hollowheart Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Daughterofanamazingmom, you are not the only one. I will keep notes, cards, pieces of paper, etc. for years. I remember when I was in grade school or maybe early teens I had a cake for my birthday and it was a picture of the cake on the side of the box it came in. I tore off the pic and kept it. One day I found it and my mom joked asking did I think I was never going to have another cake again, was that why I kept it, lol. I know our "hoarding" becomes intense when we lose someone because that is the only physical things we have left of them. I don't like the feeling of giving away or throwing away something they loved, it feels like betrayal or like I'm throwing them away with it. I think I could sorta handle giving away certain things if the person is not just being "greedy". You know how some people run in and want to snatch up the most expensive thing they have or some of the good stuff. "Oh, she/he won't need this mac book pro anymore or, her/his Lexus is just gonna sit in the driveway!" You know those people. Get out! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Maryann, I completely understand. One moment you are fine and within a few minutes you see or hear something that just tears your heart out. It's hard when you realize (which is every day) that now all you are going to have is the memories you made and that there will not be a physical future with him. However, he will always be in your heart and soul, so I guess that is a future?? Joyce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 1 hour ago, brat#2 said: he will always be in your heart and soul, so I guess that is a future?? Man, that is a tough one. When I think about the future, it means enjoying life. Having a purpose. I am so used to sharing those things with Steve. Now that he is gone, I see no future in that sense. There will be a futur because I am alive, but it's the meaning that is missing. It comes down to future life or future existence for me. Existence is winning. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 So true, Gwen. You said what I was trying to say just couldn't put into words. Joyce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Oh my gawd, Joyce! That means my brain is working! Some days I really worry about that! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 16, 2016 Report Share Posted March 16, 2016 Gwen, boy do I ever know that feeling!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted March 17, 2016 Report Share Posted March 17, 2016 4 hours ago, brat#2 said: Maryann, I completely understand. One moment you are fine and within a few minutes you see or hear something that just tears your heart out. It's hard when you realize (which is every day) that now all you are going to have is the memories you made and that there will not be a physical future with him. However, he will always be in your heart and soul, so I guess that is a future?? Joyce In the first month of my journey I found Kathy's IPOD and I found a song she had loaded ("Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling. It is a song about leaving a love one behind and in the lyrics is this line. I know now, just quite how, my life and love might still go on. In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time. It was as if she had left it for me to find. The simple truth is that is right where they are, always and forever. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 24, 2016 Report Share Posted March 24, 2016 Gracie has Pneumonia now so they can't hold her, critical cond., please keep her & the family in your prayers. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 24, 2016 Report Share Posted March 24, 2016 Oh Kay, I'm so sorry, they are in my prayers. Hugs Joyce 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted March 24, 2016 Report Share Posted March 24, 2016 My thoughts are with them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted March 26, 2016 Report Share Posted March 26, 2016 On March 16, 2016 at 3:25 PM, Gwenivere said: Man, that is a tough one. When I think about the future, it means enjoying life. Having a purpose. I am so used to sharing those things with Steve. Now that he is gone, I see no future in that sense. There will be a futur because I am alive, but it's the meaning that is missing. It comes down to future life or future existence for me. Existence is winning. This. 100%. I don't mean to say that my only purpose and life was wrapped up with my sister, but because neither of us had kids or a husband, there was a good chance we'd be hanging out with each other for a lot longer. I figured I'd at least have her. So without that I do feel very "what now?" And even if I went off and did my own thing---she would be around somewhere. Not anymore. I just feel lonely and everything feels very shaky and bleak. The purpose of this car was to run around town TOGETHER! Nope, not to be. Thanks fate! So even something that was supposed to be exciting is depressing and not very enjoyable. When you are used to CONSTANTLY sharing something with someone else, you don't ever get used to them not being there. It never gets easier or better or different. I don't have much in my life but she was the bright spot because she was a big part of my fun. Now I can't even have that. Just feeling lonely right now and I can't concentrate on TV. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 26, 2016 Report Share Posted March 26, 2016 On 3/24/2016 at 6:19 PM, kayc said: Gracie has Pneumonia now so they can't hold her, critical cond., please keep her & the family in your prayers. Yes. Praying . . . 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted March 26, 2016 Report Share Posted March 26, 2016 Prayers 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted March 26, 2016 Report Share Posted March 26, 2016 Praying! Come on little one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted March 26, 2016 Report Share Posted March 26, 2016 I've prayed...........any updates? Praying for your family, Kay......for healing/strength. xoxo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 This is Butch's granddaughter we're praying for, and no, no changes/updates as yet. She's hanging in there though. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 UPDATE: Gracie's heart is not fairing well with the RSV pneumonia. If her heart gets worse they will do a procedure of putting her on a bypass machine to oxygenate her blood better and hope to get the infection healed while relieving the heart failure. They will give her another day before deciding to do this. It's a drastic measure.She's going to come through this. She has to. She's almost four weeks old. Still tiny but mighty 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 No words. Continuing prayers. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Butch was up during the night & thanks you all for your prayers. Mom & Dad are spending all the time they can with their baby & he's caring for the boys. It's hard on all of them. Plus he's taking his son, Allen, to PT several days a week. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 My heart goes out to Butch and his family. Everything they have endured over the past seven months that I've been here is beyond belief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Prayers are with you and Butch and his family. HUGS!!! Joyce 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Unfortunately, what their family has endured has been going on for years, one thing after another. If ever a family needs lifted up in prayer, it is them! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Praying for Gracie to come through this ok. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted March 27, 2016 Report Share Posted March 27, 2016 Will keep on praying for Gracie.....also adding her to a prayers list that my friend (a minister) has online daily.......I am so hoping for positive updates! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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