My Sanity Needed Vents

[KarenK]

Gwen, here's a way to access the list of freebies on tv. Google "free premium channel movies Thanksgiving weekend". Click on " Thanksgiving free preview-at&t entertainment news". You can scroll through 8 pages of listings. I've seen most of what's there, but want to watch "Queen Bees". Hope you find something you like.

[Gwenivere]

Thanks Karen.  I looked thru it all and couldn’t find anything I really wanted to see.  It only showed one channel of each premium carrier.  Like HBO is 501 - 511, but only lists 501.  My friend that has streaming can see whole lists.  Thank gawd for discs for dinosaurs like me. 🤓

[Gwenivere]

13 hours ago, Widow2015 said:

I try to tell my silly old lady brain; it is just another day and let the rest of the world make their own memories since I've already had my memories I'm living with daily.  

This silly old lady’s brain still wants to make memories.  I miss how we would tweak things for the next year or ones that had to be exactly the same to be right.  Whether it’s just the 2 of you or with family, there’s always that empty chair.

 

 

[KarenK]

Not sure what kind of movies you like. I don't like musicals, icky horror, and some comedies. I have a lot of dvds, some not even opened. I like miniseries such as "North and South", " The Thornbirds", and "Shogun". I have all those. I'm afraid I'll have to be buried with a tv and DVD player before I can rewatch everything.

[kayc]

On 11/25/2021 at 1:03 AM, Gwenivere said:

Yours was stolen so early.  I don’t know your age but I was almost 59 when he left.

I was 52, George had turned 51 five days earlier.  You're right, we feel robbed...and were.  But no time would have been a good time to lose him.

Gwen, I can only hope you were remembered on your bdy...is that why someone dropped off chocolates?  That is so sweet!  Her being that afraid is sad but I understand it.   My sister Polly is that way.  Peggy is careless, she'll be around anyone who comes, she gets lonely.

7 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I looked thru it all and couldn’t find anything I really wanted to see.  It only showed one channel of each premium carrier.

I used to go to a website to find Dish's lineup and locate what I wanted to watch, now the website is defunct and can't find a place anywhere that shows it.  It used to be so easy to view it, easier than their "program guide."

It was a long day yesterday, good to see my kids and grands but way too short it seemed.  Bruno was so good with Kodie, Kodie adores him and follows him around and gives him kisses!  Bruno is in his 90s while Kodie is 20, very cute together!  We got to walk them but this morning I felt immense pain when I started to walk, have an infected big toe.  Had to soak in epsom salts for 20 min.  Tried getting the sliver out but can't see w/o flashlight and can't hold it and the tweezers and mirror at the same time, tried holding flashlight with other foot, hmm, not so good at this.  Hoping epsom salts works it out.  Will continue using for a while.  
It was nice to be able to drive home at night, it still seems like a miracle to me, the only thing different was my diet!  Glad to not have to run off after two hours when it takes six hours driving round trip!  It was a good thing I planned ahead as all I could eat was the turkey, a bit of cabbage after picking the peas out for Kodie (I can't eat them) and the Keto Pumpkin Mug Cakes I brought, and I ate Chia Seed Pudding on the way home for dinner.  They had about six rich desserts and lots of side dishes, none I could eat.  I miss the brussels and salad.  Maybe I'll make some today.

 

 

[Gwenivere]

22 hours ago, KarenK said:

I like miniseries such as "North and South", " The Thornbirds", and "Shogun".

Whatever happened to miniseries?  I remember all those and they were so good.  Instead there are a gazillion reality and crazy talk shows.  And the zombie craze. I don’t like musicals or horror either.  What passes for comedy now I don’t like.  There are so few shows I record now.  Too old for the target demographics.  I notice my taste in movies has changed.  Dumped a lot from my Netflix queue.  
 

I found the DirectvTV guide on the net.  Used in a rehab once.  The remote is easier as I made my own guide with the channels I watch.  So many shopping and sports to skip the otherwise.  
 

