build my business. Shalom - George 

[enna]

I am so glad you are getting some sleep. I hope it lasts for you, George. I am sorry about the break-ins. It confuses me that we are forced to spend money on securing our homes. We worked for what we have and that is the way it should be. Security camera systems are expensive.

I am glad you will be getting away for the weekend. These breaks really do energize us. And I believe it is just fine to whistle, sing or just be happy. That is how our loved ones would want us to be. 

Anne

[kayc]

George,

Many of us have to give ourselves permission to be happy.  We somehow think if we need to stay unhappy in our grief or we're being pulled further away from them, but that's not the case.  The truth is we can experience happiness even while grieving and missing them.  Yes we will have grief bursts and carry some degree of sadness inside of us, how could we not?  But we can have happiness and joy inside too!

I hope you have a wonderful time away.  I'm so proud of you for all you are doing to take care of yourself and pray it comes to great fruition!

[Cookie]

George:  I think it's great you can be happy and have some peace.  That is what I'm desperately wanting.  Not much of it for me right now, but you give me hope that it is possible.  It will be a year on June 13th and right now I'm having a hard time a lot emotionally.  Your getaway sounds great; enjoy it....warmly Cookie

[Dew's Girl]

Hi George, 

I always find something helpful in your posts.  I am finding life after the first year to be so bizarre as well.  On one hand, I thought I would never even make it through the first year and on the other hand I expected to be further along after one year.  It's terrifying to think that this might be as good as it gets for the rest of my life.  I am so lonely, yet I don't really want to be around anyone else and have to act like things are not completely broken.

Thanks for sharing your journey, 

Amy

[kayc]

Amy, it takes longer than a year to get used to it.  

[iPraiseHim]

GOOD NEWS!

I visited with my Dad today and brought dinner.  I found out that the next door neighbor (who Dad suspects broke into his home) were EVICTED.  Apparently they did not pay rent for over five months.  My Dad said he found our that two other homes close to his home were robbed as well.  My prayers were answered. I had a good visit with my Dad. I made some adjustments to his home security system and adjustments to his home telephone system to block the annoying anonymous and unwanted calls.  My Dad seems to be more calm. It has been a good day!  Shalom - George

[Gin]

Glad to hear that.  Gives you a little peace, as well as your Dad.

gin

[MartyT]

We're so happy for you, George! And so pleased to learn that your dad is feeling safer and more calm. Surely it's because you're watching over him and taking such good care of him. You are a good son, and your dad is blessed to have you in his life. And good riddance to those awful neighbors ♥

[kayc]

George, 

Yay!!

 

[iPraiseHim]

8 hours ago, kayc said:

George, 

Yay!!

 

Oh, Thanks.  My favorite Happy Dance!  Shalom - George

[mittam99]

This all has to be a huge relief to you and your dad, George! Terrific.

[iPraiseHim]

I am at my retreat trying to type a message on this mobile tablet.  It is so frustrating to use.  I am used to my desktop computer.  I am having a great relaxing time although there were some challenges to overcome. The scenery is magestic.  It was a beautiful drive and day until it started to rain as I was unloading the car.  I watched a sermon today that totally tagged me about from long and complaining. 

BOTTOM LINE: I am grumbling and complaining because I don't like the way my life is going and thus saying I know better than God what is best for me.  OOPS!  It is causing me to think about my motives and thoughts and speech.  

God can handle it when I grumble and complain.  But I operate better from peace, love,  and grace. This does not mean I will not ever grumble and complain but rather it shows the condition of my heart.  God love us as we are. sin, warts, and all.  

I am richly blessed by family, friends, and this group. What a special place this retreat is for me to relax and enjoy time off from the daily chores of life. Shalom - George

[kayc]

I'm with you, George, I like my PC!  I have a Kindle but darned if I can figure out much other than reading books on it.  (Why did they have to make the operating system and navigation so different on it!)

Our sermon today was Philippians 4...guess I'm flunking that already!

[kayc]

Oops, it moved me to a different spot!

[iPraiseHim]

That was a great weekend respite. 

Today is Rose Anne's birthday. 

No one else celebrates it except for me

This the second trip I have been on after my wife died.  I am getting used to traveling alone.  I have done some soul searching and seeking out plans for my future other than just trying to hold on and cling to life.  In the past, I have always shot for the stars and moon but I have been directionless for some time now.  I am slowly accepting the fact that my life is not over just because my wife's is.  Her love and memories are deep inside me and instead of holding me back they are compelling me to strive forward in life.  I am not sure exactly where they will take me.  

I have battled being obese most of my adult life.  I lost weight and kept it off for several years before I met Rose Anne.  We loved each other and loved to eat.  We happily gained weight and enjoyed every bite.  Over the years, I've used food for comfort, joy, happiness, and for rewards. I gained an additional 50 lbs. during a very stressful period of unemployment..

I actually lost 30 lbs. by healthfully changing what I was eating just before that fateful day.  Since my wife's death, my weight has  been roller coasting up and down like a yo-yo.  I have been getting off of processed foods, eating more vegetables, drinking more water, vitamins, juicing, etc...  I watched a video this weekend about how a person lost 200 lbs. in one year on a vegan diet.  I'm not sold on the vegan lifestyle but more interested in the paleo diet. 

For over 40 years our government and health authorities have stressed the importance of a high carb and low fat diet.  As a result there are more obese adults and children as a result of this food plan that was foisted on our generation.  I take responsibility for everything I have eaten but now I need to eat for optimum health and nutrition. So it will be one step at a time and one bite at a time.  Live each day to the fullest. 

I also remembered that I get the most joy by helping others.  I have been able to do that a little more lately, when I see an opportunity arise.

It has been raining hard all day.  My original plan was to drop off the rental car and walk the mile and a half home.(I was taught to be self-sufficient and you don't need to depend on someone).   As I thought about, I could ask my neighbor for a ride home.   The neighbor could still say yes or no. But he was happy to help and I would have done the same for him.

One more thing and then I need to get some sleep.  My umbrella busted on the trip and I knew it would rain all day today.  So I went to the store to buy a sturdier umbrella.  My last two cheap ones broke easily in high wind. So I found one I really liked but then I rationalized that I should get the plain black one. Then I thought what would give me more joy; what I should get or what would bring me joy. I chose the bright rainbow colored umbrella.  On a dark dreary and rainy day it will add joy to me and possibly someone else!  Shalom - George

[Guest]

HAppy Birthday Rose Anne!

[kayc]

George,

I hope there were some joyous memories as you thought about Rose Anne today, and happy birthday Rose Anne in heaven!

I'm glad you chose the bright umbrella.  We are worth these good choices.