Quite the driving investment, Kay.  Saw so many making long trips over the past couple days for get togethers thru the passes here and the airport.  We stopped traveling once we bought the house.  Ours was Christmas to either Albuquerque or Detroit.  Tough days to spend in an apartment in a city we were temporarily in. Sometimes it was fun being vagabonds, others not.  I was more than ready to get off the road.  

Last of the health care  team came out today.  Since I have to get a CT, she checked if I could get up and down the stairs.  I did it and she said I looked OK even if I felt unstable.  Best I can do is try next week.  Haven’t got a new help company set up. My PCP never called referrals in and was closed today.  Waited on a call from the surgeon about the increased pain and PA never contacted me about cancelling a phone consult on Monday to go over the X-ray which he already did.  I don’t know why this is so difficult for all of them.  I made these requests a week ago.  Surgeon never called.  
 

I don’t know what make of yesterday or today.  Of any day anymore.  Just so lonely and finding the repeated days so long.  I try and tell myself this is my reality now and to not whine and accept there is nothing I can change.  Sometimes it works til I have to get up and do something or sitting gets too uncomfortable.  The OT woman suggested some place to go to rest, but I know my insurance wouldn’t pay for that. Nor would I want to be uprooted again.  Another night with nothing to show for being in this world.  At least see Dee tomorrow.  Hope No tasks come up for her beyond the shopping she is doing.  I also hope I can be in a less self centered mood.  She’s picking some vitamin D I use.  Really wish the sunshine vitamin could work miracles.  🌞
 

 

[kayc]

I'm waiting on my referrals too, last time the doctor sent them, took over two weeks to hear from the place so I could make the appt!  The longer we go, the more chance of snow interference.  I may not be able to count on decent roads until Mar/Apr!  Hoping it holds off so I can get seen.  Holidays are a hard time to get medical or legal help.

Having issues with Peggy's caregiver bleeding her dry doing things that don't need done but not doing what needs to be done!  Like washing her drapes when she told her they needed dry cleaned and ruining them, the new ones my other sister ordered needed altered, it just goes on and on.  Filling up her garbage so there's no room to put household garbage/diapers in, it could easily be eked out and gotten rid of that way.  Putting old t.v.s out by the garbage, everyone knows trashmen do not take t.v.s!  Now that they've filled up with rain, recycling won't take them either.  She doesn't have a cellphone or computer so can't find her way around and I have to look up directions and give them to her.  She just doesn't seem like a grown ass adult!  It's beyond frustrating.  I wish my daughter had room in her schedule but alas she's always booked up with clients, wouldn't want her to commute this far anyway.  But she'd be a dream, she's so wonderful with people.  Beverly is trying to lay on Peggy that it's HER responsibility to give her work she can't afford when she hasn't even ran a vacuum or anything for her!  If she wants to earn $ she could start there.  It's like she has everything backwards.  Sigh.  This was supposed to HELP not hurt!

I haven't seen a miniseries on in so long I don't remember!  Seems it's all reality shows.  And like you said, talk shows.  Ugh.  We don't need reality, we need escapism and happily ever after, even if it's fantasy! 

 

[Gwenivere]

Quote

The  referrals I’m waiting on are for home health care.  Hygiene, nurses and making things easier to maneuver if possible.  Til that happens, I have no access to anyone coming in.  
 

I’m letting this free preview of the premium channels drive me bonkers.  Can’t find the open channels.  I’m just so desperate to have something decent on TV even tho I hate having to have it on.  But silence is worse.  Pain is ever constant.  This home bound life getting to me.  Everyone I know is doing something while I sit.  I almost didn’t get up as I turned the alarm off and started drifting off again.  Went thru the morning routine mentally before doing it.  It felt twice as exhausting.  
 

Dee’s came by late with a sandwich.  Didn’t have a lot of tasks for her.  She’ll be back tomorrow and Monday.  Weds for that scan if I’m still walking.  Gets harder each day.  Lovely surprise was the rat I was hoping was gone just ran in here but didn’t go for the bait.  Hadn’t seen it in days.  This just sucks.

I have some leftover chicken.  More effort than a sandwich.  Don’t know why I’m making more effort.  It involves real utensils.  Date night blues.  Knowing my nap is but a blip of relief.  Probably cancelled out by having to get up and get half dressed again.  

I’m so brain numb from everything that I don’t even know what to write.  I wonder if I’m getting closer to really shutting down.  Feeling less and less life inside me.  Had Free Range on and the love story part just tore into my heart.  To be able to kiss and hold your person.  If I’m going to feel something, it sure would be great if it was something pleasant.   I’m so tired of the dark.  😰

[kayc]

That's my experience with mice too, I have electronic traps, glue traps, bait stations with poison, nope, they're too smart.  I haven't seen evidence of one since killing one with a fireplace poker.

I never see anything interesting on t.v.  I was surprised last night at 5, I'd gotten in my nightgown and was eating dinner when Iris showed up at my patio door, wanted to see my Christmas tree!  Good thing we're on first name basis, me in my nightgown, food dripping! 

 

[Gwenivere]

It’s becoming obvious I might need to go to the ER.  Things are getting worse every day.  Or I just can’t take it anymore.  I’m terrified of doing that as it means the long intake and possibly being admitted.  That could lead to repeated surgery.  I feel totally broken and no will to prolong this.  There’s no life to come home to.  What’s the point?  And to start all over after 3 months?   I don’t even know if this can be fixed.  It’s all so complicated and suggestions are numerous and not any that aren’t frightening.  I am scheduled for the CT Wednesday and hoping I can do that instead but time will tell.  Dee saw my X-ray briefly and as a lay person said the side that is killing me looked different.  That’s scary.  

I still just want to crawl into bed and stay there.  Made 2 calls on RX's that I want available if I wind up medically incarcerated.  Then I get in the mental cycle of above.  Some things I could do when I got home I can’t easily now.  

On the plus side, Robin sent over a birthday card with a gift card to my favorite Mexican take out place.  Enough for 5 of the burritos I love.  Hope I get to have them.  Like writing a thank you rather than a whine!

For being essentially an unwilling hermit, the holidays saturation is getting to me.  I remember when (like the song) it was the most wonderful time of the year.  How that has changed.  As always, thanks for putting up with me.  💕

 

 

[kayc]

Gwen, I'm so sorry, this was written between midnight and 1, I'm sorry you're up, in pain, instead of sleeping comfortably.  I hope you'll keep us posted on what you decide to do, and what they say.  You're in my thoughts and prayers, daily.

[Widow2015]

9 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

 I am scheduled for the CT Wednesday and hoping I can do that instead but time will tell.

Gwen:  Hoping the CT on Wednesday will give you good answers and not involve additional surgery.  So sorry to hear the pain is still so unbearable.  A gentle hug for you.  Dee

[Gwenivere]

Thank you all.  Today was more phone calls and problems.  No home health care, concern I can make it to the CT.  Dee did a lot of shopping for me today.  Got rid of some stuff for donation like adult coloring books and pens.  Kept one set, but it’s not really of interest and it would depress me if I can’t do intricate things like I could with my shakiness.  Just wrote a check to my counselor and it’s bad!  Had to write the address 3 times.
 

Dee is a recovering alcoholic (proud of her)and we had a talk about her triggers.  I have many of the same, but not that urge in that way.  I’d love a good stiff drink, but too dangerous hobbling around.  She’s learning my stubbornness as I sometimes don’t let her help me.  I need her for high and low things.  
 

Won’t have my shower tomorrow.  Don’t know if I could handle it anyway.   Gonna be lots of wiping down for awhile.  I know I sound obsessed about that, but I don’t know if anyone has had to go long periods without.  You feel really yucky.  Was watching The Green Mile today and wished there was a John Coffey to heal my back.  
 

Again, thank you all for being here.  Sounds a terrible thing to say because of why, but you know I mean for your caring.  ❤️
 

 

 

[kayc]

My sister has much to be thankful for, lack of pain for now, she got her new glasses yesterday...she needs progressives or at least bifocals but as I said, she's stubborn and uncooperative and refused them, also refused antiglare.  So she has to take her glasses off and put her nose on the book to read, but could have some good reading lenses if only she's accept them.  Sigh...

I want to fire her caregiver, she's bilking her and disrespectful.  The only thing she's done is throw everything out of Bert's room, didn't run anything by Peggy, bringing in her friend to do the work and Peggy had to pay both!  Peggy never hired the other girl!  She threw their two old t.v.s out in the rain where the trash will NOT take them and now they aren't fit for recycling either, not that I can lift them to take 1 1/2 hours away!  I can't lift them period.  Yesterday she took Bert's treasures to Eugene to sell, AGAINST PEGGY'S WISHES!!!)  Fortunately the places weren't open.  I am so beyond furious!  She has no clue what it's like to be married 50 years and lose your life partner!  Her own "husband" lives in another state, separated for years.  Not exactly a cherishing relationship.  She should LISTEN to Peggy!  I am so beyond angry!  Peggy is nearly at the point of firing her.  Also found out she charges Peggy $20 to get her mail twice a week, I was doing it for nothing, that's $160/month!!!  Her caregiver lives within walking distance.  Personally I would not trust her, for anything.  I didn't realize what she was bilking her for, demanding to be paid more and more money!  She has CLEANED NOTHING!  She tries to force HER beliefs on Peggy (she is vegetarian and in a cult).  I'm about RESPECTING other people, not this!  I trust when Peggy has had enough, she will be done.  Her neighbor is a licensed caregiver and takes care of Peggy's other neighbor and a 93 year old...when she has an opening, Peggy will grab her for sure.  I'd rather see Peggy pay her to get her mail than this bilker, but I can get it for her.  Peggy told her if she wants to earn some $ she can vacuum where she can't reach.  Hasn't done it yet!  There are neighbors she can pay to take her places if needed, meanwhile.  If I could lift her walker and wasn't going into winter and didn't have my hands full...but I already did this for over a year and it was way too much.  She had 11 eye appointment on the far side of Eugene, three hour round trips, plus several denture appts, I drove her for a good share of them.  This caregiver is not licensed and not what I'd call a caregiver.

Okay, enough rant.

Gwen, with all you are going through, it makes me realize appreciation for what Peggy has going for her, her ribs healed, she got her dentures and glasses even though it took six months to do so!  She's made headway.  Her prognosis is not good as dementia never is, it will catch up, but for today, she's doing okay.  She does best in her own home, she's out of her mind in the hospital, rehab, or sister's (fire evacuation).  It's a matter of time.

Are you still feeling the need to go to ER?  Any news on Mel?

 

 

[Gwenivere]

Was told it’s imperative I get the CT tomorrow.  Ups the existing stress.  Dee and I are going to try.  Don’t know how they do it when you can’t lay flat anymore.  Terrified of doing the stairs at my house.  Checked with ER and I can be dropped off the for a wheelchair as it’s right by the elevators.  Woke up to a problem with my home alarm billing I settled.  Fixed my log in as I had tons of time on my hands.
 

Had a counseling session with my regular guy.  Didn’t get much out of it.  Never do much.  I suppose I tie his hands a bit as he can’t fix things and what he says for motivation don’t work.  He talked about hypnosis for pain.  It’s iffy and doesn’t appeal.  
 

while I was eating lunch a funeral procession went by.  Never happened on our street we ever saw.  It’s a terribly dark and yucky day.  More death.  Forgot to even mention it in counseling.   Gave me pause.  The huge ritual.  Sadly, if I preferred that, there wouldn’t be but a couple cars.  Grief just keeps on giving.  It never runs out of ways to say ‘I’m here!'.  
 

Got a call from the new home health care company.  Wanted to come by tomorrow but I can’t deal with that being anxious about the scan.  Except for Thursday this week I’d have to cancel something next week.  I don’t like having more than one thing per day.  I don’t know how this scan will affect me either.  That involves a lot of movement I don’t normally do.  
 

I’m just so beat down.  Truly scared about what is happening.  Feeling scummy.  No way that will be remedied soon.  I thought I knew what being overwhelmed was years ago with Steve.  I see now it can even more.  It was enough with that loss.  To take on more alone so drives home how we blended so well that we could face anything.  We did his cancer.....together.  It’s so cold now without him.  The demons larger and tools to fight them depleted.  😰

[KarenK]

Gwen,

Sending hugs and good vibes as you make your way through the CT later. For as much as you hate getting it, remember it's probably the best tool for your surgeon to determine what's going on. When is your appointment with him?

Crazy world out there! Robert made a 3AM Jack In The Box run. The driver ahead of him in the line was passed out cold. He couldn't wake him so he drove around him and parked. The window person called the cops. Almost every day  someone is killed by a wrong way driver on a freeway here. How can you possibly drive the wrong way and not know it? It's sometimes safer to be a hermit, boring as it is.

[kayc]

Wow, Karen, makes me glad I live where I do, not that the crazies can't exist anywhere/everywhere but there's just less of them in the country, it seems.  We did have a person on the loose going through people's stuff the other day.  My neighbor has his gun loaded and ready...needless to say I'm glad Kodie has good hearing/smell/eyesight, and is always on alert!

In the other thread you guys talked about your hours...seems I'm opposite from everyone, usually up at 4, turn out the lights at 8, try to relax/unwind after dinner with cuddle time for Kodie.  This morning I'm running late as I had to clean out the wood stove, 4" of ash from the fire going continually for three months, a horrid chore but I got it done and now the house is toasty again.  Now I have to dust everything again!  At least I vacuumed but now have to clean out the vacuum.  Ugh, one thing leads to another.  Out in the pitch black in my robe/slippers disposing of ash.

Peggy is finally getting in to see my doctor!  I've been trying for this for a year!  I got her accepted but she wouldn't go, I wanted her foot in the door before she runs out of Rxs, there IS no other doctor in town!  She's going to see the PA in a couple of weeks...her reason?  She found out the post office would deliver her mail to her house if she had a doctor's excuse.  Good grief.  She has an appt. 12/28 for that.  They're backed up for a month!  I need to switch to town but want to get this tongue/throat thing resolved first.  I hate the drive but a doctor doesn't do much good if you can't see them when you need to.  I'm two months late getting my blood tests done, and have an appt. 12/10.  I don't like appointments for winter, never know about the roads.  I love my doctor but he's spread thin.  And she's been paying Beverly $160/month to bring her her junk mail!  Beverly doesn't even take her garbage out.  I literally did EVERYTHING for Peggy for a year, no $ for it, just did it, but it was too much on me where I live and with my health.

Gwen, the hypnosis for pain...I would think it would depend on WHY you are getting the pain!  Pain is there to alert us to something needing our attention, something needing correction...take away the pain and we have no more alert.  But if the pain is there and nothing is wrong, then it makes sense to alleviate it if possible.  Sometimes nerve damage is like that, like I have in my hands.  No one has suggested any fixes for my hands, my life would be so different if I had hands that didn't hurt continually...and if you had a back that didn't hurt continually.  To say it gets old is an understatement.  It's crippling.  I'm glad you heard from the health services even if you can't use them today.  It's good to balance out what you're going through, one can only take so much at once, you don't want crushed under it all.

 

[Gwenivere]

Made it thru the CT.  Not an easy task as it used to be for other times.  Trying to make it tolerable, they used lots of head pillows.  You usually put your arms over your head.  Trying to slide the table in pinned my arms I had to scream at them to stop.  Can’t have them by your side as that obstructs a 3 dimensional view.  Got to put my hands on my chest.  Getting in and out of the house was intense.  Dee and I went to a park that overlooked Puget Sound for the sunset.  A train went by which was cool.  Saw the last of the seagulls heading home.  If I weren’t so uncomfortable  I would have liked to stay out longer.  Saw lots oh houses with their holiday lights and trees up inside.  There was a whole world going on!   You lose that concept when your home for months.  Even seeing the clogged freeway showed people heading to their homes and families.  
 

Now it’s the game changer.  If it means more surgery, I don’t think I can do that route.  I trusted that to do it once.  That is gone.  I also don’t feel I could mentally handle it for what this time did.  So lots of thoughts of what this would mean and with an altered view.  Biggie being losing Melody.  😓  People will say have hope.  That has been evaporating.

 New home health company coming out Thursday.  I’d like to get it going, but I’m sick of med stuff.  Have housekeeper and counseling with my great one Friday.  Not sure how I can make that work for privacy.  Definitely a much needed session.  Don’t know if the surgeon will call if there is something very wrong as it feels.  Long way til the 12th official appointment.  Considering the intense surgeries they do, they are the least responsive for help.

Still have my rat roommate.  Took days, but it took the lure food to the trap but didn’t go in for the rest.  So annoying knowing it’s in here somewhere.  Makes my prison feel more yucky.  

Kay, I’m sorry to hear your sister is being ‘taken' by this woman.  Plus no appreciation of what you’ve done.  I don’t understand the mail thing.  She doesn’t get mail delivered now?  Or do you mean to her door?  You get up when I go to bed.  Never been a morning person.  The ash stuff sounds a real mess!  
 

Hugs to you all.  💕

 

 

 

[kayc]

Peggy lives on a private road just outside the city, the USPS delivers on the highway, not on her street, so it's down a block and across the highway, no way could she walk the uneven gravel road and across busy lanes of hwy!  She is disabled!

I think Peggy has off/on appreciation for what I did to a point, but no comprehension of what it did to me/my life.  And no one knows the pain I suffer with my hands or the loss of strength and how hard it is just to survive and take care of me and Kodie now!  God, this isn't what I signed up for when I entered my 60s.  All of a sudden this week I've noticed how wrinkled my skin looks, like overnight I've aged 20 years!  I'll be 70 next year, I always looked young for my age, I don't now, it's like life has taken it's toll and all of a sudden my skin noticed.  It is what it is.  How I look is of my lesser concern that surviving, yet...

Gwen, I wish so much for you...I am truly sorry this surgery did not do for you what you'd hoped.    I just wish you could get some good news for once.  And Mel, what are they doing for her...and when?  So hard to not be with your furbaby esp. as you are both going through your own struggles.  It seems dogs take it in stride better than people, they accept better than we do and adapt if possible.  I love dogs.  They are so amazing.

[V. R.]

Gwen, I also want to wish you all the best for a speedy recovery. I understand you have an uninvited guest in your house, well I want to tell you a story. One morning, I found a dead rat outside in my courtyard, but at first I thought it was a bird that maybe had an injured wing or something, had fallen to the ground and I was about to blame my 2 cats for having dismembered the poor little thing. But as I approached it with my shovel I saw this long awful tail.... 

Anyway, I am grateful to my 2 cats, they are really necessary for me because I live in the countryside, and the sheds outside are full of rats and in the summer, the occasional snake slithers around in the hot 40 degrees we get here. 

[Gwenivere]

Got a call today my surgeon wants a meeting Friday.  I know in my gut this is not going to be good about the CT.  My rat zapper was triggered, but no rat.  I hope it didn’t feel something before going fully in or it’s useless now.  The bait was barely inside.  The new home health assessor was here for an hour and a half.  They are only approved for 30 days unlike the other which was 60.  My doc will have to extend that if needed.  Got a message from him that he wants my thyroid doc to call in my refills, which makes sense, but it was so easy having him do all but the anxiety ones.  Had to change lots of contact numbers for this home care change.  The nurse said I had PT scheduled for Friday.  Said.....uh, nope.  Haven’t talked to doc yet.  It so annoys me how they tell me my schedule.  Cancelled my housekeeper as there really isn’t 2 hours worth of stuff to do and I need the privacy for the surgeon and grief counseling.  Plus Dee is doing shopping if plans stay the same.  That’s enough for one day.  
 

I don’t anticipate a decent nights sleep.  My brain gave me a great dream of taking a shower that felt so good.  That was cruel and shows me what solitude does.  You talk about things you never did because it’s what everyone does.  I washed my face and put on new moisturizer!  Yay!  Sheesh.  
 

Been following the news about the shooting Alec Baldwin is involved in a movie shoot.  He says he didn’t pull the trigger in the rehearsal.  I try and dodge covid stuff.  Dee and I were talking about how long this is going to last because of our ability to travel so far and often.  The Spanish Flu took 3 years with people in place.  Just hoping this doesn’t turn into boosters continuously for years.  Already talking about ones for next summer.  I’m trying to prepare for my booster next week and probably feeling awful for days.  
 

I just can’t figure out a way to keep doing these long days.  Getting down about stuff I want to do that now are hard.  My ice maker isn’t working well.  I use that ice for diluting my bedtime wine.  Add that to the DW and wedding gift clock.  Can’t really use the DW, but I hate broken things.  I’d set up repairs if I didn’t have so many medical things happening.  Also, don’t want to get used to letting things slide.   We always kept up with the house.  I barely catch a glimpse of the backyard now without Mel at home, but that I can call a landscaper for.  No inside need.  
 

Another lonely unofficial winter night.  Temps dropping, no one to snuggle with.  A cold warm house.  Just isn’t right.  Grateful for all of you.  💕

[Widow2015]

19 hours ago, Gwenivere said:

Made it thru the CT.  Not an easy task as it used to be for other times.  Trying to make it tolerable, they used lots of head pillows.  You usually put your arms over your head. 

Dee and I went to a park that overlooked Puget Sound for the sunset.  A train went by which was cool.  Saw the last of the seagulls heading home.  If I weren’t so uncomfortable  I would have liked to stay out longer.  Saw lots oh houses with their holiday lights and trees up inside.  There was a whole world going on!  

Gwen:  Good you endured the CT.  The process sounded quite uncomfortable for you.  I'm going to be hopeful the results are positive news and no more surgeries for you.  I can't help being hopeful for you after all you have been through and still going through.  

It was good you got out to see the world even for a short time.  Your brief visit to see the Sound reminds me when I used to live close to the south Puget Sound.  There was a beautiful site on the West Side of Tacoma that originally was a gravel pit that had been developed into a beautiful golf course, Chambers Bay Golf Course.  The course was surrounded by walking paths that Bob I used to walk.  From the walking paths the view of the snow covered Olympic Mountain Range framing Puget Sound was unbelievably beautiful on a sunny, or even a grey day.  After Bob passed away I used to go to the walking area and find a bench, sit and remember those days when we would walk together or I'd imagine him out in his boat crabbing.   I do miss seeing the Sound.   Water views can be so soothing to the soul.

11 hours ago, V. R. said:

One morning, I found a dead rat outside in my courtyard, but at first I thought it was a bird that maybe had an injured wing or something, had fallen to the ground and I was about to blame my 2 cats for having dismembered the poor little thing. But as I approached it with my shovel I saw this long awful tail.... 

V.R.  :  I used to put out bird feeders and would get so much enjoyment out of watching the different birds in my backyard.  Every once in awhile I'd notice a rat had invited himself to dinner.  My husband would set a trap or use his trusty slingshot to get rid of it.  After my husband passed away I had to stop feeding the beautiful birds because I wasn't able to get rid of the uninvited guests on my own.   

Dee

 

[KarenK]

Gwen, I'm glad the surgeon was able to read the scan promptly. Keeping my fingers crossed that more surgery is not needed. He needs to figure out something to relieve your constant pain though.

No rodents in this part of town, but in areas where there are a lot of orange trees, people sometimes have trouble with roof rats.

This old house is sorely in need of new paint on the walls and new flooring. Unfortunately, no money or anyone around here inclined to do it. Ron could fix most anything, but my son is not a fix it guy. I just keep it as clean as I can with 2 messy guys and 2 dogs, but I have no love for it.

Being a big fan of "Yellowstone", I was excited to see a new series "1883" (a prequel) starting in Dec. Unfortunately, it's only on Paramount +, which I can't get on my tv. So many things require streaming or a smart tv. Don't really like watching things on my Kindle, so I'll have to miss it.

Will be thinking of you Gwen and hope the doctor visit has a positive outcome.

[kayc]

19 hours ago, V. R. said:

Anyway, I am grateful to my 2 cats, they are really necessary for me because I live in the countryside, and the sheds outside are full of rats and in the summer, the occasional snake slithers around in the hot 40 degrees we get here. 

I've never been without a cat until 25 year old Kitty passed 1/06/2020, I just haven't been able to make myself get another although I kind of wish one would just show up as the last several have.  I could use one around here, mice, moles abound!  Also in the country...

5 hours ago, KarenK said:

This old house is sorely in need of new paint on the walls and new flooring.

I've never seen anyone so in need of new flooring as I am, literally, but alas everything would have to be moved out and no help so...I bought rugs for all over.  The problem is the one under my office chair, it doesn't like the weight/wheels on it and has flattened and stretched, annoying!  The previous "protector" ruined the carpet underneath.  I haven't figured an adequate solution yet.

Gwen, I'm inclined to agree with you, your day sounds all too full as it is....just getting through your day you must heave a sigh of relief when evening comes.  I have to make the long trek to town to get groceries today, ugh, usually an all day event as it takes hours.  I can't imagine what it's like to have a decent local grocery store.  The highway robbers we have charge three times as much, less to choose from, inferior produce, etc.  I've driven to Springfield for them for nearly 40 years now!

[Gwenivere]

On 12/2/2021 at 11:32 PM, KarenK said:

So many things require streaming or a smart tv. Don't really like watching things on my Kindle, so I'll have to miss it.

Will be thinking of you Gwen and hope the doctor visit has a positive outcome.

On 12/2/2021 at 9:18 PM, Widow2015 said:

I can't help being hopeful for you after all you have been through and still going through.  

I should know pretty soon.  Waiting on the surgeon now.  Haven’t had anything to eat yet, so kinda spacey plus anxious and afraid.  My anxiety meds aren’t helping much yet.  I know my first question will be....how bad is it?  There’s no way what I have been living with is good.  I’m just writing this waiting on him to show up on the meeting app and keep me from staring at a dark screen.  Plus this is my go to when afraid.  Ironically, things have been worse because of the CT.  All the getting it done wouldn’t have bad movements if this had gone right.  Sheesh, new home health just called wanting to do PT this afternoon!   I had told the nurse yesterday it  wasn’t an option.  Guess one specialty doesn’t talk to the other.  Have to call them about a shower if I can take it.  
 

*************************

Had the meeting.  Surgery for decompression worked.  2 screws are not holding for stability because of lack of density.  Have to be redone or it stays like this, probably getting worse.  Again, no guarantee this will work, but it’s all he sees as my only choice.  Forgot to ask if I can do anything to stop aggravating it more or not.  (Absolutely no PT.) Also a large bulge from a disk above the ones operated on.    Calling him again to find out if I should stay ambulatory as I have been.   All kinds of things hit after the initial shock.  They say write them in an email, which I’ve done for other things and never gotten a reply, but I’ll try again tonight in hopes there will be answers next week.  

Told Dee about the news since she is coming by for the weekly shopping trip.  Talked about it in counseling.  Posted here so I am taking the weekend off from thoughts if it.  Longer as dates they sent me are in January/February.  Have lots going on next week including a covid booster.  Dreading that as I feel so good as it is.  Sarcasm is keen these days.  
 

Yup, Kay, late night is my real 'down' time.  No more calls or problems unless it happens at home.  Sleep is so precious as it’s elusive for as much as I want.  The hours are there, but the rest for it is not.  
 

Well, this is about exciting as I am.  Hope everyone is OK.  💕